63

I stuffed my hands into my jacket pockets.

The rain started as a light drizzle when I arrived, but now it fell steadily, soft and cold, soaking into my clothes and dripping from my hair. The world felt muted, the patter of rain on leaves and stone filling the silence.

The headstone looked slick and dark under the rain, her name--Lauren Rivera--etched deep into the polished surface.

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, unsure if I was supposed to speak or just stand there.

I wiped at my cheeks, but it didn't matter if it was rain or tears anymore.

"Hey, mom." I finally managed to speak, my voice quiet and at peace. I took a shaky breath, staring at the lilies I placed there a few seconds ago.

"You would've hate this weather," I said softly, letting out a bitter laugh. "I can hear you now: 'Take an umbrella, sweetheart. You'll catch your death out there.'" My smile faltered, my voice breaking on the last word.

I wrapped my arms around myself, the chill creeping in through every layer of clothing.

"You're probably so confused about everything." I chuckled weakly.

I took a deep breath in, listening to the rain, and also feeling it, before finally sitting down on the wet grass. My knees came up to my chest, arms wrapping around myself.

"I finally found the love of my life." I shrugged as if I'm updating her on my life story. "She's amazing, mom," I said softly, staring at the headstone. "Protective, so kind, and patient, everything you would've wanted for me. And she makes me feel--" My voice faltered as I searched for the right words. "She makes me feel safe."

"And yeah, she's my professor." I laughed at my own words. "But she's the first person I've ever said the 'L' word to. And you know how I feel about that word. Well, felt, before she showed me the meaning of it."

"She's everything I didn't know I needed," I continued, my voice softening. "She gets me, Mom. In ways I can't even explain. She sees all the broken parts I've tried so hard to hide, and instead of running away, she stays. She stays."

I glanced down at the grass, my fingers absently pulled at the damp grass beneath me, the cold seeping through my jeans.

"But it's complicated," I mumbled, my voice barely louder than the rain. "We're keeping it a secret, of course. My friends know about us, they were... shocked at first. But we're thinking about something. If that's moving away together, or even quitting university to be together."

My first tear slipped past, hot against the cold rain. "The first time I ever laid my eyes on her was over coffee. She came to café I worked at-- this intimidating, beautiful women who I barely could read. She took so long to decide what she wanted to order, so I knew she was foreign. And I was right. The next day we met at university. Turn's out she's my Spanish teacher."

"She ordered black coffee." I smiled. "Just how you always did."

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in, thinking about what else is new in my life. "Iris is still the same little shit, as you used to say. I wish you could see her, mom. She's... she's grown up a lot." I lowered my chin on my knees. "Then I met a new friend, Eleanor. She's in my law class. She was always quiet, so I never even knew she existed. But we officially introduced ourselves in the bathroom, weirdly enough. I never knew the quiet kids were so... alive. She's so funny, but kind and caring. She's a brainy box."

"Then there was Adeline." I scoffed. "It was one heck of a rollercoaster having her around... but, there's no need to talk about her."

"She's gone."

I added, "And now her nephew is part of our friend group. He's the best guy that I have ever met in my life, mom. He's nothing like Adeline. And plot twist, he even likes me... but he understands that I don't like him the way he wants me to. He's charming, brave and also kind. Such a gentleman, truly. He's the kind of guy you'd probably say is a keeper. But, my heart is not for him to have."

The rain softened for a moment, now a light drizzle again. I glanced at the lilies resting against her grave, the petals glistening with raindrops.

The lump in my throat returned as I just sat there and now looked up at the sky.

The rain slowly died down, the clouds opening again.

I was still sitting there, staring at the clouds still when I heard the soft crunch of footsteps behind me. I didn't have to look to know who it was. The familiar sound of her walk, the way she moved like she was cautious not to intrude-- and also the fact that she waited for me in the car.

Daniela stopped behind me.

And for a moment, she didn't say anything. Her freezing hands reached out and touched my shoulders, massaging it softly to relax me.

She finally spoke, her voice soft and quiet. "Ready to go?"

I glanced down at the grave one more time before giving a small nod.

Daniela helped me up from the slippery glass.

She steadied me, holding my arms.

We stood there side by side in silence and then I took a look around the graveyard.

And then, my eyes drifted upward at the sky. The sun barely peeking through.

The clouds were different shapes and sizes, and one looked like an arrow.

That was until I turned around, signaling her that I'm ready to go.

Her arm wrapped around my side, pulling me into her. "Let's go home." She whispered lovingly.