He got to school. The weight of the box in his schoolbag was so much, and it felt so heavy, even if it shouldn't. His heart was beating fast and his skin was hot. When he came up to everybody, he instantly thought they were looking at him strangely, and thought they could see, and thought they knew he was proposing; knew he was doing this and didn't want to.
But as they stood there and talked and Tom pretended like there wasn't a feeling of thick air in his throat, and he laughed with everyone else, the only person who was looking at Tom strangely was Huck. A different way than usual-- Huck knew, for sure. Tom met his eyes once, and it made his stomach turn and his heart beat differently than it should, and then Tom looked away and avoided his gaze the rest of the time everyone talked.
Tom just wanted this to be over with. Huck's glances were too much. Tom's face warmed every time he saw Huck looking at him. And every time Becky looked at Tom, a turning came to his stomach. He didn't want to do this, but... The bell rang. People started moving to class. He had a bit longer.
"Tom," He heard Huck's voice, and it brought a rush to his chest, and he turned. He was behind the group with a slowed pace in his steps. Tom stood for a moment, letting Huck catch up with him.
"Yeah?" Tom asked. His voice was steady but his breaths weren't. Becky turned and watched them, but after a moment she continued moving with the rest of the group. Tom could hardly meet her eyes when she looked at him, and when she smiled, and walked to class.
"Are you alright?" Huck asked quietly.
"Yeah, I..." Tom breathed in and breathed out unevenly. A hand quickly came to his hair, running through it, smoothing it. "I..." Their voices were too quiet in Tom's ears. He could only hear his heart. Everything felt too big-- the gazes Huck was giving him, he could hardly meet, though he wanted to. He wanted to see the streaks and dots in Huck's eyes that he had seen before, but he just couldn't. He was too nervous, and when he glanced at Huck he had to look away. "Did you go to live at the Widow Douglas'?" Tom asked.
"Yeah, Tom. You made me think I should, and so far it's really working out. Long term, it was a good idea." Huck said.
"Long term?" Tom asked. He knew he had to marry Becky-- even Huck was thinking of the future farther than Tom had been. Huck nodded, but then looked in Tom's eyes again. Looked at his face, at everything behind it he was trying to hide. "Why? did you need me for something?" Huck asked. His voice was too quiet. He knew. He knew.
"No, I... Well..." Tom looked around. There were only a few people left in the courtyard, and they were moving. Huck and Tom were standing still. "We're going to be late." Tom said, turning quickly, taking a step.
And Huck stuck out his hand and gripped Tom's, keeping him there. The warmth, the feeling of it, made Tom's chest feel uneasy. Huck saw his facial expression and let go, but Tom really just wanted for him to keep holding on.
"Just tell me what's wrong." Huck said. The bell rang and Tom looked around again. They were already late. "Tom."
"I...I--" Tom took a breath and shook his head, closing his eyes. "I'm freaking out, Huck. I'm going to marry Becky." Tom felt like everything was fast. His movements, his shaky words, every second around him just vibrating. He felt panicked.
"Oh." Huck's word was quiet and slow and calm, and it just amplified everything around Tom. He felt out of control.
"Aunt Polly and Becky and everyone wants me to marry her, so... I... Well, I'm going to. I just... I wished I could've talked to you last night, but you weren't there." Tom said. He looked around himself again, and his hand was in his hair, scratching and staying and giving Tom a soothing feeling in all this panic.
"You went to the woods?" Huck asked, and Tom nodded.
"I shouldn't be freaking out, but..." Tom took a breath. "We have to go to class, Huck." Tom said.
"You come first, Tom. They can catch us up later." Huck said. There was such a warmth in his eyes that the mess in Tom's chest calmed and loosened for just a moment.
"I should've gone to the Widow Douglas' but I didn't. I went to the woods and you weren't there, so I had to make a decision. I... Well, I need to marry her today, because I have the ring, and they want me to, and it has to be today, and... Oh, Huck." Tom shook his head. There was a sting in his eyes.
"It doesn't gotta be today, Tom. Just 'cause you have the ring doesn't mean--"
"Huck, no, it does. I just... It's all going by too fast, you know?" Tom asked. He sat on the ground suddenly, because they would be late either way and he just needed to rest. Huck followed him, lowering himself calmly to the ground.
"Tom, it's okay. Just take it a day at a time." Huck said.
"But then it'll be a day and then another and then they'll all run out, and..." Tom took a breath. He didn't want to be this panicky.
"Just... Slow down a minute." Huck's eyes were focused. Steady on Tom. His warm, rough hands went up to Tom's shoulders.
"Do you wanna spend your life with Becky?" Huck asked. There was something behind his voice. Tom couldn't tell what it was.
"Yes. I think I do." Tom said. Something left Huck's face. Tom looked in Huck's eyes but couldn't see what it had been. He couldn't focus anyway.
"Okay..." Huck wrung his hands together. "Tom, it's your choice on if you're getting engaged. And... When you decide so, there won't be an actual wedding ceremony for a while, and you can think more on it." Huck said. "It'll be alright." He said. His voice was so smooth, so calm, so warm and deep. The panic in Tom had diminished slightly.
"Okay." Tom said. He sat blankly, thinking, breathing. Huck's hands left Tom's shoulders, leaving a chill, an emptiness in Tom. "Okay. Alright." Tom said, getting up. Huck sat for another moment, looking at Tom. Tom thought he saw a flick of pain in Huck's eyes, but then again, he could never tell what Huck was thinking. And it was gone.
"Sorry I keep on relying on you." Tom said. Huck shook his head. "Let's go to class?" Tom asked. Huck nodded. "We're really late."
"We'll just say you threw up." Huck said, and a small smile came to both of them. Tom felt a warmth in his chest. Tom was glad he knew him. "You can do this, Tom. As long as it's really what you want."
They eventually got to their seats. The teacher glared at them but didn't do anything elseâthe employees here liked Huck, so far.
Tom sat by Becky, feeling an uneasy pull in his stomach and that bad beating in his heart. Tom could hardly pay attention, and when he was called on, he was hardly there as he gave the answers. Becky squeezed his hand every so often, watching him with a questioning squint until he gave her a smile, and she looked away, back to the teacher.
And Tom could feel Huck watching him the whole day. The heat of his eyes on him, making Tom's breaths stutter every time Huck glanced to him. And it was all Tom could focus on.
Eventually it was break. Eventually, it was Mr. Dobbins' class. It kept on going, continuingâthat whole, awful day. All Tom could focus on was the ring in the box in his schoolbag, and Huck's eyes looking at him deeply.
And then, and then, the school day was over. And the pit that had settled in Tom's stomach deepened again, and a dizziness wrapped around him and his chest.
"Becky?" Tom asked after the final bell rang. His heart beat harshly. Huck was still watching to see what Tom did.
"Yes, Tom?" Becky smiled at him. That smile just made him more nervous, but... He knew he needed to do this for her. For everyone.
"Can you stay behind with me? I-- I want to talk to you." Tom said. Becky smiled.
"Alright, Tom." She smiled, but there was a nervous feeling and a worried look in her face.
And so they did. Everyone else left the classroom. Tom and Becky were slow in packing, waiting until the class was gone, then walked out to the courtyard.
Within a few minutes, the schoolyard was almost empty. The air was so warm against Tom's skin, and the heat of Becky right beside him didn't help. They walked and walked together towards the entrance. They left the schoolyard, and walked around town, close-by.
It felt like so long, even if it was just a few yards. Tom couldn't get it out of his mind that their steps weren't in sync. He stepped, and then she did, and it was two different paces, two different feelings when he listened to their steps. There was something just wrong about it in Tom's mind. He tried to sync their steps, and it did fit for a moment. But then it stopped, and they went right back to two different paths.
"Can you circle around and meet me back at the classroom?"
"Alone? Back around to the courtyard?" Becky asked. He looked over to her face. Their steps slowed to a stop, and the quietness of it let way to silence and the quiet of the afternoon air. She seemed nervous, but then again, he was too. Her fingers messed with the hem at the bottom of the dress she was wearing. His heart was too fast.
"Yeah." He said. He smiled, and she smiled. And they went separate ways, walking, circling back towards school.
As Tom walked, he felt overwhelmed. Felt the heat of the calm air and the swirl of the breeze and his breath and his stomach, with a slightly acidic feeling settled in it.
He could run away. He could go, now. And then he wouldn't have to deal with it. He could leave Becky at the school, and... Tom sighed. He couldn't. He could never. Becky was the one for him and she was depending on himâ they all wereâ and he couldn't just leave. He had to do this for them.
Tom realized his steps had slowed. He picked them back up.