25 - Admission

Ailsa

I sway my feet carefully over the water, watching the shadows of my legs swaying. I clutch the rugged wooden bark beneath my palms. The scratching and scraping against my skin is refreshing. It reminds me I'm here, that I'm still breathing, that I'm alive.

For however long that may be.

Soon I'll be far away from here, warming a strangers bed until I'm overtaken by my disease.

I lean down and slip off my shoes, tugging at the laces with my trembling fingers.

Sometimes outside is the only place I can catch my breath. Besides the dungeons.

A ghost of a smile appears on my face while I let Fraser take over my mind for a moment. At least I will always have my memories to hold onto.

The heels of my feet glide across the pond. The water is clear and cool, washing away my worries as tadpoles swirl beneath my toes, kicking up dirt and funky settlement with their little tails and back legs.

Dragonflies of every color skitter across the surface of the water, leaving echoing rings that glide towards me. Their wings catch the sunlight, a rare occurancenon the highlands. It's rarely sunny. I try to let my skin drink in as much of it as possible before it disappears

"There you are, lass."

I sigh. I should've known she was after me, and would know just where to find me.

Gentry stumbles through the underbrush to reach the ponds edge, holding her long skirts in her big, white knuckled hands. She may be powerful and wicked smart, but she's not the most graceful of women. She's large, with big bones and a thick figure.

My maid comes closer, sitting next to me on the fallen tree that hangs suspended over the water. The tree shakes and sways as soon as she sits. I wonder if it'll break, but I'm not sure I would mind. The water would be refreshing, I was considering going for a dip earlier anyway.

"What are you doing all the way out here, Ailsa? You know better than to.."

"Go out in the woods alone. I know, I know." I say, waving her off with a wave of my hand.

She raises her bushy brows at me, and I smile, showing my teeth and tilting my head innocently.

"Might as well live when I can." I murmur, my voice as sweet as honeycomb. "This is where I feel alive."

Gentry's face tightens, her lips flattening over her teeth.

"I'm sure you'll father will see reason before a marriage takes place. It won't stand. I won't let it." She insists, taking my hand in hers, squeezing with her warm, strong grip.

She keeps her feet tucked under her, trying to stay as dry as she can. I think about pushing her in and grin. It would be funny, but I'm not sure if it's entirely possible. She's twice my size.

"And how would you know that?" I wonder, moving my eyes to the water so I won't have to see the pain lingering on her face that I adore so much.

"Well, I wonder what a Laird would say when I reveal his bride is not hearty enough to jangle being a wife, let alone help run a clan."

I look at my toes wiggling in the water.

"So you'll make sure whoever I'm married to knows that he's marrying a defect for a bride?"

Gentry's breath comes out in a whoosh.

"Well, we could use it to our advantage, Ailsa. You know I don't really believe that. If a Laird believes that you'll be a useless wife, then your father will have no choice but to call off the arrangement when they give him trouble for trying to deceive." She insists, grabbing my wrist and shaking it to garner my attention.

My gaze snaps up to hers, and it's not until now that I realize my eyes are swimming in tears that have gathered with each passing word.

"Don't cry, wee lass, my heart breaks when you cry." Gentry takes my head in her hand, pulling it down to her shoulder to let me rest for a moment.

I don't have the strength to admit how freighted I am. I suppose it's an easy enough thing to realize from deduction.

"It'll all be alright, you'll see." She soothes, petting my hair.

I know gentry, and I love her, respect her. I know she is wiser than her years. But I do not believe her. And I'm not sure if she believes herself either.

"Let's get you back to the castle. You need rest." It's something she says often, claiming it will help me heal in some way.

I nod, letting her lead the way as she practically carries me from the shore towards the land. She angles me towards home, taking massive strides, her steps much too big for me to match, forcing me to keep up. She wants me home quickly.

Gentry has always believed in the creatures that creep through the woods when night falls. I've always thought she was crazy for giving in to such nonsense. Now I just feel guilt at never heeding her warnings and wishes.

Little does she know that Fraser wouldn't hurt a fly. He's much too kind. Much too sweet. I know that I myself am starting to fall in love with him.

Even as I hear a marriage that will surely lead to my death, I long for him, the vampire prisoner who whispers his secrets to me through silver bars.

Although part of me fears my fate of death, another side of my despises the fact that I'll have to plead he myself to anyone but my Fraser.

We're halfway to the castle when I exhale through my nose, a small laugh just to myself as I think of the irony. Gentry presses me to tell her where my mind was after the laugh, her elbow through mine to keep me steady from the agonizing pace.

I simply shook my head, regretting letting my mask slip.

Although I love Gentry as if she were my own mother, I cannot tell her that the more I think of my marriage, the more I despair that the binding won't be with the one I truly want.

I've never shown interest in the boys of my clan, because they were simply that, boys. They knew of my condition and provided a large berth between themselves and I, likely fearing that my ailment was contagious.

But Fraser is different, so very different. He seems genuinely interested in me, in my thoughts and wishes. He has made efforts to get to know me. It's more than can be said about my future suitor. I am simply a vessel, a token to be traded.

"Gentry, have you ever thought about being married? Why have I never seen you keeping company with suitors?" I wonder out loud, mostly trying to disrupt the overwhelming thoughts that circle around Fraser.

My maid stiffens, and I wince. I fear I may have hit a sore spot, so I begin backtracking.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to explain if you don't wish..."

"No. I am happy to appease your curiosity, lass. I'm sure it's something you've thought about often. Best to get it out of the way while we're on the subject, aye?"

I nod, gulping at the hesitant voice she uses.

Gentry isn't technically old enough to be my biological mother. She is 34. A spinster in our clan, but not completely without prospect. Many men must have shown interest in her. She is a wall of a woman, which is not often seen attractive, but it's much better than being too delicate to even bare a child.

"Long ago, a man broke my heart. When you were very young dear. I swore them off completely after that. You can never trust a man with your love. Mark my words, pass. They will only disappoint you."

"How did he break your heart?"

I take notice that Gentry's pace slows, mostly because my legs don't ache as much now.

"Well. He left me when I needed him most. This was right after he swore he would never leave me, that he would always be there and that he would always return. But he got scared lass, the fleeing bastard. He was a coward and ran for the hills when marriage was spoken of. Couldn't bear the weight and responsibility of being a husband."

I feel my eyes grow wide in my face. I had never thought something like that could happen to Gentry. It's odd to think there is something I don't know about her. This is a whole new side to her that I've never seen, and now I want to know it all, soak it all up like a sponge.

"What happened to him?"

Gentry shrugs, picking up the pace once more.

"Well, no one knows for certain. There were rumors that he became so drunk that he fell and hit his head and died. I prefer that version to the other rumour."

I'm about to ask what the other rumor was when she interrupts me with the answer.

"Others said he had run off with a lass, sweet little girl who was half my stature. They said he whisked her away and married her, that they started a family." I hear the yearning in her voice, the melancholy written clear across her face.

Her admission shocks me.

I stick my heels in the ground, demanding a stop with my body. Before she can chide me, I throw my arms around her.

"I'm so sorry that happened, Gentry." I murmur onto her shoulder, wishing I could say more, but I don't know what to say. I've never been good at comforting others since I rarely have to give it.

"It's alright, lass. Just let it be a lesson to you, you can never trust a man, at least not fully. Do you understand?"

Fraser's wicked smile crosses my mind, but I nod reluctantly, knowing it's much to late for me to heed her advice.

"I understand."

Another chapter tomorrow, I promise!! Love you all