*Forty-Nine*

''you never told me about the balloon'' I said to Finn hoping I sounded unfazed by the entire concept, I turned to face him, laying on the bed besides me

''I wasn't planning on it, - well I hadn't at least'' he admitted looking at me over the joint he was rolling

I rolled my eyes

''why do you feel like that though, the whole floating away thing? I thought people liked feeling weightless'' I observed

''this is partly the reason why I didn't say anything'' Finn answered smartly

''oh, don't be a prick, you are not emotionless'' I retorted

''how do you know that?'' he said devilishly

I glared daggers at him

''I won't push, but I just thought you knew you could talk to me, and trust me with things, no matter how small and insignificant it might seem, I'm here''

He looked to me with nothing but kindness in his eyes

''you are literally the only person who knows practically everything about me''

''Then this shouldn't be so hard for you to tell me, seeing that – '' I started but was stopped when Finn leant over from his side on the bed to kiss me

I kissed him back of course

'' I thought you'd never stop'' he said coming up from the kiss

Coming back in for another kiss, I placed a jarring finger at his torso

''I was going to stop, and you don't get to do that every time you want me to stop talking''

''oh yeah?'' he said a smile playing at his lips, he was mocking me

''Stop it –''

Another kiss

''Finn''

Back in again

I needed to get my point across

''Finn you shou -''

But his lips moved so expertly

Oh forget it

I wrapped my arms around the back of his head, and submitted to his kiss

He removed my arms from around him just to pin it atop of me

After a few moments I slipped out from underneath him and pushed him down where I straddled him, I reached for his pants, I wanted him, at least it felt like I wanted something more. Yes I know my first time had been bad but I blamed it on the circumstances and just my fortunate luck

Plus your first time is supposed to suck, the second time around should be better I hoped

I unbuttoned and unzipped his fly looking at him as if I were waiting for him to give me the say so

He hesitated

''We shouldn't'' he said but it came out all raspy

''You sure" I said teasing him, beginning to pull his pants down

''yes!'' he said pinning me down again

He began to get up, I knew he was done

''No one likes a tease'' I said pouting

He looked at me devilishly before stealing another kiss, the kind of kiss that sent butterflies haywire

I rolled my eyes and got up

He did the same, without the rolling eyes part

Finn resumed his joint making, then lit it

''oh yeah, I'm meant to be home before eight – '' I stated avoiding any eye contact with Finn

Too late, he looked at me surprise evident on his face now

He didn't say anything but he didn't need to

''My mom wants me home by then'' I asserted hoping it could help make the atmosphere feel less chilly

Finn nodded but I could see the disappointment on his face

''Oh and you don't need to come get me from school anymore'' I said so 'by the way'

His brow creased

''Why does this feel like you're breaking up with me'' he said humorously with a hint of something else

I shook my head, and bit my tongue in case what was on my mind came tumbling out, which was the fact that me breaking up with him would imply that we were actually together

Instead I said

''My mom said she wants to start picking me up from school, taking me to the places I need to be at and all that '' I explained

He nodded but I could tell he wanted to say something, maybe like; where had she been all these months.

I nudged him

''Don't look like that ''I said 'looking like that' referring to him looking like someone had just sucker punched him

''So when will I see you'' Finn asked, and I wanted to tell him to not be so dramatic, I'd still see him, which was when I realised most of the time when I did see him it was because he had either come to fetch me from school, the café, or wherever I might have been at the moment. He had basically become my designated taxi driver

And seeing as this was no longer an option, neither did I want him to come to my house and I think Finn sort of new this

''You seeing me now'' I answered smartly

He gave me a sour look

''And maybe I'll come to Dave's parties, and come see you when I can''

''You sure? I thought you didn't come to those anymore'' Finn asked, clear as day that he had no confidence in what I had just said

He was right, I didn't go to Dave's parties anymore because of the whole thing that happened with Amanda, and my embarrassment had not ceased yet, neither did I have the courage to be in a room filled with so many people who had some behind the scenes Intel of the spectacle that had become my life

''we'll see'' I responded

He was quiet, I knew Finn had trust issues, and I didn't want to fuel that in any way, which was the main reason why I didn't assure him that I'd be around

It seemed like the right thing to do

''I'm not going anywhere if that's what you're worried about – you have always known that I have things I need to do external to the things I do with you'' I reasoned

Finn nodded slowly

''it's just my mom has decided to return to the land of parenting, but we still can do the things we normally do'' I assured, not believing a word that had just left my mouth

''unlikely' 'he muttered

''let's not waste time'' I whined ''remember 8 o clock'' I said pointing to my empty wrist as if there were a watch there ''let's go to the beach it's pretty scorching and there's lots of people there today''

''including possible cops'' He muttered

''maybe, but good thing we have you, a born charmer'' I said flirtatiously hoping to lift his spirits

Finn smized: smiled with is eyes, which was always better than nothing

I knew that day that I had hurt him, but the way Finn had responded to my news, had only made me want to create a sort of distance between us which I'd put into play by staying away from him because I realised then how needy of me he actually was. And I did not need that, neither did I want that

We sold a decent amount on the beach that day, I wondered what Finn did with the money like where he kept the cash – I'm aware of how robber –like I sounded, but I knew he was storing cash as in physical cash and not putting it on his credit card, for Finn was one of the few believers that believed anything that had been done via or included any type of electronic device somehow could be traced back to the person, which wasn't untrue but it also was not very smart for security purposes

But it was somewhat ingenious considering what Finn wanted to do. Finn said he was trying to buy his way out, he didn't want to have to run, so he hoped that if he presented them with enough money they'd set him free.

'They' referring to Finn's boss/bosses whoever they might be, because it surely was not Big Rick

When he had informed me of this, I asked what he'd tell his employers if they asked where he got this huge hunk of cash to which he replied; he'd concoct a lie and tell them that his father lent it to him, which wasn't unbelievable as his father was pretty wealthy

It was sort of sad that he couldn't actually just ask his father for the money.

I honestly didn't know why Finn was so keen on this plan, if it were up to me I'd just up and leave, even in Finn's case, based on everything that Finn had filled me in of his past and present, it didn't sound like he had any good enough reason to stay, I mean take the high road, start over, live the life you've always wanted to, a fresh start, a reset button if you will