Chapter Thirty-Six

Bridger

Arron will surely be pissed and for the first time ever, his anger would be completely warranted. His beta is just up and is leaving him. I have never abandoned him in my entire life.

No matter how much I can't stand Arron, I have to tell him. I'm still his beta and I can't just leave him without a word; I have a job and my duty is, unfortunately, to be attached to his hip every breathing second. So I have to tell him. If he says I can't go...I have to. Kian's shakey voice keeps me rushing to the pack house. I know I should have tried to settle whatever is happening over the phone, but I just...something came over me and I desperately want to see him as much as he needs to see me. I know this is incredibly bad timing and Arron will likely say no, but I have to try. Whatever is happening, it seemed urgent and I know Kian wouldn't just call me like that for no reason.

'You can lie to him...you can tell him that you and Kian broke up, Peyton is there, and you want to get back at Kian by bringing Peyton back here'

I stop in my tracks with my eyebrows raised high. 'My high-nose wolf wants to lie to his alpha?'

'I've recently discovered newer priorities' Jace retorts.

I make it to the pack house in no time. The pack is completely dead with everyone in their right mind deep asleep. Despite having just a couple hours of sleep, I'm wide awake and on edge and the only thing that will keep me from falling off the edge is getting to Kian. I should have asked him why he was upset or what happened, but he told me he wanted – no, needed – to talk to me in person. I just hope this isn't an I miss you kind of thing. Which I know it isn't because Kian would never make me drive seven hours in the middle of the night just so he could tell me that he misses me.

When I get to Arron's suite, I quietly knock on it. I could easily mindlink him but he can't hear me while he's sleeping and I need to ask his permission face to face. I knock three more times before I hear him groaning. I stand straight in front of his door as I listen to him groan and shuffle around before his loudly walks towards the door and opens it.

"What the fuck, Bridger?" he hisses as he glares at me.

"Arron, listen," I start as I try to figure out how to ask this. The thought to lie passes over my mind for just a second, but I shake it away. I am going regardless, so I might as well tell the truth. Partially, of course. I can make up some things as I go. "I think I know where Peyton is."

His blue eyes narrow. "Where?"

"You have to let me go. No one else can go with me."

His face drops. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

"No, no I don't think you're stupid," I know you are, "Kian called. He doesn't know what's here. Peyton is with him, but I can only go to get him. Do you understand?"

I maintain a steady heartbeat, trying to make myself sound as vague but believable as possible. If I cross between truth and lie, it would be harder for him to know if I'm lying or telling the truth.

"You seriously think I'm that stupid," he scoffs, "you– the Savior of Omegas would go to his little omega-boyfriend's pack to take away his best friend? Bridger, I know what this is."

It's my turn to roll my eyes as I impatiently balance my weight on one leg. "I'd return Peyton because I know he can escape again. I know he's smart and capable. Keira is smart, but she would never be able to escape or even survive James's pack. I'd return Peyton for Keira even if that means Kian and I break up. He–" I take a deep breath and look Arron straight in the eye, "he loves Peyton more than me anyway."

I know it's not true – not in the sense that I'm speaking, at least. Kian and Peyton have gone through hell together and have held each other as tight as possible throughout it. It makes sense that Kian's love for Peyton is greater than his love for me, but his love for Peyton isn't romantic and it never will be. Arron doesn't know this, but then again, he probably doesn't believe that two omegas could even see each other in such a way.

"You're talking far too much," Arron sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose, "I don't care who loves who, Bridger because I can see through this little story you're trying to tell. I don't care if Keira is weaker than Peyton, I know you, dude. You just want to go see your little omega to get your dick wet."

"That's ridiculous, Arron," I snap, but suddenly I don't know what else to say. I was never a good liar and I know this pause is all too telling. I quickly think of something else to say and when I say it, I regret it immediately.

"I'm leaving," I say as I stand a little straighter. I regret it. It's like my heart stopped and fell right into my stomach. Yet, I keep my chest out and my shoulders stiff and square. I said it and I can't take it back now.

"You're not leaving," Arron challenges. He's trying to use his alpha voice and as his beta, I have to fight against all instincts to obey what he says. It's like breaking free from a hold you've gotten used to your entire life.

"I am leaving," I repeat, but it sounds more like a question.

I can hear my father in my head, screaming at me because instead of following Arron around like his biggest fan, I was in our backyard playing with bugs. I can hear him telling me how disappointed he was in me every time Arron would make up a lie and tell on me all because I wasn't doing what he wanted me to.

When I think about my father now, I realize he's never actually been proud of me for anything. It's kind of a random thing to think about in this moment, but it floods my mind as I stare Arron dead in the eyes. He's talking about how stupid I'm being for wanting to leave for a "stupid omega" all because I'm probably "horny" and how there are plenty of omegas here to "satisfy my needs". But all I can think about is, if I leave right now and cut my ties with Arron and this pack, my father and Arron's would see just how adamant I was on never becoming a beta in the first place. He'd hate me for sure. I planned on telling him at some point, maybe after telling Arron. I planned on telling everyone. I planned to make my departure smoother. This was supposed to be just a trip to see Kian and figure out what's going on, then I'd come back and try to put an end to this dispute between James and Arron. That was the plan, the end goal was to always leave as smooth as possible.

Now the plan is ruined and this is no longer about Kian. Yes, I desperately want to figure out what happened to him, but now...well, I guess there's no better time than to quit my job. I can't fix this pack or James's, but I can sure as hell provide assistance somewhere else. Call me a coward for leaving as soon as shit hits the fan, but something comes over me, a strength I never knew I had and it makes me realize just how tightly wrapped Arron used to have me around his finger. Goddess, that's kind of embarrassing.

"I quit," I say, it holds no power. I'd have to formally say it, but it still feels good nonetheless. "I've been training Shaye to be your new beta, I don't want this title anymore. I never did."

Arron's eyebrows come together as his forehead wrinkles. He walks closer to me until we're almost chest to chest as if he was trying to intimidate me. Being Arron's shadow for so long makes it hard to feel intimidated by him now. So, I simply look him in the eyes and wait for whatever he needs to say. Nothing he can say now will make me take back my words no matter how foolish they were. I shouldn't have been so reactive, but what's done is done.

"You think you can just quit?" Arron spits as he talks, "I will label you as a traitor to this pack; to our species as a whole. No one will ever respect you."

"As if I've ever been respected," I counter, "I know the formal way of breaking our tie, Arron. You know, I wanted to be professional, I wanted to make sure that Shaye is one hundred percent ready to take on my role. I was training her to do so, I wanted to do this the right way–"

He rolls his eyes and laughs. "Here we go."

"What?"

"Here we go with your self-righteous-high-horse shit. I just want to be the good person, blah blah blah. I hope you tell yourself that everytime you sleep with the guy who was supposed to be my mate that you pressured into rejecting me. Did you forget? You know he probably feels like he owes you his body for all the crap you've done for him. But fuck it, who am I to get in the way of your supposed "love". I just want you to know that once you do, once you commit treason, you are responsible for the consequences that follow."

He's said them before in a different way but I can't help the way his words always affect me. Did I pressure Kian into rejecting Arron? Yes, I guess I did and we can add that to the overflowing list of shitty things I've done. But I know for certain that Kian doesn't feel like he owes me anything and if he ever did, I hope that I've squashed those feelings. I love Kian and if I didn't love him I wouldn't be doing all of this for him. I could easily survive a life without sex if Kian so wished so I hate it everytime Arron brings it up as if that's all Kian is good for, as if that's all our relationship is based off of. I know it's because that's exactly what Arron thinks – that omegas can't offer anything more than pleasure – but it's infuriating.

I realize that if I go, I may be putting Kian in danger. It's not like Arron knows exactly where Kian is. He knows that he's with Alpha Corzo, but Arron would be stupid to try and attack a pack that resides on the mountainous coast surrounded by Meri. Even if they weren't surrounded by Meri, attacking a pack on a mountain especially where Kian is located would be suicidal for the opposing pack. Our pack isn't trained to fight on that kind of terrain – most packs aren't and that's why most packs wouldn't try it.

Still, what if he sends someone to follow me when I leave? I'm not stupid, I would know if someone were following me, but what if he finds a way for them to do it discreetly enough for me not to catch them? Even if they can't enter Corzo's land or Kian's pack, they'd still know how to get there and relay that information back to Arron. Arron makes rash decisions far more than I do.

I feel stuck now and I curse myself mentally for talking too much. I could have mediated this situation, I didn't have to tell Arron my plans. But they're out there now and there's nothing I can do about it. I will not try to clean up a situation and it make it seem like he has control over me. He's had control for far too long.

"Arron, I'm going to leave this pack," I say carefully, as if talking to a child, "but I'll give you two choices: I leave and come back to continue training Shaye or you break the tie and I never return."

His canines drop and his eyes start glow. I've disrespected him, that I know. I can't tell if his wolf has taken over, but considering how mad he was earlier, I wouldn't be surprised if he has. At that thought, Jace tries to push through. I hold him back as I watch Arron heave in front of me.

I can tell that he chose the second one. As alpha, he'll have to break my connection between both him and the pack. I'll feel it when he does. I feel bad for leaving Shaye like this. I just hope she'll find it within herself to forgive me for leaving her prematurely and will at least try to protect my name from being slandered by Arron. Of course, she doesn't have to. She can be angry with me. I feel bad for the omegas as well. They felt safe with me and now their lives are in danger and I won't be here to protect them. I know they're strong and capable and I'm sure someone sane in this pack like Shaye will at least put up a fuss if James decides to take another girl. But I know they will feel betrayed when they find out I've left for good without so much as a goodbye.

Then again, in a way, I am betraying this entire pack. I didn't tell anyone besides Shaye my plans to leave and now I'm leaving so suddenly. They won't get to know why I've left and whatever lies Arron decides to spread will be their truth.

I will be an enemy to them.

All because a man I love called me in tears? No, no it's more than that. I know it's more than that, but I'm angry now. Angry because why can't I just be a good person and why can't people just acknowledge that I'm a good person. I just keep marring my own character and people will only ever see the bad things that I've done. It's easier that way. I killed my mother during birth, I'm at fault for my father's unhappiness, I'm at fault for Liam's death, I pressured Kian into rejecting his mate so he could be with me, people think that I'm taking advantage of him, I'll become a traitor and be at fault for whatever bad thing happens to Kian's pack under Arron's control. I am the bad person no matter how hard I try not to be. Jace whines, he wants to argue, but now isn't the time. Right now, I have to get this over with and leave as soon as possible.

"Arron, I am relinquishing my title as beta," I start and his eyes turn yellow. "I am leaving."

I turn my back to him, yet another show of disrespect. He's growling louder now, challenging me, but I ignore him as I walk away. I half expect him to charge at me from behind and try to kill me on the spot. He doesn't, however, opting for standing in the doorway of his suite, cursing me and demanding I stop walking away from him.

I continue to walk away from him. When I leave the packhouse, I notice some pack members have woken. They likely felt their alpha's anger since the majority of them are zetas and etas. Some ask me what happened, others just watch me as I leave the packhouse, ignoring them. Shaye is here as well among the crowd. She's still dressed in pajamas like everyone else. She looks at me with wide eyes and I'm not sure what kind of look I send back to her, but she knows. She knows she's about to become beta unless Arron has other plans.

When I make it back to my cabin, I pack everything I want as fast as possible. I don't take much, just my plants and as many clothes I can throw into my bags. I make sure to grab the picture of my mother from my nightstand and place it carefully into the box of her things my father allowed me to have. That box is the only thing I truly care about.

I can feel the nymphs' eyes on me as I pack my things into my car. The Lady of the quiver materializes and stands near the entrance of my home as I hastily throw things into my car.

"I am happy that you are leaving," The Lady says once I sit inside my car, "I know how much this means to you."

"Will you keep me updated?" I ask.

"Of course, you have my word."

I'm not sure how she will, but I trust her. While nymphs are mischievous, they are very honest.

She takes a step towards me and places a soft hand over my arm. Her skin is dark as the night, greatly contrasting with my pale skin. Her blue-almost-white eyes stare directly into mine.

"The omegas will be okay," she promises, "as long as I and my Daughters are here, they will be fine. If they are to get in trouble, to you I will send them."

I give her a grateful smile. That's all I needed to hear.

I give my cabin one last glance before I start my car and pull out of the driveway. It's hard to believe what just happend. Still, I am leaving the pack I have called home my entire life. I am leaving a role I trained for my entire life. I am leaving a toxic "friendship" I've had my entire life.

I am leaving everything behind and I don't know if I should cry, scream, or celebrate. Maybe all of the above.

My fingers are tight around the wheel as I drive. I can still feel Arron's anger through the air as I drive towards the outskirts of our pack. Yet, I don't feel bad about his anger. I don't feel the need to stop my car and hope he'll forgive me for my foolishness. I don't feel foolish at all. I feel bad about abandoning my pack and Shaye, but I don't feel bad about abandoning Arron.

Everyone should abandon someone as shitty as him.

Maybe I'm as shitty as him though. Maybe he's right about me being a self-righteous asshole on a high horse.

'Nonsense' Jace chimes in, 'It is insane that you would even consider such a thing when all you have ever wanted was for omegas to be treated as their Goddess-given right. That is not morally superior, that is just having morals in general. Do not be foolish, Bridger. Arron only wants you to believe such things because he knows that he is inadequate and he wants you to feel that way too. He wants you to be like him because it'll make him feel better'

'Jace, what would I do without such an amazing wolf?' I ask. His pride flares and he holds his head high. Talk about high-horse.

I can only laugh for a second before I feel something....deep within myself snap. It's not like a physical feeling, more like something snapping from my soul. The feeling makes me jerk my wheel slightly and I swerve a bit on the road before realigning myself.

Jace whines and I grind my teeth painfully as a sick feeling settles inside my stomach. I drive slowly as I try to focus on myself, breathing in and out as it feels like a layer of myself is being shed as I drive closer to the end of the east boundary of our pack.

I no longer feel connected to the land I'm driving on. It feels foreign to me like when I enter another pack. It no longer feels or smells like home. And the anger within it makes me step on the gas, desperate to get out as fast as possible. With the hostility from Arron, I feel like an intruder despite how familiar the drive is.

I'm free now. I know that the consequences aren't going to be good, but I relish in the fact that I am no longer Beta Bridger, Alpha Arron's second-in-command. I am now Bridger Levoh and I am no one's shadow and no one's second. Instead, I am someone's lover and someone's first.

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Word Count: 2831

This feels a bit rushed. When I first wrote this, it was completely unplanned 😬😬😬 Bridger wasn't supposed to leave until Kian went into labor but, these characters just keep on doing crazy shit without my permission.