24 - Slight Obsession

Fraser

With the amount of blood Ailsa smuggles in, I'm almost as well fed as I was in my clan.

The blood leaves much to be desired, all of it being from animals of some kind. Deer, sheep, hogs. It's all well and good to keep my strength up, but it's not enough. It's not as satisfying as human blood, not as strengthening.

But it will do just fine. And I'm not about to tell Ailsa that. Sweet, darling little Ailsa. She has no idea the beast that she's feeding.

Ailsa. Human, Sinclair Ailsa, who has no idea that I fear that she's my mate.

I've been thinking about it a lot, almost too much. I'm in between decisions on what this feeling means.

On one hand, Ailsa is a sweet girl who has endeared herself to me through her words and actions. She reads to me, brings me sustenance, talks to me as if we have known each other for years.

That would be an explanation enough for my slight obsession with her, my desperation to see her at the end of the day.

On the other hand, I want to run my mouth over her neck for other reasons besides feeling from her. That kind of desire, that sort of need, its dangerous.

I've felt similar reasons throughout my long centuries of living, but never of this magnitude. What else could it mean besides her being my fated mate?

I don't know what else it could be. I suppose I'll have to find out for myself.

When she comes down tonight, it's all that's on my mind.

It's hard to concentrate on anything else, even as she serves me with a dish of lamb's blood from the night before. She explains to me that the venison was delicious, and it was difficult to sneak the blood away this time.

Apparently the cook has been growing suspicious of all the help Ailsa has been offering in the kitchen.

I drink the offered meal quickly enough, guzzling it and having my fill. It immediately floods me with power, and I silently thank the lamb for its sacrifice, but my thanks to the lamb sitting in front of me is best offered out loud.

"Thank you, Ailsa. You humble me with your constant care for my needs." I have to say the words, I wouldn't feel right if I didn't.

But another part of me deep inside despises having to rely on anyone. It's easier that it comes from Ailsa, but it still wounds my pride. It punctures the confidence I have in myself like a knife, damaging the faith I have in my self built self reliance.

"You're welcome. As always. I am happy to help you, Fraser. I am just sorry that I can't do more." She hangs her head a little, but offers me a smile.

I sigh, shaking my head.

"You already put yourself at risk to keep me fed. I could ask you for more than that. I don't ask you to do this anyway."

"I... care for you. More than you know. More than I care to admit." Ailsa murmurs, looking at her pink hands that sit cradled in her lap.

My heart pangs. I want to hold her hands and assure her I feel that same way, but I can't.

I can't make any promises to her, all I can do is warn her away from me, caution against what she's asking for and the consequences it would surely bring.

"You shouldn't." I say, my voice grave, and harsher than I intended it to be. "It's dangerous to be doing this, Ailsa. Do you know how much danger you're in by helping me? I should demand that you stop."

"Will you? I mean, will you demand that I stop?"

I laugh, a harsh sound that cracks the silence in two, like cutting down a tree in a still forest.

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for." I admit, hating to say the words but forcing them out.

"It's not a weakness to rely on help from others." She retorts, and I adore the fire I see flashing in her eyes.

If only it was the help which I wasn't willing to give up. The food. The blood. What I really crave is her company, the blood is only a decent addition to the real prize. She my sweet Ailsa.

"It is."

"Well, then. I suppose I'm weak then." Ailsa admits simply.

"Why do you figure?"

"You help me."

I bark a laugh, shaking my head at the determination shining confidently in her soft voice.

I lift a hand, draping my arm over my knee as I gesture for her to explain.

"Well. I wouldn't have much to wake up for if it weren't for you. I don't exactly have an exciting life." She shrugs, her shoulders deflating. "But sneaking things down to you every night? Learning of your ways and your supernatural ways? That's all I have to look forward to."

Another thing, the questions that she brings. So far I've revealed quite a bit about my species to this human girl.

It's my way of showing I trust her and will bend to her curiosity.

After all, her father hasn't used any of the new information against me, at least not yet. I've officially decided that she's not close enough with her father to be working with him.

She despises him more than I do.

"You won't have anything to look forward to if your father finds out. He could hurt you for helping me, Ailsa." I plead. "Think of yourself, please."

She shakes her head like I knew she would.

"No. I don't care for my own well-being." She insists.

I glare.

"That much is obvious." I spit.

"You don't understand. Why protect something so delicate? I'll shatter anyway." She says.

I feel my eyes widen at her words.

"What do you mean?"

She stands swiftly, actually looking angered by my words. I've never seen her so volatile. She looks dangerous.

"I mean that I'm going to die soon anyway, so why not make myself useful while I'm still here?"

My mood darkens.

"What? What the hell do you mean?" I demand, standing as well.

I didn't realize just how small she was until we're standing right in front of each other. I have to stare down at her.

"I didn't.. you're so.." she gulps. "Tall."

She says it like it's an insult, like the word tastes bad, but doesn't step away.

"No. You're simply too short, that's all." I surmise, shoving away the urge to grab the bars and squeeze them until my palms bleed. "What did you mean that you'll die soon anyway?"

She presses her lips together.

"It doesn't matter." She murmurs.

Doesn't matter? Doesn't matter?

I look down to where her corset moves up and down, and I wonder to myself if it's the issue with her lungs.

"Doesn't matter?" I finally find the strength to say the words and they seethe from between my teeth.

My height and heated voice makes her take a step back, and I regret my reaction immediately. She's likely thinking about what happened last time I raised my voice at her.

I take a step forward to make up for her retreat. I'm practically pressed up against the bars now, my breath fanning across the silver and spreading the smell of the sharp, solid poison.

"I'm sorry. I won't get angry again, I promise."

Ailsa presses her fists to her chest, her blonde hair falls in waves down her face. She looks so little. So unsure.

"I care about you, too." I admit, because I realize I didn't say it earlier when I should've, when she opened her heart to me. "So since I care about you I want to know that you'll be safe."

She glowers at me, stomping her right foot angrily.

"You're not allowed to be worried about my safety and well-being when you're locked down here." Lifting her hands and crinkling her fingers as she gestures to me uselessly.

"I'm allowed to do as I damn well please." I grumble, and suddenly she's gathering her things.

A book. A bowl. A lantern.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Fraser."

She's smiling when she leaves.

I love the way she says my name.