Huck looked at him.
"Tom, I don't wanna talk about it." Huck said. He was wringing his hands, and Tom felt a curiosity and a guilt and a discomfort. "Why're you askin'?"
"Because... Things aren't really going with Becky, and..." Tom sighed. He was betraying Becky every time he spoke and every time he did anything.
"Are you thinking about breaking up with Becky?" Huck asked quietly.
"...Well, you and your girl broke up, right, and you still love her? Could I break up with Becky if I still love her?" Tom asked.
"That's different. Tom, I--" Huck sighed harshly, probably exasperated. "I don't want to talk about my past. It's gone." He said. Wrung his hands. Their voices melted into the trees and the sun was harsh on Tom's skin. "Do you still love Becky?" Huck asked finally.
"Of course I do-- We've been together forever!" Tom said.
"...Then why are you asking?" Huck asked. Tom just felt a confusion in his mind. Was he really doing this?
"I..." Tom sighed. "Nevermind."
"What? Tom, I," Huck shook his head. "You ain't makin' sense. Just spit out what you wanna say."
"No. I can't. Never mind. Let's talk about something else." Tom said. This was all so difficultâOf course Huck didn't love him; He loved someone else. Probably had, all this time.
They had gone to silence. Huck was looking at him. Tom started walking, and each step was slow and shaky and nervous, and Tom could hardly feel it because of the numbness that had started in him. He felt permanently sick. What about Becky? He couldn't betray her after so long. He couldn't let things change and let her suffer.
Tom took another step. There was a sudden force on his arm. Tom was pulled backwards, stumbling, towards Huck. He stopped a foot or less in front of him. Huck was holding Tom's hand with his rough skin and warm, tight grip. Tom's breath had caught. Suddenly his uneven, half-constructed thoughts turned to nothing.
"Tom," Huck's voice made his stomach shift like he was rolling down a hill, "You can love more than one person." Huck said. Tom stared at him. Frozen in his spot, the sun on him. Huck's eyes were so focused on Tom's. So deep, like he was trying to tell Tom something, but Tom felt like it was all in his head. Tom's face reddened with Huck's breath on him.
Huck's hand stayed there, holding Tom's, and Tom didn't do anything to stop it. He just let the warmth overtake him. Let his beating heart amplify and let his stomach turn like tilled soil and the waves in the river.
"I..." Tom closed his eyes. "Where's this coming from? And no, I can't love more than one person. Because I'm supposed to be with Becky."
"Says who?" Huck asked. His breath on Tom just pulled Tom stumbling closer. Inches.
"I... They all want me to be with her. They all want me to get married and have a life here." Tom said. His eyes stung. He let his empty hand come to his hair, running through it. His schoolbag felt so heavy on his tired shoulder.
"Tom, they want you to be happy." Huck said. "Why else would Becky not've married you, yet? Didn't she say somethin' 'bout you not seeming ready?" Huck asked.
"Huck, I... no one else will be with me." Tom said. He closed his eyes and just felt the static from Huck's warmth.
"What?" Huck asked. Now was it. He had to face it. But... His stomach turned and he just couldn't say it.
"Huck, I... I can't change the way things are. Like how you love that girl from your travels. There isn't anyone that'll be with me but Becky." Tom said.
"So you'll be with her? What's the problem?" Huck asked.
"I'm overwhelmed, Huck! I don't know what I'm feeling." Tom said. "She wants to be married and eventually with a kid or a few. And... Huck, I can't do it. This is all too much." Tom shook his head. They were standing still, face to face.
"Tom, what are you talking about?" Huck asked. Tom opened his eyes, and saw the confusion in Huck's face. "You too scared to be happy?" Huck asked.
"No, Huck, I ain't scared." Tom said. He pulled his hand away from Huck's, and it made his heart ache and that was awful, but what about Becky?
"Becky wants a good life. And I gotta give that to her no matter what." Tom said. That's what has to happen. "We gotta get married. She just has to say yes."
"But is that what you want, Tom?" Huck asked.
"Well, it's gotta be!" Tom said. "I'll make it be what I want." Tom said. This is what he was supposed to do. He was supposed to be loyal and be there for Becky.
They went into silence again. It let Tom think and cool down and just be there. He took a step back from Huck. He couldn't think with his warmth right there, right by him.
The day at home he had yesterday, it let him think. And he knew what he really wanted to do. It wasn't any of this, but time just kept moving along and he couldn't stop any of it.
"You ain't tellin' the truth, Tom." Huck said.
"Yes, I am. I'm gonna be with Becky and everything'll be alright." Tom said. "Now, I gotta go home. I'll be seeing you, Huck." Tom said. He couldn't think. He just... Tom had to figure this out some more.
"Tom Sawyer, don't you walk away." Huck said. Tom shook his head, but he couldn't move with that, and he just ran his hands through his hair. "I know what you sayin' is just surface." Huck said.
"How would you know that, Huck?" Tom asked, turning to him. "You've been gone for years. I gotta be with Becky and that's that." His heart beat too fast, way too fast. Like he was being chased; it wasn't just about the trill of being with Huckleberry, any more. It was worse and deeper and darker and thicker, and Tom didn't want to feel this. He wanted things to be how they were, before.
"Tom Sawyer," Huck took a step closer. "I know what a runnin' face looks like." Huck said. "You wanna run away, don't you?" Huck asked.
"Huck," Tom shook his head. Took a step or two towards Huck, he couldn't tell with the cloudiness of his mind. "I'm not going to run." Tom said.
"I don't believe you, Tom. I can see your eyes." Huck said. The air was tight and thick and suddenly burning.
"My eyes? Huck, believe what I'm saying. Why'd you even bring me here?" Tom asked.
"Cause, we... We had to talk." Huck said. Their voices were angry and Tom couldn't stop it and he just continued.
"Talk about this? There isn't anything to it-- I gotta be with Becky."
"Tom. I know you're lying. I know you've been upset about this for a while. I know you, Tom."
"There's nothing to lie about! And no, you don't, because you haven't seen me in years-- and like you've been saying, I'm different than I was before." Tom said, bewildered, his heart curling with his words. They were so close and all Tom could hear now was his own heartbeat and could only feel Huck's breath on him.
"You wanna know why you're so different, Tom Sawyer?" Huck stared at him. There was a silent fire in the forest, in their eyes, in their blood. Huck let out a sharp breath and drew another in. "I know why you've been so nervous all the time when I'm there, and when anyone talks about their future," Huck said, and Tom's stomach dropped. Did he know? "You've changed. Sure. Cause now you're afraid, Tom."
"There's nothing to be afraid of, Huck!" Tom's eyes were wild. He could hardly hide anything.
"Exactly! But you's scared that everything's changing! You don't wanna solve your problems! You just wanna run!" Huck said. Shouting in his face.
"I'm not afraid of anything! Huck, you're wrong. I-- I'm going to be with Becky, and that's that. Problem solved. I'm not running." Tom said. Huck shook his head and his hands came up sharply to Tom's shoulders. And Tom just felt the magnetism to Huck, and felt the electricity in the warm, sunny air. And felt the tenseness between them and their fighting words.
"Stop lying to yourself." Huck said.
And kissed him.
And Tom couldn't even process it, because his heart had already been beating so fast and he already couldn't breathe, and he couldn't get Huck's words out of his head.
"Leave me alone." Tom said, pushing him so harshly away.
It left his breath and Tom knew it shouldn't have.
The bare fire in his skin chilled suddenly. He wanted to take it back. But Tom's body moved. He pulled away again harshly, and felt the cold it left on his skin. Tom turned, walking away with the weight of his schoolbag and all of this holding him down.
"Tom." A plead in that soothing voice. And everything in Tom was being pulled towards Huck, and his heart just ached. But Tom heard Huck's feet shuffle towards him against the ground and Tom just started running.