In Good Company: Chapter 48

I don’t know what a broken heart feels like. I’ve never cared about someone enough to give them the power to break my heart.

But the dull throb beginning in my chest right now has got to be close. It’s all because of the look on Lucy’s face. She doesn’t have to say a word for me to know that this conversation isn’t going to go how I want it to.

I so desperately want to be the person Lucy leans on when she needs help. I want to be there for her like I want my next breath. My entire body aches at the thought of her going back home to deal with things by herself.

I want to be there for the woman I fell for, but it’s becoming more and more clear that as desperately as I want to be the one for Lucy to lean on, that isn’t what she wants.

“For once, just let someone be there for you, baby,” I croak, not caring how vulnerable I sound. This woman owns my heart, and I need her to know and hear in my voice how badly I want to be there for her.

Her lips tremble, and I hate that tears still stream down her face.

I reach out to try and wipe them from her cheeks, but she shies away from my touch.

And that one simple movement obliterates my heart.

Her entire body shakes as she aims her gaze to the ground. “I’m the only person my parents have, Cal. I have to be there for them, and I don’t need you there to distract me.”

My mouth snaps shut so quickly I wonder if she hears the impact of my teeth slamming together. I rub at my chest, a pain radiating through me from her words. “Is that what I am to you? A distraction?”

She kills me with one simple nod of her head.

Blood drains from my face as I slowly nod. All this time, I’ve been envisioning what a life with her could look like. Every time she’s opened her mouth, I’ve waited with bated breath, hoping this would be the time she’d open up to me. I was hoping for a future with her, and to her, all I am is a distraction?

Her eyes meet mine, and I can see that she’s put her walls back in place. It’s been so long since I’ve seen them like this. She’s staring at me blankly like she did that night at Laurent’s when she pretended not to know me.

“Maybe it’s best we end this now, anyway, before things get carried away,” she whispers. “We were only supposed to be temporary. With you being Oliver’s brother and me having to leave, this is what’s best.”

My jaw tightens. I hate that she even brought up Oliver as if he is any kind of reason we can’t be together. The only person preventing me and Lucy from being together is her.

And it seems like there’s nothing that’ll change her mind.

As someone who is used to getting what they want, it’s a hard pill to swallow. I can have anything in the world, but I can’t have her.

“Say something,” Lucy begs. Her voice breaks a little, and I hate how that little hitch in her voice gives me the tiniest ounce of hope that maybe she’ll realize she’s making a huge mistake.

I shake my head. I run my hand over my mouth as I try to think about what to even say to her. Just as her walls have come up, I can feel mine doing the same. I never wanted that to happen with her, but I can’t help it. I have to protect myself the best I can as she breaks my heart.

“What is there to say? I told you I’m falling for you, and you told me I was a distraction. I don’t know what else to say to you, Lucy, other than I wish you’d stop trying to carry the world on your shoulders all alone. I’ve never even been close to falling in love, but now that I know what it feels like, I think you feel it too. But for some reason, you’re scared of me loving you, and if you don’t even trust me enough to tell me why, then there’s nothing else I can do to change your mind. Until you’re ready to trust me and let me be there for you, then there isn’t much for us to talk about.”

I try to deliver the words softly. I’m not trying to fight or do anything to hurt her. Even so, she winces at my words. She’s got a lot on her plate, and the last thing I want to do is add more to it, but she wanted me to say something, so I did.

“You’re only a distraction because I’ve never felt for someone what I feel for you,” she finally gets out. Her words come out shaky, and she doesn’t even look at me when she delivers them.

I swallow, not knowing how to process her words. A sarcastic laugh leaves me as I realize how depressing this entire scenario is. “Apparently, whatever you feel, and hell, even what I feel, isn’t enough. You’re still not going to let me go with you and be there for you, are you?”

She lets out a sob as she shakes her head.

I nod as pain takes over my entire body. Nothing’s ever hurt this badly, and no matter how hard I try to rub my chest to make the pain go away, it doesn’t subside.

I close my eyes for a moment as I force myself to accept defeat. No matter how much I want to, I can’t fight for someone who doesn’t want to be fought for. I can see she feels the same as I do, but I’ll never force her into something she doesn’t want, even if it’s absolute torture to have to let her go.

When I open my eyes, I let out a shaky breath as a numbness I hadn’t felt in a long time creeps into my veins.

“While you gather your things, I’ll call my pilot. We’ll go by your place so you can grab anything you need, and then I’ll drop you off at the airport.”

“You don’t have to do tha⁠—”

“Will you please just let me do this one last thing for you?” I plead, my voice hoarse. I’m sure I look ridiculous to her right now. It feels like all the color has drained from my face, and my entire body feels clammy. I can’t stop rubbing at the pain in my chest, and my jaw hurts from how much I’ve been grinding my teeth.

Thankfully, Lucy allows my last request. She nods, and it’s all the answer I need. Before I can beg her to change her mind about me, I turn to head back to my room to grab my phone.

She doesn’t say a word to me the entire ride back to her place.

Nothing’s said as I help her pack her things into a small purple suitcase.

We’re both silent as I drive her to the private airport.

Finally, I can’t take the silence for another second. She’s broken my heart and ripped it into a million pieces, but I can’t let her get on that plane without saying goodbye.

We stand by my SUV, the both of us staring at one another.

“I meant what I said. I’m falling for you, Lucy Rae, and I want to be there for you. It’s killing me not to get on this plane with you, but for once, I’ll accept not getting my way. But if you find yourself ever needing me, I’m one call away. You got that?”

Lucy’s chin trembles as she nods. “I’m so sorry. I wish things didn’t have to end this wa⁠—”

Her words get cut off as I pull her against my chest and just hold her. I’m well aware that people are watching us, but I don’t know the next time I’ll ever get to hold her like this—if ever. I just need a few more moments to commit this to memory.

I don’t know if it’s her or me that trembles, but our bodies shake as we hold each other.

I’m the first to pull away. I’m afraid if I hold on to her any longer, I’ll never be able to let go. And right now, she’s made it obvious that she needs to go—and she needs to go alone.

I have to let go, no matter how much it fucking kills me to do it.

My hands find either side of her face. We just stare at each other for a moment. My eyes trace the freckles along her cheeks, committing every single one of them to memory. I run my thumbs along them, hating how final this goodbye seems. There’s so much uncertainty about if she’ll ever change her mind about us and if I’ll ever see her again, and that destroys me.

“Goodbye, Lucy baby,” I rasp, trying to hide my hurt from her. I don’t want to make her feel any guiltier than she already does. It’s clear she’s carrying enough about not being in Virginia, so I want to do my best not to add to the guilt that’s clearly consuming her and preventing us from being together.

She rises to her tiptoes and presses a kiss to my lips. My entire body relaxes for a brief moment at the connection. My eyelids flutter shut, and for a few prolonged seconds, I pretend this isn’t a goodbye.

My hands tighten against her cheeks as I keep her close to me just a little longer.

She pulls away, and I hate how swollen and red her eyes are from all of the crying. “Goodbye, Cal.”

She steps out of my grasp and walks to the plane. I count every step she takes away from me. With each one, I hope that she turns around and tells me she’s changed her mind. If she just asked me to get on that plane with her, I would.

She doesn’t.

She doesn’t even look back at me.

Not when she greets the pilot, Brian.

Not when she gets to the top of the stairs.

And not even when she steps into the open door of the jet.

As soon as she disappears, I look at my pilot. I clear my throat to make sure my words don’t come out sounding too pained. “You take care of my girl. I want to know the moment you land.”

He nods. And then, before I can make a fool out of myself and run inside to beg her to change her mind, I turn around and walk away from the only woman I’ll ever love.

All I can do is hope that our feelings are strong enough for her to realize just how perfect we are together.

I sit in my car and watch the private jet take off with a lump in my throat. I watch as my entire world flies away as I come to terms with the fact that I have no idea when I’ll see her again.

It’s only when the plane disappears behind some clouds that I wipe a single tear away from my cheek and drive away from the private airport with a broken heart and an intense longing for a woman who doesn’t want to be mine.