My eyes slowly open and I quickly scan the room. Minho is collapsed on the other side of the couch from me, but there is someone missing. The middle spot on the couch is empty, which reminds me of the last thing that happened before, I fall asleep.
My eyes open wide at the realization, that I fall asleep before giving Squirrely the night dose and considering the fact that Minho is half dead on the other side of the couch, tells me he didn't give him the dose neither.
I get up from the couch and quickly search the room with my eyes. I quickly look inside the kitchen and through all the rooms upstairs that he might be in, but he is nowhere to be seen. I jump down the stairs and make my way toward the bathroom, where my eyes immediately catch a pair of legs on the ground. I enter the bathroom and see a collapsed body on the ground. Seungmin's bag is right next to him, with the capsules spread all over the floor, but that is not the thing that worries me right now.
My eyes land on the body that is leaned on the bathroom wall, eyes closed and head hanged like he is dead. I quickly kneel down and check his pulse, which is way slower then normal human pulse. Even when he is asleep his pulse is faster, so something must be wrong.
My eyes land on the box in his right hand and just now, I realize what happened. He took the dose himself. He... overdosed!!
"MINHO!!" I scream as hard as I can. My hands are shaking right now and I don't even know what I'm supposed to do in a situation like this. Minho storms through the hallway in the next second and the moment he sees me on his knees, he comes running inside the bathroom.
He looks around and instantly realizes what happened. His hands are quick to take action, as he kneels next to me. He shakes Squirrely up hard, trying to wake him up, but the only response we get from him is a few weak growls.
At some point, he picks the boy up and takes him to the shower tube, where he kneels him over the tube and pushes his fingers inside Squirrely's mouth.
What is wrong with me?? I can't even move. Usually, I'm not the type to cry but the fear that rules over my body right now is so overwhelming, that I need to take it out in some way. Why is this scene so familiar?? Why is that certain scene playing inside my head right now. I'm supposed to try to help and not just kneel down like a frozen statue.
After a few seconds, Squirrely throws up all over Minho's hand and inside the tube, but that doesn't stop Minho from pushing his finger further. At least one of us knows how to stop this situation from becoming worst.
He throws up once again and this time Minho takes his hand out and holds the boy up, so he can throw up the rest of the drug he took.
My head goes completely empty as the image in front of my eyes keep switching. From him who is barley conscious over the tube, to her cold fingers that were leaning over the edge of it.
My breath suddenly becomes heavier as I catch myself falling backwards. Don't do this now. Stop. I don't want to remember it. I try to block my view from the tube with my hands, but now I can feel myself replying a even more precise picture of that moment.
The water dripping over the edge of the tube. Drop by drop the cold water covers the dry bathroom floor, making it slippery and even colder that it already is. My bare fingers finally open the door and as they make contact with the wet floor, I flinch at the feeling.
All confused I look down at it, a small curst escaping my lips as I notice the water spread all over the floor. Not even a second later, I raise my head up and my eyes follow the source of the water.
My eyes immediately spread wide open, as I see the dipped body inside the tube. Shock hits me and I make a step backwards hitting the door behind me. For a moment, I completely freeze, before running toward the tube and jumping inside of it, not even caring about the clothes that are starting to drown into the red coloured water. The water spills over the edge of the tube because of my aggressive jump.
My hands dive into the water grabbing the light body and lifting it up. It's cold. Why is it so cold?? Why are her wrists cut open?? Why are her eyes closed?? I start shaking her body, but get no response. Her pale face doesn't move and her cold hands just wave into this air, as I keep calling out her name.
It was all my fault. I left. I left first.
Someone shakes me up and I finally open my eyes again. Minho is looking at me with a worried expression on his face, but I can't hear anything he is saying. He yells out my name a few times, before I finally raise my head up and look at him.
It takes me a second to realize I just had a panic attack. The long time not seen panic attack. The one I told him left, so he wouldn't worry about me and focus on collage. But it slipped out. I will have to explain to him now. I wipe the few tears that fall down and title my head to look at the boy, who is leaning on the wall once again.
I try to calm down my heavy breathing and fast heart beat, before speaking up.
"T- take care of him. And wash your hand.. it stinks." I say trying to avoid Minho's worried eyes. He just looks down and let's out a heavy sight, before getting up and washing his hand. I get up myself and storm out of the bathroom, heading straight for the front door.
Why is this happening?? Why to me?? Why to him?? Why to everyone?? I jump down the stairs and as soon as my eyes land on something kickable, I swing my leg at it with full force. It's so frustrating every single time this happens.
How could I let myself fall asleep like that. How could I be so careless. And why did I have to get a panic attack at that moment, when I was supposed to help Minho. I just turned into another burden on his shoulders. Rather then feeling sorry for myself, I feel sorry toward my friend and Squirrely, after all I pulled both of them into this and now I'm the one, who created the biggest mess up until now.
If only I didn't fall asleep so soon and gave Squirrely his night dose, he wouldn't overdose and I would have never remembered that day.
After a minute Minho walks out of the front door and he is quick to find me. With a few heavy steps, he makes it toward me who can't even look at his direction. I turn away trying to avoid his eyes, but he quickly pulls my wrist and makes me face him. The expression on his face is half worried and half done with me.
I quickly flash a small smile as a silence takes over, making the air stiff as hell.
"Just stop" He says after a few seconds "I told you to tell me if it appears ever again, why did you keep it away from me?? I told you to tell me about every nightmare you have, so why didn't you?? You think I'm an idiot for not noticing the fact that you can't sleep for a whole week. Ever since he came, you can't close your eyes even if you just stare at the floor for hours. I asked you if he reminds you of her and you should have told me, that he reminds you of her way to much." He takes a deep breath trying to calm himself down before he losses control over his anger.
"He won't end up the same way. I promise that he won't end up the same way your sister did, so get it together. And before you say that this whole thing is you fault, let me tell you that it really is... but it's mine as well. I fall asleep too and didn't remember that he needs to take his night dose, so don't blame it only on yourself. And stop smiling it makes me want to dip you in Hannie's vomit."
I let out a small chuckle as he finishes his sentence. Those who dare to say this man doesn't know how to work with words, need to double check that belief. I take my small but fake smile away and replace it by a genuine one. I guess I don't have to say much for him to understand.
"Let's go back in. He doesn't look good." My expression immediately changes, as I remember how selfish I am acting right now. We quickly enter the house and head straight for the bathroom. Squirrely is on the ground with his eyes closed and his chest barely moving. I check his pulse and it's is slower then usually.
"Even thought you made him throw it all up, we don't know when he took the drug so his organism is probably effected already." I hold my fingers on his wrist for a few more seconds and after I forcefully open his eye. "His pulse is way to weak and his eyes are catching on fire." I slowly turn back to Minho. "We are in trouble." I say as he just looks at me and then back at the boy.
Eventually he picks him up and I help him wash away the saliva and vomit from before, he takes him back into the living room and gently lays him on the couch carefully. We both just sit in front of the couch, non of us knowing what we should do. He obviously overdosed and for a case like this he should be taken to the hospital, but we can't afford that right now.
"Should we ask Seungmin, he is something close to a doc." I say the first thing that cams to my mind. Minho just lets out a small sight before speaking.
"He just rolled in collage last year, he probably doesn't know much...... but let's call him anyway. I mean there is not much we can do, so let's do as much as possible." I look back at the boy on the couch. From just watching his face, I can already feel the pain he is feeling right now. I am gonna be lying, if I say I'm not considering the idea to take him to a hospital, but if we do everything will be over.
"Ok let's do it." I search for my phone that is on the other couch under the blankets and quickly ring Seungmin's number up. It rings for a few seconds before the beeping stops and a voice speaks up.
"You said you won't bother me." He says with a heavy tone. Minho hits my arm signalling me to put him on speaker, so he can also hear the entire conversation and I do as he wishes.
"Yes I know, I'm sorry but we have a problem.. he- he kinda overdosed and me and Minho have noo ide-" He doesn't even let me finish my sentence and instead cuts me midway.
"You need to take him to the hospital!! Like right now!!" He says trying not to yell even thought his tone does go higher then usually.
"You know we can't. If we take him to a hospital they will take him away." I try to explain to him without actually showing the hesitation in my voice. Of course I'm going to take him to the hospital if his condition gets worst, but if I have a chance not to do it then I'm not going to.
"You have to. That combination of drugs can be deadly for him and even if I try to help him, I'm not sure I can do enough."
"But you can do something. Please I know you know how to help him. I need you to help him." Why can't this dude just agree and help, do I have to beg every single time.
"This will just g-" I catch myself loose my patience as he keeps going on and on.
"I can't put him back into that room... man I carried him all the way out of the hospital, cleaned up after he pissed his bed, I an forcing him to eat and last night he even giggled. I made a damn promise Seungmin and that promise is to get him back on track. I can't go back on my word... I don't want to." He keeps quiet for a moment and that gives me enough time to finish this discussion.
"Get here. You have 30 minutes." I say and hang up on him.
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