Two | Awkward dinners

The apartment comes fully furnished. Thank fuck for that. The facility cost enough to wipe out nearly all of my life savings.

I drop my bags beside my bed, taking in the smaller space. Definitely looked larger in the photos online. Oh well.

My phone begins to vibrate in the palm of my hand. When I look down at the caller ID, I note Davina's name. I don't decline it, but I allow it to go to voicemail before turning back to my new room.

I fall against my bed, staring up at the ceiling when Dean enters the room. "Need anything else?" he asks.

"Nope," I state, offering him a half-hearted thumbs up.

Silence consumes us before he sighs, pacing the room until he's leaning his hands against the window overlooking the street. "Maya wanted to know if you'd come over for dinner tonight."

I sit up, raising an eyebrow. "Since when did you become so chummy? She hated you."

Dean grits his teeth, turning his head to watch me closely. "When you decided to stop responding to her texts."

"Yeah, when I was in the facility," I deadpan. "She hasn't tried to call me at all today."

Dean turns around, leaning back against the window. "You can't blame her for thinking you'd just ignore her, though. You did it to everyone the entire time—"

"So much for not being mad," I mumbled, standing up to begin unpacking my bag. "And when did you start becoming so defensive over anything I say about Maya—"

My hands freeze above the zip as I whip my head up to look at him. "Oh my god," I laugh, choking. "You're fucking."

His frown deepens. When he looks away, I know I've hit the mark. "When did your vocabulary become so crude? It's not like that."

"So it's serious then," I raise my eyebrows, biting my lip to stop the laughter. "No fucking way. I must be dreaming."

"She's different than what I thought," he whispers. "When we first met, she was completely defensive over you, which I liked. But even more than that, all she ever wants to do is protect the people she loves. As if it's the reason she was made for the world. As if she doesn't have the right to look after herself first."

I nod, clearing my throat. "I know. You're talking to me like I don't know my own best friend."

"Then you're coming to the dinner?"

I nod, still dazed by the revelation. My best friend and my brother. What the fuck?

"Just don't start getting all PDA on me," I cringe. "I don't want to watch you suck face with my best friend."

He offers me a tight smile, averting his eyes again. "I wouldn't do that to you."

I notice his eyes sadden as he walks towards me, unzipping the bag. My heart sinks suddenly in realisation.

"I was joking," I say defensively. "You can kiss her if you want. I'm not going to burst into tears just because— well, because I lost that."

You're going to the hospital. I'll meet you there later.

"Rhea—"

I close my eyes, shaking my head. "I'm fine."

His hand lands on my shoulder before he's tugging me against his chest for the second time today. "I know what I said in the car. I'm sorry. I should never have said what I—"

"Don't worry about it," I pull away, clearing my throat. "I've had a lot of time away to think about... everything. My therapist inside New Beginnings agrees that it would be in my best interest to stay away from the— Patridge family."

Sof had tried to visit me. Even Xavier sometimes. I can't see them ever again. It's in my best interest.

"Good," Dean agrees. "The whole family are fucking toxic. You wouldn't have been dragged into half the shit you dealt with last year if you hadn't started hanging around them."

I nod numbly, pulling out my clothes. "They weren't all like that," I whisper. "Sof and...and anyway, what time is dinner?"

"Not sure. Maybe give Maya a call?" Dean smiles softly, heading towards the door. "I've left a bag of groceries on the kitchen counter. I'll let you get settled in."

I nod. "And Dean?"

He stops in the doorway, turning to face me. "Yeah?"

"Thanks. For everything."

He nods, knocking the wall next to him as he heads out, leaving me alone.

-----———————————————————————

Talk about tense. Even Layla can't save this situation.

I've never chewed so slowly in my entire life, just to avoid more awkward small talk.

Everything looks exactly the same. The furniture, the decor, my friends sitting around the table for dinner like we always used to. But everything feels different.

I've entered an alternate dimension. One where Maya is holding my brother's freaking hand as he rubs her thumb absentmindedly. I look away instantly, offering Layla a wobbly smile as I take another bite.

I remember when Brax used to do that to me. He'd rub his thumb across my hand. I don't think he even realised it but sometimes, after he told me how he felt, I'd catch him staring at me like he wasn't sure I was real.

I used to struggle with feeling worthy, but in those moments I felt valued. That was one good thing that I got from him. Before the endless pain.

"Rhea."

I look up from my plate, blinking. "Hmm?"

"I said, what's the new apartment like?" Maya's tone is so obvious that I have to bite my tongue. It's clear that she's hurt.

"It's alright," I say. "Not as good as this meal, though. Thanks, Layla."

She beams, reaching across the table to squeeze my hand. "Welcome home," she whispers.

"Thank you," I reply, suddenly feeling shy. "I'm glad to be back. Truly, I am," I add, noting Maya's disbelieving expression.

She just nods, but I note the way she's gripping Dean's hand now.

I know that if I don't get this conversation out of the way now, it'll hang over us like a dark cloud.

"I'm sorry I didn't allow you to visit. But I didn't want you to sit with me in a room surrounded by nurses watching our conversations. I didn't want you to see me like that there. I needed my privacy to heal and to move on from everything that had happened. I feel like maybe I finally am at a part of my life where I can forgive myself for the guilt and try to— to stop thinking every few seconds about how I could have saved everyone I've lost, really."

I heave, feeling the crushing loss against my chest. I know I'll never be able to recover entirely. It's too late for that. I will always have moments like this, my therapist said, but it's just the way I chose to deal with my emotions that count.

I want to move on. I really do.

"I know— we know," Layla eyes Maya as she stays quiet. "We know you needed space. We just wish you'd told us about the apartment."

"What Layla isn't saying is that we feel like you didn't have the decency to even explain to us why you wanted to live by yourself. After everything we've been through together. Now what? We just have to lay awake every night wondering if you're okay? It's not as though you're lying in a bed a few doors from us anymore."

I shake my head. "That's the thing, Maya. That's why I wanted to move out. To stop you from always feeling like you need to watch over me. I can't have you always looking after me like I'm dependant on you. I needed this for me. It's important for my recovery."

She sighs loudly, dropping my brother's hand as she rises from the table. "But that's exactly what you don't understand, Rhea. This won't make us worry less. And what if I liked being able to look out for you? What if I found peace in knowing you were safe?"

Before I can continue, she walks away from the table. I watch the back of her black hair leave the room like she's done so many times before. Layla plays peacemaker, scooting her chair closer to mine.

I take in her appearance, the way she's cut her fiery hair to her shoulders. A single curl falls in front of her eyes and she blows it out of her sight.

"You did what was right for you," she says sternly. "Eventually Maya will understand that."

I nod. "I knew she'd be angry. But I won't apologise for my decision. I know it was what I needed."

Layla smiles warmly, searching my eyes closely. "I'm proud of you."

"Why?"

"You just stood your ground. That isn't something I've seen you do in a long time."

She turns back to her own food, having a casual conversation with Dean as I observe them interacting. She sees me watching, offering me a small smile.

I hide my own smile, glad to finally be home despite the imperfect mess I'm bound to deal with.