In Good Company: Chapter 49

“Lucy, you’re making me nervous. Stop hovering,” my dad scolds. He stares at me over his wire-rimmed glasses. His dark, bushy eyebrows pull together on his forehead as he gives me a deep scowl.

I give him an apologetic smile. “You just got back from the hospital, Dad. I’m just making sure you’re okay.”

He waves his hand through the air dismissively. “I’m fine. Now that they’ve got my medications sorted out, you don’t have to worry.”

I narrow my eyes on him. No matter how much it annoys him, it’s my job to worry. He was in the hospital for a week while they tried to figure out what was happening with him. He was having an abnormal heartbeat rhythm, a complication that can happen after heart attacks.

It feels like I didn’t sleep for that entire time; I was so sick with worry. His team of doctors is amazing, but every time we felt like we had a handle on things, he would have an episode with his heart that sent us right back to square one. Eventually, they felt good enough about his new medications and care plan to let him go home.

“You know I’m going to worry, but I’ll try not to hover. Mom should be back soon from the pharmacy, but do you need me to get you anything?” I place my hands on my hips and wait for my dad to answer as he tries to get comfortable in his leather recliner.

“You could take me to the store. I want to check everything out,” he grumbles. It’s obvious that it’s eating away at him that he hasn’t been able to return to the store since his incident, but his doctors were very firm that he needs to take it easy.

“You were just released from the hospital this morning, Dad. Maybe we should give it some time before we try working again?”

He lets out a disgruntled growl. The man doesn’t know how to relax, but now that I’m back and in charge of keeping an eye on him to give my mom a break, he’s going to learn real quickly how serious I am about listening to his doctors. I never want to get a phone call like that from my mom again.

“Maybe you should go check it out,” Dad offers as I hand him the TV remote.

His warm brown eyes focus on me, the hint of a smile forming on his lips. Every time Dad smiles, it’s a reminder of how Luke had his exact smile. It’s bittersweet.

I flip through the channels, trying to find something Dad will like, as I can’t help but return his smile with one of my own. It feels like smiles have been few and far between the past week, so it’s good to see Dad giving me one.

Especially with how close it is to Luke and Logan’s birthday.

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” I ask.

“Yes,” he responds immediately, making me laugh. Being grumpy is a personality trait of his. I forgot how much I missed it. His personality is coming back after being so out of it in the hospital. “I haven’t been alone in forever. If I can’t get to the store, then I can send you and maybe have some peace and quiet before your mother gets home and fusses over me.”

“We’re both just worried about you,” I explain, reaching out and placing my hand on his shoulder. Dad’s always been grumpy, but his exterior only got rougher after losing my brothers. Then, after the heart attack, it got more intense. I hadn’t realized how dim his personality had been in the hospital this past week until now, when his normal demeanor started coming back.

“Stop worrying about me and go check on Alec. I’ll be fine here.”

I stand there for a moment, wondering what I should do. I’ve been trying my best to go to the store when I can to give Alec a break, but almost every time I’m there, he ends up staying anyway. Alec knows how to run things far better than I do, but I’m trying to learn.

“Let me call Mom first and make sure she’s okay with it,” I offer, deciding it might be good for me to stop by and learn more of the ropes from Alec. Plus, it keeps me busy, and keeping busy is the only way I’ve been able to survive the last week.

I miss Cal terribly. There’s an ache in my chest that settles deep in my bones at losing him. I’ve kept myself so busy that I haven’t even been able to really think about what happened between us.

I want to keep it that way. If I think about the pained look in his eyes when he told me he loved me and how I reacted to it, all I feel is burning pain. I know I didn’t handle things right, but there’s nothing I can do to fix it now.

I’m still scared that if he was here, I’d get lost in him again, and I can’t have that. Not when Mom needs help juggling Dad’s appointments and keeping up to date with his medications. Or how Dad needs me to take over the store. In the small breaks of handling those, I’ve stayed busy by prepping and freezing nutritious meals for Dad that are good for his heart and preparing extras to give Alec and his wife too.

While Mom stayed at the hospital, I came home and cleaned the house from top to bottom. I went to the store to get groceries to make sure everything was stocked and I have already started a family calendar so she doesn’t have to remember all the countless appointments by herself.

I plan to keep doing all of that, now, with Dad home. These things are what I need to focus on, no matter how much I miss Cal and wish things were different.

“Are you going to keep standing there and blocking the TV, or are you going to go check on Alec?” Dad asks in a teasing tone, breaking me from my daydreams.

I push all the painful thoughts of Cal from my mind and give my dad a tight smile. “I’m checking with Mom first, but yes, if she’s okay with it, you’ll get rid of me.”

“Finally,” Dad whispers under his breath, but he says it with a smile. I don’t blame him. He’s used to being fiercely independent. I’m sure being forced to rely on others is hard for him.

I don’t tell this to Dad, but Mom is almost done at the pharmacy. She tells me to go ahead and head to the store. Dad will get his alone time—but it’ll only be a few minutes.

As I drive to the store, I try to keep my mind busy with any thought that doesn’t involve Cal.

I start planning what food I want to make for my family this week.

I remind myself that I still need to get Dad in to see his physical therapist next week.

I make a list of what bills need to be paid.

I even make a note to call around to some nearby florists to get some arrangements made for the anniversary of Luke and Logan’s death. I want to put fresh flowers on their graves but also get Mom some flowers too. I know it’ll be a hard day for all of us. Mom’s always been a fan of fresh flowers but won’t spend the money to buy them for herself.

At first, I’m able to keep my mind free of Cal, but it doesn’t take long for my thoughts to drift to him.

I don’t know when it happened, but I fell in love with him. I tried fighting it. While in the moment, I thought I had a good handle on things. I thought both my mind and heart knew that everything between us was only temporary.

I should’ve known that falling for him was inevitable. Week after week, we spent almost every day together. Little by little, he stole my heart. And it’s only when I got on that plane after breaking his heart that I realized how much he owned mine.

A tear runs down my cheek as I give myself a moment to miss him. Anguish washes over me at the reminder of how much I hurt him. It’s obvious he’s not a man who enjoys being vulnerable, and I can’t help but hate myself for how I handled his vulnerability. I could’ve confessed to him why it was so hard for me to open up to him, but I didn’t.

And now, it haunts me.