Hello friends! It's finally here!
Thank you so much for your patience with this story and I cannot wait for you all to see how it unfolds!
Enjoy x
When I was a kid, my mother used to warn me about the dangers of the outside world. Somehow, she just never thought to warn me about those that can come from within yourself.
I step out onto the frozen concrete. The heated reception of New Beginnings facility centre slowly disappears as the sliding doors close. Having that feeling disappear is a nice fucking welcoming. Just being outside my damn room is enough for me, freezing or not.
I reach for the band around my wrist when a gust of wind sweeps my hair across my eyes. I read my patient details before tearing the band off. It falls against the concrete but I don't bother picking it up.
The obscured view through the strands of my hair gives me limited room to work with, but I spot Dean's car as it pulls into the parking lot.
It'd been a year already. A year I didn't miss at all.
The events that led me here may not have killed me, but something died in me along the way. It eventually caught up until I felt nothing at all.
It isn't a feeling I'd gained back either. Not with 12 months of facility treatment. Not with group fucking circles and their redemption stories. Not with nurses offering me their fake smiles and doping me up with medication.
I may not have wanted to die anymore, but I was far from who I used to be.
Chapters close all the damn time. Maybe this was just the start of a new one for me.
"Rhea."
I look up, exiting the fog of my own thoughts. My brother stands with his hands stuffed into the front pockets of his jeans. He's had a haircut since I last saw him. His brown locks that used to sweep around his chin are clipped at the sides, hanging loose at the top as it flops around his brows.
"Hey," I smile softly, stepping towards him.
I don't have to walk too far before his arms are wrapping around my shoulders. I pull him in close and something tugs inside my chest as I let my bags fall to the ground beneath me.
I place my arms around his waist, closing my eyes. "I've missed you," he whispers against my hair.
"Me too," I reply, muffled.
With a sigh he pulls away, picking up my bags as he throws them into the back seat. He opens my door for me, patting down the seat as if he's cleaning for crumbs.
He steps back, waiting for me to take a seat before he closes the door and jogs around the front of his car. I watch him, aware of his trepidation around me. He doesn't know how to act anymore.
Last year we had finally begun to mend our broken relationship, but when I'd decided to admit myself here, that progress had vanished. I hadn't allowed him to see me. Even when he tried every day for the first five months, I was determined to let everyone move forward without my baggage.
He shuts the door and we are cast in silence for a moment. "Got your seatbelt?"
"I do remember how a car works. Thank you," I muse, shoving at his shoulder. He offers me a strained smile and my mouth folds down at the sides.
He starts the engine and I'm grateful for the sudden spillage of the stereo. Music pours out through the speakers, playing softly as he leaves the car park.
I glance through the mirror one last time, watching the early morning sun cast its light against the New Beginnings sign. With a blink, I focus back on the tense car ride.
"So, how have you been?" I ask, tapping my fingers against my thigh.
When I'd rung him last week, I'd realised I'd nearly forgotten the tone of his voice. Despite all the times I'd refused to see him, he hadn't hesitated to pick me up when I'd asked.
He shrugs now, raking a hand through his hair as we stop at a set of traffic lights. I take in my surroundings, realising how strange it is that I haven't seen something as mundane as a stop sign in over a year.
"Good," he clears his throat. "I'm starting back at work next month, but it's been good to have some time away."
By 'time away' he means just over a year. When I first told him about admitting myself into a facility, he'd said he'd take some time off and come visit me. I'd pleaded with him not to, but he was too damn stubborn.
"I wish you hadn't done that," I breathe.
"And I wish you hadn't cut me off," he snaps before calming his anger. "Sorry. I'm not mad anymore."
"You can be mad," I shrug.
He shakes his head, pressing hard on the accelerator as we continue along the quiet road. Rain begins to spit from the clouds as we pass strips of shops opening for the day.
"I'm glad you got the help you need. I truly am," he nods. "I justâ it's been hard for me, and for some other people to understand whyâ"
"Other people being Maya?"
If you think Dean had tried hard to see me, you should have seen Maya. After a few months and a couple of phone calls later, Lay gave up. I'd spoken to her about why I just needed the space and she'd given me that. I'd always known Maya would be the persistent one, but even the staff at the centre know her by name now. I'm sure they are glad to have me gone.
"You have more people worried about you than just Maya," Dean sighs. "But yes. Obviously Maya."
"She'll get over it," I sigh.
Dean watches me for a few seconds before focusing back on the road. "No, she won't," he whispers. "Don't even get me started on how pissed she was when she found out you weren't moving back into the apartment."
I shrug. "I need somewhere...fresh."
I was renting my own apartment about ten minutes from Maya and Lay. It was relatively cheaper, which I would need as I'd be living by myself now. It was also closer to Cash's bar, where I'd been lucky enough to get my job back.
"We all know what you're doing," he states, matter-of-factly.
"What exactly am I doing?"
"Distancing yourself from everyone you care about. Trying to protect us from getting hurt. Maybe even protecting yourself from getting hurt because you lostâ"
"That's notâ I'm not. I just want to start over in a new apartment, alright? It's not like I won't go and visit them. And I got my old job back. So it really won't be that different to before."
"Davina's been calling again," Dean says quietly, like he knows to walk on eggshells around this particular topic.
Davina had sworn she would let me stay on as her assistant once I decided I was ready to leave the facility, but I couldn't go back there. I'd lied to her face too often. I know things that I shouldn't. I've done things that I shouldn't. I'd never make the honest lawyer I wanted to be.
"I'm not calling her back," I say sternly. "For all she knows, I'm still in the facility."
"I told her you were getting out today."
I groan into my hands before turning towards him. "Are you fucking kidding me, Dean? That wasn't up to you."
"I'm not going to let you throw away your dream career because of what happened last year! Working in that shitty bar isn't going to get you places."
I glare at him, balling my hands into fists. "I'm twenty-one years old. I'm supposed to be working in a shitty bar."
"Not when you've been offered a great job," he frowns. "She's gonna give you a call in the next few days."
"Deanâ"
"Wasn't the whole point of your time in the centre to help you let go of your mistakes from last year? To grow? Don't you think you should start again with this job and let go of the guilt you have over Casey and Braxâ"
"Don't," I croak. "Don't fucking go there."
"If you can't even talk about them, have you improved at all?"
"Fuck you," I snap, turning my body away from him as I watch the buildings move by quickly.
"Rheaâ"
"Please shut the fuck up," I whisper, digging my nails into my palms. "This is exactly the reason why I didn't let you visit. Because I knew you'd do this."
He sighs, placing a hand on my shoulder tentatively, like he's afraid I'll knock it away. "You're right. I'm sorry. I won't bring it up again."
"Thank you," I respond, closing my eyes with a sigh. "Wake me up when we arrive."
"Okay."
Silence fills the car once again, and for the rest of the drive to my new apartment, I pretend I've fallen asleep.