Chapter 86 by Cara Anderson

Ch. 86 Maybe Not Impossible

Mallory’s POV

“I’m listening.” I prompted Cotlon while I waited for him to explain whatever it was that he felt so compelled to say to me.

I had to say, as far as explanations went, he was doing a shit job so far. I didn’t understand him at all. On one hand, he was apologizing for hurting me by being intimate with Darcy, then in the next breath he said he did it to protect me,

How was causing me unspeakable pain protecting me? In what universe was I supposed to be okay with him taking my virginity, telling me he wanted me, then going back to his girlfriend the next day? The idea was ludicrous. Yet here I was, waiting on tenterhooks to hear what he had to say.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized again which was beginning to irritate me. “I know it doesn’t make rational sense. I see that now. But it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.”

“Colton, please just start at the beginning.” I didn’t even try to hide my exasperation.

“Okay. Good idea.” He agreed, then took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly before launching into his tale. ” When you were almost kidnapped the first time, Goddess I can’t even believe I have to say that.

“Anyway, Clay, Cary and I were trying to figure out how Quade would have known you were looking for him, to even know he could set you up like that. Clay mentioned that the only people who knew about your relationship to Hazelwood pack were the four of us and our parents, none of whom would put you at risk. I didn’t say anything at the time, but he was wrong.”

“Who else knew. Colton?” I had a feeling I didn’t want to hear the rest, but like a train wreck I knew it would be, I had to see it through to the end.

“Darcy knew. I told her. Fuck! I’m so sorry! I really thought I could trust her.” I just nodded for him to continue, unsure how to even respond to that. “I left your hospital room and went straight to confront her. She denied it of course but I told her I was done with her and to stay away from us.

“I meant it too. Even if I hadn’t suspected her, I only wanted you. I never would have come to you that night, never would have mated you if I still had feelings for Darcy.” His tone was imploring but it still didn’t make sense.

“Then what changed. Why did you go back to her, Colton? Why rip my heart out that way?” I demanded. I needed to know.

“I didn’t” He denied. “Not really anyway. But when I heard what that rogue had to say, the way he threatened you with Quade’s so-called offer, I lost it. I couldn’t let anything happen to you and I was terrified Darcy might still be working with Quade, helping him get to you.

“I thought if I could win her back, get her to trust me again, I could find out something that would lead us to him before he could hurt you. Turns out I was right. She did go meet him, But he got away and I broke your trust in me for nothing. ”

Colton continued telling me about following Darcy and Quade getting away. He told me how he’d been willing to sacrifice our bond, been willing to lose me, if it meant I could live happily with Cary and Clay, without the threat of Quade hanging over me. A small part of my brain said I should be grateful for what he tried to do for me. But for the most part, I just wanted to wring his neck.

“Why didn’t you just tell me your plan? I would have hated it but at least I would have known you still wanted me. I wouldn’t have felt used and tossed away like yesterday’s garbage, Colton!” What started as a question turned into more of a growl at the remembered pain of that night.

“I should have. Fuck! I know I should have.” He admitted. “I just didn’t trust you not to tell my brothers and I knew they’d never let me go through with it. Besides, after cheating on her and dumping her the way I did, I knew I’d have to make it believable for her to trust me again. I couldn’t risk too many people knowing the truth.”

“Darcy said something to me when I found her with Quade. Something like you stopped loving her when I came home from Luna Training and that you let Quade have her without a fight.” I recounted. “I didn’t believe her. I thought she was delirious from all the abuse she’d suffered.”

Colton sucked in a sharp breath, guilt flooding his features. Now, I had to wonder how much of Darcy’s words had been true.

“She was telling the truth, on both counts.” Colton confirmed. “I feel terrible about what happened to her. I would never wish that kind of treatment on anyone. But when I found her with Quade, when I found out she was his mate and had been feeding him information, I washed my hands of her.”

“And about the love part?” I knew it made me sound needy and insecure but I was desperate to know the answer.

“Mallory, it took me way too long to admit it, but I have loved you since the day you punched me in the nose for teasing my brother on the playground. You were ten, almost eleven and I was thirteen. I was furious at you for embarrassing me but deep down I loved that you were full of fire and I was infatuated.

“I meant every word I said to you that night, Mal. I was with Darcy for all the wrong reasons. It’s always been you for me and it always will be. If you decide you can’t forgive me for hurting you, I’ll understand. I’ll be there for our pups and I’ll be the best father I can possibly be. But I’ll never bond with anyone else.”

I stared into his eyes, trying to read what was written in those cobalt hidden depths. I tugged on the tether of our bond, feeling out the emotions it revealed. It felt weak and strained but not insincere.

Everything in me wanted to believe him. But I’d been bitten twice by him and not in the good, bonding for life kind of way. It would definitely take some time to trust him again.

“Will you tell me what happened? With Darcy, I mean. What you did with her that hurt me so badly?” Maybe I was a glutton for punishment, but again, I had this insatiable need to know.

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore Mallory.” He hedged. “But from here on out, I promise to always be honest with you. I will tell you anything you need to know.”

“I need to know that.” I stated firmly.

“Okay. It was just a bit of making out, kissing and touching over our clothes. Not that Im making light of it. It made me sick to do it. I’m sure it felt much worse to you.”

“It felt like being sliced open with broken glass repeatedly. But I think my imagination made it even worse. I lost all sense of time, so it seemed plausible in my head that you, um, slept with her.” Even saying the words tasted sour.

“I never would have let it go that far, Mal.” He asserted. “In my mind, I still held out hope that when it was all over, when I’d made you safe and could tell you the truth, you’d forgive me and we could finally be together. I knew if I fucked her, there’d be no coming back from that. I see now that there isn’t either way.”

“What do you see?” I queried. “Tell me what you see in me, Colt.”

“I see the most beautiful woman the Goddess ever created. I see someone with so much strength, goodness, and genuine selflessness, I don’t deserve to breathe the same air.” He gushed. “I see the best mate and Luna a man could ever hope to find, the only one I’d ever want as the mother to my pups. A woman I’ll never deserve but will spend the rest of my days trying.”

“That’s quite a pedestal you’ve put me on. But for all that, do you see a woman incapable of forgiveness?” I challenged.

“Of course not!” He scoffed at the idea. “But some things shouldn’t be forgiven.”

“I don’t disagree. But I’m not sure this is one of those things. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not making any promises. Twice you broke my trust and it won’t be easy to win it back. Not easy, but maybe not impossible.”

“I understand. But if you let me try, I promise I’ll never let you down again. I know my promises don’t count for much right now, but I think you get what I’m trying to say.” He rambled excitedly. “I’ll never make you regret giving me a chance.”

“I hope not.” I said, smiling softly at him.

We pulled up to the packhouse just as Cotlon and I finished our conversation. Clay and Cary were at my door before the driver put the car in park. My door flew open and two worried faces stared back at me.

“Um, is everything okay?” Cary asked sheepishly.

“Everything is fine.” I assured him. ” We didn’t eviscerate each other if that’s what you were worried about. I think we’ve come to an understanding.”

“Well, that’s good, I think.” Clay sounded unsure but I wasn’t in the mood to rehash our conversation just yet. I let out an exaggerated yawn which made him chuckle. “Come on, let’s get you inside, little wolf.”

He lifted me out of the car and insisted on carrying me upstairs. We’d only taken a few steps when Colton spoke up and Clay stopped to listen.

“Um, I’m just going to go back to my suite. I’ll come by a bit later to pick up the things I left in your apartment.” he said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

I’m not sure what prompted my response. Maybe it was how adorable he looked when he was unsure of himself, looking all timid instead of the self-confident Alpha he usually was. Maybe it was my naive hope that I could learn to trust him again. Or maybe I was just gullible enough to want him whether he was trustworthy or not. Like I said, glutton for punishment.

“Why don’t you stay with us?” I offered.

“What? Really?” The look on his face said he was waiting for me to admit it was a joke.

“Really. How are we supposed to work on rebuilding trust if you’re not there? Besides, even if things don’t work out between us, these pups are going to grow fast. You should be there to feel them kick, to talk to them so they can learn your voice, so you can bond with them.” I shrugged like it was no big deal.

But the way Colton was smiling at me, like I’d just told him he’d won the lottery, told me he thought it was a very big deal.