Chapter 9

The front door shutting sounds loud behind me, making my face form a grimace. I’d rather be anywhere else than here but my week is up and I’m back in Franco’s house. I already miss sleeping in Dalton’s arms and torturing him by sleeping in his T-shirt and nothing else as I snuggle very close to him. He’s doing so good even though it’s giving him blue balls. I wish I could have stayed at his club, it’s so different from the one I grew up in. Don’t get me wrong, there are still criminals living under his club roof but everyone treated me with respect. That surprised me. I at least thought I’d be ignored when I started coming out of the bedroom to walk around but the members were actually friendly.

Hell. Even the sweetbutts were nice. Going out of their way, asking if I needed anything. It’s such a dramatic change from when I was living with the Demon Jokers, making me stare at everyone like they would have jumped me at any time and forced me to my knees just like old times. It really showed what kind of leader Dalton’s dad was and what he will be too. Tomorrow, he’s dropping out of school, not that I can blame him. He has too much responsibility at the club and it needs his full focus. I’m going to miss seeing the douchebag at school.

So here the fuck I am. Back and dreading every moment, but I promised myself no more running. I need to plant my feet firmly on the ground and not take shit from anyone. I can let my guard down in the shower when I’m alone, and cry if I want to without anyone seeing. Though I don’t think I can go in the kitchen without seeing Dalton bleeding out, Payne with a bullet in his forehead, and Franco taking what was never his.

“Tillie. Please come and join me.” Diana’s voice comes from the living room and her tone does not sound happy at all.

I wince at her voice and drop my overnight bag by the staircase before heading into the spacious room that speaks of money at first glance. Diana is sitting on the white couch with her back ramrod straight and a whole tea set displayed on the coffee table. She gestures towards the opposite couch without saying anything else. I can’t get a read on her emotions, her face is completely blank. My ass hits the cushion and we just stare at each other as she starts making me a cup of tea before passing it over. Drinking in silence is nerve-wracking and I’m beginning to wonder if she poisoned my cup because she’s staring so intently at me as I take a drink.

“I don’t care what you do in your spare time. You can come and go as you please, spend the money I put in a bank account for you,” she says smoothly, setting her teacup down, “spread your legs for whoever you want but you will stay away from my husband, am I clear?”

I nearly choke on the tea, setting the cup down quickly. She got straight to the point, no beating around the bush but I didn’t expect anything else.

“Yes,” I rasp out, choosing to glance over her shoulder instead of her eyes that show everything she thinks of me.

Trash.

Whore.

Filth.

“Good. Glad we are on the same page. Sugar?” she asks suddenly as she scoops some into her tea and quirks a brow as I shake my head. “I’m happy we could clear the air. I gave birth to you but that doesn’t mean I won’t kick you to the curb the first chance I get. Franco somewhat thinks of you as a daughter.” Her face contorts in disgust before the look quickly vanishes.

I can’t blame her for hating me but it still fucking hurts. It seems we are never going to have a mother-daughter relationship. I also highly doubt Franco is looking at me like I’m his daughter. More like an ice cream sundae with a cherry on top. There’s something deeply disturbed about him. Every time he glanced at me, it’s like he’s looking right through me and seeing someone else but that didn’t stop his gaze from wandering all over me with longing. I can’t help the full body shudder.

“I understand. I won’t get in your way. I’m only staying until graduation then I’m leaving.” I’m not sure where I’ll go, I think college is out of the question for someone like me.

Maybe I’ll travel until I’m somewhere with a sense of belonging. That thought sounds lonely though, with no one else around. It wouldn’t have bothered me months ago but ever since coming here… I crave to be touched by five possessive guys. Yes. Five. I included Dom. He’s a different kind of messed up. I mean… the guy stalked me through the mall but he also seems to take care of those that mean something to him. Because I think I’m beginning to be that something he cares for. Only time will tell.

“I think that’s for the best dear. After all, you brought the one person who I’ve been running from for eighteen years right to my door. I can’t imagine who else you’re going to have show up out of the blue.” She calmly says the words but her fist clenches on her designer dress, a bitter facial expression aimed at me.

I’m beginning to wonder who is worse. Lorrie or Diana. At least Lorrie never pretended to like me. Diana puts on an act in front of others, wishing I never existed. I wonder what awaits Lorrie now that Payne is dead. I hope she gets everything she deserves.

“I’m sorry, I can only imagine how hard it’s been for you,” I reply back sarcastically but hold back what I really want to say to her.

“Payne was never supposed to find me, I don’t know how he did so fast.” For a split-second, I fear that Cruz is coming for me next but push that thought aside.

He would have shown up when Payne did, right beside him. He doesn’t know where I am… I have to believe that. I’d already be chained up somewhere within his grasp if he knew I was here. Sweat gathers at my nape and my hands slightly shake because if Cruz ever finds me… Payne is going to look like a walk in the park compared to that sociopath.

“Payne was always thinking he sat on a pedestal. I should have never answered the door when you showed up. I knew my past would catch up with me eventually,” Diana whispers and flicks her hand like she’s putting it all behind her.

Just that simple for her.

It hurts. God does it hurt. At least I had Doris as somewhat of a mother figure. She taught me to not cave, to never back down even when men knocked me down, and that men should fall at my feet one day. Use your brain and the body God blessed you with.

Tears gather in the corners of my eyes before I blink them away. I miss Doris. She was always there when I needed someone. She knew I didn’t belong at that club. I wonder if she knew who my real father was?

“Who is my father?” I blurt out before I lose my nerves, needing to know and at the same time scared of the answer.

Diana’s teacup trembles in her hand moments before she slams it on the coffee table as she glares at me. Her gaze doesn’t stay on me long before she looks over my shoulder as if she can’t stand to see my face.

“I was young and stupid,” she begins, playing with a small mark on the inside of her elbow but quickly pulls her hand away when she notices me watching.

She was hooked on heroin. I would recognize the marks anywhere. I used to serve the needles on trays back at the Demon Jokers’ club.

“I grew up in a household that, well, wasn’t this.” She gestures around, indicating the lavish lifestyle she’s made happen for herself. “My parents were drunks and never cared what I did. So, when an older, handsome guy on a motorcycle gave me attention, I took it without looking back. I ran away from home and it was fine at first. I was so naive and foolish. I just wanted to be loved and I thought that Payne was the love of my life.” She pauses with a deep breath and looks me deep in my eyes, the color reflecting that of my own.

“You saw his true colors,” I state in a low voice. I can only imagine what he did to her to make her so afraid of him, to run away in the middle of the night and never look back.

“That’s an understatement. He put on a believable act for a while but eventually, small signs started showing that something wasn’t right with him. He wanted me to take drugs, be at his beck and call. He treated me like his prized pet. I learned that it wasn’t love but obsession. Everything I wanted went away just like before until the man I had an affair with came into the picture. He showed me such kindness. I mean, he was still in a business that had bad people but he had soft spots that drew me in.” She clears her throat and reaches for her cup.

I find it hard to breathe. This is it. I’m terrified of what she’s going to say. I think deep down I already know who he was but I need to hear the words out loud.

“Who?” I rasp out, my whole body starting to shake.

“My punishment was for loving him and Payne never knew who but I’m guessing he found out the older you got. You look so much like Rig,” Diana says so softly as she meets my gaze but her words suddenly sound like I’m under water. The world around me grows dark and I feel alone, as if she’s not even in the room sitting across from me.

I distantly hear deep, wheezing gasps, and a sob of a broken heart.

My world tilts as I climb to my feet in a daze, walking past Diana who doesn’t say another word. Or maybe she does but I can’t hear her over the sobbing. My eyes blur and it hurts to breathe. Stumbling into the kitchen, I keep walking until I find myself in the garage. The sound of sobbing followed me out here, but now it sounds louder, more frantic. It’s like I can’t escape it. I touch my fingers to my face and they come away wet. Why are my cheeks wet? It takes me a second longer to realize that I’m the one making those awful noises.

Rig.

I grab a fistful of my hair and scream before picking up the nearest object to me. The wrench sails through the air and smashes into an expensive car windshield but I couldn’t care less. I want to punch, kick, and break anything in my path. I need an outlet. I need to leave right now before I fall to the garage floor and decide to never get back up. My gaze connects to Logan’s crotch rocket in the far corner of the garage. I run past all the ridiculously expensive cars and don’t stop until I’m swinging my leg over his bike while backing it out of the garage door. His keys are still inside the engine and I send a silent prayer that at least I have this moment. I peel so fast out of the driveway that it leaves black marks and smoke billowing out behind me.

With no destination in mind and no helmet, I feel reckless but don’t give a shit. The same question keeps going around and around in my head, the answer I’ve been looking for since I was sixteen.

Why?

Why did Rig leave?

Why did he leave me behind?

I take a corner too sharp and my knee skims against the asphalt hard enough to tear my jeans but I quickly straighten out and concentrate on the road once more. Or at least as best as I can under the circumstances. Did Rig not want me? Did he know I was his daughter? He had to. Never once did I feel like I wasn’t loved in his presence. He took care of me until one day he didn’t.

Where is he?

Is he still even alive?

Oh God. Payne knew. He knew about Rig.

My breath stalls and it hurts so bad, like I’ll never be able to draw in another proper breath without it being painful. Driving dangerously isn’t helping, I need a different outlet where I can get lost. It feels like I’ve been driving aimlessly for hours, I don’t even know what part of town I’m in. By the looks of things, it’s not the best area with buildings looking like they’re falling apart and I’m pretty sure I just passed a hooker on the corner street. I see a bright pink neon sign ahead and speed up without a second thought until I’m pulling into the parking lot. It’s a shitty parking lot with potholes and a building that has no windows, only a solid, black door.

It doesn’t matter that it’s the afternoon. Strip clubs will always have people coming and going at all hours of the day. The heavy door slams shut behind me, and it takes my eyes a second to adjust to the low lights and strobe lights flashing around the stage, making it easy to see the few men crowded around the platform. The smell of cheap alcohol, sweet perfume, and sex fills the air. A sad, familiar presence of the atmosphere makes my shoulders inch down a notch from their present tightness. It’s really fucking pathetic that of all places, I feel more comfortable here because I’m used to this. Greed, lust, and more greed. It brings back the memories of the first time I stepped foot in the strip club the Demon Jokers owned.

I remember the words leaving my mouth and the fond, yet proud smile Doris gave me. I didn’t know it at the time but she was right. She was teaching me that broken pieces can be put back together and come back stronger than ever.

“I’m not serving you alcohol. You shouldn’t be here and don’t even try to tell me you’re twenty-one. I’ve been in this business a long time. Get outta here.” The raspy, chain-smoker voice startles me and has me swirling around to see an older lady behind the bar wiping down glasses.

“If I wanted a drink, I could have gone to the liquor store up the street. A flash of boobs in this part of town will get you just about anything, even under the drinking age,” I reply back with a shrug and lean against the bar as I stare her in the eyes, willing my startled heart to calm down.

“Forget it. I’m not hiring. I don’t need the cops at my place again.” She raises a brow, looking me up and down.

“I’m eighteen and I’m not looking for a job. I just want to dance for a little while. I’ll let you keep all the money I make too. The cops won’t be a problem, trust me.” I can’t stop myself from rolling my eyes at the thought of the cops showing up here.

What are they going to do? I’m eighteen and I’m deep in Franco’s clutches just as they are. I hold back a shiver and wait for her to give me an answer as she finishes stacking drinking glasses behind the bar. She swings her towel over her shoulder and leans her elbows on the smooth, wood surface of the bar.

“Hundred percent of your profits and any tips. No sex in my club, got it? I recognize that look you have on your face right now, seen it plenty of times in my dancers eyes. Sometimes the thing we hate the most is all we know and a way to block out everything else. Get up there next song and leave when I say your time is up.” She nods and dismisses me without another word.

I don’t stick around for her to change her mind or for the next set for one of the girls to start before I can get up there. I head to the back of the dressing room, passing naked strippers as I stride towards a set of lockers and act like I belong here. Hell. I do belong in this strip club. It really is all I know. I chuck the motorcycle keys and my shoes in the locker, not even hesitating to unzip my pants. I’m not one for being shy about my body and don’t care who is staring at me. I ignore my phone going off like crazy and shut the locker without answering. I know it’s one of the guys and I’m not telling them where I’m at. Once I’m down to just my underwear, I yank my hair out of its ponytail and shake it out. Clad in only a red, lacy thong and matching bra that Dom bought me, I walk out of the room until I’m standing behind a black curtain.

The mutter of the men out there is low and the music loud, a seductive song to dance to beats through the strip club. A topless girl passes me and winks as she strides off stage while counting a handful of bills. The music changes to Rihanna’s and that tells me it’s my cue.

Standing on my toes, I part the curtain and walk slowly to the beat with a sway in my hips towards the pole while running my hands through my hair and down the curves of my body. Before I make it to the pole, I quickly drop to my knees and spin with my hands grazing the floor behind me. The position leaves my back arched, head tilted back as I lean farther back and I bounce my body up and down on the back of my heels while keeping my knees spread wide. I shake my hair out so it’s a wild mess of locks before dragging a finger down the center of my chest and end up moving my whole body forward to the stage floor. My chest presses into the floor as I slide slightly forward until my ass is sticking in the air. I slowly move my legs apart and end up in the splits. I can feel eyes on me and shouts from the center floor but I don’t look. I keep my eyes on the lights until it’s blinding and creates black dots to dance in my vision. I’m here to dance and forget, not to see greed in the eyes of men. Ignoring everything, I get to my hands and knees and crawl towards the pole with a few hair flips while my back is arched. Grabbing the cold metal, I grip it with both hands and slowly rise to my feet while leaning back and dropping halfway down before sliding back up with my whole body plastered to the pole. Doing a small spin around the pole with one leg wrapped around it, my muscles hold me up as I free my hands to lean all the way back until my hair is grazing the stage. Straightening up once more, I grip tight with both hands and jump while I flip upside down on the pole. My legs slowly spread until I’m doing a Jade, the splits in the air as I gaze down at the floor. All the blood rushes to my head and I stay like that for a few seconds before bending forward to wrap my right thigh around the pole. My other leg straightens in the air, skimming the pole and I twirl around the slippery metal with my hands free, sliding down inch by inch. I flip at the last second until my feet are touching the ground again. Taking a deep breath, I circle the pole while dancing to the beat of the new song playing Thoughts of Rig fly through my mind as my body keeps moving on autopilot. For years, I thought Rig up and left me behind to get out of the club but I think I’ve been wrong this whole time. Once you’re in, that’s it. You die on your bike servicing the club or you get taken out. I think in the pit of my gut I know deep down that he’s not alive. I think I’ve known since he first disappeared. He was the only one who ever treated me like I was a somebody. He taught me everything I needed to know, tuning up a car, helping with my homework, and offering advice when I needed it the most. He was always protecting me from the harshness of the club life. That whole time… he was treating me like his daughter. I just never knew that he was my father.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been dancing up here or when I’m going to be kicked out. It leaves my muscles tight with the way I have to have a strong grip on the pole but it’s relaxing at the same time. Something I’m used to doing without a second thought, an easy escape.

At one point, I decide to leave the pole and move towards the front of the stage to collect more money for the owner who I’m pretty sure is the bartender. Most people might have just kicked me to the curb but she knew I needed this. It’s the least I can do for her. I haven’t looked out at the small crowd the whole entire time I was up here but I think making some eye contact might help bring more dollars to the stage. The Weeknd starts playing and I find it’s easy to dance to his songs, they always feel seductive and exactly like sex.

Hot and sweaty. Rhythmic.

I don’t know why but men love it when you crawl to them. It always brought more money to the stage. It could be the submissive position or being on my knees but it works for me each and every time. At the edge of the stage, on my hands and knees, I lean back again and don’t stop until my back is sliding against the stage. Bringing my legs towards and spreading them wide open until they make the perfect V, I lean up on my elbows while looking forward.

I freeze at the sight before me, my breath stalling in my chest. I should have realized how quiet it’s been for a while. No more catcalls, hollers, just the music.

Fuck.

“Don’t stop on my account. Keep dancing,” Nicky says, leaning back in his seat and skimming his index finger back and forth over his lips as his emerald green eyes trail over my position.

When there is one, the others are never far behind.

Double fuck.