Chapter 10: chapter 10

GOWRIMy parents are with me at the railway station. I search the sky for any pigs that are flying because my parents have NOT argued a single word today. Instead, they both are busy in the you-are-going-away-and-you-need-to-heed-our-advice-so-that-you-can-stay-away-from-the-dangers-of-the-evil-society mood. “Gowri, in case anyone gives you a packet of biscuits or any edible item, don’t eat it,” my father tells.I nod. I am not a kid dad.“Always keep your mobile on. Don’t forget to charge it. Put us a message when you reach there. Don’t fall asleep on the train. Don’t tell anyone that you are travelling alone. Be alert.”That is something I listen to. Why couldn't mobile phones always have 100% charge? Or they could just grow legs and go and plug themselves in the charger when they run out of battery.“Gowri, your father is right,” my mother continues. “Eat well and sleep. Don’t forget to take your dinner. Give us a call every night. Don’t worry about the marriage arrangements; we will take care of it. Did you tell Shiva about your departure?”I am about to lie again but the train announcement saves me. “Alright, dear,” tells my father in a strained voice. “Take care and happy journey.” He gives me a big smile. My mother surprises me with a hug. Her eyes are weepy.“Gowri, take care of yourself. Going to miss you a lot,” my mother tells. Okay, why does my heart feel heavy? Why do I feel like this is probably the last time I will have this type of moment with my family?I agree, it is an emotional moment for us. This is the first time I am leaving my parents and going to be alone by myself. Not only that, but when I again return to my hometown it is for my marriage and then–well what happens in most households–I had to balance between my family and my husband.“Bye, both of you. Don’t keep on arguing always. Ma, don’t walk or stand for a long time. Pa, help Ma with chores and don’t forget to take your tablets. Ma, don’t keep on scolding Pa. Always check if the windows are all locked before going to sleep. Love you both,” I tell as my voice begins to break. I take a deep breath and smile at them.  Ugh. Now, who is in the I-am-going -away-so-take-care-and-be-careful mood?🍀🍀🍀🍀I get on the train. The heaviness weighs tons in my heart. A huge lump forms in my throat as I look at my parents who are waving me bye as the train starts moving. I am going to a new place. Away from my parents who had been with me since my childhood. Something is breaking. Oh no, it is my heart as I lose sight of my parents when the train picks its speed. I am in a compartment full of people yet I feel like I am alone. Why is my vision blurring? I blink away the tears that threaten to come. No, I cannot be vulnerable before all these strangers. I unlock my phone and plug in my earphones for the music to distract me. As we pass the stations and sceneries, I realize a fact that I was trying hard to ignore for a long time. Since my parents informed me that I was getting married.I am all alone in this world now. Here on out, my parents don't have much say in life. That thought makes me both happy and scared. Happy because I can finally get to live my life. Scared because there is no one to look out for me or to keep me safe. I take a deep breath and think about all the times I wished I left my parents. It was always a liberating moment in my imagination and I do feel liberating now but along with it a sadness that whispers to my soul that my life is never going to be the same.🍀🍀🍀🍀I reach Chennai safe and sound. After, nearly six hours of the train journey, all I want to do is curl on my bed. Saradha (aka Sara, my bestie) texted me that she is waiting for me at the station entrance with her boyfriend Dinesh. Sara is my best friend from high school. She is different from me in every way. She is bold, outgoing and independent. Her parents are not like mine. They trust her and have let her live her life. But yeah, she too has a catch. Unlike my parents, her parents are obsessed with caste and religion. They are dead set on getting her married to someone from their caste. But as fate is cruel. Sara's love of her life is someone from a different caste. She lets out a squeal as she sees me exit the station. Passerbys gives her a look that says I-think-a-mental-hospital-is-the-right-place-for-you. But she doesn't notice those as she rushes to me and throws her hands around me in a we-are-besties hug. She squeezes me so tight.“Radha, easy, you are choking her to death,” tells Dinesh chuckling. He voiced my thoughts.Yeah, don't judge me. I do love giving hugs to my best friend but just not in the middle of a crowd where people are giving us a kind of weird look. But my friend is not the one to be held back by societal judgments. After what felt like an eternity, she pulls away (I am alive but a bit strangled from the tight embrace) and looks at me with the I-am-seeing-you-after-a-long-time-so-how-are-you way.“So, finally you found the love of your life?” she asks. “Nope. It is actually my parents who found a lifetime settlement for their daughter,” I reply.“You are not interested in the marriage?” she asks in a serious tone.“When was I interested in those things?” I question back bending my right arm. It is sore from the journey.“Radha, we shall have your questioning session after Gowri takes rest,” Dinesh tells noting my discomfort. I give him a grateful smile. He perfectly balances out my bestie.🍀🍀🍀🍀“What is with you?” Sara asks when we are seated in her living room. After reaching her apartment from the railway station, Dinesh left us to ourselves. “Nothing,” I tell casually but this is my bestie who knows me very well.“Did your parents force you into this marriage?” she asks again.“No, it was my own conscious decision to get married to this boy,” I reply.“Why then do I feel like that you aren’t interested in this marriage?”“Of course, I am not interested in the marriage. I only agreed to get married so that I can escape my parents’ arguments. I am fed up with those and I want a change.”“If you want to escape their arguments, then you can simply get a transfer. Why agree to a marriage that you are not interested in?”I sigh. Yes, I can simply get a transfer but it is not as easy as she thinks.“Do you think I haven't tried that?”“Then why?” she asks.“Well, for starters my family is overprotective.  The one time I told my parents that I want to get a transfer, they acted like I have done some great offence. In my family, unmarried women are not allowed to go out of the station. Not even for studies or jobs.”“Yeah, I forgot the fact that your family still lives in the old era,” she tells rolling her eyes. “But wait, you did come to Chennai last year. That too alone. How did they allow that?”“They allowed that time because my uncle was here and he gave them heavy assurance that I will be okay.”“Oh! Wait, should that mean I should call your parents and give them heavy assurance that you are safe with me?”I laugh in response. “You must have done that before I left my hometown. It took me hours to convince them. Thanks to my mother-in-law, if she hadn't stepped in the last minute and chided my parents for being too overprotective of me, my parents would have never allowed this,” I tell motioning toward the house.“So, you are willing to marry so that you can escape your parents' arguments?” she asks in a tone that says you-are-taking-a-stupid- decision.Yes, I know this is a stupid decision but I am desperate to leave the house and this marriage is the key.I nod my head in answer to her question.“But, Gowri, will you be happy?”“I don’t know but I will have peace.” And for someone who has been constantly witnessing arguments, quarrels and fights, Peace is a welcoming friend.🍀🍀🍀🍀