Xiao Zhan remained silent as they both walked out of the door and passed through the main hall. Lan Wangji loyally followed wherever Xiao Zhan went. They crossed the zigzagging hallways until they reached the most desolate place in Lotus Pier. Lan Wangji glanced at the head disciple of Yunmeng Jiang, noticing that he had been unusually quiet since they left the study.
Without warning, Xiao Zhan punched the massive pillar that stood tall before him. He needed to feel the pain, a reminder that his emotional outbursts could hurt someone, just as his fist was hurting now. His hand throbbed from the impact of his fist against the hard beam, but he didn't mind; he was just glad that the blow hadn't struck another human being. In that moment of boiling rage threatening to spill over, if he hadn't hit something, he might have ended up doing something he would regret. He stood there, breathing heavily from exhaustion and anger, staring at the ground in defeat.
"Wei Ying!" Lan Wangji was shocked when he heard the sound. He instantaneously grabbed his wrist that was still on the pillar. The punch left a dent, and deep cracks appeared around it. Lan Wangji examined his knuckles that were scraped, and the back of his hand was starting to discolor with a blue tinge. "Why did you do that?" He asked worriedly.
Xiao Zhan felt like the dam of tears would break soon. He took a deep breath and whispered, "Lan Zhan."
As soon as he uttered the name, tears began to roll down his cheeks. Lan Wangji's expression darkened, and he wrapped his arms around him. He felt Xiao Zhan shuddering as sobs wracked his body. He held him tightly until he stopped crying.
"Sorry, I couldn't control myself," Xiao Zhan muttered, ashamed of himself for breaking down like that. He didn't know whether it was his own emotions or Wei Wuxian's. Maybe both. He looked back at Lan Wangji, who still had his arm around him.
Lan Wangji looked sullen. "Wei Ying, you can talk to me. Don't hurt yourself."
"I just..." Xiao Zhan was breathing hard, "...needed to hit something. I need to vent."
Lan Wangji tightened his hold, shaking his head slightly. "I will listen to you."
Xiao Zhan closed his eyes, feeling his body heat with anger as he began, "Why is this world so cruel?! Why can't it allow those who deserve it peace?" His eyes opened again, clenching his jaw, "The adults here that I met so far really fucked up! And the ones who had to suffer the consequences are always the children!"
Lan Wangji frowned. He wanted to refute the statement, but he couldn't find anything wrong with it. If he was being completely honest with himself, he too was badly hurt because of the adults. He still had his father, but he could count the number of times he had seen the man. There were only a few rare occasions when he saw his face. He spoke quietly. "The adults also have their reasons. Perhaps they're just trying to do what they think is best."
"What is best?" Xiao Zhan turned sharply toward him and raised his voice. "Lan Zhan, don't make excuses for them. Don't justify their mistakes. They are supposed to be the adults, and they are supposed to be the mature ones. If doing their best means hurting innocent children, then I would rather do my worst. Why does there need to be adults in this world when they behave worse than toddlers?"
"..." Lan Wangji pressed his lips into a thin line, mulling over Xiao Zhan's words.
Xiao Zhan kept going, his voice getting louder with every word, "The people who are responsible to get punished, the people who deserve to die, are getting away without getting a single punishment. They even got away from their crimes against the children without any remorse. Look at Xue Yang. He was beaten up and lost his fingers because the adults were playing stupid games among themselves." Xiao Zhan clenched his jaw, his fists clenched involuntarily. "And you saw Madam Yu's 'best' on my back. Who in their right mind would whip a child for some silly mistakes?"
Lan Wangji frowned again. He didn't know how to comfort Wei Wuxian anymore. But there was one thing he knew he would do moving forward. "Let me protect you, Wei Ying."
"No, Lan Zhan. You are the one who should be protected." Wei Wuxian shook his head. He questioned, "You have a father, but where is he? Does he know you are still alive? When was the last time you saw him? Why is your uncle raising both you and your brother when he is still breathing and living? I don't understand how someone can abandon their sons and throw the responsibilities of a father to someone else just like that. Doesn't he miss his sons even a little bit?"
Lan Wangji closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The words hurt more than he had thought. When Xiao Zhan's voice died down, a single tear rolled down his cheek without his consent.
Xiao Zhan noticed this and took a step back, surprised by his own explosion of indignation. He cursed at himself for venting his pent-up fury on the one who did not deserve those spiteful and insensitive remarks. He wiped off the tears that began to fall on Lan Wangji's flawless face.
"I'm sorry, Lan Zhan, I didn't mean to-" Xiao Zhan instinctively wrapped his arms around Lan Wangji's neck, rubbing his back soothingly. "I promise I'll never say that again. Please don't cry."
Lan Wangji hugged Xiao Zhan back tightly, murmuring into his shoulder, "You're right, Wei Ying. And the truth hurts."
"Oh, Lan Zhan...I wish I could take your pain away," Xiao Zhan whispered, his chest feeling tight. He wanted more than anything in this world to bring him some happiness and relieve his pain. "I wish that I can make you happy."
Lan Wangji's eyes widened slightly when he heard those words. He had always been alone since he was young. His brother was there for him, but he did not want to burden his brother. His brother was in pain too. He had never heard anyone say those words to him before. No one else had ever touched his emotions like this, and no one would care this much. The feelings they evoked in his heart were indescribable. His heart ached, and at the same time, he felt something burning inside of him. It felt like someone finally understood his pain and his heartaches. He never knew how much he wanted someone to console him and commiserate with him. He never knew someone could make him smile and cry like this. After he composed himself, Lan Wangji pulled back, a smile blossoming on his lips as he looked at Xiao Zhan. "You are already doing that, Wei Ying."
Xiao Zhan blinked a couple of times, as if he had forgotten what he had said and could no longer think straight when he saw the beautiful and sweet smile on that gorgeous face. He could feel his heartbeat increasing. It was as if nothing mattered except the two of them. He felt an overwhelming urge to give Lan Wangji everything he could, and what he did next surprised both of them. On impulse, he kissed Lan Wangji on the lips. The kiss (or rather, a peck) was light and short but lasted long enough to leave an effect on both of them. Both of them froze when they realized what had just happened. They stared at each other, neither of them moving a muscle.
And then, Jiang Yanli's soft voice from the corner interrupted them. "A-Xian."
The moment had shattered. Both of them quickly backed away from each other, avoiding eye contact with the other, and stood in silence.
Jiang Yanli sauntered toward them and looked at both of them with a worried expression. "Is everything all right?"
"Yes, everything is good, Shijie." Xiao Zhan tried to cover the redness on his cheeks with his uninjured hand. "Where is Xue Yang?"
She pointed toward the direction of the training ground. "He is with the rest of the boys. They seem fond of him. I am going to make them some snacks."
"Then I will help," Xiao Zhan offered.
Lan Wangji grabbed his wrist before he could take any steps. He said, "Wei Ying, you are in no condition to help."
Jiang Yanli took notice of Lan Wangji's words and saw Xiao Zhan's bruised knuckles. She asked sternly as she examined the hand, "A-Xian! What happened?"
"Oh... I just..." Xiao Zhan started, but he noticed Jiang Yanli was frowning at him, so he continued speaking, "...It's nothing, Shijie."
Her eyes caught sight of the fist-sized crater and the cracks on the solid pillar. Jiang Yanli sighed deeply. "You should get this treated."
Xiao Zhan shook his head. "It's fine, Shijie. It looks worse than it actually is."
Jiang Yanli looked at him pointedly, exclaiming, "How is this fine?!"
Xiao Zhan tried explaining how it was fine, but she didn't seem convinced.
Lan Wangji spoke up. "I will look after him, Maiden Jiang."
"Thank you for your help then, Second Young Master Lan," Jiang Yanli smiled gratefully at him. "A-Xian, be good and please don't hurt yourself again. I must go to the kitchen now."
Jiang Yanli left them alone, but not before giving Xiao Zhan another worried glance. Once her figure left their sight, they looked at each other.
"You shouldn't have punched that pillar," Lan Wangji remarked.
Xiao Zhan mumbled, "Sorry. I know I shouldn't have hit it; it was just there." Xiao Zhan smiled sheepishly. "And... I shouldn't do that to you."
Lan Wangji shook his head lightly. "There's no need to apologize. Let's forget about it. Let's treat your hand first."
Forget it? Which one? The punch? The hug? The kiss? All of it?
Xiao Zhan swallowed hard and looked away. His words came out like a grumble. "Sure. It won't happen again."
Lan Wangji took notice of that and immediately clarified, "Wei Ying, your hands are more important right now." His voice was soft but firm.
"Okay."
With that, the two headed towards the treatment room together, with Xiao Zhan in the lead. They didn't talk, afraid that they might break the fragile atmosphere between them.
In the treatment room, Lan Wangji took out bandages, ointment, and salve from the shelving. After cleaning the injured hand thoroughly, he applied the ointment onto Xiao Zhan's palm and rubbed it gently on the diagonal streak of burnt flesh. He then turned the hand over and applied the salve generously on the knuckles before carefully bandaging it. After finishing his work, he turned back to look at Xiao Zhan, who looked at him with soft eyes.
Xiao Zhan was blushing slightly at the gentle gestures, but he refused to meet Lan Wangji's eyes. "Thank you, Lan Zhan."
Lan Wangji, "No need to thank me."
Xiao Zhan bit his lip before looking back down at the hand and fidgeting a little. "We'll talk about this later, I think,"
Lan Wangji, "Mn."
Xiao Zhan wanted them to return to their normal interactions as soon as possible. He sprang up to his feet and gestured, "Ah, let me show you the guests room."
Lan Wangji followed Xiao Zhan as they walked through the grand hallways. Xiao Zhan opened a door and gestured for Lan Wangji to enter, "This is the room you'll be using during your stay here."
Lan Wangji stepped inside and surveyed the room. It was spacious and adorned with elegant pieces of furniture intricately carved with nine-petal lotus engravings. The decor unmistakably reflected the Yunmeng Jiang clan's style. He then turned to Xiao Zhan, "Where is yours?"
Xiao Zhan, "Hm? You want to see my room?"
"Mn."
"Okay then. Follow me." The room was not farther away than the guest room.
"Come in." Xiao Zhan pushed open the door of Wei Wuxian's room. He paced his steps in the room that felt like his own and put down his sword on its dedicated stand, flawlessly reenacting Wei Wuxian's routine like it was something his body was trained to do.
Lan Wangji walked in and looked around. In one corner of the room was a bed covered in silk blankets. There were several pillows sitting on the floor beside it. There was a small table next to the bed. On it were several books, a candle, and various objects that could only belong to a person used to reading. Some papers with lots of messy writing and doodling were scattered on the surface.
"Make yourself at home. Sit wherever you want. Take a look at whatever you wish. I'm going to the washroom for a while," Xiao Zhan said before walking out.
Lan Wangji moved closer to the table, picking up the papers and examining the reading materials. He read a few lines of the first few books. Xiao Zhan returned to the room with a freshly washed face. He saw the tall figure lingering in front of the table, closing a book before setting it down where it had been placed.
Oh shit, not that book!
Xiao Zhan's eyes went round at the sight of one particular book with a yellowish cover that was still untouched on the table. He dashed towards the table and quickly grabbed it, trying to hide it away.
"What are you doing?" Lan Wangji questioned. He got closer to Xiao Zhan.
"Nothing. It's not a book you should see," Xiao Zhan tried to wave him off.
But Lan Wangji wouldn't give up. "Why are you hiding that book from me?"
"It's private property," Xiao Zhan shrugged his shoulders. His cheeks were pink from embarrassment and nervousness.
Believe me, it's not something you want to see or should see. You shouldn't taint your pure soul with this kind of book.
Lan Wangji frowned. "You are hiding things from me again."
Xiao Zhan looked around for an excuse to escape. "I'm hungry."
Lan Wangji furrowed his brows. "Wei Ying, we just ate an hour ago."
"And?" Xiao Zhan crossed his arms with the book dangling from his bandaged hand. "I am still hungry. My stomach can be hungry whenever it wishes, Lan Zhan. It's natural and normal. I am only human."
"..." Lan Wangji stared at Xiao Zhan as he stared back at him. Seizing the opportunity, he easily snatched the book away.
"Ah! Lan Zhan, do not open it!" Xiao Zhan panicked.
Too late. Lan Wangji saw the content and his face flushed with crimson color. The book immediately took a flight to the opposite end of the room. Xiao Zhan groaned loudly as he picked the book up and threw it in the bin, "I told you not to open it! So stubborn!"
Lan Wangji couldn't get any words out. He tried to shake the indecent images from his brain. His eyes glued accusingly to the young man in black attire. Xiao Zhan pinched the bridge of his nose as he took a seat on the edge of the bed. Setting Chen Qing down beside him, he scowled, "Don't look at me like that. These books weren't my doing. I'm not like that."
Lan Wangji, "Wei Ying."
Xiao Zhan looked downward while rubbing his temples. He frowned. "I am not Wei Ying."
Shit. Why did I say that?
Xiao Zhan really wanted to change the subject to something else when Lan Wangji suddenly spoke. "Should I not call you Wei Ying?"
Xiao Zhan froze. He thought long and hard about it. The reason he asked Lan Wangji not to call his real name was to cling to the hope that he would someday wake up from this dream. Now that he knew that was futile, he was starting to lose himself. He lowered his gaze. "No. No. I mean. That's my name now."
This is getting out of hand.
Frankly, he is more comfortable to be called 'Wei Ying' now that he was sure about was that he was trapped in this dream forever. And in this neverending dream, his name was none other than Wei Wuxian.
"Are you sure? I can call you whichever name you wish." Lan Wangji stood in front of him.
That was the last thing Xiao Zhan wanted. Xiao Zhan replied in a quiet tone, "Just call me whatever you prefer."
Lan Wangji nodded at him. After a few seconds of silence, Lan Wangji called out, "Xiao Zhan."
Xiao Zhan snapped his head up at Lan Wangji. It felt too strange, and it did not feel right at all. He did not want to hear that name from Lan Wangji's lips. "No. Please don't."
Lan Wangji shook his head, "I want to call you by your true name."
Xiao Zhan stared at him, the expression on his face hardening, "If you call me by that name, I will be reminded of Wang Yibo."
Lan Wangji frowned. He truly disliked the name. "But it's your real name. What does Wang Yibo have to do with anything?"
Xiao Zhan explained in detail. "You sound just like him, one hundred percent. You look exactly like him. Apart from the eye color. And the fashion sense. And the pe--"
"Stop talking about him." Lan Wangji's frown deepened.
"Lan Zhan, I don't want to mistake you for him. So, please forget about my real name. Just call me Wei Ying." Xiao Zhan said pleadingly.
"Alright, Wei Ying," Lan Wangji agreed readily.
Xiao Zhan exhaled a sigh of relief. He gave Lan Wangji a tired smile. "Thank you, Lan Zhan."
Lan Wangji whispered softly, almost inaudibly, "Whatever your name is, you are still my soulmate."
Xiao Zhan felt goosebumps rise on his skin. It was so sudden and unexpected, but he didn't mind it at all. His heart was filled with warmth as he gazed at Lan Wangji. He grinned widely and teased, "Lan Er Gege, are you trying to woo me with your honeyed tongue?"
Lan Wangji scowled. "Stop joking around. You should rest now."
"Fine, fine. It's your fault for being so charming." Xiao Zhan grinned as he took off his boots. He then loosened his belt and his outer robe before lying down.
Lan Wangji had gotten used to this view and this routine after spending a few weeks with Xiao Zhan. He took those garments from Xiao Zhan's hand and hung them for him at the designated place. He checked on his bandaged hand once again, making sure that it was securely in place. He then said, a faint smile gracing his lips, "I will take care of Xue Yang. Just rest."
Xiao Zhan had no objection to that, as he felt lightheaded and his eyelids grew heavy. Exhaustion finally caught up with him.
"Rest well, Wei Ying," Lan Wangji said, looking down at him fondly.