Denial

TYLER

“Violet, Callum, could you give us a moment?” Carmen asked, her smile not quite reaching her eyes.

Violet and Callum nodded, promptly exiting the kitchen, leaving Zach and me alone. My heart pounded in my chest at the thought of what was about to happen, even though I was the one who initiated it.

Are we really doing this here and now, with Violet’s therapist?

“I’m here to help you two communicate,” Carmen added. Zach snorted.

His response immediately reignited my anger.

“Zach, why does it bother you that I’m trying to help?”

“It’s not your place to interfere,” he shot back.

“Then whose place is it? You should be able to talk to me, but you don’t. You won’t,” I countered.

“We never needed to before.” He turned to face me. “If you want to talk, Tyler, then talk. We don’t need help for that.”

“Alright. Fine,” I agreed, turning to sit directly across from him.

If he wants to hear it, then he will. I’m tired of being unsure about where I stand in this relationship.

“I know I hurt you when I cheated after Rose passed away. I accept that. I was constantly drunk back then. I was grieving for the woman we essentially let die by turning off her life support. I was in a dark place, and you had pushed me away for weeks. I made poor choices then. And I know it wasn’t your fault…it wasn’t your choice for me to hurt you that way. And I thought we had moved past that hurt when you forgave me. But then I went and played with Sophie to vent my anger at losing Matthew when Violet was in the hospital.”

He cut me off before I could continue. “That’s exactly my point.”

“No, Zach. You need to listen. My choices then were poor too, because I didn’t consider the consequences. I didn’t think…of how whipping Sophie would have made you feel like I cheated. I guess I thought our relationship was so open, and we’ve played with others so many times, that whipping her wouldn’t be a problem. I was wrong. I chose to do that to our relationship, and I understand that the hurt is there. I accept that was my doing. But you chose to forgive me again. Chose to move forward with me. But in moving forward, Zach, you can’t keep throwing my mistakes in my face when you have chosen and said that you have forgiven me. You clearly haven’t, and it’s leaving me confused. I don’t know where I stand. Your words say one thing, and your actions say another, Zach. I want to say I’m sorry. I’m trying to regain your trust, to rebuild it. I promise I didn’t touch her in any other way. I promise you that, Zach.”

He stared at me, his eyes wide, his jaw clenched, and his hands balled into fists. I could tell he didn’t appreciate being called out on his behavior.

Then he turned away from me, hiding his face.

“I have forgiven you.”

“I don’t believe you, Zach.”

“There are different stages of forgiving someone. Where are you in those stages, Zach?” Carmen asked him.

“I forgave him? I let him back into my life…what more does he want?” Zach shrugged.

“But you haven’t let go of the issues. They’re still there, at the forefront of your mind. Influencing your decisions, trust, and happiness. Your peace.”

“I suppose so,” he admitted.

“Forgiveness sometimes takes time, Tyler. To fully forgive someone requires rebuilding trust. That doesn’t happen overnight.”

“I understand that, Carmen. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when you need your partner’s support and love for something as significant as what I’m going through and don’t receive it.”

“I’m sorry, Tyler. I’ll admit I’m finding it hard not to believe the official DNA testing is being manipulated. You were quick enough to believe Ella’s, yet you seem to be pretending Tilly’s is fake.”

I sighed.

“It is fake, Zach. I know Tilly isn’t mine.”

“You could always request another DNA test to be done?” Carmen suggested.

“My legal team has a meeting tomorrow to finalize the agreement and request a second opinion on the DNA. I’m hoping that I get the court order so that this doesn’t drag on for too long. So that I can prove my innocence and move forward with my family,” I informed Carmen. She nodded, jotting down notes in her notepad.

“Do you want to move forward, Zach?”

“Of course I do,” he replied sarcastically.

“Well, maybe you can tell me the truth about London. You still haven’t told me anything. Violet told me everything that happened to her.” I shrugged, and he froze—he had been picking at his nail.

Now he was just staring in my direction but not at me.

“What difference will it make, Tyler? I’m sure you already know. So why do I have to say the words?” he asked, chewing on the nail he had been picking at.

“I want you to trust me, Zach. I don’t think any less of you. I love you, baby. What happened was terrible and unfair, but ignoring it happened is just creating a divide between us that doesn’t need to be there.” He shifted uncomfortably, crossing and uncrossing his legs.

He was fidgeting, which was unusual for him.

“That’s easy for you to say, Tyler. It wasn’t you…you weren’t the one that let someone else touch them without saying a word. I don’t want to talk about it because it reminds me of what happened. It makes me think of him, that house, and what he did to both of us. It brings back the flashbacks and nightmares. Ignoring it happened stops all of that.” I moved closer to him, taking the hand he was chewing on.

“It’s not healthy to ignore what happened. Confronting the issue and living with the aftermath helps to eliminate the flashbacks, the PTSD, and the suffering. Dealing with the situation with the help of your partners is the best way forward. Ask Violet. She had the same opinion when I first met her, and look at how far she has come.” Carmen moved to sit in front of Zach on the floor.

“Zach, it’s not widely known…but men suffer from rape and abuse just as women do. It affects you in the same way, but your psychiatrist and I are here to support you. I’m more than willing to contact her and discuss a plan to help you move past what happened. What Henry did does not define you as a person, it wasn’t your fault, and there was probably nothing you could have done to prevent what he chose to do to you. If you had fought, he would have fought back. The things he did to Violet, tell me that.”

“You make me sound weak.”

“You are far from weak, Zach. You are just compartmentalizing your abuse and rape into boxes you will never touch again. But those boxes will grow within your mind and one day explode, and you will not be able to handle the fallout. You need to confront the problems now. You need to accept what happened and talk about it.”

Zach looked up at the ceiling, tears welling in his eyes, so I moved closer, taking his hand in both of mine to offer him support.

“Listen to her?”

“Zach. When I first met Violet, I couldn’t say Henry’s name. I couldn’t mention the word princess. Well, there were a whole bunch of words I couldn’t say without triggering her PTSD. Now she can talk about things freely without shutting down. She can remember but not relive those moments. She feels nothing for the things that happened to her or the man that did them. She has recovered and accepted that it was never in her control, and she is better off for it. You can be too, if only you allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to deal with the wrongs done to you.”

The room fell silent for a long time.

I looked to Carmen, thinking of something to say, but she shook her head at me. So I kept quiet.

I held Zach’s hand as I watched the tears roll down his cheeks. My heart ached knowing he blamed himself for something he had no control over.

Suddenly, Zach pulled me toward him.

He buried his face in my neck, and he cried.

He really cried.

His tears soaked my T-shirt, and his chest heaved with the sobs he was trying to suppress.

“I’m sorry he hurt you, baby. I’m sorry we didn’t find you sooner,” I whispered as his arms wrapped around my torso, clinging to me for comfort.

And for the first time, our roles were reversed. For the first time since I’ve known him, he was leaning on me. Drawing strength and comfort from me.

I sighed into his hair as my own tears fell.

“I’m here for you, Zach. I love you, and what he did doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Our night was spent lying in bed together, with Zach in a somber mood that Carmen had warned me about. He was emotionally drained, and with his permission, she agreed to contact his therapist to arrange a meeting.

She was convinced he needed a different kind of therapy, and he agreed to give it a shot. Whether he’d do it with Carmen or his current therapist was his call. I’ve been consumed by thoughts of it all morning, as we waited for our turn in the courtroom.

Jerry and Hayley managed to secure a meeting with a judge, and we’re hoping he’ll grant me a court order for a DNA test. Hayley sees no reason why he wouldn’t, but Jerry isn’t as confident. So, I’m left unsure of what to expect.

“Mr. Tyler Mason?” a clerk calls out my name, and I take a deep breath. I trail behind Hayley into the courtroom, with Jerry following closely behind.

He doesn’t join us at the front, choosing instead to sit in the first row of seats at the back. It would be ethically inappropriate for him to lead this meeting. After all, he’s my father-in-law.

“It’s lovely to see you again, Miss Stan. Good morning, Mr. Mason.”

“Good morning, your Honor.”

“I understand that you wanted to discuss your case with Mr. Mason with me in person rather than having me sign off on the agreement he came to in mediation, Miss Stan?” She gestures for me to take a seat next to her.

“I do, Judge Cameron. Mr. Mason has reason to believe that the DNA test done by Miss Ballard was tampered with in some way. We are asking for a second opinion test to be conducted by medical professionals with a witness to double-check that he is indeed genetically Miss Tilly Ballard’s father.”

“You disagree with the DNA results, Mr. Mason?”

“Yes, your Honor.”

“Then why did you come to an agreement in mediation before requesting further DNA testing?”

“My lawyer advised me to agree while waiting for a court date, for the best interest of Tilly.” He shakes his head at me, glancing down at a file on his desk.

“Mr. Mason, it appears you’ve had a history with Miss Ballard, spanning several years. Including a brief stint last year. Is that accurate?”

“We shared a night together, but it didn’t involve sex,” I admit.

“And yet, you’ve been intimate with Miss Ballard in the past?”

I let out a sigh. “Yes, your Honor. She was our companion for quite some time,” he acknowledges, his gaze dropping to the papers before him.

“Mr. Mason, I’ve seen countless men walk through these doors, seeking validation of their biological ties. Often, they’ve been denied access to a child they believe to be theirs. They endure years of financial and emotional hardship because the mothers refuse to allow their children to bond with their other parent. Most men don’t have a DNA test result when they approach me. Nor do they willingly care for another man’s child without proof. It seems to me that you’re trying to evade your biological responsibility to this child. I can’t fathom why you’d deny this child is yours. The case is clear-cut. Miss Ballard has followed all the rules. She’s paid for a DNA test out of her own pocket after consulting her legal team, she’s granted you immediate access to your child and has kindly asked for nothing for young Miss Ballard. Which, I might add, she has every right to claim. She’s even filed papers, just yesterday, to amend the birth certificate, and you’ll soon receive a letter inviting you to change young Miss Ballard’s surname to include yours, if you wish. And to legally establish your rights as her equal guardian and father. I can’t understand why you’re here seeking a second opinion when you clearly know Miss Tilly Ballard is your child. I’m sorry, but your actions indicate that you know what’s best for your child. I suggest you stick to the agreement you’ve made with Miss Ballard instead of dragging your child through a protracted legal battle that will only leave you worse off financially.”

His words leave me speechless, my mouth dry. The only reason I’m here is because of Hayley. She insisted this was the right move. I’m livid, absolutely livid.

“Your Honor—”

He silences me with a stern glance. “Mr. Mason, you appear to be a well-adjusted man. You’re clearly capable of supporting yourself and your child, so please do so. Go and cherish her. Love her. Stop denying she’s yours. Every child deserves both parents, and I wish every case I see was as straightforward as this one.”

Straightforward? Is he joking? Hayley turns to me, her mouth hanging open. She shakes her head at me. Her hand reaches out to touch my arm, stopping me from arguing with the judge. Because that’s exactly what I was about to do. I was going to tell him that Tilly couldn’t possibly be mine because we never had sex.

“Judge Cameron, we appreciate your time and consideration. We’ll submit the paperwork as soon as we receive it.”

“There’s no need, I have everything here.” He signs some documents and hands a packet to an officer standing nearby.

The officer brings the paperwork to me. “Mr. Mason, would you like to change Miss Tilly Ballard’s name?”

“Excuse me, what?”

“Miss Ballard has agreed to include Mason in the child’s name.”

“Really?”

“If that’s what she wants,” I say, glancing down at the legal document titled: Statement of parental rights. A wave of anger washes over me.

Of all the days, I get this today. I shouldn’t agree, but I do, out of anger and spite.

If she’s going to force Tilly on me, then she can damn well carry my name. “Yes, hyphenate her last name,” I practically spit at the judge. His eyebrows shoot up, but he doesn’t comment.

“Very well, could you sign this birth certificate? The child’s name will be legally changed to Miss Tilly Elizabeth Ballard-Mason.”

I swallow the bile that rises in my throat as I sign the birth certificate. The officer takes it back to the judge, who smiles down at me.

“I’ll have Miss Ballard sign this later today and send copies to both of you. Please keep all the legal documents I’ve just given you regarding your legal parental responsibility. Read them thoroughly, so you understand your rights. Congratulations, Mr. Mason, and please enjoy your beautiful child.”