Confessions

BECCA

Without being able to talk to Logan, I felt that something was missing. We messaged a few times, but it wasn’t the same. I wanted to hear his voice. I was tempted to call him a few times, but I refused to give in to my desire.

He asked me to have patience, and I was willing to show him that I could be very patient.

I returned home at almost 9 pm. Chase and Jenny were already there. Tonight, she was better, trying to joke around. But something was up, I just didn’t know what.

I went to bed at midnight. I read a message from Logan, where he told me that he and Drew were going to some club and wished me a goodnight’s sleep. Yeah, as if it were possible. The club, Drew, alcohol. I was already picturing the worst.

I woke up in the middle of the night because of a knock at the door. I sat up and walked to it, still half-asleep.

When I opened the door, a very anxious Chase was standing before me. He said that he had called the ambulance because Jenny wasn’t feeling well. I quickly changed and went with him to their bedroom.

She looked pale, wincing, and pressing her hands to her lower abdomen. She tried to joke that maybe it was just her cycle. I told her not to talk nonsense. She was obviously in a lot of pain.

Chase was a nervous wreck, pacing back and forth in the room. When the ambulance finally arrived, he rushed to let them in.

It didn’t take long, and they decided to take her to the hospital. I took a taxi and followed them. At first, we knew nothing. We were sitting in silence, waiting for some information. I was nervous too, but Chase was close to a panic attack.

I had never seen him like that. Never. So I stayed with him, holding his hand in mine, bringing him coffee and some snacks.

When the doctor finally came to see us, we were both on the edge of our seats. We had no idea what news to expect. Until we heard the words “ectopic pregnancy”.

Chase listened very attentively to the doctor, but when he was gone, he slumped in his seat and hid his face in his palms. Tears were streaming down my face without me even noticing it.

She had felt pain for several days, that’s why she was so moody the day before. She thought that the pain would disappear by itself.

Thank God that there wasn't a Fallopian tube rupture. It might have caused danger not only for her future pregnancy but for her own life. Damn, why had she needed to keep it to herself?

Chase and I stayed in the hospital for several hours. When Jenny woke up, she couldn’t stop crying. The consequences of her actions were very hard on her. And the thought that she had lost her first child.

I left the room because I couldn’t look at her. I needed to stay strong and show her my support, but I couldn’t stop my tears. First, Kate, now Jenny. What if I won’t be able to give birth to a baby too? I never was pregnant. Never even had pregnancy scares.

I went to the restroom, washed my face, and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy, and my lower lip was bleeding. I bit it very strongly. I placed my hands on the countertop and realized that I was shaking. My whole body was trembling.

I needed to hear Logan’s voice. I wanted to talk to him. To hear him telling me that everything will be okay. That he will meet me at the airport. But soon enough, I found out that I forgot my phone at home. Shit!

I returned to Jenny’s room. She was asleep again. The doctor said that the hospital’s psychologist would talk to her. She needed help accepting what happened. The doctor suggested we go home and try to sleep at least a little. Chase and I nodded; he will come back to Jenny in the evening.

The ride home was unusually silent for Chase and me. We were sitting in the back seat of the car. My head was pressed to his chest while he held me in his hands. We both needed that warm feeling of comfort.

Inside the house, I thought about going to my room, but looking at Chase, I changed my mind. I took my phone from the bedside table and followed him to their bedroom. I found him standing in the doorframe and looking at the bed. God! I hated seeing him like that! He was devastated.

I took his hand in mine and walked us to bed. Without saying anything, Chase plopped himself on the bed and tugged on my hand. I nestled near him, hugging him from behind.

We understood each other enough that we didn’t need to talk. I felt him. I knew what he needed, and I hoped that it would be enough. At least for a little while, for him to calm down.

We fell asleep and slept for five hours. When I woke up, the bed was empty. I stood up and went downstairs. Chase was in the kitchen, sitting with his shoulders slumped.

My heart tightened from this. My best friend was hurt so much. I placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. Chase patted my hand, and I went to sit near him.

“How are you?”

“I have no clue, Becca… It’s such a mess! She could have died because she thought that this pain would go away! How could one person be so reasonable and thoughtful and on other days so stupid?!” I placed my hands on his knees, making him look at me.

“Hey, your wife isn’t stupid, don’t say things like that. You know I had a very painful first day of my cycle a few years ago. I was taking painkillers to soothe the pain. It was unbearable. Maybe she thought the same…”

“But even more, she will need your support. She will need you by her side. You will go on vacation very soon, and you will need to make sure that she will be okay. You hear me?”

“Never thought that there would be a day when you would be lecturing me.”

“I am not sure… Should I take it as a compliment or an insult?”

“Have I ever doubted you? Becca, you are an amazing woman. Your quarterback is a really lucky guy.”

“He asked me to invite you and Jenny to his house.”

“Really? I would jump on this opportunity as soon as Jenny is better.”

“I told him that you would want his autograph.”

“Oh, thanks for making me some groupie in his eyes.” Chase and I laughed. Thank goodness, he was able to relax a little. “I can’t believe that you won’t be here with us tomorrow. But I know that you are already dreaming about being with him.”

“The last time I talked to Logan was on Wednesday. We were texting and all, it’s just… Drew is with him. I didn’t want to bother him. I felt that it would be better if I stayed in the shadows.”

“Being in love with one girl is always a shitty situation for two friends... And when you realize that she and your best friend are together now and it’s probably for the time being... Damn, Drew must have felt horrible.”

“Chase, I know it... But I couldn’t do anything about it.”

“You can’t change the past.”

“And I never wanted it. Drew was a perfect guy for me when we were in college... But the truth is... I am sure that even if he hadn’t cheated on me, we would have broken up in any case...”

“Now? You will never know.”

Okay, this talk made this turn, and I wanted to call Logan. I took my phone from my pocket and realized that it was dead. I forgot to recharge it. I stood up, walked to my room, and set it recharging.

I took an iPad and started scrolling through the news. I had a few favorite websites where I was reading the news... News about Logan. So when I opened one of them, I saw his photos from yesterday.

I opened the article to read more accurately. He was seen in Drew’s company at night when they arrived at the club. I looked them over; both of them were relaxed, without even a glance at the photographers.

I also started smiling because it looked as if they were able to find common ground. But when I saw a few photos from the club, my smile froze. Logan was sitting on the couch, and his face was perfectly visible from this angle. Drew was seated with his back turned to the camera.

It would have been okay if it was just the two of them.

There was Teresa, and she was sitting right near Logan on the couch. She sat incredibly close to him. They were laughing. My mouth became dry in a few seconds. I knew that there was nothing more in these photos... But my imagination was already working very well.

For someone who was cheated on and had issues with trusting people, these photos were a disaster. They made me feel anxious, worried, and I honestly dreaded the worst.