25. Why Don't You Like Me

Uff... It's getting hot here. Is he even awake?? I need to get up. Of course I'm enjoying this, but my butt hurts, and we are literally swimming in his sweat right now. Is he even breathing?? Fuck, I can't feel his heart beat well even thought his chest is pressed onto me.

Next to me Seungmin is preparing to put a mask over Squirrely's nose, while I'm still holding him in my embrace on the ground. Seungmin signals me to move Squirrely's head, so he can slide the mask on his nose, and I just simply hold his head up allowing Seungmin to do his thing. As I try to move Squirrely's body further, he tightens his grip around my waist pulling himself even closer to me. He lays his head on my chest even more comfortably, slowly trying to breathe, as Seungmin lets the small amount of air travel through the plastic tube.

This definitely doesn't happen often. I definitely don't have a guy hugging me like this everyday. Actually I don't even remember the last time a guy has hugged me other then Minho, so this is something completely new. Is it wrong for my heart to flutter at a moment like this, after all he is a patient and I'm his saviour kidnaper. It does feel wrong but I can't stop my heart, can I??

Despite the pain in my butt, I decide to stay on the ground and keep hugging him. During this time, I slide my fingers in between his soft hair, letting them slowly stroke his hair as the minutes pass. I can smell his sweat mixed with Minho's shampoo, that he let's Squirrely use and the warmth surrounding us feels so comforting for some reason. His slow heart beat that I can feel and his calm breath. For some reason I observe him with so much focus that it surprises even me.

I manage to stay down for quite a while before the heat starts killing me. Does he have a fever?? I can't tell since our skin has been touching for too long now, but this can't be the right temperature for us. I use my eyes to signal Seungmin to check it out, and he slowly leans forward and places his hand on Squirrely's forehead. Not a second passes yet his eyes widen, as he quickly looks back at me.

"He is burning." He says making me sit up and quickly pull Squirrely back. He yawns at my sudden movement, but he doesn't have enough of strangest to pull our body's back together. I look at his face and the tips of his hair are soaked in sweat, his eyes closed and his lips slightly parted. I was so comfortable with the hug that I didn't want to pull him away sooner.

"Bring cold water and towels, we need to bring his temperature down, now." I say and Seungmin storms off toward the kitchen. Without even waiting for him to return, I wrap my hands around Squirrely's chest just under his armpits, and pull him up on the couch. He obviously still hasn't gained much weight, only a few kilograms, but it's ok. We are getting there.

Despite the fact that we both are covered in his sweat, I take the last clean shirt he has left and quickly change him into it.

Minho comes out if the kitchen together with Seungmin, holding a few towels while Seungmin is carrying a pot full of cold water. I immediately take a towel out of his hands and dip it into the water. I can't wait for the day, when I wake up like every other normal human being, and greet Squirrely with a cheerful 'good morning, what's up, are you hungry??' but came to think of it, I don't know if I will ever get the chance. I haven't thought about it yet but, what happens after this ends?? Will he be put into another hospital because of his mental state?? I don't think he will be to pleased with that though.

I place the towel on his forehead and watch his tired face. When will he get better?? I know he overdosed hours ago and it will take a while for his body to get back to normal, but I feel like these few hours have been dragging for days.

"Just be better. Please." I murmur under my breath right before Minho covers him with a blanket. I feel so bad right now. I know we already went through the, 'It's my fault, no it's not' bla bla bla shit, but I can't help but feel responsible for this.

--

I don't even know how much time passed since we started bringing his temperature down, but I feel tired. I genuine feel tired. Since I meet Squirrely, I returned to my cry baby personality. I haven't cried this much ever since my sister died. I know before I cried because of the memory I remembered, and then because I saw him like that and it backfired, but now I'm sitting on the floor next to the couch that he is lying on, and tears are slowly starting to build up in my eyes. This time is not even connected to my sister, but then again I have never cried over anything else before. It's just... my heart hurts. It hurts so much. I know he is not going to die because he got out of that faze an hour ago already, but I'm still afraid. Why am I crying when I know he is going to be ok.

I wipe the tear off my face the moment it falls down my cheek. I don't want Minho to see me crying again, it makes me uncomfortable to put him in a situation like that. Seungmin somehow managed to fall asleep, while Minho is going through the notes he wrote from his class today.

"Aigh, this makes no sense." He says with a tone filled with frustration "Oi Jieun, do you know how to do math??" I look up at him trying not to show the tornado of emotions that is going on inside of me right now. I get up and walk behind the couch to get a better look at his computer. His head follows me and only when I look down, I realize that I actually got up to see if I can actually help him. Most of the time, I would shout back something similar to 'you dumb idiot' and continue to do my thing only to came back an hour later, and see if I can land a hand. His eyes sharpen as he stares deep into my soul.

"What's wrong with you??" He asks but I just shake my head before looking at the screen. Why the fuck is he asking me if I know math, when he knows I chose a collage that certainly did NOT include math in it's program.

"Why would you ask me a math question when I barely finished the high school math program. Dude I have no idea what this isss.... oh my God" If my tears won't show it then my voice sure will. I almost squealed those last few words out.

His expression turns from sharp and curious to a surprised one. He just looks at me while I'm trying not to have an actual mental break down on the spot. I feel the tears building up in my eyes once again and I immediately turn away from him, not allowing him to see my face.

"Yah are- why- why are you crying. It's a stupid math question." He says. I'm sometimes asking myself, if this idiot is dumb enough to think that I would cry over something that has nothing to do with me.

"Is it Hannie again??" He asks, finally using his brain. I slide behind the couch sitting on the floor, while still not allowing him to see my face. I can feel his head piking right above mine, but I can cry in peace at least.

"It's just. It's so hard. He has nightmares all the time, he won't eat, he won't talk, he just eats up all of his feeling and emotions. I don't even know if his panic attacks are getting better or worst, and now he's lying on that couch with that mask over his nose and that towel on his forehead, and for some reason looking at him like this makes me want to punch someone so hard, that they'll count all the starts in the universe." I stop for a moment to take a breath, and that gives him enough of time to crack a joke which doesn't help one bit. I appreciate the effort thought.

"That's practical impossible. There are countless universes which means coun-" I cut him off before he gets to turn out to smart for his knowledge.

"Shut up I know. But the fact that he makes me feel this way, just makes me feel like he shouldn't be making me feel this way." I wipe away the tears knowing I got it all out of me and now I won't feel like crying anymore. At that moment, his head reaches the level of mine making me jump away a little, before noticing how he's literally hanging from his stomach and above over the couch. He looks at me with a puzzled look on his face.

"Why does he make you feel that way though?? Do you like him??" I pause for a moment before smacking his head.

"Ouch. I mean-" He pushes himself over the couch and lands on the ground next to me. Only after he sits his butt comfortably on the floor he continues. "Even thought it feels like he is a child right now, he is not. He's a man, and nobody said you can't feel attracted to him." I just keep looking at him with a neutral face, trying not to give him any kind of roads he can continue on with this. The fact that I'm actually thinking about what he just said, manages to surprise me. I quickly shake my head trying to throw the thought out of my head.

"I don't like him." I say and Minho just gives me a glare. "Then why were your palms sweating earlier. You think I'm that dumb not to notice. You said you'll be going to the bathroom, but instead entered the damn kitchen and the first thing you did, was wash you damn hands. And if I remember right the last time that happened was when was in our second year of high school, when your crush conf-" I slam my hand on his mouth, making him shut up for a second.

"You don't." I say with a warning tone.

"Bu th's th tuth." His saliva goes all over my hand making me pull away.

"You're disgusting man." I say and he just looks at me with a small smirk.

"Anyways, I think I got my point across, so I'll drop the subject now. By the way get some sleep you look awful. Oh and... take a shower... please." Squirrely sweated all over me not to long ago, but somehow I manage not to detect the smell that has been surrounding me.

"But I did get a good night sleep" I say trying to protest.

"You barely slept 6 hours. How is that a good night sleep after a week of barely closing your eyes. Just do what I told you to do. I'll take care of him." I don't even have the energy to argue right now. I just nod at him and head toward my room to grab some fresh clothes. I guess I should sleep for an hour or two. Not to long tho.

--

My eyes slowly open like two rocks that just got smashed in half. I look around the room, even though my vision is quite blurry. My legs slowly stretch in front of me, making me realize my body has been squeezed together like a meat ball on this small armchair. I would go upstairs and sleep on the comfy bed, but my brain just led me here right after I got out of the bathroom.

I notice the thin blanket that is covering my nose, and slowly pull it down with my hand. Minho must have threw it over me because I don't remember falling asleep with it. I rub my eyes in hopes my vision gets better, and then look around once again.

Everyone are knocked out. And when I say knocked out, I literally mean knocked out. On the couch on my left Seungmin is sleeping with his head leaning on Minho shoulder, and on top of that, Minho's head is leaning on Seungmin's head... now that's something you don't get to see everyday. I rub my eyes once again, just to double check if the sight in front of me is real. and yes it defensively is. I need to take a picture of this.

It doesn't take long for the sour feeling in my throat to hit me. I can't be the only person who feels like acid is poured down her throat, every time she wakes up in the morning. Anyways, I need some water.

I manage to slowly get up and reach for the water bottle on the table. I look at it and realize it's completely empty. Of course it's empty, 4 people are living off of one water bottle.

As I am about to leave for the kitchen, I notice a blanket on the ground. My eyes slowly follow up and see a squeezed body on the couch. It's Squirrely. He doesn't look any different from before, the tips of his hair are still covered in sweat, and the towel is still on his forehead. The only difference is that he looks scared. His eyes are shut tighter then before, like he is having a nightmare again. Should I try to wake him up?? I should get the water first, since he'll need it more then me when he gets up.

I observe his face for a moment, noticing the small drop of sweat traveling all the way from the side of his face, down his cheek, and reaching the tip of his chin. Is watching a guy sweating always this attractive??

I shake the thought out of my head, quickly reach for the blanket on the ground and throw it over his body, making sure it covers him completely except his head of course. I check the towel on his forehead and notice it's pretty fresh, which means Minho fall asleep not to long ago. I check his temperature hoping it went down, and it mostly did but not completely. It's ok, this is still better then nothing.

My eyes land down on his hand that is peaking out of the blanket and over the couch's edge. I slowly squad down and pick his hand into mine. It's cold... I wrap both of my palms around it in hopes I can warm his hand up, and only after a few seconds I realize I probably look like a little kid right now. After staring at his hand for around 10 seconds like a broken wheel, I slide it under the blanket and get up to grab that water, before waking him up. As I am about to walk away a pair of fingers wraps around my left wrist, making me look over my shoulder back to the boy on the couch. His eyes are still closed, but he's obviously awake.

"I'm sorry." He says as his eyes slowly open and look up searching for mine. "I didn't want to make you feel that way, or be a burden in any kind of way. I didn't know it is so hard to deal with me. I should have been more careful and think more about you and Minho hyung. I'm really so-"

"Stop it." I cut him off fast. "You are not a burden and you never will be one. I knew that there will be a lot of work once we break you out, and I still chose to do it, so don't be sorry. You can think about me and Minho once you get better, but now just think about yourself." I won't let him feel like a burden. Not now. Not ever.

"But I create so much mess an-" I cut him off once again.

"It doesn't mater. Even if you piss the bed again, I'll clean it. If you run away, I'll go after you. If you sweat all day, I'll change your clothes and if you have a panic attack I'll be there... I will stay by your side until the day you don't need me anymore." Didn't I just go a little overboard. I look him in the eyes and they are slightly widened. Maybe I shouldn't have talked so much today.

"I'll get you some wa-" As I am about to pull my wrist out of his hand, he pulls me backwards toward the couch causing me to fall down. He raises the blanket allowing me to land right next to him on the couch, and then wraps us both back into it. My eyes widen a bit as he wraps his hands around me and pulls me closer to himself.

"I don't need it. Just stay here." He says causing my heart to jump up a little. 'He's a man and nobody said you can't feel attracted to him.' Minho's words ring through my mind. Wait what?? No. I would shake my head right now, but I don't really have much space to do it, after all I'm being hugged by a man that I know for around a week. I swear to god I can feel my ears getting red, should I hug him back tho??

Suddenly his forehead leans on mine making me look up at him. His eyes are closed and his face is so close. Ok now my ears are definitely burning. When did he became so... manly??

"Why don't you like me though??" He says in a low and calm tone. His eyes slowly open and he catches me staring at him. This is the first time he catches me staring. I don't even know how to describe this situation anymore, and god I can't breathe. Before he misunderstands I try to spit out a few chewed words.

"You- That- That's not the way I meant it. There is a difference between a- between liking a person as a friend and liking them as-"

"I know the difference." He says still looking directly into my eyes.

"You- You do??" I ask, and right after I swallow the saliva that has been building up in my throat.

"A lot of my memories came back, so I remember the difference." Oh well.. umm.. Imma choke now.

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Thank you for reading ❤️🖤

Well this was... I feel like I mentally died while cheeking this chapter. And I don't know why, but for some reason I'm disappointed in it.