Chapter Ten

January 18th

It takes four hours for him to get ready. He'd spent an hour early that morning at the venue in his sweats, Ny and Charlotte with him as he'd gone over the song three times. Minor adjustments to the sound systems made each times before he'd finally been able to leave.

He'd showered, then had a professional hair and make-up crew rewash his hair, style it and brush his face till it appeared almost perfect. Even after all these years he wasn't used to the way the brushes swept over his skin and even the slight tiredness evident in the bags under his eyes could be wiped away from a few strokes of a skilled hand and brush.

He had two outfits for tonight, one for the red carpet and actual awards and the second for his performance. He knew the two Gucci fits had been commissioned for him months ago, undoubtedly hand made to fit his exact measurements.

By the time he was finally ready and the dozen people who filtered in and out of the room constantly, including Jeff, all seemed satisfied with his appearance he was being ushered towards the door. Jeff had insisted he get ready in a private hotel suite in mid London rather than his own home and he had readily agreed. Despite the fact he liked everyone on his hair and make-up team he didn't want a how bunch of people crowded in his personal space.

Louis would be joining him there, having got ready in a hotel not far from where Harry had been. Jeff and Rania had been sending the two of them email after email detailing every aspect of how the night could go.

After receiving the first one Harry had panicked, thinking too much of how Modest! Had once forced Louis and him apart, not even enabling them to look at one another, let alone acknowledge, however the instructions which had come through had been simple enough. Do not give away the tour announcement or reunion. And not much else which he had to be concerned about. He was so versed in how to act in important social environments that he was almost immune to the stares, whispers and shouts that would no doubt trail them from the press all night. But he was determined not to let that ruin his night. Finally, after years and years of waiting, he was actually going to be able to attend an event with Louis and not have to act as if he disliked the man.

It was four years and a whole lot of heartache too late, but it was better than nothing.

The line of fans, all armed with either cell phones or signs greeted him out the cars tinted window long before the stream of media personal. The screams were as loud as ever as the car eventually came to a halt, a dozen security between where he would step out too and the fans eagerly awaiting the next celebrities arrival.

He'd be arriving ahead of Louis, who would join him half way down the red carpet, right in the thick of the media. This was thankfully the only part of the night which would be staged between them.

Stepping out into the blinding camera flashes, he heard the rising level of screams before his eyes could fully adjust to the flashes from various cameras. This would be the first public appearance between any of the five of them in months, and certainly the first after the recent social media frenzy.

He smiled at the gathered crowd before him, waving to a number of people who shouted his name and offered a peace sign to a dozen or more fans as he made his way towards the entrance of the building. Closer and closer to the photo wall, primed with dozens of photographers and interviewers waiting baited just on the other side.

He'd just about reached the photo wall, having stopped to sign a few of the posters and cards some of the fans had thrust towards him, offering each of them a wide smile when the screams around him went almost deafening.

"Louis!" "Louis over here!" "Oh my gosh its Louis!"

He held back the smile that threatened to show as he turned, making a show of acting surprised as he caught sight of his bandmate casually walking towards him. He was wearing a deep blue suit that was left unbuttoned, a crisp white shirt underneath that also had its top buttons undone, revealing a large section of the It Is What It Is tattoo plastered across his chest.

He found himself struggling to breathe for moment as Louis' striking blue eyes caught his and Louis offered him a wide, open smile. One that, though partially was for the cameras and screaming fans, seemed genuine and meant just for him.

It took Louis halting before him for his breathe to return, a wide grin breaking out across his face as he remained caught up in the older man just for a moment longer. Before he had a chance to speak however, Louis wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in for an embrace.

He didn't react for a long moment, shock rippling through him and sparks igniting in every place which Louis held him. He realised then that they were surrounded by hundreds of people, cameras and reporters and quickly threw his arms around Louis, returning the embrace.

"S'good to see ya!" Louis said pulling away from him, eyes dancing.

"Thank you, for coming." He answered under his breathe, knowing that under the wave of noise no one would ever catch those simple words, but Louis' eyes softened, and he smiled once more.

"What are friends for aye?"

"Wanna head in?" Harry asked instead of replying, head turning to glance down at the photo wall not twenty meters behind him where he soon spotted a whole wall of cameras already trained on the international superstars and long-lost bandmates finally reuniting in public.

"Face the wolves, right?" Louis replied, the age-old words the five of them had once quoted before each public appearance surfacing and Harry couldn't help but find comfort in them. Knowing that he had someone with him, even just for tonight, and that person was Louis.

He heads towards the main photo wall, Louis a comforting presence at his side. Even four years on and a void between them, having Louis walk calmly by his side was more than Harry could explain. It felt so easy to have Louis by his side, always had done.

Their names were being shouted by too many people for him to notice any one person in particular, he didn't recognize the middle aged couple who walked off the center of the wall, instead he waited for a steward to turn to him and Louis, not raising any alarm at the sight of them together and instead ushering them forward onto the empty space.

They'd gone over this with Jeff and Rania, but it still felt strange when Louis casually threw an arm around his waist, as he'd done so many times before and smiled brightly for the cameras. A trained, professional smile. Not the one Harry had fallen in love with.

His emotions running in turmoil under his skin, he draped his arm around Louis' shoulders, just two friends who'd travelled the world and spent five years of their youth living amongst each other. Platonic. Nothing more.

They stood together for a minute, two. Shifting positions as their names were screamed over and over again, almost drowned out by the screaming fans behind the extensive media crews. He had no doubt that the next time he checked his socials it would be an absolute mess. But if anything would come of tonight, it would be the attention drawn to them before tour was announced, and that was exactly what they wanted.

Finally moving off from the wall, he felt Louis' hand graze over his back briefly as they turned and headed towards the interviewers, waiting like sharks with hungry looks in their eyes. Just waiting to snare the two of them and pull them into awkward and difficult questions.

"Harry! Louis! What a welcome and unexpected surprise, I must say I think you've left a good number of people shocked here tonight! Tell me, what has bought on this sudden, unexpected public reunion of the two of you?" The first interviewer asked, a woman Harry knew he'd likely done an interview with before but simply couldn't remember her name.

"As a group we may be on a break but it's always really special having one of the boys at a show, we started in this together, so we'll always have that connection." He answers, Louis standing confidently at his side.

"Now fans are fairly excited with this year being the tenth anniversary of the forming of One Direction, can you give us any hints to if there will be any sort of reunion happening any time soon?"

"I think we're all in a good place right now, we've certainly talked about doing something a little down the line but we're all pretty caught up in doing our own things for the time being." Louis says and Harry has to fight the smile that threatens to break through his media mask.

"Someday in the future is better than never, so we'll take that one!" The woman replies with a smile so bright and media worthy it almost looks painful, "Now you're performing one of your singles from your latest album, Fine Line, tonight Harry, how are you feeling about that? Having Louis here to support you?"

"I'm looking forward to it, sure it's going to be a great night."

They breeze through the rest of the interview, answering mundane questions on their outfits and Harry has to try very hard to simply stare at Louis to take him all in. As he has been forcing down since the moment that he'd first seen him walking towards him. From there, they stop for three more interviews, each one a repetition of the last. Inquiring about any possible chance of a One Direction reunion, which he and Louis take turns in answering with only slight variations to the answer that Harry had first given.

"Wasn't so bad." Louis murmurs to him as they are being shown to their seats.

"Might take some time for my ear drums to recover, I'll be lucky to hear the music in my in-ears tonight." He mutters back and sees from the corner of his eye a smile, a true Louis smile this time, come to light.

The young man who had led them through the now bustling building stops before a large, round table dressed in elegant form and takes his exit. There are three purses left across the other side of the table so he figures whomever they're sat with is off talking with someone. He doesn't yet recognize anyone around him he would know well enough to go strike up a conversation so pegs for simply taking a seat. Figuring the show must be starting soon enough anyway.

"You know, still find these things a blood bore most of the time." Louis whispers to him as he takes a seat to his right. Louis had always had the most trouble settling in for hours on end as numerous awards and speeches were given. The two of them used to pass the time slipping notes to one another and playing games across the table with one of the other boys. And he'd be completely lying to himself if he told himself he hadn't daydreamed of those memories in the long process of attending these things since becoming a solo artist.

"Well I'm glad to be providing some form of entertainment for you tonight."

"What song are you performing, I never asked."

Harry smiles at that, "It's a surprise, you'll have to wait and see just like everyone else."

"You're sour because I haven't played you my album yet aren't you?"

And ok, maybe Louis does still know him. "Of course not." He replies with instead.

"Yeah alrigh'." Louis says, shuffling in his seat as people begin finding their seats.

~~~~

He's escorted from his table half way through the night. He'd been chatting with Lizzo for the better part of ten minutes when he'd been tapped on the shoulder and told it was time for him to get ready backstage. Louis had turned from where he'd been having a conversation with a couple seated across the table, wishing him luck before turning back to the couple.

Now, as he stood barefoot and dressed in the gorgeous white lace fabric on the dark stage, water pooling at his feet he fought the shaking in his hand. He knew Louis had heard the album already, but it was one thing to listen to a song through headphones and completely another to hear it sung live. He'd long since gotten past his fright at the thought of his performances being broadcasted to millions of people. But here now, as he stood about to sing a very personal song in front of a large, respected audience and more so the love of his life, he couldn't quite calm the slight shake in his hands.

His in-ears dinged, signaling him for the start of the song and he felt the heat of the stage lights as they flicked on and all he could see was darkness before him. The music began, filling his head with the soft sound of the piano.

His voice shock as he sang the first line.

I'm in my bed, and you're not here.

Pain.

He fought to get through to the next few lines.

Forget what I said, it's not what I meant.

His voice was slower growing stronger, clearer.

What am I now?

What if I'm someone I don't want around?

He stared out into the dark abyss before him.

And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you.

There was no pain. No feeling.

And I get the feeling that you'll never need me again.

And his heart wasn't as it was four years ago, broken, shattered and left scattered in pieces.

What if you're someone I just want around?

Or was it?

And there was no more meaning behind those words.

The lights went dark as he finished, breathless as the audience applauded him. But all he could see in the darkness that swallowed him in those moments before he was led off stage, was the single person in the room he hadn't stopped thinking of for nine and a half years.