𝟎𝟑𝟎. 𝖺𝗅𝗐𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄𝗂𝗇' 𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎

𝟎𝟑𝟎. 𝖺𝗅𝗐𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄𝗂𝗇' 𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎

💌𝖿𝗋𝗆 𝗌𝗒𝖽 𝗉𝗈𝗏

as much as new york was good to me it didn't feel like home and i knew it never would, and if im being honest with you and myself no place would never feel like home without her.

somehow i still found myself thinking about her it was like she raced around my brain like a race track over and over repeatedly, which was pathetic because from that moment she said she wasn't 100% in was the moment i realized she no longer wanted to fight for us.

i don't know how exactly i ended up from new york to the front porch of her parents house back in minnesota but i did leaning on the back of my heels as my pointer finger hovered over the doorbell.

i guess i just wanted to know why she didn't fight for us or even try to do long distance, why she just dropped our relationship like it meant nothing towards her.

i pull my finger back towards my body and land flat on my foot as i turn away from the house making my way down the house steps, before i could hit the first step the side door opens revealing mr.bueckers coming out with bag of soil and an heavy shovel on his shoulder.

he pauses his actions when he meets eyes with me, there's an silence as he placed the soil onto the concrete driveway and hold the shovel in his hands. "sydney", he speaks with an bit of shock in his voice.

he takes an good look at me, "hi...", i speak softly worried that my voice might betrayed me because this entire family held a place in my heart not only paige and after the break up they've texted me once or twice to check up on me but i never replied. he sits the shovel down and walks over towards me pulling me into a soft hug. "it's nice to see you", he says with an smile. it was scary because him, drew and paige looked just alike but they all had their differences.

"nice to see you too mr.bueckers", i say and his smile only grows wider as we stare at each other in silence. "i-im sorry", i apologize and he looks at me confused.

"what for?", he asks and I tear my eyes away from him as i turn my lips to the side with my teeth. "for not speaking to you or any of you after... ya know...", i trail and he shakes his head walking past me and sitting down on the front porch steps waving me over to sit beside him.

he lets out an relief as he sits down, "you don't have anything to be sorry for, to be honest i didn't expect an reply from you but we just wanted to make sure you knew that we were still here for you because you're family sydney", he tells me. "but-", i start but he interprets me. "no i mean it, you're family no matter what happens between you and little girl and you became apart of your family that day you walked through our door and paige knows this", he assures me.

"so as family i think it's best for me to say that...this break up or whatever this foolery is hasn't done you or her any good. i get it that im a old man and i don't know the full story but i do know that you and paige still have a lot of love to give one another and that you two are just going through an rough patch like all couples do but you don't give up when it's gets hard and this isn't the end of you two story... it can't be", he says as he turns and looks at me.

i haven't talked about the break up with really anybody, i just let the thoughts ponder and fill my brain leaving no room for anything else, it was the same thing every sunrise to sundown.

to be sitting here talking to him was a bit of an emotional relief because we always had deep conversations and it was nice to always here for someone as wise as him.

"I-i don't know what to do", I admit. I tried my best to stay mad at her and move on but I couldn't because he was right, I still love her and I still have much love to give to her.

"well...i think communication is always a good start, you two need to sit down and have a cordial talk", he suggest and i hum.

there's an silence as he opens his arms, "give me a hug sweetheart", he tells me with an welcoming warm voice. i scoot over towards him and wrap my arms around him relaxing in his comfort.

i silently thank him as i stand up from the steps, "where is she?", i ask and he smirks at me. "the be you, be great court... inspired by me of course", he taps his back giving him props and i chuckle a bit. "just know im always here for you syd, all of us", he says.

💌

𝖾𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗂𝗇 𝖿𝗋𝗆 𝗉𝖺𝗂𝗀𝖾 𝗉𝗈𝗏

the street lights danced upon my skin as i dribble the basketball up and down the court with sweat glands dripping down my face, most of the time i played with my bosé headphones but tonight i just wanted some silence.

i stand at the three point line and dribble the ball a couple of times before flicking my wrist and throwing the ball into the air but it hits the backboard and the edge of the rim before falling off onto the court missing it. "fuck", i mumble because this is the fourth time in the row that i've missed this shot.

"relax", an familiar voice spoke making me pause in my actions. it sounded so much like her but i knew it couldn't be.

i wash off the voice not bothering to turn around as i run after the ball trying to make the shot again but i miss it. "relax p", the voice says again and this time i snap my head behind me. there she was, my girl... my sydney, "s-sydney", i cracked as an burn runs in my throat and my eyes start to gloss, this was all i ever wanted for the past few months was her.

she was barely two inches away from me, all i had to do was take a step and she would be in my arms but i didn't want to overstep my boundaries. "sydney", i called out once more reaching my arms out hoping she'll come.

she stood there for an split second before she hugged me tight stuffing her head into my stomach and wrapping her arms around me.

i wrapped my arms around her shoulders tight fearing that she might leave again if I didn't, we both stood there in the middle of the court in each other comfort trying our best not to cry but both failing miserably.

"oh baby... im so so so sorry", i cry as she cries hard into my shoulders. it had hurt to see her in pain but it hurt more to know that i caused this... i did this to us.

she pulls away from the hug with her head down wiping her tears, i softly grip the bottom of her chin making her look up at me. "sydney", i spoke with sincerity removing my hand from her chin and holding her face in my palms using the pad of my thumb to wipe her tears.

she looks at me her brown eyes warming into mines, "im sorry baby that i did this to us and i know i know i didnt fight for us or even try but... i love you and ill always love you and every single day i wish i could go back to that night and take back what i said but i cant and i can only move forward and tell you that im sorry and i know that a sorry can only do so much but you have to listen to me please...", i plead.

there's an silence as she lets out an soft okay nodding her head in my hands, i let go of her face and grab her hand intertwining them into my hand as i walk us over towards the rusty brown bench.

we take a seat and there's an comfortable silence, like that silence where you can just be together and don't have to talk about anything or that silence when you know that the war is over.

"i was scared, not about you moving away because i was happy for you but more scared knowing that it'll only be a matter of time until i lose you. i thought if we ended it then that I'll be easier for us now but losing you has been everything but easy sydney", i confess.

she looks at me, "i was scared too p but i still was willing to try even if i thought that long distance was going to break us because i love you", she tells me and i snap my head back a bit.

"you don't think i love you?", i ask and she bites the inside of her cheek. i turn my head away from her gripping the end of my chin before looking back at her, "come on sydney, you know i love you", I tell her but she still stays silent.

this was a nightmare... she didn't think i love her. "when you said you weren't a 100% in...", she starts but i interpret her. "i love you sydney, i love you so damn much and it hurts me to think you don't because all i ever did was try to show you that i love you", i defend myself.

"SO WHY DIDNT YOU was FIGHT FOR US OR EVEN TRY? Because being scared ISNT ENOUGH", she breaks. i knew that there was still a bit of anger in her and she had every right to be.

i suck in a breath, "BECAUSE SYDNEY NOT ONCE DID YOU THINK TO ASK ME HOW I FELT ABOUT YOU MOVING AWAY...yes i was supportive and yes i know that that's what you wanted and it was final but you never ever asked me about how i felt... so what was i suppose to think", i say and she goes silent.

i had came to realize that miscommunication was what really ended us, "AND HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO KNOW IF YOU DONT SPEAK UP P...", she trailed. "because syd... everybody else knew but you", i calm down because the last thing I wanted was for this to turn into another argument that left us not speaking to each other for months.

there's an silence as we both stare at each other until she busts out laughing, i look at her confused. "what's funny?", i ask and she only continues to laugh.

"this is so stupid...", she says and i raise my eyebrows at her. "our communication is horrible, we went through months being miserable all because we didn't communicate on our feelings p", she says and i shake my head at her because she was right this was stupid.

her laugh dies down as she stares at me with a serious face, "don't ever do that shit again p", she says with a stern tone. "im serious, promise me now that you'll communicate with me and you'll express your feelings with me and that you'll never leave me like that again and that-", i place a finger on her lips.

"i promise", i say, "i promise you sydney that ill do everything in my power to make sure we never hit rock bottom again and i promise you to communicate and express my feelings and I promise to NEVER break a promise again", i tell her.

she hums, "and im sorry too p... that i shut you out and never spoke to you.", she apologizes and i pull her into my comfort. "it's okay, I forgive you", i place a kiss onto her temple.

💌

after our conversation and shooting around the court, we sat in my car munching on the chipotle bowls we bought. our playlist played as we ate and talked with each other.

"after you left i went back to the apartment and saw your promise ring", i tell her and she looks at me. "it just didn't feel right wearing it after...", she trails and i nod my head understanding her.

"i understand, im just telling you because i still have it if you want it back it", i say and she smiles at me. she looks down at my hand to see me still wearing my promise ring.

"only thing I really had from you...", i explain and she hums taking an bite out of her food. she sticks her hand out wiggling her ring finger, "wife me up again", she teases and i smile grabbing the ring out of my pocket and slipping it back on. "i love you", she says leaning over her console with her lips poked out. "i love you", i say back giving her a peck.

thinkin' bout you by frank ocean started to play and she let out an series out ouuuusss as she starts to sing the lyrics. "a tornado flew around my room before you came excuse the mess it made it usual doesn't rain in southern calforina much like Arizona but eyes don't shed but boy they pour when im thinkin bout you", she sings pointing at me as she sings the lyrics.

as the song continues to go on she grabs me by my cheeks holding my face in her palms, "yes of course I remember how could i forget how you feel, you know you were my first time, a new feel", she places a kiss onto my lips.

i hum looking into her eyes, "it will never get old, not in my soul, not in my spirit, keep it alive, we'll go down this road till it turns from color to black and white", i sing back to her. eventually the song ends and we stare into each other eyes really feeling the lyrics.

"i love you p", she tells me again and i knew it was because we haven't been able to say or express it in months. "i love you syd", I say with comfort in my voice and honesty in my heart. "I'll always love you", i whisper my lips hovering over hers.

💌𝖾𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝟢𝟥𝟢，

𝖺𝗅𝗐𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄𝗂𝗇' 𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎．

𝖳𝖧𝖸 𝖤𝖭𝖣𝖣𝖣𝖣𝖣