Chapter 42: Playing in Fields

Ch.41

Jimin's P.O.V.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Namjoon went home shaking his head after our little encounter. How typical of him to be staring at that magazine. All of us members admired him as a good leader, but we knew how he still behaved. It's a good thing (F/n) only knows him as the mature leader she sees him as. I'm afraid she'd be disappointed in hyung once she finds out he has a dirty mind. It's really fun to tease him about it! Though he may a pervert, I still respect him a lot. When I first joined the gang, Namjoon made a lot of time for me in the beginning. He saw how hard I was struggling to adjust to a gang life. Jungkook was giving me a hard time about it and Taehyung was getting nervous. Namjoon saw this and took it as a chance to earn my trust. He made me feel better with how I was struggling as member. He assured me that I wasn't dragging the gang down and that I was welcomed with open arms. Mistakes were bound to happen, but that I was essential. Those little conversations got me very close to Namjoon and I was able to see why Taehyung admired him so much. That's why we fought over who was his favorite all the time.

Turning around, I pulled out my phone to text (F/n). We always talk with each other and now we're getting back into the habit again. When I stopped dancing, we stopped completely. It was too awkward to talk in person. I remember staying up late at night just staring at our old messages and chats. I wanted to send her a message. Even a simple 'hi,' to start something off, but it was too hard to do. Pressing send sounded like regrets would come my way if she didn't respond. Now we're talking all the the time. It made me feel warm and fuzzy. She knows how much attention I like. Namjoon can handle how much I require, but sometimes it feels like he can't. That's why there's seven members in the gang in total and (F/n). It gives me someone else to text when one gets tired.

As soon as I text (F/n), she responds right away. It's a lot better than talking to Jungkook. He never responds to any of our texts, but you can clearly see that he read the message! Aish, that maknae can be so frustrating sometimes. We don't really use formal language, but I feel Jungkook had gotten too used to it. He sometimes his teasing can be too much! Maybe I should tell Namjoon hyung to do something about it since Jungkook already steps all over Seokjin. Shrugging, I focus on my conversation with (F/n). She was back in her apartment while I returned to my home. I had company coming over soon, so I quickly bought some small snacks. She had nothing going on. Things were pretty calm lately these past few days. Finally! And there better be no more betrayals! Or whatever else kind of drama that can happen.

My All 💘💘

My All 💘💘

Be careful walking home!! 😤

This town isn't the safest

Don't make me worry about you too much

JM

Haha you're so sweet

I can take care of myself

I like you worrying about me tho ❤️

My All 💘💘

If I hear on the news that you're dead then I'm going to kill you

JM

But then I'm already dead? 😞

So rude

My All 💘💘

I say this because I care

JM

You're gonna kill me because you care? 😂

That's messed up logic (F/n)

My All 💘💘

Says you 😋

JM

I'm too cute to kill

😜

My All 💘💘

Heartless killers don't know that

JM

💜💜💜

I'll be safe!

Grinning at the screen, I was really happy to know that (F/n) basically agreed with me. I'm too cute to kill! Even though she did tell Jungkook and I she wanted to remain friends, I feel like I can change her my by the time we're second years. Jungkook might think he's in the lead because he kissed her, but I'm in the lead. Especially since I'm her best friend first. We also get along really well so I'm hoping for the best. In the end, it's her decision. Shoving my phone in my back pocket, I hurried back to my house. It was almost twenty two PM. That was the main reason (F/n) was nervous when I told her I was out. It's no big deal for me. Getting jumped wasn't that realistic in my opinion. People out in the streets knew which gang I belonged to. Do they really want to mess with me?

Namjoon's gang was not a terrifying gang, but people were familiar with how we worked. They know we had the Min Yoongi in our group. They knew what he did to take care of Myon and his members. Hurting us would cause a bunch of unnecessary problems. Crossing the street, I walked home with my hair bouncing with each step. In my opinion, I looked really good with blonde hair. I know in the beginning that I asked Seokjin multiple times if I looked good with it, but I think I really pull it off now. My house wasn't too far from where I was currently at. It was a small, but cozy house. I liked everything about it.

The only thing that I didn't like about the house was how lonely it felt. You'd think one person living in a giant house would cause them to feel lonely, but I felt it in my small house. My parents had a room but they never come home. They're too busy working and doing whatever. They occasionally send me messages and check up on me that way. I haven't seen them in ten months and that's just doing a facetime call. I've forgotten how long it's been since I've seen them right in front of me. They're not horrible parents at all like the others have. Their only flaw is letting work consume their lives to forget about me. We need help affording just this small place so getting a dance class was crazy to them. Mom and Dad are either always working or taking vacations together to relax. Just once, I'd like to eat dinner with them.

Standing in front of the house, I unlocked it and turned on the lights. My guest will be over in about twenty minutes. The place is cleaned up just enough. It's not like I'm that messy. I shut the door and set down the tiny snacks I had bought. It felt like I lived on my own most of the times, but I didn't think I had the right to complain. The others have gone through a lot worse and are still dealing with issues. It'd be rude of me to whine about missing affection from my parent's when the member's hate at least one of their parents with a burning passion. It'd be insensitive of me, wouldn't it?

*~*

There were loud knocks on the door. It was so loud that it woke me up from my sleep right away. At first, I was groggy and didn't care. Then the idea of it being Mom and Dad got me so excited. Were they actually home!? Leaping out from my bed, my legs got tangled up with my blankets. In the process of my excitement, I landed face first on the ground. Ouch. That hurt a lot. Rubbing my nose, I glanced at my mirror to check if I was hurt that badly. It looked like I was fine. Shrugging, I hurried over to the front door and opened it without much thought. When I opened it though, it wasn't Mom and Dad at the door though. It was a woman in a suit. She stared down at me, trying to look gentle but I was panicking. She's not Mom. Who is she? I want Mom. Where is she? Why are Mom and Dad never around?

"Hello, are your parents around?" She asked.

"N-No..." I stammered.

"I see. I was called by your neighbor next door about child neglect. Do you know what that is?" She tilted her head as she crouched down to my eye level. "It's when Mommy and Daddy are never around. Do you feel that's true?"

"I...I'm not allowed to talk to strangers!!" I screamed, shutting the door right away. Hot tears were rushing down my face as I put all the locks on the door. Why did the neighbors have to call? They only hurt me more by doing that. Did they think they were helping me?

Rubbing my eyes, I continued sobbing to know others were aware of this. Tears wouldn't stop streaming down my face. They knew Mom and Dad didn't love me enough to ever be at home. I missed them a lot, but that was never enough to bring them back home. Still, it's not like I'm alone atll the time. They would show up sometimes, but they always acted like guests in their own home. It never felt right. We're supposed to be a family like the ones I see in the cartoons! Sniffling loudly, the knocks from the woman eventually stopped. She yelled through the door that she'd contact my parents. Hopefully not. I never want to see that woman again. Seeing her is only a reminder that I'm lonely. I walked over to the couch to turn on the TV.

When I turned on the TV, it didn't show me my cartoons. It wasn't showing me my favorite animated characters, but I was okay with that. My eyes widened to see the beauty on screen. A woman was dancing gracefully with her elegant outfit flowing with her body movements. All her actions were controlled and had a purpose that seemed to make my heart ache again. The way her expressions were hit me hard once more and I began to cry. Not for a bad reason this time though. Seeing her dance made me feel like I wasn't alone. It's like she knew how I felt just by her movements. When she finished dancing, she was interviewed by the host. She was panting breathlessly but kept a smile on her face.

"Contemporary pieces tend to have a story behind them. Just seeing the dance evoked a lot of emotions that touched the audience. Would you like to share the meaning behind the dance?" The host asked as the woman took the microphone.

"Well, I choreographed it out of frustration to be honest. Sometimes schedules keep me so busy and things are so hectic," She said as I crawled closer to the screen. "The dance was basically my portrayal of what it felt like to be lonely. How I felt like no one understood me and how strong loneliness can be even when others are around you."

The host kept speaking, but I didn't care. The show continued to discuss the dance and replayed some clips as the woman explained certain parts. One section of the dance was so pretty that I felt myself copy it. My body moved and I felt a great sense of relief. It was exciting. Though the dance was kind of sad, a smile found itself on my face instead. After they finished breaking down her choreography, they went on to show another dance. This went on for an hour and I copied each part I liked. I enjoyed learning the dance terms and seeing which aspects of dance connected with me the most. When the show ended, I felt really sad. I want to see more dancing. Pouting heavily, I glared at the screen until the phone rang. I rushed over to it without a thought.

"Eomma?? Appa??" I asked with excitement.

"Hello Jimin-a." Mom's voice came through. It's actually her. I wanted to cry again, but I told myself to not do it. I have to be a big boy for Mom.

"Eomma, I miss you so much! Appa too! Are you coming over?" I jumped around the living room.

"I'm sorry. We can't come over at the moment. We're working really hard and after this, your Appa and I are going to the Bahamas. We need to relax. You understand that, right Jimin-a? Don't take that away from us," Mom said, "C'mon. Show me how mature you are."

"Oh...okay. Have fun at the...where ever you're going." I let my body fall onto the couch. They always go somewhere else to relax. Why can't they do it at home? "Are you coming to for my tenth birthday though?"

"Your birthday? Isn't it months away?" Mom questioned in confusion.

"Yeah, but Appa told me to ask in advance," I stated as she sighed softly.

"We'll try, Jimin-a. We'll try. I promise you that. October ten is marked on my calendar," Mom spoke as I frowned. That's not right.

"October thirteen, Eomma." My heart felt like it was sinking.

"Right, how could I forget? Sorry, a lot has been going on at work. I'm just so stressed out that little things slip my mind." Mom became silent for a second to realize how she considered her son's birthday that insignificant. "I have to go Jimin-a. Take care of yourself! Don't open the door for strangers and spend the money we send you wisely."

"I know." I nodded despite her not being able to see me. "Oh Eomma, I learned to dance a little bit!"

"Really? That sounds cute. You'll have to show me one day." I felt myself smile at that. Mom was interested in seeing me dance? I'm going to have to work hard to improve then!

"I'll have to see that too." Appa's voice appeared as I jumped in joy.

"Appa!" I cheered.

"Hey there. Sorry that I can't talk to you long. We just wanted to check up on you," Appa said. "When you get older, things will get easier. I'm sure of it."

"Okay." I nodded as they began to say their goodbyes. It sounded like someone was rushing them on the other side. "I love you!" I smiled as I sat on the couch waiting for them to reply, 'I love you too'. My smile only weakened as the silence continued to linger. I was tired of white noise constantly mocking me. Then the beeps to alert me that they hung up were like punches to my heart. They got closer to shattering my heart with each beep. Pull the phone away, Jimin. Slouching down, I didn't know if I really was a big boy like Mom wanted me to be. Then Dad said things will get easier as I get older. Will it actually get better? I don't want to be alone anymore. It hurts too much.

*~*

Hearing a knock on the door, I jumped up from my seat and rushed to the front door. That trip down memory lane made a small lump form in my throat. No sad feelings tonight. Getting to the door took about three steps. The living room and kitchen where in the same space, but three people seemed to be the maximum for this space. I opened the door to smile at my guest. He stared down at me with a smirk, scoffing at my cheesy smile and uncrossing his arms. I welcomed him inside and took notice that he had redyed his hair. It was no longer the strange color he had during the auditions. He sat down on the couch and rubbed his knees as I came over with a lot of excitement. We've only talked during text, but this is our first-time meeting after the auditions.

"Hyungseong!" I went to sit down with him. "You're here!!"

"You're too excited." He chuckled.

"You changed your hair!" I pointed to his lavender hair.

"Yeah, I ditched that stupid color that was happening to my hair." Hyungseong ruffled his hair. "I don't know what happened. I used to have orange and red and then it went to sh*t."

"Well, it looks better now." I assured him as he grabbed a small packet of oreos on the coffee table.

A part of me cheered at the fact that he grabbed the snacks I got. I wanted to be a good host. Especially since this was the first time we were hanging out. For some reason I felt so nervous. It's not like he hated me anymore. Maybe it's because of the callback situation that made me panic. When I had told him I wasn't going to the callback, we stopped texting for a while because I blocked him. Eventually, I unblocked him and we both apologized. I told him I was returning to dance. Nothing professional, just for fun. I didn't want him to ask about Jam Entertainment, but I knew it was bound to come up in the conversation. He got a callback too after all! I wanted to know how that went since he never told me.

"Are you gonna eat?" Hyungseong tossed a cookie in his mouth.

"Oh no, I'm on a diet!" I shook my head. He frowned as he munched on the oreo. Was I supposed to eat with him? I didn't know how I felt about that. In the morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and felt unsure of myself. I only do the diets to make myself feel better in my skin. They work sometimes. Yoongi usually tells me to knock them off. Despite him acting cold, I could tell he preferred me out of the first years which meant something since he knew Taehyung longer.

"Eating healthy is good and all." Hyungseong grabbed a pack of gummies and tossed them at my chest. "But it's okay to eat junk food. Cheat a little."

"Aren't dancers supposed to be healthy?" I furrowed my brows.

"Well, aren't you dancing just for fun?" Hyungseong asked as I sucked in my breath. He had a better build than me. His body could keep the muscles and his fat would spread evenly on his body. Anytime I gained weight, it felt like my cheeks were always the first to get the fat. It was so frustrating. Playing with the corner of the bag, I thought about what he said. I'm just dancing for fun, but can't I do a diet? He did say to just cheat a little. "Is your diet healthy?"

"Of course!" I grew defensive.

"Can I trust you?" Hyungseong narrowed his eyes on me. Diets were a big thing in Korea, but some of them could be crazy. Some were basically just starving yourself. "Having a diet is just to look hot and temporary. Having a healthy life style includes mind and body."

"...my diet isn't bad, but I understand what you mean, Hyung." I ripped open the bag of gummies.

Hyungseong is a college student who apparently graduated from high school two years ago. He's older than Seokjin and sometimes I have to remind myself to speak formally to him. Hyungseong doesn't really care if I use honorifics since we grew up in the same ill-mannered town, but I do it to be polite. He's wise but comes off as rude with his tough exterior that he's formed. Most people come off that way where we live. It's either formed because you have to grow tough skin here or because you grow cold to your surroundings. Hyungseong said finding someone like me is rare which was confusing. He told me not to worry about it and to not change.

To me, Hyungseong was such a cool guy. He knows what it's like to be poor but continuously works hard to complete his dreams anyway. He's studying in musical theatre and wants to become an idol. When I told him that was my first audition, he was both shocked and knew it from the start. Hyungseong did apologize for the way he behaved when we first met. After meeting a lot of similar people at auditions, he grew a bad attitude in that type of environment. Auditions make me too nervous, so I probably wasn't going to do another one. Dancing on the physical education field five minutes before the bell is more my style.

"So, you're done auditioning?" Hyungseong asked as I nibbled on my gummy. I know Namjoon asked me what I would do if the gang ended. Past me would have turned to dancing, but I crossed that out already. What am I going to do?

"Yeah...it's not really my thing. What about you?" I turned to him as he chuckled.

"Your boy is a Jam trainee!" Hyungseong threw his arms in the air. "Finally after years of auditioning, I get something. Hopefully I actually debut though."

"You can do it! I know you can!" I clapped my hands, congratulating him. Hyungseong has been auditioning for all kinds of companies since he was in middle school. He's been determined since then.

"They're trying to start a boy band so I'm hoping to get added into that." Hyungseong smirked at me. "Let me tell you all the gossip at Jam Entertainment, but don't tell people. I'm supposed keep me being a trainee quiet."

"Got it!" I nodded my head as he gushed about the company.

Hanging out with Hyungseong went a lot smoother than I thought it would have. He's so cool in my eyes, but he doesn't understand why I see him in that light. It always makes him laugh but I do think he's quite talented and handsome. There's no doubt in my mind that he'll be a great idol. Imagining someone becoming famous from our town sounded so cool. I believed in him a lot and gave him all my support. (F/n) was like this with me and that always made me confident to do the things I would usually never do in a billion years. That's why I was trying so hard to be like his (F/n). Someone you can never let go of.

*~*

Taehyung and I were running around the field with sparklers in our hands. Seokjin took us to our special field out in the country. This is the place we hide our extra supply when we don't sell it fast enough or when we need to get it off our hands. If the police ever find our warehouse and investigate it, this is where our drugs will be. They're all hidden under the ground Taehyung and I are playing on. We didn't have to hide anything today. Just check and make sure it's still there. We currently weren't doing that since Seokjin brought sparklers as the sun was setting. Namjoon told Seokjin to take us since he could drive and was the oldest. He wanted Seokjin to be mature, but it seems like he's forgotten that the eldest doesn't act his age at times. Because of the black hair, we were messing around instead of doing the job we came here for.

Seokjin told us not to worry about the drugs. It's not like anyone else knew that the drugs were under here. Plus, we were currently standing on an open field. It wasn't owned by anyone and the closest thing to civilization was two hours away. It takes forever to get here so I wasn't excited to come over here, but Taehyung came with. He makes everything a lot better. We were like the Namjoon and Hoseok of the first years. Taehyung would always joke that once Namjoon gets old, he'll become the new leader. That sounded frightening. I let him believe whatever he wanted though since its obvious Namjoon would give the leadership to me out of everyone. Though it's not really realistic that he would stop being the leader. I couldn't imagine anyone but him being the leader.

Taehyung chased after me as I held the sparkler higher in the air. We were laughing loudly as he got closer to tagging me. Eventually, I tripped over a rock but I was fine. Taehyung was worried until he saw me cracking up. He crouched down with a giant grin on his face as my sparkler died out. Boo! That meant I had to find Seokjin to get another one. I was originally playing hide 'n seek with him, but he's practically gone. Wherever he's hiding, it's not worth finding for another sparkler. I tossed the stick away as Taehyung's died too. He pouted and stood up, looking for Seokjin in the field. The eldest always took these games so seriously that it didn't make it fun anymore.

"Seokjin! They died! We want more!" Taehyung shouted. "I'll scratch your car!"

"He knows you're lying." I chuckled.

"No! He knows how scary I am." Taehyung looked down at me with a grin. "The older members fear me!"

"They dote on you." I rolled my eyes.

"To be fair, only the second years do." Taehyung poked his cheek with his index finger. "It's because I'm so cute!"

"Or they feel bad." I joked as he pretended to kick me.

"So mean. Seokjin doesn't dote on any of us." Taehyung pouted. "We get along, but I think he likes you more just like Yoongi hyung."

"I really like his jokes, but I think he dotes secretly on Jungkook," I admitted as Taehyung sat down on the floor with me. I was laying on my back, staring up at the stars while the silver hair plucked the plants around him.

"That's true." Taehyung nodded his head before flicking my forehead. "So you do believe Yoongi prefers you over me!?"

"Ow!" I whined. "Why are you complaining? At least you have two people doting on you while Jungkook and I only have one."

"That's true too." Taehyung began to grin like an idiot. I'm going to flick his forehead! He only chuckled as I rubbed the spot in attempts to make him feel bad. I see how it is.

"Whatever. I think Namjoon prefers me though." I got comfortable on the ground.

"I'm special to him and Hoseok!" Taehyung tried rolling me over onto my stomach.

"For how long!?" I pushed his hands away, laughing as he gasped.

Immediately, I got up and started running away from him. Taehyung chased me with his hands out. Seokjin was missing all the fun where ever he's hiding. He'll come out eventually and whine about me giving up. Then he'll be upset with Taehyung for not making attempts, only giving him more reasons to prefer Jungkook who would have found him. The maknae is competitive so he would be able to do it quickly. He may treat Seokjin like they have no age gap, but I think that shows how friendly they are with each other. That's good to me since Taehyung and I know how introverted he can be. It took him some time to get used to us and then with the gang too. The gang has really helped out a lot of us.

Taehyung tackled me to the ground, landing on top of a bunch of wheat. He landed on his back while I fell face first. We rolled around the ground, playfully wrestling each other. We weren't trying to hurt each other. This was all for fun. The smiles on our face would make it obvious. Taehyung pretended to slap me dramatically. Then I pretended to choke him and Taehyung faked his death. He stuck out his tongue as I muttered something about burying the body. He shot up from the ground, smacking my shoulder. Namjoon wouldn't be happy to see us messing around so it's a good thing Seokjin is the only elder member here. We're in the clear!

"I won!" Taehyung tossed wheat at me.

"No way!" I blocked it as our laughter died down. "You're delusional."

"I think that's you." Taehyung shook his head. His tone sounded like he was telling facts which couldn't be more wrong.

This went on for a while longer. Soon we were just sitting on the ground in the middle of a wheat field in the country two hours away from a town at midnight. At least that's what time I think it was. That meant we would be going home soon, but Seokjin wasn't coming out. Was he being stubborn? That hyung. It was hard to believe at times that he was the eldest. He could be smart and mature, but then he would do stuff like this. That's why Hyuungseong was so admirable to me. Seokjin was always acting like our maknae.

"Are you tired?" Taehyung asked.

"Not really." I shrugged. "I bumped into Namjoon the other day."

"You did?" Taehyung grew excited. "What'd he say? What was he doing?"

"Just buying snacks," I said. There, I kept your secret you pervert! "He told me I was his favorite."

"Namjoon hyung would never say that!" Taehyung didn't hesitate to call out my lie.

"Fine! We just talked. He asked me what I would do without the gang," I stated as Taehyung began to frown. "Y'know, if it ever ends."

"Without the gang? I don't want the gang to end. That's so sad." He looked down to his lap. "I don't like thinking about that. I don't know what I would do without the gang."

"Yeah, it does suck to think about that." I nodded my head. "But don't worry about it. With me in the gang, Namjoon will never make the gang come to an end."

"I'M HIS REASON FOR LIVING!!!" Taehyung shouted, pointing at his chest in outrage. This was way too easy and a lot of fun. Never change, Kim Taehyung.