It was five in the morning, and Xiao Zhan was already awake. He yawned, his fingers moving automatically through his hair, combing it into place before he took off the bandage and inspected his hand. The scrapes and bruising were not as bad as he had thought they would be, and the burn on his palm had already almost healed. He took a long shower and got dressed, tying his hair up into a high ponytail. Then, he meditated for what felt like an hour before he heard a knock at his door. Slipping Chenqing onto his waistband and grabbing Suibian from its stand, Xiao Zhan opened the door to greet the face he had expected to see this early morning. "Lan Zhan!" He beamed at the sight.
Lan Wangji formed a faint smile on his face as he heard his name slipping from those lips. "Slept well?"
Xiao Zhan casually slung his hands around Lan Wangji's shoulder. "Yes. You?"
Lan Wangji's smile widened slightly at the warmth of Xiao Zhan's embrace. "Mn."
He then noticed Xiao Zhan's hand was no longer bandaged, so he halted his steps to take a closer inspection. It did not look as severe as yesterday. Even the burn scarring had faded a lot. He asked, "Is it not painful?"
"Not at all. It's healing pretty fast too. Meditation is such a cheat skill," Xiao Zhan stated in his bubbly tone while opening and closing his hand without difficulty and without a sign of pain.
Lan Wangji knitted his eyebrows. "Cheat skill?"
Xiao Zhan began his long, elaborative explanation, covering topics that might be related to it while Lan Wangji listened to his jabbering without complaint. Both pretended to have forgotten their awkward moments the day before. They walked side by side toward Xue Yang's room. The boy was still sleeping soundly when they arrived.
"Let him sleep more." Xiao Zhan stopped Lan Wangji from waking the boy.
Lan Wangji nodded and closed the door. Xiao Zhan then gave him a tour of the residence and its surroundings. Finally, he brought him to a pavilion by the lake near the docks.
It was a tranquil place where they could appreciate the scenery of Yunmeng. From there, they could see colorful fish swimming beneath the water and lotus flowers sporadically sprouting here and there. The water was calm as ever, reflecting the golden glow of the sunrise. The wind played with the leaves of the trees that grew along the path. A light breeze ruffled his hair, and his red ribbon danced along with his black hair. His black attire contrasted with the clean white and light blue of Gusu Lan's uniform, a perfect symbolization of Yin and Yang.
Xiao Zhan looked at Lan Wangji, who sat on one of the benches and was fully engrossed in appreciating the beauty of nature. He took a seat on the wooden fence, leaning against the thick column with one leg up. It had been quite a while since he had last played his flute. He turned his eyes to the lake, lifted the Chenqing to his lips, and carefully played it without any resentful energy. The sweet melody of their song resonated through the crisp air, creating an even more serene atmosphere that could only exist when accompanied by the relaxing zephyr that blew through the leaves of the trees.
Not long after, Xiao Zhan heard the tune of the guqin accompanying the mellow whistles of his flute. He turned around and found Lan Wangji strumming his guqin softly. His fingers moved on the strings in sync with the melody. A soft smile adorned his immaculate face, which caused the corners of Xiao Zhan's own mouth to curve upward as well. The melodic tune slowly drifted through the air, attracting the attention of others.
Soon, people approached, curious about who could be playing such lovely instruments. Some admired it from afar while others came closer to listen, although Xiao Zhan didn't notice any of this as he kept his gaze fixed on the beautiful person sitting across from him. After repeating the song twice, Xiao Zhan lowered the instrument to his lap as he flashed his bright smile at Lan Wangji. It was the kind of smile that always took Lan Wangji's breath away. The sun shone brilliantly, causing Xiao Zhan's skin to glisten in the warm light, and Lan Wangji found himself staring again.
"That was beautiful." Jiang Yanli appeared out of nowhere and broke the serenity.
Both of the young men did not realize her presence since they were so lost in their shared world.
"A-Xian, I didn't know you could play the flute," said Jiang Yanli, smiling at the pair.
"Oh, Shijie." Xiao Zhan lifted his head to meet her eyes, rubbing his neck. "Well, I just learned it recently."
Jiang Yanli raised her eyebrows. "Really? You played exceptionally well for a beginner."
Xiao Zhan merely smiled at the praise.
Jiang Yanli went over to his side to check on him. "How is your hand? How did you even play with this injured hand?"
Xiao Zhan flexed and contracted his hand, demonstrating that his injury was not affecting him in any way. He grinned. "I told you it looked worse than it seemed, Shijie. Lan Zhan's treatment was rather miraculous."
"Hmm... Since you say so." Jiang Yanli glanced at Lan Wangji, who had his eyes fixed on his martial brother, before she enthusiastically requested, "Can we hear one more song, A-xian?"
Xiao Zhan chuckled slightly before saying, "Lan Zhan, will you accompany me?"
Lan Wangji nodded his agreement and began the first note of Song of Clarity. Xiao Zhan didn't miss a beat to join in, and their duet performance once again filled the quiet surrounding them. Several people were now gathered and seated on the grassy part next to the structure, listening to the soothing music that calmed their minds coming from inside the pavilion. The mild morning wind brushed past their faces as the notes of the two instruments blended with each other perfectly.
The atmosphere had once again grown still after the music ceased. Everyone was looking at the pair with smiles on their faces. Xiao Zhan finally realized the many eyes on them at that moment. He felt as if they had just staged an impromptu recital. Jiang Yanli's eyes twinkled with love and adoration as she urged him to play more songs. He glanced at Lan Wangji to gauge his reaction.
Lan Wangji encouraged him, "Play. I will accompany you."
Xiao Zhan inhaled a deep breath. He closed his eyes as he blew into the flute once more. He still remembered the composition of "Drunken Dream." His breaths and fingers moved in accordance with the musical score he had composed in his mind. When he finished the first part, he opened his eyes to find Lan Wangji's light-colored eyes fixed on him, and his heart skipped a beat. He noticed the expression on Lan Wangji's face as his lips curved upward slightly at the corners.
His mind suddenly drifted to the scene in the drama. The melody was the very song that he, as Wei Wuxian, played before he acknowledged Lan Wangji as his soulmate, and Lan Wangji replied, "I still am." As he got lost in Lan Wangji's eyes, he could only think of the word 'soulmate,' and with that thought, the rest of the world disappeared, and all that existed was the Second Jade of Lan in his snowy robes. Their souls were linked together, even though neither knew about the other. It was only Lan Wangji and him. He smiled as the strumming of the qin reverberated and harmonized with the whistling notes. He forgot that anyone else was present; he was only focused on being the best version of himself to convey to Lan Wangji what he meant to him and the message the song conveyed. As he finished the final line of the song, he let out a deep sigh of satisfaction. He glanced at Lan Wangji, who was staring at his face as if he wanted to memorize every single detail. He couldn't help but feel warm, happy, and extremely flattered at the sight of Lan Wangji. He set down his flute.
The whole crowd erupted in loud applause. Jiang Yanli happily clapped her hands before cupping his cheek, smiling proudly. "Oh, how wonderful! My dear Xianxian is all grown up now."
Xiao Zhan returned her smile and jokingly said, "Shijie, don't ask me to play another song. My lungs can't take it anymore."
She giggled and lightly patted his cheek. "Ah, that's too bad. I wanted to hear more songs."
Lan Wangji kept his guqin in swift but elegant movements and stood up. He suggested, "Wei Ying can sing."
Xiao Zhan blinked at him.
Aishh.... Here comes the PR specialist Lan Wangji.
Jiang Yanli looked back and forth between the two tall, younger men. She could feel the saccharine-sweet bond through their obvious, longing gazes. She buoyantly exclaimed, "Second Young Master Lan, A-Xian is a horrible singer. I don't think it's a good idea."
Excuse me, Shijie??
Xiao Zhan winced; his professional singer-self felt offended by the brutal testimony. His singing passion burned high as he snapped, "Shijie, what are you talking about? I am not a horrible singer."
Jiang Yanli responded, patting his forearm as she spoke, "Xianxian, my lovely brother, you sounded like a dying mule whenever you tried singing in the past."
"I don't." Xiao Zhan shook his head, refusing to acknowledge that statement from her. He then took a deep breath and said, "Alright then. Shijie, listen carefully."
After clearing his throat a few times, his smooth baritone voice rang throughout the entire area as he sang one of his songs, 'Remaining Years'. He was the most confident when it came to singing and he didn't mind showcasing his vocals whenever and wherever. The control of his pitch, the vibrato, and the wide range of notesâhe sounded like someone who truly knew how to express his love through music.
Jiang Yanli's mouth dropped open at his raw vocals. Her eyes met Lan Wangji's for a second as they both listened, absorbed, to Xiao Zhan's performance.
"This is the most beautiful voice I have ever heard," she whispered to herself, tears welling in the corners of her eyes.
After hearing the performance, everyone was left speechless. They were all astonished by his vast improvement in singing. Xiao Zhan stood up and bowed to the audience in courtesy. "Thank you for listening to my song."
He turned toward Jiang Yanli and bowed once more. "Shijie, am I still an awful singer?"
Laughing, Jiang Yanli shook her head. "You're definitely not a bad one."
Xiao Zhan glanced at Lan Wangji. "What do you think?"
Lan Wangji complimented, "Delightful as always."
"Whose song is that? It sounded beautiful but very sad," Jiang Yanli inquired.
Xiao Zhan twirled Chenqing as he answered nonchalantly, "Mine."
Jiang Yanli cast a disbelieving look at him. "A-Xian, that's too poetic to be your song."
It is my song though. On technical terms, it is.
"I am a poet, Shijie." Xiao Zhan laughed and then broke into an acapella of a medley of songs he could think of, playfully dedicating them to the two people in front of him. Jiang Yanli giggled fondly, her eyes sparkling, and her lips pursed as if she were trying not to laugh. Lan Wangji had a soft smile on his face, amused by his playful antics.
The jovial mood spread throughout the area, and people all clapped along as Xiao Zhan's vocals echoed throughout. His smile widened with every passing second, and he took it all in, reveling in it and feeling joyful. He felt the weight lifted from his shoulders; he had been carrying it around for a long time, but now it no longer weighed as heavily as it used to.
A sudden tap on his arm brought him back. He whipped his head around and looked up at the person responsible. Jiang Fengmian smiled gently down at him. "A-Ying, were you hiding your musical talents before this?"
Xiao Zhan was startled by his uncle's sudden appearance. He coughed before speaking politely, "Uncle Jiang, you're here. No, I wasn't. I just picked them up recently."
"Oh, really? How interesting! Where did you learn them?" Jiang Fengmian asked again.
Xiao Zhan scratched his head, searching for an excuse before he settled on, "From Gusu, I guess."
Jiang Fengmian nodded in acknowledgment. The Gusu Lan Sect was known for its specialization in musical cultivation techniques after all. His tone changed to a slightly serious one when he said, "May I talk to you in private, A-Ying?"
Xiao Zhan glanced at both Lan Wangji and his martial sister.
Jiang Yanli patted Xiao Zhan's back in an attempt to show support before she excused herself. The audience dispersed as well. Lan Wangji, however, looked a little hesitant.
Xiao Zhan placed his hand on Lan Wangji's wrist and squeezed it lightly as reassurance. "Lan Zhan, I'll see you and Xue Yang soon."
Lan Wangji nodded in response, and after a quick bow to the elder, he too left the pavilion. Xiao Zhan kept Chenqing back in his waistband and stood upright with his hand on his back, holding his sword firmly. Erasing all the juvenile behavior from his conduct, he shifted his attention to Jiang Fengmian. "Uncle Jiang, were you able to talk it out with Madam Yu?"
"Not really. You know how she is." Jiang Fengmian gazed at the lake in front of them. "A-ying, I apologize on her behalf." He paused slightly to sigh. "She is not a bad person."
Xiao Zhan smiled bitterly. "Uncle Jiang, let us be honest here. Maybe to you in some way, she is not a bad person, but to me, she is. To her children, she is not a great mother either."
Jiang Fengmian gasped at his criticism and raised his voice, "A-Ying! That is my wife you are speaking about."
Xiao Zhan let out a harsh breath, keeping his tone still somewhat respectful. "Yes, I am aware of who she is, Uncle Jiang. I am not an ungrateful or vengeful person. However, I am no longer someone who can simply forgive and forget. I experienced her cruelties firsthand, and her words hurt me deeply."
A silence fell upon them after his words. Xiao Zhan was silent for a few minutes. A trace of sadness was written clearly across Xiao Zhan's face as the hidden woes and anguish of the original body's owner flooded his emotions. He then said in a quivering voice, "You should know that I am not the same as I used to be, Uncle Jiang. I was a child back then. I wasn't mature enough and my heart wasn't strong enough. But I'm stronger now and I won't tolerate it any further."
Jiang Fengmian's shoulders slumped as he heard those utterances. "A-Ying, it's not like I want to make excuses for her."
Xiao Zhan's tone was bitter yet sorrowful at the same time. "Then, don't. You shouldn't. Uncle Jiang, you knew what she did. You knew what kind of person she is, and why haven't you said anything?"
The atmosphere in the pavilion grew heavy. Jiang Fengmian took a deep breath. "Because..." He paused and continued. "Because I don't know how to put my finger on it. It's...it's just too complicated."
"Is it really that complicated?" Xiao Zhan scoffed. "It sounds like you're making excuses. Don't do that, Uncle."
"A-Ying, being an adult is hard. Once you grow up-"
"Uncle Jiang, please don't give me that speech." The young man cut him off, standing straight and firm. His voice remained gentle but firm as he spoke again. "What you need to understand, Uncle Jiang, is that your wife is an adult as well. Why do you have to speak for her? No matter what you say or what excuse you make for her, she is accountable for her own poor behavior. As an adult, shouldn't she be held responsible for her own mistakes?"
Silence settled over the pavilion once again. After what seemed like an eternity, Xiao Zhan spoke softly once more. "I don't mean to be ungrateful or vengeful, Uncle Jiang. It's just... I can't just forgive and forget all of her abuses and hurtful words, no matter how much I might wish to."
A bitter smile touched Xiao Zhan's lips. "She has been nothing but cruel. If I hadn't come to Lotus Pier when I did, if someone else had been there..." Xiao Zhan's face softened as he looked toward the ground. "...well, maybe she wouldn't have gotten away with it."
After several moments of silence, Xiao Zhan let out a long sigh. He looked up at the sun, and his voice, though still soft, now carried some of its old strength. "I know this isn't easy to hear, Uncle. And I appreciate everything you've done to help me. But I want to get through this without any more complications. So please, stop covering for her."
Jiang Fengmian blinked, trying desperately to hold back tears. "A-Ying, I am sorry for what she did, and-"
"No, stop apologizing for her," Xiao Zhan interrupted. He conveyed all the repressed mental distress of the old Wei Wuxian that was engulfing his heartstrings. "I think it's time for you to listen to the truth instead of hiding behind excuses that won't work. The reality is, she is a fully grown adult and she is liable for her actions. She only hated me because she resented my mother, who has been dead for almost ten years. As if my mother's death was not enough to fulfill her grudge, she directed her loathing and vented her resentment onto me, the orphaned child of the woman she despised. Her animosity towards me is beyond irrational and unjustifiable, don't you think?"
Xiao Zhan felt like he was overflowing with maddening anger; he gritted his teeth. His body trembled with every word. "She treated me like dirt and insulted me. She humiliated me every chance she got. She used her whip on me for every little mistake. I was the only one who got whipped, punished to kneel, or grounded when there were others who committed the same offenses or mischiefs. All in all, she simply despised my very existence. I was nothing more than a burden on her and a nuisance. And then, her hatred turned into a crazy obsession to put me in my place, and this, in every respect, affected you children as well, especially Jiang Cheng. I became the black sheep so that she could excuse her ill behavior toward her own son. Jiang Cheng has an inferiority complex due to that. Can't you see all that?"
Jiang Fengmian felt sick at hearing Xiao Zhan recount such painful memories. He tried to speak. "A-Ying, she was-"
"Please, Uncle Jiang," Xiao Zhan cut him off again. "I know you're going to try to defend her, but I don't want to hear it. I don't care about her reasons. I don't care about her past. I don't want to hear her side of the story. All I care about is that she abused me. Physically and mentally."
"But A-Ying..." Jiang Fengmian began, wanting to defend her as always.
Xiao Zhan held up a hand, halting Jiang Fengmian. "Uncle Jiang, please. Let me talk."
Jiang Fengmian stared helplessly at Xiao Zhan, trying to muster up a response. But he was not entirely sure he could bear hearing about his wife's actions again. He knew she was wrong, and he should not have stood idly by while his wife inflicted suffering upon someone else. He was scared, afraid that if he spoke, the next part would shatter his heart even further. Afraid that his nephew would hate him. Fear kept Jiang Fengmian silent.
Xiao Zhan didn't seem to notice his distress and continued, "If I'm completely honest, I'm disappointed that you didn't do anything. You could have stopped her at any point, but you didn't. Even though you must have known what she was capable of, you chose to let her continue, allowing her to degrade me to such an extent. You stood by, watching, even letting her hurt me. I was nine for God's sake. Just nine years old when she started this. How could you do that? How could you sit there and watch her abuse me? How could you let her treat me like that?"
Xiao Zhan's voice broke slightly as he spoke, his eyes welling with tears. "You should have stepped in and told her to stop. And yet, you stood by her and watched."
Jiang Fengmian's heart clenched painfully as he listened to his nephew speak. The guilt that had been growing steadily throughout the morning rose to the surface, causing his eyes to sting. He could barely bring himself to look in his nephew's direction, unable to bear the sight of such pain. He flinched as he looked back down into the sorrowful gaze.
There was anguish in Xiao Zhan's tone as he looked up. "Uncle Jiang, if you ever loved me or cared for me in any way, you should never let something like that happen to anyone else again. Never again. I want that for myself. I want it for Jiang Cheng, Shijie, and now Xue Yang...and for you as well."
He sighed heavily as he shut his eyes, swallowing down the harrowing sentiments. "So please, tell me that you at least understand that. Tell me that you can see the truth."
A heavy silence hung between them. Jiang Fengmian felt as if his vocal cords had been paralyzed, and he couldn't make a sound. He wanted to apologize and say that he regretted his inaction. But he couldn't find the courage to explain himself. He feared it would cause the situation between himself and his nephew to worsen even more. He was afraid he would say the wrong thing. Finally, a deep sigh escaped Jiang Fengmian. "Do you resent her?"
Xiao Zhan's eyebrows knitted as a frown plastered his forehead. His frustration registered in his voice. "Of course I do, Uncle Jiang. Why wouldn't I?"
Jiang FengmianWei Wuxian's gaze softened. "I am truly sorry, A-Ying."
Xiao Zhan inhaled a deep breath and blew it out slowly, trying to soothe the throbbing ache in his heart. "You shouldn't be the one apologizing on her behalf, Uncle Jiang. Although, you do need to apologize to Jiang Cheng. He is hurt by your indifference towards him. The way you treat me better than you treat him makes him feel like he is not loved by you. He is your biological son, Uncle Jiang."
Jiang Fengmian slammed his eyes shut. The earnest words he had just heard echoed in his mind. He swallowed his pride and uttered the words he wanted to convey. "I will, A-ying. I will, and I am not asking for forgiveness on her behalf. I am asking for it for myself. I am sorry."
Both of them sat silently for a while after that. They remained motionless until Xiao Zhan finally said softly, "Uncle Jiang, I really appreciate that you treat me like your own son, but I don't want to be the wedge in a father-and-son relationship between you and Jiang Cheng. You can be a better father to Jiang Cheng. He needs you more than I do. If you continue with what you've been doing for the past years, you'll regret it in the future, Uncle Jiang. Tell him he's doing well, tell him that you love him, and tell him that you're proud of him as his father. Shijie needs you too. All this while, she's been shouldering the role of a mother for both Jiang Cheng and me. She ought to be treated better and loved by at least one of her parents. She doesn't deserve all those condescending remarks."
As Jiang Fengmian listened to the sage advice, he nodded slowly. It seemed to dawn upon Jiang Fengmian as if he had just realized that he had done nothing to change anything for so many years. If only he had known. He looked over to the lake. "A-Ying, I do love my children. I never wanted my sons to feel like they were not loved or neglected. A-Li as well. I never wanted any of this to happen to any of you."
Xiao Zhan set his gaze on the body of water as well, fighting back his tears. "Then do something about it, Uncle Jiang. There are some things that will remain unchanged unless we let some things go. Talk it out with your children and find out how they feel. Do something and change your ways if you have to. Before it's all too late and only regret remains afterward."
Jiang Fengmian stared into the silver pair of eyes. "Are you trying to tell me something?"
Xiao Zhan's gaze never faltered as he spoke, "That is for you to interpret, Uncle Jiang. I've already said too much. Uncle Jiang, I hope I can return the favor and save you. I wish to see you and your children live happily as a family."
Jiang Fengmian sighed, "You are a part of this family as well."
Xiao Zhan forced a smile. "I know, but right now, you have your own children to worry about, Uncle Jiang. As you can see, I am fully capable of taking care of myself now. I am no longer a child."
Xiao Zhan noticed the dejection on the elder's face, and his residual ire gradually turned into a guilty conscience. Humbly bowing his head in Jiang Fengmian's direction, Xiao Zhan forced out his words, "Uncle Jiang, I sincerely apologize for my tactless and hurtful words earlier. I didn't mean to offend or hurt your feelings, but I felt compelled to convey the harsh truth to you. I am truly sorry for lashing out like that. Please forgive my blasphemous tongue and my impertinent behavior. You may punish me as you see fit, Uncle Jiang."
A tear rolled down Jiang Fengmian's face, and he dabbed it away gently with a silk handkerchief. After a few moments, he regained his composure and stood up to his full height. Smiling with all his heart, he extended his arms open and pulled Xiao Zhan into a tight hug. He held him in his arms for a moment. "No, you don't have to be sorry. You're not wrong here. Thank you, A-Ying, for the wakeup call. I promise I will be a better father to my children. I will protect all of you, including Xue Yang. Thank you for telling me the truth. I needed to hear that."
Xiao Zhan felt warmth flow through him after receiving his words. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "You're welcome, Uncle Jiang."
Jiang Fengmian let go of Xiao Zhan after a few minutes. He cleared his throat and smiled, "By the way, A-ying, since when did you become so mature? It's like I'm talking to a different person now."
Xiao Zhan shrugged. "I just decided to stop being a kid and grow up, Uncle Jiang."
Jiang Fengmian patted him on the back. "Second Young Master Lan must have a great influence on you, considering how poised and polished he is. You seem to be very close to him."
Xiao Zhan brightened up at the mention of Lan Wangji's name. He couldn't help but gush about him. "Oh, you could say that. He's amazing at what he does."
Jiang Fengmian noticed something in his nephew's eyes: joy, happiness, even. "I see. You really like him that much?"
"What do you mean, Uncle Jiang?" Xiao Zhan could feel a flush creeping up his face and turned away.
"Why? Don't you like your friend?" Jiang Fengmian teased.
"Well... I guess you could say that I like him." Xiao Zhan hesitated. He didn't know why, but talking about Lan Wangji at the moment made him miss the Second Jade of Lan. Even though they had just parted less than an hour ago, he found himself flashing back to the kiss yesterday. When he had kissed him, he had felt like there was nothing he wouldn't do.
Jiang Fengmian noticed that his nephew hadn't said anything for a while. The absent-minded look on the young man's face told him everything he needed to know; the teen must be busy thinking about Lan Wangji right now. He sighed. Maybe it was time for Wei Wuxian to find someone to love. Maybe this person would finally be able to make him happy, and he shouldn't take that happiness away. He knew his nephew was still young, and he should be more worried, but the matured version of his nephew that he saw at the moment was someone who could make his own decisions. He could not interfere in this matter, and he just hoped that his nephew would make the right decision. He lightly tapped his nephew's shoulder.
Xiao Zhan jolted at the tap. "Oh, sorry, Uncle Jiang."
Jiang Fengmian waved him off. "You can go now. He must be waiting for you."
He watched as Xiao Zhan gave him a hasty but still somewhat proper bow and went off, his face glowing brightly with glee.