"Here." I place the bowl of ramen in front of the boy that is now sitting steadily on the couch. He just looks at the bowl and can't hide the curiosity in his eyes.
"What is this??" he asks with a quiet tone. I'm not sure about the food in the hospital but I think they do give patients noodles so he should know what this is.
"Haven't you eaten it before??" He doesn't even look at me when I state the question. "What did they give you in the hospital??" He thinks for a moment before answering back.
"I don't remember. It was either really dry or watery. But I can't remember clearly." I want to make a guess about when is his memory gonna came back but then again, I have no idea how exactly it affected his brain. I did put some thought into his reaction to his name tho.
Since we came here this morning was the first time we called him by his name and right after he collapsed. I'm sure the more we do or say things he has heard or done in the past the more he'll remember.
"This is better. Eat it." He nods before picking up the chopsticks. I notice something right away though. Why is he holding them so awkwardly, don't tell me he has never used chopsticks in the past. I watch him struggle to control them as he wants to take his first bite. The way he holds them almost hurts my eyes, he looks so uncomfortable with them in his hand.
"Stop. Look. Hold them like this." I lean down and gently position the chopsticks in his hand. He lets me touch him without pushing my hand away or flinching. Than I take his hand in mine and wrap my fingers around it so I can control the way he holds the chopsticks, slowly guiding them toward the bowl. I help him grab the noodles between the two chopsticks and just now I realize he has been just staring at me the whole time instead of trying to learn.
I signal him to open his mouth and he just looks at my hand that is holding his and only after at the nodules. He opens his mouth and I slide the noodles in.
"Come on, suck them in." He looks confused for a moment but right after sucks the noodles into his mouth only to start coughing like a madman from the rushed swallow. I quickly let go of his hand and look for a bottle of water.
I give him the water and pat his back a few times. "Eat slowly." I say and he looks at me while still catching his breath.
"You told me to suck them in." He says back. This is probably the first time he has said something without hesitating or thinking it through first.
"Yes I told you to suck them in, not to choke. Try on your own now." I point toward the chopsticks with my chin.
He looks down and absorbs them for a moment before following the way I showed him. He holds them stably and tries to pick up one more bite. I believe he has used them before just doesn't remember clearly, he'll master it in no time.
"What did you use to eat your meals before." I ask as he struggles not to drop the noodles.
"I used that four sharp stick. Fork I think." Ohh so that's why he doesn't know how to use chopsticks. "This does seem familiar thought." He holds the chopsticks into the air so he can get a good look at them. He plays with the way his fingers are holding them for a while before trying to take another bite. I don't know if I should be surprised or not because he is doing a lot better now.
I watch him eat his meal bite by bite "This is good." He mumbles under his breath. When he finishes the noodles I show him how to drink the soup as well and he slowly gulps it down.
"Jisung." I say out of curiosity to test his reaction. He freezes in the moment I say it making me lean forward to get a better at his face. So he does remember his name clearly now, his reaction is what worries me though. He is completely frozen, his eyes just vacantly staring at the empty bowl in front of him.
"Ji-" He suddenly turns around, leans forward and covers my mouth with his hand making me back off a little bit. He looks at me with an angry expression. I can't blame him but I can't say I'm not surprised with his reaction neither.
We just look at each other for a few seconds before I reach for his hand that is covering my mouth and gently pull it down.
"What's wrong??" I ask hopping he actually has an answer. His eyes keep the anger inside of them as he looks down again.
"I- I don't know. It's just that name. Don't call it." He says slowly making me feel like I don't want to continue my curiosity, so I just nod and he sits back normally like nothing happened.
"Can I call you Squirrely then." He looks at me again with a completely different expression on his face. Confusion mixed with curiosity his mouth slowly mounting Squirrely.
I have a feeling he can be a fun person once he stops being so stiff and afraid. It would be fun to see him be himself since he looks at everything with such an interest and curiosity in his eyes.
He thinks for a few second before giving me a small nod.
But now the hardest part. How do I give him the drug without him knocking me down. Even though he is skinny and all he still looks like he can throw me out of the window.
"I don't understand you" He says out of nowhere surprising me. I look at him who is back to staring at the empty bowl.
"You are not nice like those smiling people in the previous building. But you are not mean and cursing at me neither. You are mean and nice all at once." It's not the first time I have heard this.
Both me and Minho often got this in highschool from our classmates and sometimes even teachers. I thought it's annoying and was often ready to throw hands but seeing how chill and relaxed Minho was when he heard those things showed me I don't have to explain myself to everyone.
The two meanies paired up on the most stupid project ever 'Etiquettes'. Well I won't complain since I got my best friend and a decant grade all in one go.
"How do I call you??" He asks pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Jieun. Min Jieun." Just now I realize we both have Ji in our names the only difference is that he kinda doesn't want to hear his name and I don't have an opinion on mine.
I would be a lot happier if he says something instead of just nodding all the time but I'll have to wait for it. He hasn't even smiled this whole time and I mean a normal smile not a creepy psycho smile in the middle of the road in the rain.
For the last three minutes something keeps attracting my attention. His foot won't stand still, he keeps tapping in on the floor non stop.
Knowing the clock is ticking I pull out Seungmin's bag that was behind the couch this entire time. His eyes land on it and he probably remembered this morning because he got up immediately. Before he gets to say anything I speak up.
"Your foot. You can't keep it calm can you?? I know you remember this as your prison but you need to take it." I point toward the bag making him look at me in disbelief before almost dropping his knee on the ground. He is already worn out even though he didn't even do much. Just ate, sat on the couch and said 9 sentences.
"Your body is used to it. I know you don't want to take it anymore and I promise you that one day you will be free from it. But you have to keep taking it for another week or two." He shakes his head as a no.
"I- I don't want it. I won't let you give it to me anymore." He is ready to run up again but I stop him with cutting him off.
"I don't want to give it to you.." He turns his head to me with a confused expression all over his face.
"Do you know for how long you've been taking this??"
"W- What??"
"12 years. Your body has been feeding of this drug for over 12 years. I suppose you didn't really get to study biology but you should know that your body is used to this more than food right now. From the way how skinny and light you are, I can tell your body will shrink like a sponge if you stop taking it now... First build up some fat, second strengthen your organism and only than you can stop taking it. If you stop now we don't know what will your body's reaction be, which could be a complete disaster. In the worst scenario your body will fall into sudden shock and you will fall into a coma or even die."
I haven't broken eye contact with him this entire time. My determination to make him understand this is final today. I don't want him to go back and forth all the time with the question 'Can I trust her??'
He just looks at me with a surprised expression. "I-" He cuts himself off by looking down at his feet. Maybe he noticed it barely now when I mentioned it but his foot really is unsteady.
"You feel exhausted non stop without doing anything. Have you noticed you sleep around 20 hours a day which is not normal for a 21 years old. You barely eat any food right now and can you even feel it when you need to go to the bathroom??" I feel kind of bad for shooting out so many information at him at once. I'm really trying not lose my temper right now.
"I- I never thought about those things..." He says quietly while absorbing his foot.
"You... You don't think. Let me do the thinking. Let me do the nursery. Let me do the cleaning and everything there is to do. You just eat, sleep, recover your memory and take the daily dose. Try to smile and relax around us. I have said this at least 10 times and I'll say it again. We are not going to hurt you so let us help you. I... I will help you live a normal life and prove them wrong so just trust me... I will make you you again." I mumble the last few words but I don't think he didn't hear them.
"Why would you help me?? I tried so many times but everyone just ran away. I asked so many people to help me but all of them just smiled at me and left. Nobody ever cared about me being in that building everyone just thought I am crazy so why... why would you help me?? You say all this weird things that nobody has ever told me, saying I will catch a cold and holding my hand like it's not a big deal. Aren't you afraid of me?? Don't you think I might hurt you??"
"Will you hurt me. If you want to came on bring it on. And I say those things because I mean them, how can you just walk out without putting your shoes on you really are crazy because of that. And is it really such a big deal if I hold your hand aa??" Am I actually fighting with him right now. Out of annoyance I walk forward making him take a few steps backwards out of surprise.
I take his wrist and pull his hand up. Than I place my palm on his and slowly slide my fingers in between his squeezing his hand tight yet gently. "Is this a big deal. It's skin touching that's everything there is to it." I say still trying to keep my temper ar a normal rate.
Only now I notice the way his mouth opened a bit. He doesn't say anything only stares into my eyes with his teeth slightly showing out. I can swear I can hear my heartbeat spending up but I can't feel it. That's weird.
Only after a second of looking directly at his eyes I realize it's his and not mine. His fingers slowly press onto my hand as he holds it into his. He looks at the two connected hands and a slight smile aspires on his lips.
Maybe it's not a big wide one or even a half smile but I can definitely see a small tiny smile.
"It feels... good"
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