I cut the engine, greeted me a deafening silence. Sof stares out the window to her left, drumming her fingers on her lap.
I try to understand what she may be thinking but her face is obstructed by the hair cascading over her shoulders.
"I might just wait in the car if that's okay," she says. "I haven't been here in a while andâ"
"I understand," I whisper, the keys clinking as I remove them from the ignition. "I won't be long."
I exit the car, lighting shutting the door as I make my way towards the entry of the cemetery. Gravel crunches under my shoes as a brisk wind nips at my skin.
My eyes begin to water from the cold but I blink, scanning the area with sudden clear vision when I spot him.
I hadn't been to see Casey's grave since the funeral. It hadn't been something that comforted me, knowing he was here. It was easier to think of him as off somewhere unknown, more than the idea that he had been laid to rest here.
"I thought you might be here," I say, approaching Brax softly.
He doesn't turn at the sound of my voice. His head is lowered, chin tucked to his chest as he stares intently at the headstone.
"I was here that day," he says.
I stand next to him, arms crossed as I fight the cold. Brax stands shoulder-to-shoulder with me. The warmth from his shoulder is almost enough to quench my unease.
"The day of his funeral?"
"Yeah," he clears his throat. "I stood by that tree over there," he gestures in a roundabout way to a distance tree that I don't bother looking for.
"You shouldn't have left," I say.
"Which time?" He remarks, his lips lifting into a half smile.
"Every time."
"I had no choice."
"Okay. I know that's how you feel."
He seems to pause, turning his head slightly to look at me. I peer over at him, staring.
I still knew I loved him with all of me but things felt so different now. No matter what I would always feel that there was something in the way for us, almost a sign stating that it was never truly right.
"You're not going to argue with me?"
"I've grown tired of it," I say. "I'm ready to feel something else other than resentment. I want to care about other things now, like my career."
"You're going to make a great lawyer someday," he says.
"Maybe not an honest one, though."
"Lawyers aren't always honest. They're factual. They look out for their client no matter what."
It's maybe the best conversation we've had in over a year and it's barely been a few minutes since I left the car. It's nice not to be screaming at each other for once.
"You shouldn't leave like this again," I continue. "Not with a note. You've gotta be braver than that."
He turns his head, staring back at Casey's grave. "I don't think I've ever been brave."
"I think Casey would disagree."
"Do you disagree?"
"You're asking a lot in that one question," I whisper. "I think it depends on what situation. But you know how I feel about how you decided to leave and I think your family deserves more than a note."
"They'll try to stop me."
"Then don't go like this," I say.
"Rhea..."
"Brax, running from the problem won't create a solution. Charlie will still come after us without an outcome. That's with or without you being here."
"I'll deal with that."
I grab his arm, turning him towards me. "I swear to god if you're thinking murder is the answer I'llâ"
"What else am I supposed to do, huh?"
He steps away from me, raking his hands through his hair. "My brother died and I didn't save him. It's all Charlie's fault. All this fucking shit that keeps happening, it's all because of him."
"But then it just becomes this cycle of revenge. I've said it before, Brax. When will this end?"
"I am ending this, Rhea. This will be the end."
"He's death won't be the end. Someone else will just come after you."
"You're not hearing me."
"I'm trying to hear you, Brax."
Tears sting the back of my eyes but I clench my fists until I feel them begin to disappear.
"You shouldn't have come. You should have just let me walk away. That note wasn't left for you."
A sharp pain jabs at my chest, but I don't flinch from the insult. For a second I feel like he's know the words have hurt me but he doesn't apologise. It's clearly the truth and maybe I needed to hear it.
"Sof called me. She was upset. She's in the car, maybe you should go talk to her."
"No one is changing my mind, Rhea."
"Where will you even go this time if you just leave?"
"You'll see soon enough."
"Don't be cryptic," I snap.
"I'm being fair to you, Rhea. I promise my life won't get in the way of yours anymore. I'm doing what needs to be done."
I feel like pulling my hair out from the roots all of a sudden. So much for not fighting.
"Your family need you," I say. "Iâ"
Needed you.
"Don't leave them like this," I whisper.
A raindrop lands against my cheek and I look up at the sky to see that we're standing under clouds of dark grey. Brax turns towards me at the first crack of thunder.
"I've been thinking a lot lately," he says suddenly, his eyes so haunted that I feel that I'm looking in a mirror.
"How my whole fucking life, every thing I've ever done, could have been so different. I don't wish to blame my family, but this bad luck begun somewhere. And maybe that's a cop out but I haven't always done bad things and been a bad person. My parents were fuck ups and now here I am. I know it was a punishment when I lost Casey."
"You can't dwell on who you were in the past, Brax," I say.
"Just be better now. Be better for your future. End the cycle. If you think losing Casey was your punishment then make a fucking change. Don't just drown in it and continue down that path."
For the first time in a very long time, Brax smiles at me sadly. I haven't seen that smile in forever.
"It's too late for me, Rhea."
"Braxâ"
"I wish I could have been better for you," he says. "I wish I could have been the man that you deserve. The man that you even fucking married. Christ, I never even thought about marriage before you. It was a foreign term."
"Why are you saying all this now?" I croak.
He shakes his head, his breath frosty as he blows out a breath. "The fact it's confusing to you that I would ever say any of this is just another sign that I'm not good enough."
When the tears come this time, I don't have the will power to stop them.
I wanted him to be the one for so long that it hurts to know that he wishes he could have been too.
"I wish Sof hadn't called you," he says. "Mostly because I'm a fucking coward and didn't want to have you watch all this unfold."
"What are you talking about?"
It doesn't take me long to hear the sudden shrill sound of police sirens in the distance. At first I think it could be heading in any direction but then I know what he's done when I see his face.
"No," I raise a hand to my face, barely able to keep myself from collapsing. "You didn't."
"It was either this or Sof," he says. "And that was never a question."
"What about all that stuff you were just saying about killing Charlie?" I shout. "Not that I wanted that but I also didn't want this."
"It bought me time," he says. "Before you realised exactly what I was doing."
"You can't, you justâwhat ifâ"
"You know this is the only way."
And he's right. It's so infuriating that he's right because maybe if we just had some more time we could have figured this out altogether, even if he angers me all the time, maybe we could have fixed this.
But life doesn't work like that and I should know better than to be so ignorant.
The sirens are so close now that I'm surprised they haven't crashed through the cemetery gates and swarmed us like bees.
I look over towards the entry and I spot Sof. She's crying. She knows the truth now too.
"You know I'm not big on goodbyes, but if I was, I would tell you that you deserve a full life. You will become a great lawyer. You'll be so much better off without me."
I'm shaking when the cop cars pull up next to where I had parked.
"I'll alwaysâ" Brax clears his throat, "I'll always love you."
"Brax!" Sof screams. She's being escorted away from us by a female officer. As much as she tries, she can't get to us.
"I wish it hadn't ended like this," I sob.
"Me either, Rhea," Brax whispers.
He pulls me into a bone-shattering hug. I hold on so tight, that I almost miss the soft kiss that he lands in my hair or the brush of our fingers entwining.
"Promise me something," he says quickly.
"What?"
"You won't visit me in prison."
"Braxâ"
"Please."
Before I can't respond, we are ripped apart so violently that I wonder how I'm not torn in two. Brax is quickly hand-cuffed and read his Miranda rights. He watches me the whole time.
Promise me, he mouths.
Even though I'm shaking my head, I make him one final promise.
"Excuse me, miss," a police officer begins to walk towards me before he is stopped by the most powerful figure I know.
"She won't be saying anything at this time," Davina interjects.
"We will need to question her," he states.
"She will not be saying anything at this time," Davina reiterates.
I would be impressed if I wasn't watching Brax walk away for one final time. I watch him as he ducks inside the back of the police van and I try not to let my heart shatter as he is taken further and further away until there is nothing left.