Broken Trust, New Beginnings

BECCA

I spent almost my whole winter break with Chase. I was back home two days before my return to college. Chase did everything in his power to cheer me up. He listened to me. He let me cry in his arms; he tried to make me feel better.

Now he was the only best friend I had. I felt only genuine tenderness from him and support. We both knew where we stood, and there wasn’t anything romantic between us.

Kate called me when I was back home, packing my things, ready to leave for the airport. She asked a lot of questions. She pitied me, cursing Drew, but in the end, she added how lucky she was to have Tim.

Yeah, so much for her support. My fallout with Drew was the beginning of my separation from Kate. She acted selfishly more and more often. She was blind to others’ feelings and so childish.

My first talk with Lily happened when I had been in New York for just two days. She was crying with me when I told her what happened.

Even over the phone, I felt that she was sorry for me and that she wanted to support me. She avoided talking to me about her brother and Drew, and I was grateful for that. I wasn’t ready.

Drew sent me messages every day. He said that he was sorry and that he loves me. After reading some of them, I realized that I don’t feel anything—only sorrow.

We were perfect together. I could have imagined my life with him, but now—I know only one thing. It's not going to happen. The broken trust was too much for me to handle.

On my first weekend back at college, Drew came to visit me. We went to our favorite place, this small Italian restaurant he showed Lily and me in my first year. I was sitting at the table, waiting for him, and when he walked inside—I stared at him.

He was wearing a brown hoodie and black sweatpants. He had a little beard, and it made him even more handsome than he was. Before that day, I would have felt butterflies in my stomach because of the realization that this man was mine. Now I felt only numbness.

“Hey!” Drew sat at the table and let his eyes roam over me. I was wearing my jeans shirt, jeans, and a black leather jacket. For makeup, I chose only mascara. “You look magnificent. As always.”

“Thank you.” I bit my lower lip from the inside. I tried to hold myself from crying because it was so damn hard!

“Why do I have this feeling that you've made your decision already? And I can't say or do anything for you to change it.”

“That's because you know me too well. Unlike me.”

“Rebecca, it's...”

“I thought I knew you. I thought that I could be sure of our feelings for each other. I thought our relationship was important to you.”

“It’s not ‘was’! It is. I love you, Becca.”

“Stop, Drew.” I sounded exhausted even to myself.

I hid my face in my palms.

“Stop lying to me and, more importantly, to yourself. You talked to me about us starting a family someday, about your wish to have a baby with me.

“I am 20 years old; I am a college student, and yet, I was ready to follow you. I was ready to quit college, only to be with you. But you don’t need that. You were mistaken.”

“No! Fuck! Rebecca, I know what I want! And it’s you!”

“If that were the truth, you wouldn’t have even looked twice at that girl. You would have been able to resist her, no matter how long she had been flirting with you!”

“This is a nightmare! Becca, tell me that I am still asleep, and soon you will wake me up with your kisses. I don’t want to lose you…” Drew placed his hand on mine and stared at me.

His eyes were full of tears. I knew that he was sorry, that he regretted it. Yet, I was choosing what would be better for me. This time, I needed to let him go.

“I can’t, Drew... I love you... But I can’t... I won’t be able to stay with you while you are in your hometown. I will be here. I would be jealous and suspicious. It will destroy me. I can’t…”

“Babe, please…” I heard a sob escape his lips and looked at Drew.

A lonely tear fell from his eye and rolled down his cheek. My eyes were burning with tears. I had this huge desire in me to lean into him, but I couldn’t.

I know myself too well. I wouldn’t be able to trust him when he lived in another city. Every time he didn’t pick up his phone, I would be picturing him with another woman in bed. It would be torture for both of us.

“No, Drew. It’s for the best.” I sucked in air, trying to stop my tears. “Maybe one day... But not now...”

I gently pulled my hand from his and stood up. I took a few steps and stopped near Drew. He looked up at me, I bent down, cupped his cheeks in my palms, and kissed his lips.

He returned my kiss, pulling me close and wrapping his hands around the small of my back. After a few minutes, I stepped away from him and left the restaurant.

That day, I ended my relationship with Drew. It was symbolic because it marked the two-year anniversary of our first date.

Lily and Nina were my rocks during those days. We spent a lot of time together, studying, chatting, and going out to the movies. We were distancing ourselves from Kate, who had become unbearable with her constant talk about Tim and their future plans.

From time to time, Drew would text me, asking about my studies or my days at college. I would respond, but I never allowed myself to flirt with him.

Between Logan and me, there was complete silence. Lily was the one spreading the news about his success.

She knew he was a sore subject for me, so she never brought him up in conversation. However, now that he was famous and people in college knew she was his sister, they started asking questions, and she would answer them.

During summer break, Lily, Nina, and I went on a three-week trip to Europe. It was a real adventure, and we had a lot of fun. I felt more alive than I had in months, and it helped me rediscover my strength and my true self.

In my final year, I studied like crazy. I knew what I wanted, and I was doing everything I could to make my dreams come true.

I dated my classmate, Ricky, for four months before our graduation. We both knew that there wouldn’t be anything serious between us, so we just spent good times together, enjoying each other’s company. It felt really good, though.

Even now, we send each other messages, asking about our plans and wishing each other well on holidays.

Tim proposed to Kate during the winter break in our final year. They decided to hold the wedding a week after our graduation day. I was happy for them, honestly. Because no matter what, she has been my friend since we were little kids, and I will always love her.

I honestly don’t want to go to the wedding. This whole time I have been able to avoid meeting Drew and Logan, and now I know that it will be inevitable. At the ceremony, everything goes well. My parents are there, and I stay in their company most of the time.

After the wedding, a close circle of Kate’s and Tim’s friends goes to Drew’s house at the lake. Like in the good old days. I try to refuse to go. In a month, I am going to move to Miami, and I want to stay in good spirits, but knowing Kate—it is impossible. She makes a scene and forces me to go.

I haven’t seen Drew or Logan for over a year. They both haven’t changed much, they have only become more mature and confident. They are 24 years old. Drew’s hair is cut short, and now he has a little stubble.

He didn’t quit exercising because he was in perfect shape as always. He was gorgeous, just as I remembered him. I felt attracted to him, and there were a few times when he touched me that I felt a tingling sensation in my lower abdomen.

Logan... Since the wedding started and until we came to the lake house, I hadn’t said a word to him. I just greeted him with a wave of my hand. I couldn’t help it. I was throwing glances in his direction. He was bigger than the last time, with his bulging muscles and biceps.

When I saw him in his shirt and trousers, I wondered how they weren’t cracking at the seams. His dark brown hair was cut short, shaved at his temples and on the nape of his neck. This man was stunning and incredibly sexy.

It was like the first time I saw him at the party in the sorority house. Damn him!

Drew asked me to dance with him when we were at the wedding. Well, I was nervous, I was drinking, and I agreed. I talked a little with him. And I realized quite quickly that he knew a lot about what I had been doing.

I guess I have Kate and Lily to thank for that. He knew about my future work in Miami, knew about my relationship with Ricky, and even dared to ask me to compare them. After that question, I pulled my hand from his and strode away. After that dance, I spent the remaining time with my parents only.

I was envisioning how these two days at the lake would go, but of course, all of my expectations were far from reality.