Rekindling Flames

BECCA

I parked my car in the parking lot of a park. It was just outside the city and looked more like a forest with asphalt pavement and wooden benches.

While driving, Logan and I were mostly silent. He only told me where to drive, and I followed his instructions. When the car stopped, Logan was the first to climb out, only to come around to my side and open the door for me. He extended his hand, and I took it.

We walked hand in hand to the entrance of the park.

Being near Logan gave me a feeling of safety. It was strange; we hadn't seen each other for so long, and there was this broken trust between us. Yet, there was also this undeniable chemistry, mutual attraction, and realization that I could be myself around him.

It was exactly how I felt in Chase's presence, but with the addition of this romantic vibe that hadn't existed between Chase and me for a very long time.

“You know, I've thought a lot about what happened between you and me. And even if I had no desire to admit it, it was mostly my fault that we fell apart.”

“Unfortunately.” I turned my head to Logan and saw a hint of a smile on his lips. Not enough for his dimples to appear, but enough for the tingling sensation to start growing in my lower abdomen.

“Rebecca, I have no idea what is between us... When I see you, I am drawn to you like a moth to a flame. It’s crazy! Because it has always been like that with us.

“Even when you were Drew’s girl, I wanted to be in his place. He changed a lot, and that’s all thanks to you. You were happy with him and in love. While I hated myself for the desire that I felt for you.”

“Even when I was with Drew, I always knew that you had a special place in my heart. I felt attracted to you, and I felt the need to be close to you... I called it ‘friendship’ because it was safer, and well, yeah, because I was in love with your best friend.”

“We are screwed, right? It’s all the same even now…”

“Uh-huh.”

“Listen... about Drew’s unfaithfulness. When you called me and when I saw how broken you looked... I couldn’t bring myself to tell you the truth.

“I figured that you thought that it was just a one-time thing, maybe some girl from a bar... I had no desire to change your mind. I didn’t want to be the person who would bring bad news to you.”

“Wait, Logan... It wasn’t just once?!” I stopped in my tracks and pulled my hand from his. Logan’s eyes widened a fraction, and then he just hid his face in his palms.

“Fuck, Rebecca... You and your ability to jump to conclusions. I didn’t mean it like that. Drew only cheated on you once. What I was telling you was that I knew that he was spending a lot of time with this girl, and she was flirting and trying to seduce him all that time.”

“But why? Why did you hide this? You could have hinted…”

“Honestly? Drew knew. He knew that I was attracted to you. I thought that if I told you and it was the reason for your breakup with him, he would think that I did that on purpose. That I called you, told you everything that I knew, and you came to see it for yourself.”

Logan stepped towards me and took my hand, intertwining our fingers.

“Rebecca, if he even just suspected that, my friendship with him would have been ruined. And I love that bastard too much.”

I stared at him in silence. What he was saying had a point. Logan and Drew stayed friends because he knew that Logan wasn’t the one who told me that Drew cheated. It was just a coincidence that I saw him with Natasha.

“Well, you know, Logan. If you had told me about this a long time ago, who knows…” I staggered at these words.

Who knows what? Would I have been his best friend even now? Or his wife? Oh my God, where do these thoughts come from?! Logan and I had no future together.

Whatever this is, it will end as soon as I go back to my life in New York. And he will go back to his fancy life with hot models and starlets surrounding him. It’s true, but why do I have this bitter taste in my mouth?

“At least, your necklace would have been on you… I got jealous of your relationship with that guy. I was thinking about the qualities he has that I don’t. And well, I thought that you were sleeping with him.”

I rolled my eyes at him, and he laughed. Logan let go of my hand, wound his arm over my shoulder and pressed me to his side.

“You know, my dad told me that all of my boyfriends saw Chase and my friendship with him as a threat. I was surprised, honestly.”

“Your dad sounds like an amazing person. I remember Drew telling me about his first meeting with your family. He said that your dad is the most genuine and kind father he ever met. Too bad that I didn’t get a chance to meet him properly. And Chase.”

“Chase is a big fan of yours. He would have been thrilled to meet you. I am a hundred percent sure that he would have asked you for a photo and an autograph.”

“Really?” I looked up and met his beautiful brown eyes. Logan was amazed by what he just heard.

“Really. Well, I guess I could be considered a fan too because I read almost every article about you, watch your games, and follow you on social media.”

“But the only difference was I did all that because you were my best friend and I was interested in your life. Even after the whole necklace thing or despite the fact that you didn’t answer any of my messages…”

I sighed; my mood had completely changed. I became very sad instantly. All of these memories flooded my mind. My emotions after I realized that he was disinterested in my life, while I knew everything about him, were too much.

I wiggled from Logan’s embrace and walked to the nearest bench. I plopped myself down on it and hid my face in my knees. I wasn’t going to cry, but my chest was hurting.

Logan sat near me silently, but he placed his hand on my back, running it up and down, trying to give me comfort. I felt his warmth even through my t-shirt, but it only made things worse.

“Logan, don’t…” He understood it right away and took his hand off of my back.

“Rebecca, listen, I know what it looks like. As if I erased you from my life. No calls, no messages… I never even asked Lily, Kate, or Tim about you. That’s true. I won’t deny it.”

Logan’s voice was like a whisper.

“But whenever I see Drew... He is the one who informs me about you. We don’t see each other a lot these days; we both have busy lives, but you have always been one of the topics of our conversations.”

“I thought our friendship was important to you. That’s why I couldn’t forget you. Because it was for me... While you threw me out of your life like garbage.

“Logan, do you realize how desperate I was to contact you after the last time I saw you at the lake? Six months. I sent you messages for six fucking months trying to know why you did what you did! Then, just to know how you are. What did I get in return? Nothing.”

“Rebecca, do you remember our rules?” His voice was hoarse. I straightened up and stared at him. Of course, I remembered. We established them in my first year of college.

“Yes. Why?”

“What did rule number 5 say?” Logan and I locked eyes. It was intense, so many emotions hidden behind each of our gazes. I gulped down a lump in my throat.

“Not to fall in love with one another.”

“I was in love with you, Rebecca. I realized it a long time ago with Melanie’s help... She called me when I was on my summer break before my final year.

“She wanted closure, and I talked to her for a few hours. She was the one who told me that even if I wasn’t cheating on her with you, it didn’t mean that I don’t have any feelings for you. After the conversation was over, I mulled it over and over in my head.

“She was right. I was in love with you, and you were Drew’s.”

“I…” I opened my mouth, but except for this one word, nothing came. I was stunned to the core.

“The emotions were too strong. I tried to drown them in alcohol, parties, hookups… But I almost drowned myself in it.”

Logan laughed shortly.

“Then I thought that I was able to erase it. We were friends and all. Until there was that night, which I spent in the same bed with you. I saw how vulnerable you were and how hurt.

“The jealousy that I felt toward Chase, the thought that he would be the one who was giving you comfort and if you went to New York… It was killing me, Rebecca. So, seeing that I lost you was very hard on me.”

“All you needed to do was explain…”

“Rebecca, I wanted you to be mine! But I knew that I shouldn’t tell you that. It isn’t the right time. I thought the time came when we went to the lake... I barely held myself back when I caught you in my arms while we were in the lake. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to tell you how I feel.”

“But I knew that it wasn’t the right moment. That’s why I followed you when you went to answer your phone. I wanted to talk with you to express my feelings. I saw how you looked at me, and I thought I had a chance.”

“When I realized that Chase was still there and that you were making plans with him about coming to Miami, I got so angry with you! And with myself! It all led to the moment when instead of kissing you, I tore off your necklace and threw it in the lake.”

“I thought that you wanted to kiss me…”

“I did. But my jealousy of Chase and Drew’s presence made it impossible. Drew had enormous expectations for that trip. He hoped to rekindle your relationship. To ask you to be with him again.”

“I spent the night with him, but we both knew that it was a one-time thing. I couldn’t trust him.”

“Yeah. I was aware of your night with Drew. You can be too loud, Rebecca.”

I felt my cheeks blushing.

“Well, after that, I was determined to forget about you. To erase these feelings that I had for you. Four years is a long time. But only on one condition, no calls, no messages, no asking about you. Total silence and ignorance.”

“Well? Did it help?” I was afraid to hear his answer. I knew why, and it was the most dreadful moment.

“Yes. It’s all gone.” Everything inside me froze. I knew perfectly well what he meant. “I feel attraction to you, desire. But no, I am not in love with you anymore.”

“Glad to hear. You and I have no future together. Maybe, we will be able to stay in touch and be friends. But that’s all.”

Glad to hear?! Rebecca! It was the stupidest thing that you could have said. But what can I do? To tell him that I have feelings for him? To tell him that I want to explore what it all means? I can’t do that! Because it was the truth. We don’t have any future.

“We could try. I don’t have a lot of free time, but if I were free and you called me, I would be happy to talk to you.”

“Thank you. For telling me. For explaining yourself. And for being honest with me.”

“It’s nothing,” Logan said. He stood up and extended his hand to me. I took it, and he pulled me to my feet. “Shall we? I think we will be just in time, and my sister won’t turn into a dragon spitting fire.”

We both laughed, turned around, and walked to the car. On our way back, I asked him about his team, his life in Philly, and his closest friends.

I caught myself thinking that I was enjoying listening to Logan. I was enjoying holding hands with him. I tried to remember this moment.

Because it looked like I had switched places with him, all these years, I had been in denial. I thought that I missed my friendship with him, while in reality, I had and have feelings for Logan.

I wasn’t sure if I was in love, but they weren’t friendly feelings for sure... But now, it’s me who doesn’t have any chance with him.