28. pookie

I was shocked to see him looking at me like he expected me to stand up by myself.

No, baba! Pick me up!

Today, I am not in the mood to do anything.

I don't even know what's happening to me...

It's irritating.

But-I still want food.

So, killing my mood, I extended my hands toward him-

waiting for him to hold them.

I don't know why, but suddenly, I feel like a dead body.

Weak.

Completely drained of energy.

But God knows-I don't even want to walk today.

He pulled me up, and for a second, I thought-maybe, just maybe-he'll carry me.

But to my surprise?

He was just standing there.

I extended my hands again, hoping for some mercy.

And what did he do?

He denied.

Like-why, yrrr?!

Can't he just carry me?

Huhhh. I'm such an idiot for thinking he might be one of those fictional husbands who carry their wives for hours-

But no!

He is not!

I'm an idiot for even thinking that!

Fxxckkk...

But for God knows what reason, he was still holding my hands and casually said,

"I'll come up with something."

No, boss!

I don't want your tasteless food.

I'm craving something good.

Please, just let me have it myself.

Before I could protest, he turned to leave.

But I didn't let him.

I held him by his shoulder and said,

"Banvana nahi h!" (I don't want you to cook!)

And this man-

he looked confused.

Like, brooo, am I asking you GK questions here?

By the way...

"Banana hai," (I want to cook) I replied, and just the thought of my delicious food made me smile-

even in this weak state.

But that's just who I am.

I love food, and food loves me.

We are in a 'foodlationship.'

I don't know why he is still examining me like I'm some rare creature.

"Pehle nahi dekhi kya... ladki?" (Have you never seen a girl before?)

If he wants to cook, I have no issue with that.

But at least don't judge me like this, idiot man...

I was still thinking about it when-

Boom! My subconscious mind interrupted.

"Your man only."

Ohh, so this man of mine thought I was asking him to cook.

Not a bad idea, by the way...

But no! I'm craving something good to eat, so I denied his question.

And God knows why he looked even more confused-

Like, good lord, we are not playing Kaun Banega Crorepati here!

Just then, a voice from my subconscious mind popped up-

"Because he is your pati." (husband)

Ignoring it completely, I smiled and replied-

"Mai hu na." (I'm here, right?)

And his reaction-

Oh god, his reaction made me furious!

Like bro, I am a human!

I can cook!

I am a person who eats, so I know how to cook!

I am from Bihar,

My parents taught me cooking before learning anything else!

So stop reacting!

And I don't know why but right now, even my smile is fake.

I'm just feeling so angry-like I wanna kill someone. Ugh!

And his questions, his reactions,

They're just adding fuel to my mood.

Why can't he just stop reacting and follow my orders?

I gave him a look and extended my hands for him to hold.

If this time he denies me,

Then no one's father in this world can stop me from divorcing him today.

Samjha kya rakha hai inhone! (What does he even think of himself!)

But bach gaya bachha!

Na raja...

He held my hands,

Give me a small twirl,

And the next thing I knew-

He carried me in his arms!

As an instinct, I held onto his neck for support.

But him, yrrr...

I think I'm getting obsessed with him.

Why?

I don't want this.

And I'm sure he doesn't even want that...

Then why this?

Uhhh... Gossss, I just wanna kill myself!

And as we stepped out of our room...

I was fed up with my own overthinking,

So I focused on my anklets instead.

I loved their sound,

That soft chhan-chhan (jingling sound) echoing in the silence of the night.

At least, it was better than listening to the storm in my head.

The thoughts that refused to rest.

But then- he asked,

"Kaha jaana hai?" (Where do you want to go?)

What the hell, yrr!

Kon banaya inko raja? (Who made him the king?)

Like, bro, I want food!

Simple si baat hai (It's a simple thing)-

Kitchen jaenge, aur kaha? (We'll go to the kitchen, where else?)

Washroom jaake bhajan gaane ka plan hai kya? (Do I plan to sing devotional songs in the washroom?)

Mann kar raha hai iski aankhein nikal lu, (I feel like pulling his eyes out)

Zuban kaat du! (Cut his tongue!)

Aise puchha bhi kaise? (How did he even ask this?)

Itni raat gaye ye kya riddles bujha raha hai mujhse? (It's so late at night, and he's making me solve riddles?)

Main bhookhi hoon, frustrated hoon, aur upar se ye- (I am hungry, I am frustrated, and on top of that, this-)

Ek aur sawaal! (One more question!)

Kahi kisi mandbuddhi se toh byaah nahi kar liya maine? (Did I accidentally marry a dumb person?)

Like, seriously?

Kya yeh hi thi meri kismat? (Was this my destiny?)

Ek confused aur sawaal pe sawaal puchhne wala pati? (A confused husband who only asks question after question?)

Arre, maine thodi kiya tha! (It's not like I got married by choice!)

Kiye toh inhone hi tha! (He was the one who married me!)

Main toh shaadi ke sapne bhi nahi dekh rahi thi, (I wasn't even dreaming of marriage!)

Par nahi- (But no-)

Yeh Maharaj aake fasaa gaye! (This king trapped me!)

Pakaa ladki nahi mil rahi hogi, (I am sure he couldn't find another girl)

Toh mujhe fasa liya... (So he caught me instead...)

Arey bhagwan ji! (Oh, dear God!)

Aapke yeh khel samajh se bahar hain! (Your games are beyond my understanding!)

Hey Ram! (Oh Lord!)

Mai toh loot gayi, barbaad ho gayi! (I am ruined, completely destroyed!)

Bhook lagi hai, mann kharab hai, (I am hungry, my mood is bad,)

Aur upar se yeh banda mujhe aur pagal bana raha hai! (And on top of that, this man is making me even crazier!)

I just pulled him towards myself.

I just wanted to check-

Was he even human or not?

...He is.

It's checked.

But I don't know what came over me.

The next moment, I shouted at him-

"Bathroom mein!" (In the bathroom!)

Wait-what?

Nahi! (No!)

Mujhe rehne nahi aana waha! (I don't want to stay there!)

Are bhai, jaane do pati dev! (Oh, husband lord, just let me go!)

Pagal ho tum! (You're crazy!)

I thought to myself as I wiggled in his grip,

But the more I moved,

The tighter he held me.

But I was no longer in the mood

To be in his arms.

Why couldn't he just let me go?

My protest ended only when I saw him heading towards the kitchen.

But by now,

I was no longer obsessed-

Not with his body, nor him.

So, I just didn't touch him.

He was still holding me in his arms,

Even though I wanted to be on my feet.

But he denied.

And now-

Why the hell does he want me to sit on that chair

Or even on the kitchen counter?!

WHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????

When I found no option to protest anymore,

I held him tightly from his neck.

So that even if he wanted to,

He couldn't just put me wherever and whenever he wished.

Kya aadmi hai! (What kind of man is he?!)

Pata hai mujhe bhook lagi hai, (He knows I'm hungry,)

Phir bhi bas ek jagah bhoot banke khada ho gaya hai. (Yet, he's just standing there like a ghost in one place.)

Kon banaya re inko raja?! (Who made him a king?!)

So I thought-

Bhook lagi hai, khud ko toh khud hi bana lete hain! (I'm hungry, might as well cook for myself!)

Since I had never entered this kitchen before,

I first took a whole look around

And finally found the things I needed.

I didn't want to talk to this useless man of mine,

So I just started indicating towards things.

Aur bhala ho is bhale manush ka! (Bless this kind-hearted soul!)

Kam se kam mujhe samajh toh paya... (At least he understood me...)

Ittuu sa hi sahi... (Even if just a little...)

I was honestly just collecting my things,

And this nikamma aadmi (useless man)

Was staring at me like-

"Kuch kar nahi sakte ho toh khoor hi lo."

(If you can't do anything, then just keep staring.)

And when I looked back at him,

He startled as if I had caught him doing a crime.

Well, it IS a crime...

Idiot cheesy man...

Just always looking at me!

But at this moment,

I just wanted to pull his cheeks.

How cute he looks!

"Pookie!"

Banda hai yrrr pura ka pura. (This man is completely adorable!)

Kha jaun isse... (I just wanna eat him up...)

Eeeeeesssss!

Kya soch rahi hai, Siya?! (What are you even thinking, Siya?!)

I shook my head, composing myself,

And asked him to let me sit on the kitchen counter.

After that, he was looking at me,

And I was adoring his kitchen.

Accha khaasa paisa kharch kiya hai bhai! (He has spent a good amount of money!)

Full modern plus aesthetic...

And yupp, ancient culture bhi add kiya hai. (And yes, he's also added an ancient touch.)

I love it.

As he asked me, "Ab?" (Now?)

Only for me to shock him with-

"Banao khud!" (Make it yourself!)

Like, that's true, I wanna eat food made by me,

But I also just wanna see-

Can he even chop a vegetable properly?

"Kya samjhe the? Shaadi kar liye toh bas...?"

(What did you think? That just because we got married, you'd escape?)

"Na babua! Bihar se hain, sab sikha ke maanege tumka!"

(No, dear! I'm from Bihar, you'll have to learn everything properly!)

As I looked away,

But kept one sharp gaze on him-

He said something under his breath.

Must be something about me.

I immediately pointed a finger at him,

My gaze sharp-

"Kya kaha?" (What did you just say?)

But to my surprise, he was not my type at all.

"Kyuki ye toh Maggi bhi mere jaise nahi banata!"

(Because he can't even make Maggi like me!)

I sighed dramatically, shaking my head like a disappointed mother watching her hopeless child fail a simple task.

This was beyond unacceptable.

"Bhagwan, lagta hai aapse galti ho gayi... Galat ladke se shaadi kar di maari!"

(God, I think you made a mistake... You married me to the wrong guy!)

As he was about to dump my finely chopped veggies straight into boiling water,

I grabbed his hands in absolute horror-

"Ek Indian Maggi nahi banani aati aapko?!"

(You don't even know how to make Indian-style Maggi?!)

I could feel my soul leaving my body.

How could someone be this hopeless in the kitchen?

For a moment, he just froze in place.

Like- completely still.

As if I had just dropped some groundbreaking truth bomb on him.

And that's when I realized-

Yeh ladka chhichhora hai pura...

(This guy is a total flirt...)

Because his gaze,

Did. Not. Move.

Not even for a second.

He was staring. At. Me.

Shamelessly.

Like I was some masterpiece of art

That he just couldn't look away from.

Uff!

I could feel my face heat up, but no way was I letting him win.

I rolled my eyes, clicked my tongue in fake irritation,

And pushed him aside.

"Hat na! Tumse na ho payega!"

(Move! You're not capable of this!)

And with that, I took charge.

I grabbed the ladle, tossed my veggies in the pan,

And started cooking my Maggi myself.

Because if my dear husband

Was going to be useless in the kitchen,

Then at least I would eat something worth remembering.

______

SUkriya ji

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