The next day, his stomach turned as soon as he woke up, watching the night lighten. He wanted his life to be over with, at its end with a happy finish, so that he could have peace. He just wanted peace.
Tom got up. Got dressed. Packed his schoolbag-- Tom realized the ring was still in there, and so he took it out and put it back on the bookshelf, trying not to think about it. He went downstairs with his bag and saw Sid eating at the table. It was too early for Tom to do the same-- his stomach felt empty in that way it couldn't be filled, and so he just put on his shoes and left.
Into the warming morning air, Tom walked. The streets were still lit with the streetlamps, and he was a few minutes earlier than usual. He had that time to think, so... Tom continued down the quiet, quiet morning streets through town to the schoolhouse.
There were hardly any people at school when he got there. The sun was just starting to rise. But Huck was there.
Tom walked slowly through the courtyard. He was going to pretend he hadn't seen Huck, but then Huck started walking towards him. Tom's stomach turned, and his heart got uneven. He ran a hand through his hair, trying not to look.
"Hey," Huck started, and his voice just pulled Tom's eyes up and he had to look at his friend. "You good?" Huck asked, wringing his hands together.
"Yeah." Tom said shortly. The sun rose over them and it was a shade of golden, and it was in Huck's eyes and Tom couldn't look away. "Why does everyone keep asking that?" He asked quietly. Huck just looked at him. Tom felt small, condensed, uncomfortable in his skin.
"Tom, d'ya wanna hang out today?" Huck asked.
"What? I..." Tom breathed. He couldn't. He couldn't, or it would all get worse, and...
"Well, d'ya have a reason not to?" Huck asked cautiously, and Tom ran his hand through his hair.
"No, I guess..." Tom sighed. He adjusted his schoolbag on his shoulder. "Yeah, I-- I'll go. The woods? After school or something?" Tom felt trapped. If he went too far one way, he felt he wouldn't be able to go the other way. Tom just wanted to be happy and have what he had before.
"Yessir. We can walk together." Huck said. And then everyone else walked up to them and it was like how it always was. Except for the pounding in Tom's heart and his rocking stomach and the heat he felt from Huck and the familiarity he felt from Becky. He was scared. He needed to throw up but he held it in.
The final bell rang.
They all grouped up, walking out of school. Becky squeezed Tom's hand as she always did, and Tom smiled tightly at her. He wasn't happy, he thought. He knew he wasn't. But sometimes there was a glimpse of what he had, before all this--
"Tom?" Huck's voice asked out. Becky looked past Tom to Huck. "We're gonna hang out." Huck explained to her, and her eyes squinted and her hand dropped from Tom's to her dress.
"Again? You two are awful close." Becky said, looking between the two of them.
"Best friends." Tom said with a dry throat and an airless voice. But then looked at Huck and even though his eyes were the usual beautiful shade and feeling, he knew it was the wrong thing to say. What else were they? Did Huck want something else? Tom was always messing something up.
"Well... Alright, Tom." Becky said, giving him a quick hug, and then she walked past him. And Tom was left alone with Huck.
"You good?" Huck asked. Tom nodded. "Then let's go."
Tom nodded again. His whole body was out-of-time and uneven in its gravity. He took steps and then Huck joined him and they walked together.
The sync of it scared Tom. Why did Huck seem so much more perfect than Becky? When did this start happening? This shouldn't be happening.
He had slowed, and Huck had started looking at him. Tom felt the heat from his stare and wanted it to stop and continue and he just quickened his pace to make it stop. Tom needed to figure himself out. He was a mess. He just wanted the feeling of a girlfriend and a best friend and a perfect life, not this.
They walked, and Tom settled into the pattern. Into the feeling of their steps together, perfectly in time. Into his heartbeat, fast every time Huck bumped shoulders with him. When he wasn't thinking of Becky, then... Then he felt guilty, but... also felt so happy. So thrilled with the turn in his stomach and the pull of his heart, and the heat from Huck.
"So, what's been on your mind?" Huck asked. And then Tom was even more aware of the warmth from Huck, and everything he loved about him. Tom wished he could kiss him, and then the thought made his face hot. Tom cleared his throat.
"I... Being with Becky." Tom said. Huck looked at him with that silence, that deepness that Tom couldn't replicate or place.
"What do you mean?" Huck asked. They had gone under the shade of the woods, now. Alone in the silence and closeness of the forest.
"We've been together so long." Tom said. "But... is it really what I want?" Tom asked. Their pace slowed.
"...What else... would you want?" Huck asked quietly. Him. His voice, his rough and light grip, his heat, his eyes. Tom looked at him intently but couldn't see any expressions he could place. Maybe Huck was hiding it? Maybe Huck didn't feel anything back. They stood so closely.
Huck breathed and Tom could feel it against himself, and Tom closed his eyes a moment. Savored the feeling of being just a foot away from him. Tom wished Huck liked him.
"...I don't know." Tom said quietly. He knew exactly. But... He couldn't, because he had Becky and his perfect life to get back to.
"Alright." Huck said. Tom opened his eyes. Huck was a few feet away, walking.
"Hey!" Tom caught up, Huck only a few steps ahead. "Where are you going?" Tom asked. Huck looked back at him and smiled.
"Come on." Huck said. But Tom hesitated, as he always does. "Tom Sawyer, come on." Huck said.
And then with his name spoken in Huck's warm dark voice, Tom kept up and walked with Huck, stomach fluttering. Side by side, closer than they should've been.
Tom looked over every so often, nervous, and saw Huck smiling and so he smiled, too.
"Huck," Tom started asking, but then Huck looked at him and he got nervous and took a breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Have... Have you ever been in a relationship?" Tom asked. Huck stopped walking. His eyes flashed with light and pain and hurt, and Tom's heart skipped and he realized he said the wrong thing.
"Y-- Yeah, Tom. Why?" Huck asked.
"I... Well, I-- Is it still going on?" Tom asked. The longer the seconds continued, the more a pit in his stomach grew.
"No, Tom. It ended. Why?" Huck scratched his eyebrow for a moment, eyes squinted in thought.
"Well, how... How did you know you wanted to end it?" Tom asked. Huck looked at him tensely and wrung his hands. Tom ran a hand over his face. "Never mind, sorry..."
"Tom, I..." Huck shook his head. Sighed. "It was during my trip. I didn't want it to end. It just did. Their... Their parents found out about us and I got run out of town." Huck said. The air was thick, now. The turning in Tom's stomach wouldn't stop.
"So... I-- Huck, do you still love them? I mean," Tom exhaled uncomfortably, "I... Why'd you get run out of town?" Tom asked.