Chapter Thirty-Seven

Yk before Bridger decided to be dramatic and leave early, I was actually gonna write a scene where he and Kian were having phone sex and it was really hot but I guess that's out the window now :( damnit Bridger 😒

---

Kian

"Is everything okay?"

I flinch and look up at Marquise. I'm sitting on a giant rock that's stuck deep in the ground just before grass meets the sand. It's still dark outside as it's a little after four in the morning. If Bridger is truly on his way, he probably still has four more hours to drive. I had been sitting on the front porch of the the pack house to wait for him. But then...my thoughts got scary and the sound of the waves drew me out here.

"I'm waiting for Bridger," I answer as I stare off at the moonlit ocean, "he's on his way."

If I listen hard enough, sometimes I think I can hear very distant singing and high pitched noises coming from inside the ocean. Maybe the Meri sing at night the way wolves howl at the moon.

"That is excellent!" Marquise says, "why so solemn then? And...why here?"

I shrug and pull my legs closer my chest. I can feel my belly bump against my thighs.

"I feel bad for asking him to come," I confess, "I shouldn't have."

"Well, it's too late to tell him otherwise now," Marquise says with a sigh.

I finally look at him. He's wearing a white silky-looking hat on his head that covers his hair and ties in a cute bow in the front as well as a white pajama outfit with black trimming. The black is the first other color I've seen on him besides green and gold. All of his jewelry is gone besides the green ring and a gold band.

"May I sit?" he asks. I nod and he pulls a pillow out of thin air before climbing on the rock to sit. A cup of tea appears in his hand.

"I love the coast," he says, "I love being where it's warm, the beach is amazing, I love the smell of the salt water and the sounds the waves make. It's simply beautiful. Plus, the sun makes my skin look gorgeous."

His skin really is nice and when he stood in the sunlight, it seemed as though it glowed. But even now he has a slight glow around his entire body so maybe that's just an angel thing; it's like a very low ring around his body that stands out more at night than in the day. The light around him pulses ever so slightly and I find myself in trance as I stare at it for a second.

"Where do you live?" I ask. I hope he doesn't find the question weird. It's not like I have the means to stalk him.

"Hesana - it's a village in Sephael," he answers, "But Hesana isn't near a beach."

I don't really feel like talking so I just hum and settle against the nook in the rock I found. Marquise doesn't seem to be offended as he silently sips his tea and stares off into the darkness.

I listen to the waves and the distant singing. The night sky has bright stars and the moon is slowly trying to become whole again. The moon's silver glow reflects off of the black waves, making them shimmer as they roll over each other and sneak onto the darkened shore.

The sounds along with the slight breeze helps all my racing thoughts come to a halt. Now I can organize them and figure out what exactly I need to do. I know I probably shouldn't have called Bridger since Bridger is dealing with his own pack issues, but like Marquise said, it's too late to tell him not to come. Now I have to tell him that I'm pregnant which is definitely the most important matter right now. But tomorrow - no today - I have to get ready to meet The Lords too which is also very important.

Bridger never talked about wanting pups. Then again, he never really talks about anything he wants for himself; he only talks about what he wants for other people. Our relationship is still so new, now that I think of it and now, we're about to be parents. What if our relationship doesn't even work out? We're not mates tied together by the bond, we could easily split up and while that thought is excrutiating, I know it's something that could happen. I really want us to work out. There are no other wolves like Bridger and I don't know what I would do if I could never talk to him again. He's selfless and has a beautiful soul despite what he may think. Where would I ever find someone like him?

Our relationship has to work. Even though our relationship is still new, we will learn more about each other as it grows, right? That's how normal, healthy relationships happen. We will just so happen to be raising a pup together and learning how to do that too. There are some mated couples who hate each other but stay because they're too scared to break the bond. I know this because I witnessed it myself with Jason and his mate and many others within my pack. Bridger and I chose each other and every day I wake up I still choose him. I will always choose him and I hope that he will always choose me. After all of this, would he still choose me?

.

It's still so scary to me. To be pregnant again with a high-ranking wolf's pup. I know it's irrational to think he'd take the pup away, but I can't help it. It's scary and I don't know what to do about it. Maybe when he gets here and I can finally tell him, all of these scary thoughts will be put to rest. Maybe when he gets here, it'll be easier to tell him because I'll see him face to face. I'll see Bridger – my Bridger – who helped make all of this possible, who saw something in me when I didn't see anything but a worthless omega. My stupid brain will stop creating scary scenarios and understand that Bridger isn't the enemy. I hope...

For now, I need to keep my mind distracted right now.

"Can you tell me more about the angels? How does your magic work? Like a witch?"

I don't know anything about magic-wielders. I just know they have magic and can pull random stuff out of the air and appear in random places. I also know that werewolves don't really like witches and warlocks, but also many other species don't like them either. But I assume that magic-wielders aren't all the same.

"Magic for angels depends on what our role as angels are," Marquise explains, "for Guardians, their magic is restrained solely to the person they're guarding, for Nobles like myself, our magic is based on the deeds that we've done and the...like the stability of that deed. Nobles get our power from The Lords, but our general magic comes from the deed our power supports. For example, my magic will become stronger from you as your pack becomes stronger from my power. It is a two-way street. What goes in, comes back out and so on. Sort of. Does that make sense?"

This definitely is the distraction I need because now all I can think about is making sense of what Marquise said. His thick accent doesn't make his explanation any easier to understand, but I manage to do so. So his magic will get stronger as long as my pack survives under the support of his angelic power? Yes, that makes sense to me.

"Can you see the future?" I ask. I know it's a dumb question as soon as I ask it but even if Marquise agrees, he doesn't show it. He simply shakes his head.

"Greater Good is like an investment, I don't know how this will play out for you but I do know that it's an amazing step forward to a better society for werewolves. Some things fail, but it's the simple fact that even if you fail, you have shown others what can be done and that's basically what I'm betting my power on: showing your society that it can be better."

"I hope I succeed," I say, "but it's scary. I'm...I'm scared."

"Of what? Failing?"

"Well, not just that," I take a deep breath, "you read my file, you know everything I've been through. I don't know if anyone understands what it's like to come from a place with absolutely no power - not even over your own mind or body - and then, suddenly, be put in a place of like...top power. They're training me - Corzo is an amazing mentor and coach and so was Bridger - but...I'm scared that I'm just not cut out to "lead my species to greatness" or be a leader omegas need. I mean look at me...I can't even tell the guy I'm in love with that I'm pregnant – I have all this...trauma and I'm really, really scared of just... everything. I'm scared of failing them, and Bridger and Peyton who definitely deserves this more than me. I'm sure you've seen his file it's...he's been through so much. He stronger than me."

"And so have you. You went through a lot and you made it out – battle scars be damned. Comparison, Kian, is the thief of joy and it will get you nowhere. Peyton is deserving, but you are as well. You have made it this far and I hope that you will continue to thrive the way you have been. Do not allow your fears to deter you from greatness. If greatness isn't in your fate, then you shall write it in. As for the pregnancy thing, some people wait to tell their partners – Bridger will understand."

I nod slowly. "I just...I don't know. I'm scared."

I really can't explain it the way I want. I love and appreciate everything that has happened during these past months. I am in a place Past Kian would have never thought he'd be in. It's the mere fact that what I'm doing now can start something huge for my entire species the way Marquise said is what makes me terrified. I want to do great, but I'm scared it'll come with a cost. I'm scared of that cost.

And I'm scared of Bridger being mad about the pregnancy. What if he doesn't trust me again?

Marquise leans up and faces me. "I would feel less confident about this if you weren't scared. It is a big deal and it should be treated as such. What do you want out of this? What are you going to gain from Oasis whether or not it fails?"

I shrug and rest my chin on my palms. "I just want to be a safe place for omegas. I want omegas to be able to care for themselves and be independent with their own jobs and their own power over themselves and I want us to...have good experiences and be happy and choose whether or not we want to have pups and who with and be able to raise them and I want them to know that when they come here they are...free. Forever free. No one will beat them and force them to do tasks with no reward or force them to have sex and I mean...if someone wants to have sex with them they can say no or yes because they will be free and will have the choice. I guess I just want to have a choice and I want omegas to have a choice too. In everything. Like everyone else."

I say the words really fast and I feel like I tripped over some. I get frustrated talking about what I want because I want so much for myself and my family and the other omegas all over the world. But when it comes down to it, I just really want us to have a choice. I chose to be the leader of Oasis, I chose to let Bridger train me, I chose Bridger, I'm choosing to have my pup. I have choice and I gave Katie, Mika, and Jenna choices too, not because I'm the boss of them and I can take away that freedom, but because it's right.

Growing up, I never got the chance to decide for myself. Now I do and it feels...it's the most freeing feeling anyone can ever feel.

Marquise is smiling at me. His white eyes look wet as they glisten in the light from moon reflecting off the ocean. If he's crying, I never meant to make him cry. Before I can apologize, he says,

"You sound like my family," he says, "people of my color never had it easy either - still don't today. You know, we were treated almost the same as you by humans and vampires a long time ago. My family were slaves - beaten, whipped everyday; forced to work hard, very hard jobs every second with no pay. They treated us worse than their livestock. Our young were taken and used for unspeakable things. We were sold for money like things, not people. Taken from our home, our families, spread across the continents, auctioned off. They used our hair, our skin, broke our men and our women. All because our skin was darker, our nose bigger, our lips thicker. They didn't view us as people, quite like omegas, they saw us as property - things meant to be owned. And they praised their god as if he had blessed them with these subhuman slaves."

My eyes are wide as I listen in astonishment. The humans and the vampires did that? I never assumed different species were just amazing, I know every species likely has their own dark history. But I still can't believe it. I always thought humans were more peaceful than other species, I never thought they could treat their kind so terribly.

So like how omegas are viewed as less because of our biology, people like Marquise were viewed as less because of their biology too. For some reason, that makes me feel a bit better to know someone knows exactly what it's like. Is that terrible to think? To feel better because someone else has shared your suffering?

"This is why I am so happy for you," Marquise continues, "I saw how my people fought for their rights as people and all the terror they had to go through just to prove that a rich White man and a poor Black man's blood will always bleed red," he takes a second to take a deep, shuddering breath. "My people have always had to fight. And now, I am seeing how your people must fight too. I am always a supporter of an oppressed group saying enough is enough. It is why I am a Noble for the Greater Good."

He sniffs and very quickly wipes underneath his eye. Him crying makes me want to cry, but I try not to. I've broken down almost three times in front of him, I don't want him remembering me as the werewolf who kept crying. Still, I need to comfort him somehow so I quickly slide over to him. His eyes widen when I hold open my arms. I don't want to hug him without permission, he may not like being touched like Peyton.

He hugs me. It's a very tight hug. Maybe this is true for all angels, but it felt like I was being charged by a battery. No one can ever beat Bridger's warm hugs, but Marquise's hug made me wonder how he could ever be sad when he has so much amazing energy within him. It's the kind of energy you would expect from an angel: pure and just...great.

"Are you going to leave after I meet The Lords?" I ask as I pull away. I don't want him to go. I feel like if he stayed, we'd be really good friends.

Taking another deep, shuttering breath, he answers, "most likely, yes."

"It would be cool to have an angel in the first ever omega pack," I sort of muse, "you could teach other omegas about the Greater Good and what people of your kind went through."

Marquise smiles and shakes his head. "One, you can't teach what Greater Good is. Everyone has different opinions on that. And two, we're called Black, African, People of Color - just to remind you. And...I don't think I'd be able to stay. Angels living among werewolves isn't...well, it's never been tried before."

"But all-omega pack hasn't been tried before either," I press as I grab his hands, "you said you love the beach and the sun does make your skin look really nice–" he laughs, "–You can't get that in Seph...Hesana! Plus, maybe staying here will make your magic super strong because you're living with us. O-only if you want to, but you can ask The Lords for permission!"

I smile and nod excitedly at him. How cool would it to not only be an all-omega pack but to also have a whole angel living with us too? Of course, then we wouldn't really be all-omega but that was already out of the picture when Dr. Edkard and Charlise moved with us and when Bridger said he'd be living here too. We'd be an omega-ran pack, but inclusive to other ranks and species as well.

We can have angels and nymphs and fairies and...many other species that are kind and want to live peacefully with us! It would all start with Marquise, though.

"Your partner can move here too!" I continue, remembering that he mentioned having a "partner".

"My partner is a Noble for Honor and Courage, they would be very impressed by all of this and could feed off of Oasis's energy," he considers.

"So..." my face slowly stretches into a smile as I squeeze his hand, "you will ask The Lords?"

He tries to bite back a smile, but can't. "I will bring it up to them, it might be smart for you to ask as well."

I squeal and clap my hands before quickly hushing myself. I forgot everyone is asleep and I might wake them if I'm too loud. Bridger will be so excited when he hears about this!

_____ _____ _____ _____

Marquise ends up falling asleep somehow. I can't. My nerves won't let me. As I stare off at the ocean, the sky slowly getting lighter and the singing eventually stopping, I allow my mind to just wander. I don't focus on one thing and it's like my mind keeps switching between different channels on the TV. I recall mine and Marquise's conversation about what I want for the pack. I think about The Lords and what they might say to me when I see them. Then I think about Peyton and I wonder if he's okay, if he's safe. I wonder if he's happy which I know is a stretch, but I so desperately want him to be happy. I want him here with me so we can work on being happy together.

I don't know what else I think about after that. I actually don't even know if I eventually fell asleep. However, at some point, I come out of my stupor when the sky is light as the sun prepares to rise. I hear someone walking up behind me. Marquise is still fast asleep as I turn and see Bridger making his way towards me. His steps are fast and I can sense his worry.

"Kian, why are you outside? Is everything okay? Who is that?" Bridger asks quietly. He points at Marquise, his face scrunching in confusion.

I stand and walk towards him so I don't wake Marquise. "I was waiting for you and that's Marquise - the angel."

I stand stiffly, unsure whether or not I should hug him. I want to, I really do, but I wait to see if he notices anything. Like a scent change or a fourth heartbeat among us three.

"I left my pack for good," he says which is completely not what I was expecting.

With wide eyes, I rush over to him. "You did what?! Why so early? Did something happen?"

"I'm stupid," he says with a loppy smile that has no humor behind it at all. "I don't know I just- I just kept talking, you know? I think that's my issue, I just keep talking. Some beta I am, huh? But oh well, what's done is done. I left... for good. I made sure that no one followed me, but you can never be too sure so I went ahead and told Corzo in case something were to go down. Goddess, I'm going to be considered a traitor. You know, Arron could take me to The Elders and they could punish me for treason."

"He wouldn't do that- would he?!"

This is all my fault. I don't know what kind of punishments The Elders give out, but no kind of punishment is good. I don't want Bridger to get in trouble all because I can't handle my own problems. Tears well up in my eyes as I hug him close to me. I should have listened to my gut when it told me not to call him. I should have just been the grown adult I am and handled things on my own.

"I'm sorry," I cry into his chest, "I-I shouldn't have called."

"No, no, no," Bridger says quickly. His cups my face and guides my head up to look at him. "He severed my link to the pack as a beta. He can try to take me to The Elders for treason, but they'll question why he let me go so fast and I don't think he would want to answer that. So don't cry, baby, you're already stressed enough."

He rubs his thumb against my cheek to wipe away the tears that escaped their hold. I hate how much of a crybaby I am and it's not because I'm pregnant. I've always been emotional. Peyton has scolded me for it several times in the past.

Bridger leans down and presses his soft lips against my cheek. I close my eyes, smiling a little as he kisses both sides of my face over and over again. I feel his lips hover over mine before he pauses. I open my eyes and notice his nostrils flaring as he looks at me confused.

"Why is your scent...different?" he asks, "are you in heat?"

My face burns and I want to retort that he would know if I was in heat. I haven't had my heat since I lost Syrus. Peyton and some of the older omegas explained that we only have heats when it's safe for us to do so and our bodies know when to do it. It's why many of us stopped being able to have pups - because we're supposed to have healthy heats for our bodies to feel safe enough to have pups. If we're not safe enough to have heats then how are we safe enough to have pups?

It makes me wonder how I got pregnant after not having a heat for so long.

"No, I'm not in heat," I say a little too defensively, "I'm...it's the main reason I called. I'm..."

I don't know how to simply say it. The irrational part of my brain screams at me to just run away and hide until I have my pup, but the rational part screams at me to just tell him and get it over with because he won't hurt me. I know he won't hurt me, but it's still hard.

I decide to just grab his hand and place it against my stomach, underneath my shirt. His hands are cold against my skin and I flinch slightly as he presses his palm flat against my tiny bump. My skin flushes as goosebumps run over my arms.

"What are you doing?" Bridger asks as he glances at my hand covering his over my stomach and then back at my face. "What are you- what is it? Are you sick?"

"I'm pregnant," I say quickly. The world doesn't end the way my mind made it seem like it would. Bridger doesn't turn into Jason, my heart still beats, and my pup remains safe inside of me. Nothing scary happens at all. However, everything does seem to slow as Bridger's eyes go wider than I've ever seen them.

I let go of Bridger's hand and slightly back away from him. My mind and body seem to fight each other as my mind screams to put more space between us in case he attacks but my body wants me back in his arms.

"How long have you known?" Bridger asks, his voice shocked. Underneath the shock and confusion, I can hear a waver -- betrayal.

I look down. "Three...months. Almost four."

"Goddess, Kian," Bridger's face is hard to read which is a first. He's not mad, it's worse than mad. He's devastated. Goddess no...

"I...," I suddenly feel ashamed of the thoughts I had. But I need to be honest with him. I can be honest with Bridger. "I was scared."

"Of what?" when I look at the ground and don't answer, Bridger takes a step back. "Of me?" he asks, his voice a whisper as if I hurt him. When I look up, my heart aches at his expression. I did hurt him.

"Not you," I quickly respond. I want to tell him that I was scared of what he is or what he could do, but that sounds wrong too. "Bridger, you know I had pups in the past. I had Avery when I was fourteen and she was ripped away from me. I didn't get to see her, I didn't have her scent. Nothing. And then Ivory was born when I was fifteen and... I got to do things with her, but, not for long. I didn't want to tell you about this, I wanted to hold on to it as a secret because my mind kept telling me that you were going to take my baby and I couldn't let that happen and I just-"

"You wanted to protect yourself and the pup," he finishes for me. For a second, relief floods over me as he seems to be understanding. But his face tells a different story.

"I know I'm stupid, but–"

"What have I done to have lost your trust?" he asks.

"I trust you!" I try, desperately searching his eyes for understanding. "I-I just need you to understand."

"I understand that you had to hide our pup from me. Like- Like I'm one of them--"

"You're not--"

He looks at the ground. "But, I don't know what I have done to not have your full trust."

I stare at him, my heart dropping further with every word he says. I want him to know that I do trust him and that I never wanted him to think otherwise. But what can I say? Oh, my stupid omega-brain can't trust you or anyone like you. That sounds even worse -- to tell him that I can trust him, but subconsciously I can't.

"Bridger," I reach for hand but stop short when he doesn't try to accept it. "I trust you, I always have! Then I got pregnant and my mind went crazy."

He doesn't speak but I do notice the clear tear that travels down his cheek and to his jaw. I place my hands over my mouth and shake my head. I never wanted to hurt him. I was scared that he would hurt me that I never thought that keeping this from him could hurt him.

"Bridger, I love you!" I feel like I'm about to have another breakdown, "I was never scared of you, I'm scared of them, I was scared of what your rank implies, what your rank has done! I– I was freaking out, okay? This is my first chance having control over my body, my mind just went insane. Please try to understand."

He sniffs and finally looks at me. "Is this why you called?"

I nod. "I had a moment of clarity– if you'd even call it that. I knew I couldn't hide from you any longer. I'm sorry for being stupid."

"Kian, you are not stupid," he sighs and looks away for a second, "I don't know, I'm sad you felt you needed to hide this from me, but I understand that you were just trying to do what you felt was right. I'm hurt, but I get it."

He sounds tired. The way he speaks doesn't make him sound convinced that I trust him, but I can't force myself to keep repeating it. He knows that I trust him, but I also know that I hurt him. Finally, he takes my hand. I don't breathe out in relief, not yet.

His eyes are glossy and his breathing is deep and slow. "I'm happy that you told me now, in person, not over the phone. Can we– can we just talk about all of this later? I need to lie down. I just left my pack and now I'm finding out I'm about to be a father. I feel like I'm about to pass out."

He leaves me. I watch him walk away from me and into the house, leaving me on the beach trying to fight back tears. I turn to see if Marquise is awake, but he's gone. I allow myself to cry.

---

Word Count: 4594

Long ahh chapter and for what

I really hope you guys liked the little history lesson from Marquise, I feel like those two connections were very important and I want Marquise to be an important character for Kian. The fact that Marquise's immediate family has experienced slavery and he experienced the close aftermath of it bring them together in a very unique way because until then, Kian has always thought only omegas know what it's like to go through similar horrors.