Tom got up quickly. A determination filled his scared lungs.
He saw Huck get up and take his schoolbag and quickly leave. He couldn't take his eyes off of Huckâif he did, he would lose this chance. And it would be like every other lost moment between them, so Tom kept watching him.
He couldn't lose him. This had happened too many times, and he couldn't let this one go.
Becky took his arm and smiled confusedly at his rush. Tom glanced at her eyes in a flurry but couldn't really see them with the speed of his look-around. The only thing he was focused on was turning back, looking for Huck. He lost him.
The pit swelled like wind, like a storm. He couldn't let this go.
"I'll see you later, Becky." Tom said in an absent voice. He lightly touched her hand and pulled it away. He walked away. He didn't have a bag to hold him down, but still, his footsteps just couldn't get fast enough.
Tom pulled past one group, and another, but the surge of people into the courtyard was too great.
But he couldn't lose it. He wasn't sure if he would ever come back to school after thisâThis was the only definite chance he ad to change his life.
He just kept going, feeling a deepening pull in his stomach and his lungs. He couldn't have lost him; he couldn't let Huck go. Tom ran a hand through his hair and felt the hot sun against him, now that he was out. Everyone was going to their homes.
He lost himâTom sighed and blinked away the sun. Color turned to stinging white, and then... blurry and bright, everything around him, and he could see Huck again. Behind a few crowds, fading in and out of Tom's sight with all the people between them. And relief was in Tom's stomach as he ran.
His feet pushed against the harsh ground. Wind curled in his hair as Tom wove past his classmates. He couldn't let this go. He was here. Tom's breath grew sharp but he didn't even notice; sun was in his eyes but he had lost sight of everything but Huck. Tom ran. He accidentally bumped shoulders with people he knew. Hopefully they didn't notice or care much.
Huck was close. Within his grip... Tom grabbed his arm. Tom stopped into a stand, and the wind kept going. And Tom kept his grip as Huck turned around, seeing Tom's face. Anger. But Tom couldn't take that. His breaths were deep. His heartbeats were bubbling and fast and spreading, and there was heat in his face along with his hands and his legs. The sun surrounded him.
"Huck. Just listen." Tom said. Huck shook his head, and Tom's stomach sank with dizziness. People walked past. Tom hardly noticed. "I... Huck, you're not my problem."
"Yeah, not anymore." Huck said. He pulled away gently and Tom could still see it. Tom broke his hand away and felt the emptiness and the cold left in it. He ran it through his hair. Huck looked at him one last moment.
"No, Huck. I need you. You're..." Tom looked around. No one cared. No one would care. But Huck didâat least, that's what Tom hoped. "You're my best friend, Huck." He said. Huck looked at him a moment, and the swirl of color in Huck just lifted Tom, but then Huck wrung his hands together and took another step back.
"I'm trying, Huck! IâI don't know what to do! I can't do anything that I want!"
"Why not, Tom?" Huck asked. Huck's facial expressions overwhelmed him. Tom looked around, panicked with short breaths.
Tom's shoulders went up tensely and he ran his hands through his hair. "That's what I thought, Tom. I--" Huck turned his head to look to where he had been going, and then glanced back at Tom. He knew Huck was going to leave. But... Tom thought if he took the moment, he could fix things. If only there was time. "I just want ya to think. Figure out what you want and how you're gonna get it. 'Cause whatever's going on," Huck motioned to Tom's whole.
The moment was passing. It was lost. No matter what he did, he couldn't fix anything. "You gotta know what you do want." Huck said. "I don't want none of your mixed feelings anymoreâI been dealing with that all this time since I been back, Tom." Huck took a step close to Tom, and Tom felt numb with heat and felt a swirl in his head, seeing his eyes. "Just decide what'll make you happy. And how far you gonna go." Huck said. He stayed close for another second-- another last second of warmth, of tension, of being so close that if things were just different...
Huck turned around. Huck left. And Tom fell back, not going after him, and felt those words in his stomach. In his head, sinking in.
Tom went to the woods.
He felt the hot sun mixing with cold breezes. They made breezes against his humid skin, and it gave him a chill. He'd have to come back to school tomorrow, and every day after. He needed, right now, to be able to marry Becky. He couldn't face confessing to Huck.
Once Tom had been back at school for a while, then... She'd have to marry him. No matter what was going on with Huck, Becky wouldn't know. She'd be there for Tom.
His steps crunched against the ground and its dried leaves. The air had been dry for a whileâmany clear nights, hardly any rain. Good thing-- his schoolbag would've gotten soaked. Tom walked and walked, letting his feet take him because he couldn't take thinking right nowâthrough the forest. He reached the spot and picked up his schoolbag from the floor. Shaking the leaves and bugs off, Tom walked with it back home.
The sound of the door opening and closing was all Tom could focus on, with the sound of the flowing world and its breezes, to nothing. Stuffy air, kept in ever since the house had been built. He couldn't let himself think about Huck's words yet, because then his eyes would sting and he would be dizzy, and he didn't have time for that-- He had homework to catch up on. Tom walked up the stairs, stepping on the creaks so he could hear something else. He couldn't let himself hear Huck in his head, but still, it was there. Huck was always there.
Tom went to his room and dropped his schoolbag. Laid on his bed for a moment. He heard the sounds of a memory, with Huck in his bed. Tom could feel the warmth that had been there, always with Huck. He was always so warm. And he could smell Huck in his sheets. Tom closed his eyes. Just for a moment, he let himself think...
His door creaked open. Tom sat up quickly, his heart and head rushing, and looked up to see Sid at his door.
"Just making sure." Sid said, and he pulled the door closed before Tom could even take a breath. He shouldn't have let himself start to think about Huck, because now it wouldn't leave his head. Tom felt internal guiltânow Huck's voice and his heat and his eyes and just everything, it wouldn't leave his head. Tom got up, feeling like he had a fever with this compression in all his thoughts, and grabbed his schoolbag, taking it back to his bed. He did his homework, or tried toâhe just needed something on the pages.
He couldn't stop thinking about what Huck had said.