TIME PASSED QUICKLY. Our days were spent either at home, learning and spending time amongst ourselves, or out visiting friends and attending all sorts of gatherings. By early the next year, I'd already become very much a Luoyang native.
Yunjun and Tianjin returned shortly before the New Year holidays. It was an exciting affair. Yunjun had her older sister's fierceness, though it was far more on display. She was taller than me by at least half a head, and looked very unlike the girls I was used to. Her skin was tanned from her time in the sun, and Grandmother was hysterical when she saw her.
Tianjin, on the other hand, was still quite a small thing, still far from the age where a boy became a man. He looked a bit disgruntled at having been outshone so completely by his sister, but he was a polite one and rather sweet. He seemed to take a liking to me.
Yunjun's stay, it was announced, would be temporary. She'd made herself a valuable asset on the battlefield and the generals wanted her to go back after a few months in Luoyang. She had potential, they marvelled in their letters, that they did not want to waste, even if she was a girl.
My uncle's face had been dark when he'd heard that news. I'd realised that most of the Shangguans had secretly harboured hope that Yunjun would tire of this adventure and agree to return to Luoyang as an ordinary young lady. But that hope had been dashed by her wide smile and proudness of herself.
She was a nice girl, but I struggled to find any good topics to converse with her about. We were a bit too different.
It was almost six months after I'd first arrived at Luoyang that anything of interest happened again. After a busy New Year, we all readied ourselves for what Yunxuan dubbed one of the best festivals and days that happened in the city. The Lantern Festival, which fell on the last day of the New Year celebrations.
We'd had something of the sort in Henan. A much smaller scaled version, but one nonetheless.
I readied myself rather quickly, heading to find my cousins. I went to Yunhua's first, Yan'er gushing behind me. I gave a little laugh before entering Yunhua's courtyard.
Instead of getting ready like I'd expected her to, she was staring at a letter, brows creased. Upon my entry, she explained, "It seems we should not be expecting the Crown Prince's presence tonight. There are celebrations in the Imperial Palace that he must attend."
"Oh dear."
Despite the unspoken promise that Yunhua would be the Crown Prince's Consort, there was still the benefit of a doubt. No formal promise had ever been made, and so Yunhua had always grasped every chance to spend any time with the Crown Prince. I hadn't understood at first, but after seeing all the girls who seemed to still harbour some secret hope for marrying him and becoming the future Empress, I'd understood.
This must be annoying for Yunhua.
"It shall be alright," I comforted her. "I'm sure it'll change nothing. He is quite smitten with you, is he not? And it might be good to spend some time apart, less he thinks you are trying too hard. And what of the other royal relatives? Princess Shaoheng? Duan shizi?"
Yunhua eyed me. "They are all still going, as far as I am concerned, so old plans have stuck. You've grown rather close to Duan shizi."
"We are good friends, I think. We see eye to eye on many things."
"How nice for you." A pause. "The Bride Selection is so soon."
Two weeks, to be exact. I felt ready. Grandmother agreed. They were all rather pleased with me.
"Yes. We have little time left. Oh, who else are we to meet up with at the Lantern Festival, then?"
"Lord Huo and Lady Guan." Lady Guan was someone I was not particularly close with. She was very quiet, rarely even uttering a single word. A curious person, but she did not very much interest me. She didn't seem to want to say much to me or anyone else either, perhaps except Yunxuan. Yunxuan was the only person who ever seemed to be able to get any words out of her.
I nodded slowly. I was most likely going to stick with Duan shizi, then. Yunhua would be preoccupied by bickering with Lord Huo as Princess Shaoheng laughed from the side, and Lady Guan would stick with Yunxuan.
I did not mind the shizi's presence. He was good company, and he always made me laugh. He said some outrageous things sometimes, but I could tell that at heart he shared similar views towards the people around me as I did.
He was, I'd sometimes admitted to myself, a good match.
I'd thought about it in the past few months. I'd looked over all the royal relatives who were of an age to marry. I'd briefly entertained the possibility of me being wed to a Prince as a concubine, but Yunhua had dismissed the notion. No Shangguan daughter would be a concubine, she'd told me. Not even me.
But then I would not be able to marry anyone of extreme importance. I'd eliminated a majority of the Princes themselves. I doubted the Emperor would allow our family to have that much power and influence by having two royal matches. No. If I was granted a marriage in the Bride Selection, it would be to someone like Duan shizi: still of royal blood, but wholly unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Prince Duan was not particularly involved in the politics of the court. He was a xiao san wang ye, with no actual duties or responsibilities. Good for him, I thought. Plenty of Princes have been killed throughout history for becoming too powerful, and by not accepting any responsibility, that was easily avoided.
Duan shizi seemed to pay no true attention to politics either. I'd never heard him mention anything about it. Uncle would not like it much, perhaps. All of my Shangguan relatives had hinted that it would be best if I made a good match with someone of great importance to extend their influence. But I did not think that was a good choice.
And I was good friends with Duan shizi. And he'd mentioned that his father had never taken a concubine, which made him unlikely to take one too, in my own selfish opinion.
If I had to be honest, I did not want to share my husband with another woman. Even if I knew that my status as the niece of Shangguan An meant that no one would dare disrespect me.
Though, I'd never shared any of these thoughts with anyone else. Not even Yunhua and Yunxuan. I feared that they'd disagree.
"You are completely ready, yes?" Yunhua asked, interrupting my thoughts as she gave me a one-over.
I nodded. I'd picked one of my nicest pieces of garments today. It was a pretty light blue ruqun with a darker-shaded ao on top of it. It was still fairly cold in Luoyang, and it had snowed in the past few days, so I'd added on a dark blue cloak that was currently in Yan'er hands, since I was indoors. Grandmother had granted me plenty of jewellery as gifts in the past few months, and I wore my favourite pair of simple golden earrings, a jade pendant and my hair half-down, half-up.
I sometimes surprised myself when I looked into the mirror. I did not think I could ever look so... natural in these clothes. As if I truly had been raised in Luoyang and belonged to them completely, rather than be an outsider.
I wasn't an outsider anymore, though.
"I am as well." Yunhua stood, smoothing her violet ruqun. "I just need to grab my cloak. Qinghuan?"
Her maid immediately dropped a curtsy. "I shall fetch it at this instant, miss." And she did, returning a moment later with the sable-fur cloak in hand, quickly helping Yunhua put it on.
Yan'er did the same for me, and the two of us set off. "Yunjun's first," Yunhua announced. "Tianjin is already with my father, most likely, and Yunxuan takes longer to get ready."
So we headed off to Yunjun's courtyard. Unlike any of our gardens, Yunjun's garden had been transformed into a clear space where she could practise and train, which was what she was doing as we entered the courtyard. As she spotted us, Yunjun gave the spear a final twirl before standing straight. "Is it time to go?"
"Yunjun!" Yunhua scolded, "Surely you are not planning on heading out like this?"
"It'll only take a few minutes to change," Yunjun assured them. "I'll probably return quite quickly anyways, I'm not really interested in the Lantern Festival. Nothing I've never seen before."
"Yunjun... this will be your first time since leaving Luoyang that you shall be in public sight. You ought to at least try."
"Why bother?" Yunjun asked with a shrug, spinning around before setting down the spear next to a table. "They'll see right through me. They'll all start snickering again and comparing me to you and Yunxuan so why should I even bother?"
"Perhaps put on a proper ruqun," I suggested gently, stepping forward. Yunjun wasn't close to me, but Yunhua's tone wouldn't get us anywhere either. "No one would blame you if you leave early, but it would seem quite rude to show up in trousers, Cousin."
"I'll put on a ruqun," Yunjun said, "but no makeup. Or accessories. Or anything like that."
Yunhua did not seem pleased, but I interjected before she could say anything else. "That is alright, Cousin. I'm sure no one would mind that."
The moment Yunjun was out of sight, Yunhua turned to me, a deep frown set on her face. "This is wholly improper. The peopleâ"
"She's clearly upset," I told her, motioning to where Yunjun had disappeared. "She's already been through so much, no point in adding more pressure onto her."
"She's a Shangguan. What she does represents us and our family, Minxi. She cannot traipse around with that kind of attitude."
"She chose a different path than us," I gently reminded. "A path that no one else has ever walked before. She escaped from our rules long ago. She is not some gentle young lady who needs to be coddled and protected, she's a soldier, Yunhua. It is quite admirable."
"Yet society will rip her apart and suck her flesh from her bone," Yunhua hissed. "There is only so much the Shangguan name can do. How will she marry? Who will protect her after Yunxuan and I are married? Father cannot protect her in social environments."
"This path she has chosen," I told Yunhua quietly, taking her hands, "has dictated that marriage is not the only option she has. She can choose a thousand different ways to continue her life. She can spend the rest of her life on the borders protecting the Dan Dynasty. She can serve the imperial family. You do not need to worry about her."
Yunhua shook her head. "She is not as strong as she acts like she is."
"That is not for you to decide."
"What is this?" Yunxuan's light voice started from the door. We turned towards her.
Yunhua tilted her head. "We are discussing Yunjun."
"What of Yunjun?" Yunxuan asked, blinking. "Is she alright?"
"Yunhua worries for her future," I demurred. "I do not think there is anything to worry about. Yunjun can protect herself."
"Tianjin can protect her if she needs protection," Yunxuan said with a simple shrug. "She will be fine. And you are the future Crown Princess Consort, Yunhua. No one will dare bully her. The most they will do is gossip behind her back, and they gossip behind all our backs."
"Not you," I laughed. "You are too perfect." Perhaps that added to Yunjun's seeming rebelliousness. Her perfect sisters. She'd mentioned being compared just now, hadn't she? It must be stressful, being the middle child in a family like this. No wonder she'd chosen such a different, unique path. Was it a way to prove herself, to show that she was useful too?
Yunhua sighed. "We will discuss this another day." She'd become more melancholic recently. She was constantly worrying over this thing or the other. Perhaps it was because the Bride Selection was so close.
Yunxuan spent most of her days either studying and painting in her own courtyard, or out visiting friends, leaving me to deal with Yunhua's shift in attitude. The Crown Prince had not come by to "visit our Uncle" for a while now, and that seemed to be adding to Yunhua's anxieties too.
Apparently, the Crown Prince had been spotted speaking to Luo Xueying multiple times at recent gatherings. Yunhua's fears were not completely unfounded, even if I constantly told her not to stress about it.
Yunjun finished with her changing, and wordlessly, the four of us headed to meet with Shangguan An and Tianjin.
From there we all headed to say goodbye to Grandmother, who would not be attending the festivities. It was far too cold, and she had constantly complained that her joints were hurting.
The streets of Luoyang had been transformed. Lanterns hung from every corner, with some holding riddles for us to guess. There were shops at the side, selling pretty handmade lanterns with beautiful paintings on them, but Yunxuan had come prepared. With a little wave of her hand, her maids had handed each of us a specially painted lantern.
"Just for you all," Yunxuan said, eyes twinkling. "I didn't make any extras, so be careful with these."
We met up with our friends near the city centre, in front of a well-known restaurant. Shangguan An was whisked into the restaurant with some of his close friends, with us children left with some aunties and maids as chaperones.
And, as Yunhua and I had speculated, we all broke into little groups.
I was not even surprised when Duan shizi came to my side. "Did you have the Lantern Festival in Henan?"
"A smaller-scale of it, yes," I told him. "I always quite liked it. A pretty sight, don't you think?"
"From the city walls," he told me, "it looks like the dance of a thousand fireflies. But do be carefulâthere are so many people."
"Have you come from the walls?" I asked, curious.
"Yes," he replied. "If you wish to see it, we could head up one of the towers. It is a glorious sight."
"I thought you and Princess Shaoheng would have spent your Lantern Festival inside the Imperial Palace with the Emperor," I admitted. "Yunhua told me that the Crown Prince has been forced to remain in the Palace for the celebrations."
Duan shizi shrugged. "It seems that only the Emperor, Empress and his concubines, along with his children, have been invited for the Lantern Festival this year. None of us were forced to go, though we could if we wished to."
"And neither of you chose to."
"Our parents chose not to go," he pointed out, "so there's no reason for us to, unless we wanted to save our royal cousin from his poor fate. But he shall be fine. He has his siblings."
"Ah, of course." I'd met some of the other princes and princesses in the past few months. I'd taken quite a liking to the fifth princess, who was around Yunxuan's age but had a sense of childishness and naivete that my cousin lacked. The oldest all seemed too... calculated.
The eldest was the Crown Prince, who was born of the Empress. The second princess was born to Imperial Consort Qi, who was the next highest-ranking concubine in the Emperor's harem, since there was no Imperial Noble Consort at present. The third prince was also the son of Imperial Noble Consort Qi. The fourth prince was of Imperial Concubine Yin, of a lower rank than the Imperial Noble Consort, and the fifth princess of Imperial Concubine Zhu. The sixth prince was a mere baby.
"You seem to have much on your mind today," he murmured as we continued strolling behind Yunhua, Lord Huo and Shaoheng. Yunxuan and Lady Guan a few steps after us. "Care to share?"
"It is so close to the Bride Selection," I told him honestly. "I think Yunhua is quite stressed about it, and it's beginning to spread to me."
"What are you worried about?"
"I don't know," I confessed. "I think a part of me is scared I will make a fool of myself during the Selection. Or what if I'm granted a marriage to someone I don't like at all? I must confess, I am not particularly fond of any of the Imperial Princes. They all scare me. The Third Prince seems so cunning, and the Fourth Prince is so cold."
"I do not think you need to worry about being granted a marriage to any one of them," he comforted. "I doubt the Emperor will grant you a marriage to one of his sons when Yunhua is already promised to the Crown Prince. If he does grant you a royal marriage, it will be to, well, one of my younger uncles or my other cousins."
"I must admit, I do not know what I feel about any of them either."
He was silent for a moment. "I share some of your worries. My father has told me that I am guaranteed to be granted a marriage this Bride Selection. What if I am granted a marriage to someone who I feel nothing for at all? Or even dislike?"
"It feels as if my future is completely out of my hands," I admitted. "I used to look forward to this, but now I just feel fear and uncertainty."
"Do not be frantic over it, I'm sure it'll all work out well."
I nodded. "Yes, it is pointless to be so scared over things that are out of my control."
"What kind of husband do you want to marry?" he asked, glancing sideways at me.
I gave it a bit of thought. "I am not sure, really. I used to think I just wanted someone who would make my father and step-mother regret ever treating me poorly, but after some time here..." I dropped my voice. "I know most marriages here are political matches, and I do not particularly mind that, but I wish to at least be fond of my husband. That we are at least friends. Someone who is loyal and will protect me and understand me, who shares my interest, you know? I do not want to return to a cold home every day."
"Yes, I do."
He sounded almost sad, a bit of wistfulness in his voice. I glanced at his expression, but it revealed nothing.
A moment later, he continued, "I must agree. I do not want a wife who does not like me very much, who I do not like either. If I will not love them, I at least wish to be friends with them. That I could be allies with them in life."
"Yes," I told him. "That is what I want too."
Both of us were quiet for a while, thinking about it.
In front of us, Lord Huo suddenly turned around, one brow raised. "My, you two are quiet tonight. It's the Lantern Festival. Cheer up."
Yunhua's voice came, sharp and firm, "Leave them alone, Lord Huo. Do you ever stop sticking your nose in other people's business?"
Princess Shaoheng seemed extremely amused by their bickering, sending us a look. I offered her a little grin in return. "I think," she drawled, "Yunhua, that your cousin does not mind Lord Huo's little interruption nearly as much as you do. Really, I am your dearest friend, and even I must admit that you are a little harsh on Lord Huo sometimes."
"Well," Yunhua retorted, "then he should perhaps try not to be so annoying."
"Am I irritating you, Miss Shangguan?"
"You always do, Lord Huo."
"What am I doing that is irritating you?"
"Speaking. And by being here in the first place."
His hand flew to his heart. "Ouch. I am wounded. You are so cruel to me, Miss Shangguan."
"You deserve it," she replied with one brow arched, regarding him. "You are doing it on purpose, after all."
"Am I?"
Before Yunhua could interrupt, Duan shizi stopped them. "Ah, here is a riddle for us to entertain ourselves with rather than rip each other into shreds." His little half-hidden smile said all that needed to be said. I directed my attention to the piece of paper he now held, hanging down from a lantern.
But then I felt his voice in my ear, "It is a simple riddle, no need to bother yourself with it. I just truly did not want to listen to them argue anymore."
I sent him an amused glance, taking a step back. "Why do you think they do it?"
"I think Lord Huo takes some kind of perverse pressure in pushing the eldest Miss Shangguan's presence," he said with a little laugh. True enough, Lord Huo and Yunhua were already arguing over the riddle. "Murong tends to dislike people like Miss Shangguan. It is quite interesting."
"You calling Lord Huo by his given name reminds me... you've never told me yours."
"I've heard of yours," he said lightly. "Fei Minxi, is that right?"
"Aye. My cousins call me that quite a lot."
He gave a light nod. "Of course, I shall not use it, Miss Fei, and you should not use mine either for the sake of propriety. But my given name is Chiqian."
"Chiqian? Which characters for it?"
"Chi, as in the character for scarlet. And Qian, the character for humility."
"So your full name is... Yuan Chiqian?"
"Correct." He gave a little grin. "It's a bit of a dramatic one, I think."
I shrugged lightly. "My name has a dramatic meaning too. Min, the character for sensitivity, and Xi, the character for the sun's rays."
"It suits you."
"Do you think so?"
"You strike me as quite a sensitive person. And a cheerful one as well."
I broke out laughing. "That is the first time anyone has described me that way, I think. A cheerful person."
"Are you not?"
"I can pretend to be one."
"How cryptic."
The others had finished with the riddle. Lady Guan shook her head, unable to suppress the smile that had broken on her face as Lord Huo announced, with a face full of pride, "The answer is chicken."
"No!" Yunhua argued. "It is clearly a pheasant."
"Let us allow the shizi to tell us which is the correct answer. Brother Yuan, tell me," Lord Huo demanded, "which one is it? A chicken or a pheasant?"
Duan shizi looked extremely taken aback, his gaze darting between the two of them for a few long seconds before he finally announced. "I have no idea."
"But you were the one who told us toâ"
"Does not mean I know the answer," Duan shizi laughed. "Come, let us ask the owner of this little shop."
It was then I realised we were standing before a small bookstore. We all turned into the store, locating a middle-aged man standing before a counter. He glanced up at us, seemed to register our clothes and manner of holding ourselves, and came out, hands held together before his chest, back slightly arched. "Good day, ladies and gentlemen. How may I assist you?"
Duan shizi offered a greeting and began, "Good day, sir. It seems my friends have reached an impasse regarding the answer to one of the riddles on your lanterns."
"Ah," the man laughed, straightening. "Which one is it?"
"The one about the home that breaks and never recovers," Yunhua informed him. "Is the answer a chicken or a pheasant?"
The man tilted his head. "The original answer is a chicken, I believe." Lord Huo let out a loud whoop, Yunhua sending him a dirty glare. "But," the man added with a small grin, "a pheasant does work for the riddle as well, does it not?"
Yunhua did not seem wholly satisfied, but this answer did give her enough to send Lord Huo a look of victory.
We were still arguing over the riddle when we finally left the bookstore to continue on our journey. We'd all been given permission to return home late today, so none of us were bothered when Duan shizi offered to bring us all to an excellent spot for viewing the city. I knew he was referring to the towers he'd told me about earlier, so I'd chortled in agreement. But Yunhua, Princess Shaoheng and Lord Huo all seemed more interested in the food they were selling on the streets, so we split into two groups instead. The aforementioned three, and me, the shizi, Yunxuan and Lady Guan.
We all agreed to meet back up at the busiest street by the time it was ten thirty and set off on our respective ways.