Early on Sunday morning, Tom laid, sleeping.
But through the drowsy dark of his closed eyes, he heard the front door open. He heard voices downstairs. And the sleep he had been in was gone, so he resigned to getting out of bed, eyes closed, and moving through his room to his closet. He picked out clothes and then he heard someone's voice talking with Aunt Polly downstairs. His eyes opened wider. Tom listened. That was definitely Becky in their house. Tom picked out new clothes.
He changed in his room quickly, hoping Becky wouldn't decide to come upstairs and see him getting dressed. He put his clothes in the bin, knowing he would have to get those clothes washed soon, and opened his door. He heard pots being set and moved on the stove, and heard Becky and Aunt Polly still talking with eachother. Tom left his room and walked down the stairs quietly.
Sid was sitting at the table, already eating while Aunt Polly and Becky talked in front of the stove.
"Hi." Tom said from the bottom of the steps. Becky turned and smiled from where she was. He ran a hand through his hair-- and he realized he should've combed it-- and walked towards her and Aunt Polly.
"You eating breakfast with us?" Tom asked Becky quietly. Her eyes squinted for a moment at the question, but she nodded.
"Yes. Didn't you know?" She asked back, and Tom shrugged.
"Becky, Tom, get yourselves a plate of food-- I hope to be leaving soon." Aunt Polly said, turning from shaking and stirring a pan on the stove to look at them, wiping her hands together.
And so they did, and got seated at the table, and ate. Soon enough, Aunt Polly sat down and ate too, and they were all together at the table.
"So, Tom." Aunt Polly started, and Tom chewed his food. "You and Becky," She shakily drank some tea she had gotten for herself. Tom watched her set it down, nervous, hearing the small clink of it meeting the table again. He looked up at her face. "When are you two going to get married?"
Tom's breath stopped into a choke.
"Wh--" Tom looked to Becky quickly. "What?" Tom asked, his mouth full of food. Becky was smiling, and her hand came to his and squeezed it. Tom's other hand came to his hair and pulled through it nervously. "I, uh... Um..." Tom had trouble breathing. "I-- I don't know, Aunt Polly."
"Well, it aughta be soon, right? Are you two engaged yet?"
"Well, Aunt Polly, we thought it best to hold off on that for a while longer. To get through school." Becky said. Had she been deciding all this already? Without him?
"Why, when I was in school, kids were getting married all over! Tom, don't tell me you're too scared to do it-- I need some grandnieces and grandnephews!"
"Grand-- Aunt Polly!" Tom exclaimed, looking to Becky again. His face was reddened and his hand was in his hair. Becky smiled and squeezed his hand again. Tom could see Sid's face in a crooked smile, watching all this.
Tom was obviously distressed.
"Aunt Polly, I think it's best to go to church before we're late, don't you think?" Becky asked, and her sweet, calm voice dragged the conversation away. Tom's heart was still beating too fast and imperfectly and uneven, even as Aunt Polly said "Yes, Becky, I believe you're right." And as they all picked up their plates. Becky pulled her hand away and picked up his plate, and so Tom was left at the table, thinking erratically.
"Oh, come on, Tom." Aunt Polly said. She was already to the door, opening it. Warm air came through, pulling across Tom's skin. Becky came back to Tom and squeezed his shoulder, and he got up, still feeling hollow.
"It's not that big a thing." Becky said, and he looked at her dizzily as they walked out the door. "It's just being together like we always have been. It's the logical sequence of events, right?" Becky asked, and her voice was smooth and so sure, and he nodded. She smiled, and held on to his arm, and they walked.
Tom knew all that was true, but... He just couldn't imagine it. He could, a few years, maybe months back, but now... Tom just wanted to date Becky. A pit and a swirl came to his stomach whenever he thought about anything else. He wanted things to stay the way they had been.
They went to church. They came back.
Tom did laundry and couldn't stop thinking about it. He did homework and couldn't stop thinking about it. The whole day Tom felt mixed, like he was half there and half in his thoughts. He supposed Becky and Aunt Polly did this whole set-up together. Putting Tom in a bind. When he thought of proposing, actually proposing, to Becky, it made him anxious. How could he just change what they had? He wanted to keep it going the way it currently was.
It made him feel like time was too fast, and like in just a moment, if he married her, his life would already have passed.
Tom went to the woods that night. He brought Huck's shirt, and he hoped and he hoped that Huck would be there. Just one more night to help him. He didn't know he would be plunged into this new era of his life so suddenly.
The stars were up, and they shone in a way that made him think that if he looked hard enough, he would be able to see the edges of Huck's face lit up by them. So he ran to and through those woods and those trees, getting snagged on them. A big binding feeling was in his throat and he couldn't get rid of it, no matter how he ran. Tom just wanted to sleep. He wanted this to be over and to go back to how it was yesterday, without feeling like his life was pressed for time.
He stopped suddenly. He was in the right spot, and he was gripping Huck's shirt tightly, and his arms and his legs and him just ached, and he was too hot even in the cooled night. He breathed in the air. He listened. And he closed his eyes, just waiting to hear anything.
But nothing came.
Huck wasn't here. Tom knew he wasn't-- when Huck was here, there was a different feeling to this place. There was a kindness, a softness. There was a familiarity and a soothingness to it. When Huck was here, it was nice to be here.
And that's why Tom never came here when Huck had left. Huck was the best place Tom had, and without Huck, all he had was Becky.
But Becky wasn't a constant. Becky moved too fast.
Tom fell to the ground, breathing heavily from the running. There was a stinging in his eyes, and a hotness in his face. One hand came to his hair, moving through it, and the other just gripped Huck's shirt tightly. He had gone to the Widow Douglas' so soon. Tom really felt alone.
"What do I do?" Tom whispered to the air, and it faded as soon as it left his breath. There was nothing here for him.
He sat in those woods. Sat and waited for nothing to come.
Tom stayed out all night and thought. The stars moved gently up above him, but Tom couldn't bring himself to look at them. He sat with his eyes closed.
His breaths just combined as he sat on the harsh ground. The aches and heat and tiredness just turned to numbness, but still he didn't move. There was a catch in his breath and his heart.
He didn't want to marry her yet. Maybe not at all. ...But she was expecting it, and she wanted it, and Aunt Polly wanted it, and everyone else, too. Tom felt forced.
Tom watched the stars and wished Huck was here with him. Talking with that soothing, dark voice. Giving out a warmth beside him, helping him.
They had all wanted this for so long, for Tom and Becky to be married, Tom realized. Aunt Polly had been talking about it for months.
The stars faded to the dull brightness before a sunrise. And color came to Tom's eyes, and a dread and a dragging feeling in his chest came to him. But he knew what he had to do. He couldn't rely on Huck to fix everything. He had to do it himself.
Tom got up on his shaky, tired, numb legs. He walked back home, his mind partially elsewhere. Tom's heart ached to be free. He wanted to skip school and wanted to just rest and think and have a break. But he had to go to school today.
Tom got back home. It was just barely before sunrise, so he would have a few minutes before Sid and Aunt Polly came down. He opened the front door quietly, gently. The door handle would have rattled, but Tom moved his hand just slightly at a time until he could open the door. Each second he was hardly moving until the space was wide enough to go in. And his heart was beating and breaths shaking.
He closed it again slowly and walked up the stairs, avoiding the creaks.
Tom got dressed. Something nice that he would've worn to church. A dress shirt and clean black pants. He hoped he wouldn't look too strange in class.
And Tom looked through his bookshelf. For one small box that had been there for years-- Aunt Polly had given it to him when Becky and him first made it official.
The box-- wooden and smooth and small enough to fit in his palm-- was behind a book or two and in the corner. Tom grabbed it gently and put it in his schoolbag. The box and what was inside it had been his mother's. A nice silver ring that she had when she was alive.
A wedding ring.
Tom went to school. He had to propose to Becky.