Chapter One
Grace
"Grace, if you had to choose would you rather be deaf or blind?" My best friend Harper asked me. Her piercing eyes were locked on mine, expectant and waiting for my response.
"What kind of a question is that?" I joked, "Obviously neither." I attempted to go back to the homework I had been working on, but Harper made a noise of annoyance and began to hum along to the radio noisily. I breathed out a deep sigh and flicked my eyes back to her.
Harper was reading the newest issue of The Dig magazine. She had been asking me questions all afternoon; like, if you had to either lick either an old man's hairy toe, or the bottom of a stranger's foot, which would you pick?
I thought for a moment. "I guess I would rather be deaf. Both would be awful, but that way I would at least be able to see the world around me."
I couldn't imagine not being able to see the sun when it rose and set over the horizon, my families smiling faces... or just not being able to see any type of beauty in general. I shuddered just thinking about it. To brighten up my mood a little, I turned on the radio.
I sang along to Michael Bublé's song, I just haven't met you yet, smiling to myself. Pausing, I heard the car honk outside of Harper's house.
"I have to go, Harp! My parents are here." I quickly began to gather the pages of homework that had been strewn over Harper's pink bedspread. When I finally got them in my binder, I gave her a wry grin. I was on my way to Maui.
Harper frowned in response, tossing the magazine on to her bed.
"I'm going to miss you so much when you're on vacation!" She cried; throwing herself at me. She managed to practically body check me into the wall beside us. I laughed, rolling my eyes at her behaviour.
"Take me with you!" She whined, "You can put me in your carry-on bag."
"Not a chance. I have all my books in there." I winked. Plus, although I loved my best friend, I was in dire need of some space between us. Harper was the kind of friend that could suffocate most people with her presence. She hated to be apart, and almost always was at my house.
"See you later," I hugged her, running out her bedroom door. I jogged down the stairs and met my mom at the front door.
"Hey, Kiddo." My mom greeted me warmly, wrapping her arm around my shoulder as she guided me to the car. "Can you believe we're finally going? It feels like we've been waiting years for the day to arrive." She laughed, shaking her head in disbelief.
My parents were the hardest workers I knew, and it had been years since their last vacation. My mom opened the car door for me and my brother's annoying face greeted me. My smile faded and I glared at him playfully.
"Hey, loser." My older brother Preston drawled lazily. I punched him in the arm hard, grinning to myself when his own eyes narrowed at me in displeasure.
"Just because I'm a year younger than you doesn't mean you're any cooler. In fact, I think you may be the exact opposite." I flicked him, doing my best to drive him nuts.
This was our relationship. We loved to bother one another, but at the end of the day, I would defend him til' my last breath. No one would bad-mouth my brother in front of me and live to tell the tale. And it was the same for him.
"There's a difference. I'm an adult now. I'm eighteen... you're still a little teenager." He smirked at me as if he had won this argument.
"I'm almost eighteen, Preston." I rolled my eyes at him out of exasperation.
"If you ask me, I'd say you both act like you're children." My mom complained. She had been up all night packing last minute. She was a procrastinator at heart, and now our bickering was keeping her from napping on our way to the airport. They had agreed to pick me up straight from Harper's and had brought the suitcases I'd had packed for the last two days with them.
We laughed at her and I leaned back in my seat. In the mirror I could see my brother and I. We looked alike, both with blonde hair and hazel eyes. We were already tanned; don't ask me how, but we had somehow picked one up despite the rain.
My dad pulled onto the highway and we began our journey to the airport.
"Hey Grace, are you still afraid of flying?" Preston asked me. His tone was mischievous.
I nodded. I needed anxiety medicine in order to even step foot on one. I liked to blame the documentaries my parents were always watching about plane crashes for my phobia.
"Aw, is little Gracie-Poo afraid of flying?" He cooed, pinching my cheeks. His face was full of wicked delight as he poked fun at me.
I punched him again, "Shut up, asshole." I frowned, ignoring his pestering further. We had been on the highway for about twenty minutes and still had about thirty left. I was going to go insane if I had to sit next to my brother on the airplane too.
My dad turned around, laughing. "I hope you two aren't like this for the entire two weeks we're in Maui." My lips turned up into a smile as I laughed lightly.
In that split second, my life was changed forever. Because in that brief moment my dad had turned around, a semi-truck had crossed the yellow dividing line into our lane and was coming straight for us.
"Dad!" I screamed, "Watch out!" I watched in horror as my father tried to swerve out of the way as things began to move in slow motion.
But it was too late. We all knew it was too late.
In the next second I felt the impact. The force was so strong that it made my bones rattle. The crunching of metal and glass sliced through the air around me. I felt the car tilt and soon we were rolling, our car hitting the pavement over and over. The next thing I knew, my head smacked against something impossibly hard. The screams of those I love slowly faded.
And then all I saw was blackness; lots and lots of blackness.
I was dreaming of the white sand, the palm trees, and the fruity drinks served with little umbrellas. The huge waves beckoned me and soon I was surfing with Preston. For once, I was better than him at something athletic. He smirked at me as he stole the next wave and I stuck my tongue out in response. I was about to paddle to a wave forming a few feet away when I heard Preston's screams.
I woke in a cold sweat to the sound of an annoying beeping sound. Had we already arrived in Maui? Shouldn't I be allowed to sleep in if this is vacation? Why is my alarm going off?
If this is Preston's idea of a joke, I'll kill him. I thought vehemently.
I tried to open my eyes, but for some reason it was taking more effort than usual. I peeled them open slowly and blinked. Frowning, I blinked again.
Why is it so damn dark?
I went to lift my arm and gasped in shock at the pain that shot through my body. I jerked at the sound of someone moving.
Oh my god, I've been kidnapped and they're holding me in a dark cell. I thought wildly. Taking a deep breath, I chastised myself. Grace, calm down... you've watched too much TV. You need to think rationally.
I listened as the beeping sound sped up.
"Grace, sweetie?" I heard an unfamiliar voice say.
I screamed when I felt something touch my shoulder and immediately the pressure of what I had assumed to be a hand was removed.
"What do you want from me?" I asked, shrinking back into the bed. I still couldn't see anything in the pitch black of the room. I felt off. Like I had been sleeping for months. And the pain that was shooting through my body was nearly unbearable.
"Grace- "The woman began again.
"How do you know my name?" I screamed. My heartbeat was racing now, and I began to shake as the adrenaline built up in my body from my sheer terror.
"Grace, don't make us use sedatives. You are in a very weak state now and we don't want you to harm yourself any further." She said. I frowned when I thought I could almost detect a hint of sadness in her voice.
"Like you drugged me already?" I spat. I suddenly knew this was the case. It explained my grogginess and how out of body I was currently feeling.
The response was cautious. "We had to put you in an induced coma to allow your brain to reduce its swelling. You are at the Los Angeles hospital in California. You don't have to worry, Grace... you're safe now."
What is she talking about? I'm in a hospital? Aren't hospitals supposed to have lights?
"What are you talking about?" I asked, still not understanding.
"You were in a terrible accident Grace. Your car was hit by an oncoming Semi-truck. It's a miracle you survived with such drastic injuries." Suddenly my skin was prickling with dread.
I don't know why, but I knew she was right. I could somehow feel it in my bones.
"If this is true, why can't I remember it?" I asked, anxiety weighing heavy on my heart.
"That's your brains natural way of protecting itself. You may begin to remember things slowly, but it's more likely that you will never regain whatever memories you have lost." The woman, who I assumed to be my doctor said.
"Where is my family? And can you turn on some lights? I can't see anything." I said nervously.
There was a long silence. "Hello?" I said uncertainly.
"Yes Grace, I'm here." She said, her voice tight with emotion.
Are doctors usually this emotional?
I waited impatiently for her to speak again. "Well? Where are they?" I felt dread pooling in my stomach again, but I refused to even entertain the thoughts that were running through my mind.
"Grace... you were the only one who survived the crash." Her voice broke at the end.
I felt my heart skid to a stop as my face crumpled in anguish. "No..." I said, unwilling to hear what she was saying. I was shaking my head now, ignoring the excruciating pain that was shooting through me at the movement.
No, no, no. I repeated, over and over as if it would somehow change what had happened.
My mother's face flashed through my mind as I pictured her auburn hair blowing in the breeze as we sat on our front lawn, eating our melting orange flavoured popsicles one summer. I thought of all of her warnings to not take life for granted. I pictured my father, always waiting to greet me with a hug when I got home from school. And my big brother...
Preston. I broke the silence with a loud sob.
It felt like my world was collapsing around me, everyone that I had ever loved was dead. And I wished desperately that I could switch places with them. I would do anything to bring them back.
Preston was my favorite person in the world, my best friend, and now he was gone.
I won't ever be able to tell him how much I actually love him... I will never see his smile again. The agonizing thoughts continued to beat down on me, causing my hysteria to rise even further. Before I knew it, I found myself hyperventilating.
I remembered the first time that Preston had publicly stood up for me and had punched Jake McAdams square in the jaw for spreading rumours about me in ninth grade. He had been suspended for two weeks after that incident, and when I had apologized to him for getting him involved, he had waved it away like it was nothing. We were more than just brother and sister. He was my best friend. He was the one I trusted more than anyone in the entire world.
They're all gone. The only family I have, gone.
I was heaving dry broken sobs. I clutched my sides, welcoming the pain as I fought to wake up from this harrowing nightmare. I clutched the scratchy hospital sheets below me, attempting to sit myself up. I wanted to run. Run far away from here and the emotions I was experiencing.
Please god, please. Let me wake up; let me wake up to my family. I prayed desperately.
I felt the bed dip beside me and a warm arm slid around my shoulders. "We have counselors ready to talk to you, whenever you need... My name is Dr. Hattie." She rubbed my back, trying to comfort me. Her voice was soft as she did her best to reign in my panic.
But I was too far gone to be comforted.
I tuned her out, rocking myself as I shook my head furiously, feeling the tears trail down and fall from my chin onto my legs below.
And then it hit me.
"Am I blind?" I deadpanned, feeling my eyes widen in horror. The beeping from the machine increased even further and it was then that I realized that the machine had been picking up my heartbeat this entire time.
I could sense her dread as she responded. "Yes... you are. I'm so sorry Grace." The doctor continued to talk, explaining my diagnosis and the injuries that I had endured from the crash, but I was no longer hearing what she was saying. It sounded like I was underwater, floating, barely holding on to my consciousness.
Her words slowly seeped into my soul. I knew that I wouldn't ever see the light again.
I would forever be in darkness. But I didn't care. My family had lost their lives. Tears continued to steam down my face, pouring from my useless eyes. I wished that the darkness would swallow me whole.
I didn't think my life could get any worse. I had just found out my entire family was dead, and now on top of everything, I was blind.
"What happened?" I all but whispered, not sure I could handle the details... but I needed to know. The doctor launched into the explanation as I clutched the blankets beneath me tightly, as if it were the only thing left to ground me.
Apparently when the semi-truck crashed into our car, it rolled several times before landing on its roof. It was concluded that everyone was dead on impact but me.
"We had you airlifted here to the Los Angeles hospital when you were stable because your Aunt Prune lives nearby." The doctor explained gently.
I paled. My Aunt Prune had always made it clear she hadn't wanted anything to do with us. She had hated my mother since my father had first introduced her to the family, and had cut off all ties with them before Preston and I had even been born.
"Is she coming to see me?" I asked her hesitantly. I already knew the answer, but I needed to hear it from the doctor.
"She told us to put you into foster care since you're not yet eighteen." Dr. Hattie said sadly.
Okay, I hadn't expected that. I gasped. How heartless could one person be?
I couldn't believe it. I knew that she hadn't liked my mom, but after everything that had happened, she couldn't make me feel loved at all?
Maybe because you aren't loved anymore... there isn't anyone here to love you. A voice in the back of my mind reminded me. Your whole family is dead. The poisonous thoughts continued, whispering to me as I reeled from the news.
I straightened, utterly numb and refusing to cry any more. "So, what exactly is wrong with me?"
I heard the doctor take a long breath. "Well, your left leg is broken, as well as four of your ribs. Your right lung is punctured and your arm is broken in two places. Your shoulder was dislocated and you had some internal bleeding in your abdomen. We have accessed your eyes and we believe that due to the fire that started while you were still trapped in the car, the lenses in your eyes have been badly burned. It is also possible that the nerves behind your eyes have been twisted, although we need to do more testing in order to confirm."
"Is there anything that you can do to fix them?" I asked desperately. I didn't even care about the rest of the things she had listed, although I didn't like the sound of a punctured lung.
"There are no available options because the surgery you would need to fix your eyesight is not covered by your health plan." The doctor's voice sounded ashamed.
"Didn't my parents have any money saved?" I asked, fighting against the urge to scream.
"I'm sorry sweetie, but your house was owned by the bank, and your parents were in debt. We have already looked into every possible option while you were unconscious."
That was it. That was all I could take before I knew that I wanted to die. I hated my life; I hated how depressed I was. I felt like there was no hope left for me. In the morning, I would end this.
"What time is it?" I asked bitterly. I could feel the change within me. The feelings of anguish had vanished, leaving me as only a shell of who I once was. I could have been in shock, but I couldn't find it within myself to question it any further.
"It's about eight-thirty at night. Would you like your dinner now?" She asked me.
I shook my head. "I'm going back to sleep." I muttered numbly.
I heard her hesitate before she slowly shuffled out of the room and closed the door behind her. I wondered idly how I was going to pay for my visit to the hospital if my parents were in debt.
It didn't matter, because I was ending my life tomorrow anyways. I had made up my mind. I closed my eyes and let sleep overtake me.
I found myself at a familiar park in Vancouver, sitting on the swings. Preston and I had used to come here all the time when we were little. I turned my head and saw him sitting on the swing beside me. He looked angry.
"Preston?" My eyes filled with tears as I reached out to touch him.
He moved, avoiding my hand. He looked even angrier as he said, "How dare you Grace? How dare you even think about committing suicide? How could you ever think you're alone?"
The tears brimmed my eyes, threatening to spill over. "Preston, I can't do it. It hurts too much."
"Can't or won't?" He asked me harshly.
"I can't do it! I can't wake up every morning knowing that you guys aren't here. I can't wake up knowing all I'll ever see is darkness. I can't keep living when I have no hope."
"Grace." I whipped my head to the sound of my mother's voice.
"Mommy," A harsh sob escaped my lips.
She stood on the other side of me, her hand in my fathers. They looked sad and upset.
"We may not be there with you physically, but Grace, we would never leave you." She said softly.
My father spoke up. "I don't want to ever hear you say you're giving up again young lady. You need to live your life, baby girl. Do it for us, but most of all do it for yourself."
The tears now flowed down my cheeks endlessly. I cried harder when my father called me by my old nickname. He had always called me baby girl. I never thought I would hear it again.
"Do you remember what I always told you?" My mother asked me. I nodded, ashamed.
"Tell me," She said quietly.
"Life is meant for living to the fullest. Despite what hardships we face, we can't back down at the sight of challenge.. Hope is brought by overcoming these challenges, and hope is what inspires other people. We were put on this earth to live, love and laugh." I recited it by heart.
My mother smiled brilliantly. "Make us proud, baby."
Preston got off the swing. He held his hand out, and I grasped it tightly.
"I love you, lil' sis." He said quietly.
My parents embraced my shaking shoulders in a hug and I still held my brothers warm hand in my own.
"Live." They said simply.
I gasped, shooting straight up in bed. I panted, and I felt tears brim my eyes again. I knew I had to make them proud. I would make them proud.
I would learn to live with my disability, and I wouldn't give up hope that someday, things would get better.
After a week in the emergency ward, my doctor had moved me to a public room that I now shared with an older man who had also been in a car accident a few weeks ago.
It would be a long road to recover physically, and an even longer uphill battle to heal emotionally. I had a new found spark in my spirit and I wasn't going to let it slip away. I let the morphine the nurse gave me ease me into a much welcomed pain free sleep.
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Thank you so much for reading! This story is UNEDITED :)
This chapter edited 3/14/2020
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