Chapter 18

Weeks passed. Jack spent his nights with Gwen, while his days were spent trying to keep the dam overflowing financially. It didn’t help that the universe seemed to be against Jack being happy. Not even two days after that magical night with Gwen, Jack returned home to find a huge hole in his roof, rain pouring inside.

A huge tree branch had fallen while he’d been gone. It’d been so windy that it hadn’t taken much to snap the branch—nearly twenty feet long—like a tiny twig. It’d fallen directly on top of Jack’s house, puncturing the roof that he’d been meaning to replace but hadn’t had the time. He’d cursed his procrastination. He hurriedly cleaned up the rainwater that’d drenched his makeshift kitchen. The water damage had already ruined both the stovetop and microwave.

But before the cleanup, Jack had had to climb to the roof and cover the hole with a tarp as best he could. He’d nearly broken his neck in the process, it’d been so rainy and windy.

Now it was morning, and Jack found himself without hot water. Swearing, he discovered that his hot water heater was shot. He’d need to replace it entirely.

“Fuck me,” he said to himself. He raised a fist. “Can you cool it with the house breaking down?”

No voice replied, of course. Inside Jack’s head, he was calculating how much money he still had left in his bank account, and how much all these repairs would cost. He wondered if he could forgo hot water for a while. But the thought of ice-cold showers in the middle of winter made his bones hurt.

The bad luck continued. That evening, Jack answered a call from Danny. At first, Jack felt hopeful, that Danny was trying to reach out this time.

Jack’s hopes were quickly dashed. “You need to take care of Mom,” said Danny without so much as a question as to how Jack was doing.

“I already told her I’d give her the money.”

“How much?”

“Three thousand.”

Danny laughed, but there was no mirth in it. “Dude, she does not need three thousand dollars. Come on now.”

“She needed it for the deposit.”

“Look, the city is expensive, but she can find a cheaper place. She probably already has. She’s just using you like she always does.”

Jack’s shoulders felt heavy. He couldn’t even feel outraged at Danny’s pronouncement. He’d expected it if he were honest.

“So how am I supposed to take care of her? Give her even more money?” Jack said hollowly.

“Fuck no. I haven’t given her a dime in years. But she’s always coming around my work, begging me, making a scene. Last night my boss had to throw her out. I was fucking embarrassing.”

“I still don’t get what you want me to do.”

“Have her move in with you. You can keep an eye on her.”

Now Jack was the one who was laughing. That hollow feeling had left him, only to be filled with anger. “That’s your solution? Put her on my doorstep like a lost puppy and then wash your hands of her? Jesus Christ.”

“Hey, I’ve done my part. I’ve looked after her, given her money, helped her out all these years while you hid out on your island. You haven’t been around. So how about you put in the effort this round? Because I’m fucking done.”

Jack couldn’t refute Danny’s words. Even though every cell in Jack’s body rebelled at bringing their mom to Hazel Island, there was some merit to the idea. Maybe if Jack watched over her, helped her get into treatment, made sure she had employment...

“She can’t live with me,” said Jack. “My house is too small.”

“Then get a new place.”

“That costs money. You want to pay for that?”

Danny sighed. “Look, I’m willing to help some, money-wise. I just can’t do all the other stuff.”

Jack could hear the frustration, the exhaustion, in Danny’s voice. He understood that all too well because they were the same feelings he’d had when he’d left his family behind all those years ago.

“If you want to make up for everything, do this for me,” said Danny.

“Let me think about it.”

Jack wanted to go to Gwen right then. He wanted her to tell him what he should do, but at the same time, he hated how weak he felt. The thought of Gwen pitying him made him want to punch something.

All he had now was an old mug that he threw at the wall. But it didn’t even have the grace to shatter. It just thumped to the floor and rolled under the bed, as if saying to Jack, ~get it the fuck together, dude.~

Jack didn’t have much time to think about Danny’s idea. Their mom began blowing up his phone, to the point that Jack nearly blocked her number. Instead, he texted her a terse, ~I’ll call you when I can. Stop hassling me. ~

That resulted in a five-minute voicemail where Debra called him ungrateful, cruel, selfish, and a whole host of other unsavory adjectives. Despite her guilt trip, Jack couldn’t feel guilty.

At least not about his mom. But Danny? He could feel guilty about that for ages.

But as Jack pondered Danny’s idea that he should have their mom come to live on Hazel Island, Jack knew he couldn’t have her here. The thought of Gwen meeting her—sweet, innocent Gwen—and then trying to bilk money out of her was an unbearable thought. The entire island would soon know what kind of a person Debra Benson was. And they’d whisper about it, the gossip flowing like a river, until Jack was certain the islanders would soon be looking at him and wondering if the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

It would probably cost more money to keep Debra in Seattle. Jack knew that. And along with his house falling apart, and the continually terrible salmon catches, he wouldn’t have much left over. Certainly not enough to fund Gwen’s restaurant.

Jack was supposed to go to Gwen’s that evening. He considered canceling, but he was too weak. He needed her. He didn’t know if he’d talk about everything that was happening. There was so much shame wrapped up in it, as if his mom had infected him with her madness.

But before he drove to Gwen’s, he called his mom finally.

“I’ll give you the money,” said Jack. “But only if you agree to go to treatment first.”

* * *

Gwen couldn’t hide her excitement when Jack arrived. Not just because he was coming over, but because she and Jocelyn had finished the business plan for the restaurant.

“I want you to look over it,” she said, handing Jack a stack of papers that were still warm from the printer.

“I’m not a writer.” He took the papers but didn’t seem inclined to look at them.

Jack had seemed subdued since he’d stepped inside her doorway. Despite asking him more than once if something was bothering him, he’d said he was fine. Just tired.

“Well, you still might see something we missed. At the very least, it’d be nice to hear if you think the concept makes sense,” said Gwen.

“It’s a restaurant. What’s there to explain?”

Gwen was in the middle of pouring them both some hot cider she’d purchased at the festival a few weeks ago. She nearly spilled some of it on her hand when she looked up at Jack in surprise.

“What crawled up your butt and died?” Gwen shot back.

“I told you: I’m tired.”

Now they were both staring at each other, both annoyed with the other person. This was not how Gwen envisioned this evening. She expected Jack to look through the business plan, exclaim over what an amazing idea it was, and then he’d make love to her all night long.

~So much for that fantasy~, thought Gwen.

“What is going on with you? You’ve been a total grump since you walked in,” said Gwen.

Jack’s jaw tightened. He still held the papers and ended up crumpling them in the middle, probably not even realizing he was doing it.

Instead of answering her question, he went and sat down on her couch and began reading. She stared at the back of his head, halfway tempted to throw something at him. But she quelled the childish impulse and instead brought him a mug of cider.

If she refrained from adding whipped cream to his, well, he could get that himself if he wanted it.

Jack didn’t comment on the lack of whipped cream. He barely even touched the cider, letting it go cold as he read through the business plan.

Gwen’s heart pounded in anticipation. It’d been a lot of work to put the plan together, especially with Jocelyn feeling the need to edit every little detail. Gwen had appreciated the input, especially the nitty-gritty of how a restaurant worked. Jocelyn, though, tended to refuse to compromise on the small things if she was certain she was right.

When Gwen hadn’t included a ten-year forecast for potential profits, instead sticking with a five-year forecast, Jocelyn had balked. When Gwen had written that the restaurant would be “American comfort food with a twist,” Jocelyn had told Gwen point-blank that the description basically meant that they were opening an expensive Denny’s.

Jack said nothing as he read. When he turned over the last page, he leaned back, his forehead furrowed.

“The menu is too large,” he said finally.

“It’s only twenty items.”

Jack shook his head. “It’s all over the place. Pizzas, pasta, tacos, and then risotto and...” He found the page with the menu on it. “Arugula salad with Ahi tuna, crumbled chèvre, and roasted dates.” His expression was wry now. “Are you seriously going to be roasting dates?”

Gwen took the page from Jack. “I didn’t push back on the menu. Jocelyn is the chef, after all.”

“Sure, but she’s not going to be the owner. You are. You get the final say on everything. Even the menu.”

“Jocelyn isn’t going to like hearing that.”

“She’ll live. If she wants to keep the gig, she’ll get over it.”

Gwen smiled, shaking her head. “I already had some ideas about the menu. I’ll talk to Jocelyn about them tomorrow.”

“How pissed is she gonna be?”

“Oh, she’ll probably tell me to go to hell. I’m not looking forward to it.” Gwen sighed deeply. “She and Alex have been butting heads lately. Alex was upset with me because she thought Jocelyn was stealing me.”

Jack looked bewildered. “Stealing you? Like kidnapping you?”

“No, stealing me as a friend.”

“You can’t have more than one friend?” Now he really sounded confused.

Gwen laughed at his expression. “I can. It’s just that these two sisters don’t get along so well. Alex has been my friend for longer. It was a whole thing during the cider festival. I think Alex is still waiting for me to start picking Jocelyn over her.”

“Sounds fucking stupid.”

“I know! It’s middle-school stuff. I’m way too old for this. And Alex knows it, too. She said she knows she’s been stupid but there’s a history there. Then when I try to get her to explain, she clams up.”

“Stupid,” was Jack’s only response.

Gwen knew the situation between the Gray sisters had more nuance to it. Alex could be flighty and impulsive, but she was loyal and thoughtful, too. If she couldn’t explain why she felt so triggered by Jocelyn becoming Gwen’s friend, there must be a good reason for it.

“Now you’re going to think we’re all just a bunch of silly women,” said Gwen.

Jack raised a dark eyebrow. “Why should I?”

“Because that’s what it sounds like.”

Shrugging, he replied, “Everybody has their shit. Some people are better at hiding it than others.”

His gaze seemed to go to a faraway place. Gwen once again wondered what was hanging over him. Weren’t they friends, too? Why did he feel like he couldn’t be honest with her?

She couldn’t help but feel hurt at his lack of trust in her. Did he think she’d judge him? Or worse, that she wouldn’t keep his secrets?

“Do guys ever have these kinds of fights?” said Gwen.

“Nah. We just punch each other.” Jack drank some of his cider finally. “Way healthier.”

Gwen giggled. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him. He tasted of apples and cinnamon. When he deepened the kiss, she let herself float away, releasing all the jumbled thoughts inside her head.

They kissed for a long time. The cider was soon forgotten entirely, Gwen’s whipped cream melting into the drink a while ago.

“This affair or whatever it is that we’re doing,” said Gwen during a moment between kisses, “has probably been the best thing in my life right now. You make me happy, Jack Benson.”

Jack looked like she’d slapped him. His gaze skirted away, which made her wish she’d kept her mouth shut.

“Not sure I deserve a compliment like that,” he admitted.

“Even if you don’t deserve it, I’m giving it to you anyway. So take it and enjoy it.”

He placed a stray curl behind her ear. “I wish I could give you everything you deserve.”

“Then you better start kissing me again.”

* * *

Jack should tell her no. He should end this thing, right then and there, and let Gwen get on with her life.

He knew what he should do. But he didn’t have the strength to do the right thing. Not with Gwen gazing up at him, like she believed he could do anything.

No one had ever looked at him like that. It humbled him, and it terrified him. It reminded him that he’d let her down. If not now, then someday.

She was too tempting, with her smile and her red hair, her green eyes bright with desire. She’d blossomed so much since they’d started this thing, whatever it was.

Affair. Fling. Friends with benefits.

Jack marveled over the silk of her skin as he caressed her cheek. Her throat. The shadow inside her collarbone. Her eyelashes, tipped in blond, fluttered as he touched her.

“You’re addictive,” he admitted. He let his fingers roam across her back. “I can’t get enough of you.”

“I feel the same way.”

When she pulled his head down for a kiss, he didn’t resist. He couldn’t. Not with how soft her lips were, or how she tried her hardest to get as close to him as she could, like she wanted to meld their bodies together.

He licked inside her mouth, tasting the cider she’d drunk, and she giggled when he nipped at her bottom lip. The kiss was lazy, sensual, as Jack rubbed the bare skin of her lower back before lifting her into his lap.

It didn’t take long for him to slip her out of her shirt or her bra. He played with her breasts, still kissing her, loving the way she wiggled on his lap. His cock was already hard as iron.

“I want to do something different tonight,” said Gwen, her eyes glassy.

“Like what?”

She just smiled, shaking her head, before going on her knees in front of him. He didn’t need her to explain what she was thinking about. As she began to unzip his jeans, he tensed.

“You don’t have to.” Even as he said the words, he knew he’d die if she stopped.

Gwen cupped his cock through his boxers. “I want to.” She freed his length, gently stroking it, her touch so light that it was almost painful.

Jack groaned when she began tasting him. She was tentative at first, licking at the tip, swirling her tongue around to see his reaction.

“Do you like this?” she asked.

He licked his dry lips. “Squeeze me at the base when you lick the tip or suck it.”

When she immediately took him inside her mouth, he nearly came right then and there. The heat, the wetness, the flush on her cheeks, the redness of her lips around his cock were nearly his undoing.

“Fuck, Gwen.” He touched her hair. “You’re amazing.”

She just winked at him. Then she was squeezing and sucking at the same time. She’d lost that hesitation and instead seemed to revel in making him writhe.

He could feel himself getting close. He’d never gotten this close, this fast, and especially not from a blowjob.

“Gwen.” Jack gently lifted her away and brought her up for a deep kiss.

“Why’d you stop?”

“Because I want to be inside you when I come.”

He pulled out a condom that he’d put in his wallet just in case, all the while knowing he should let Gwen go. But as she shimmied out of her pants and underwear, all his doubts disappeared.

Once he had the condom on, Gwen sat on his lap, his cock rubbing against her dripping core. They both moaned when he nearly sheathed himself inside of her but missed.

Gwen took his cock and notched the tip at her entrance before slowly sliding down his length. Jack gripped her hips, not sure if he wanted her to go faster or slower.

“Gwen. Shit, Gwen.” He was incoherent as she began to bounce on top of him.

Gwen titled her head back, her hair trailing down, her eyes closed. She rode him in quick strokes. Jack had to restrain himself from making her go faster. He squeezed the globes of her ass, which made her quicken her pace.

“Oh my God.” Gwen was going faster, faster. She was breathing hard. “Oh my God—Jack!”

She squealed. As her sheath gripped him and her release burst through her, Jack’s exploded, too. He shouted as he came. His entire body was wracked with convulsions.

He was barely aware of Gwen kissing his face and rubbing his chest. He was panting. He felt like his heart had exploded and then had come back together again somehow.

“That was fun,” said Gwen breathlessly. She pushed sweaty strands of hair from his forehead. “How about you?”

He couldn’t speak. He knew that he’d have to let her go, but it was unbearable.

~Don’t look too closely. Don’t think about the future just yet. Let yourself enjoy this one last time.~

He pressed his forehead to hers. “I think you broke me,” he admitted with a sad laugh.

“I hope not. Because I’m not done with you tonight.”

And Jack, not being a complete idiot, wasn’t about to deny her a second round.