Sidelined Love: Chapter 33

I‘ve lost count of the number of deep breaths I’ve taken within the last ten minutes, but they’ve been warranted. I’m about to walk into the Crestwood Arena for the first time ever.

Every inhale is an attempt to prevent my heart from slamming into my chest, but it does little to help. As I leave the cold air and walk inside the warmer venue, the butterflies in my stomach only increase. Why does it feel as if the chances of me making it out of this without suffering from a panic attack are slim to none?

To stop myself from dwelling on it too much, I tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear, feeling slightly self-conscious because I had to wear my hair down due to the baseball cap on my head.

Jade grips my arm and I can feel every bit of her excitement although she’s trying to keep it under wraps. “Are you doing okay?”

“I’m surviving.” Thankfully, no one is paying attention to me, which is the exact thing I wanted.

“Okay, let’s find our seats.”

As we navigate through the sea of red and white jerseys and other merchandise, I can’t help but feel like an impostor with Asher’s last name stretched across my back. It’s like wearing a disguise, and part of me wonders if it’s overly dramatic for me to do this. But I’ll take the sliver of confidence it is giving me.

Jade finds our seats near the ice, courtesy of Wilder, giving us an up-close view of the action. The sound of hockey sticks clinking and pucks slamming against the boards fills the arena as the Crestwood Red Wolves wrap up their warm-up before taking on the West Haven Stallions. It doesn’t take me long to find Levi, and once I do, I can’t take my eyes off him.

While I know nothing about hockey, the best way I can describe Levi is that he looks to be a force of nature on ice. There is a power in the way he moves, and I’m able to notice it even before a second of the official game is played.

Then, almost like he can sense that someone is staring at him, Levi’s gaze flicks up to the stands and locks onto mine. I soon learn that my heart rate isn’t at its maximum speed because it picks up speed again. He breaks into his signature smirk until his eyes catch on to Asher’s number written across my jersey instead of his. I swear I see a flash of something like annoyance cross his features before he turns back to the game. I’m left wondering if he really recognized me or if it is wishful thinking on my part.

The blare of the starting buzzer snatches away the quiet moment. The crowd erupts as both teams take their positions on the ice. Jade leans over, her words barely audible over the cheers. “I think he saw you! And did you see that look?”

“Yeah, I saw it,” I mutter, trying to maintain any sense of decorum because I’m completely flustered. The look he gave me afterward is one that he’s given me several times before. It haunts my dreams because it means he’s about to fuck me into another dimension. If I continue to focus on that look, there’s no way I’m going to be able to pay attention to this game without thinking about running onto the ice and letting him have me anyway he wants.

What has he turned me into?

With a shaky breath, I brush the thought away as the game begins.

If I thought the arena was alive before the match officially started, it’s absolutely on fire now, that being ironic since we are at an ice rink. I take in the action on the ice and am impressed by the agility of the players. My attention, however, is repeatedly drawn to Levi as he maneuvers past defenders with ease. His skill as a player blows me away and helps paint an even bigger picture of the man I’ve come to know.

The period breaks are a chance for everyone to breathe, including me. I never realized how intense hockey could be, nor did I expect to be so invested. Jade’s animated commentary fills in gaps in my knowledge, and I’m grateful for her enthusiasm and for her being here.

As the final period approaches, I’m more tense than I’ve been in forever. We are deadlocked with the Stallions, and I don’t know which way this is going to go. To say I’m nervous is an understatement.

Despite my initial reluctance to even attend, my voice joins everyone else’s in the arena shouting encouragement and chanting, “Let’s go Red Wolves!”

When the final buzzer sounds, it’s a narrow win for Crestwood, and the arena explodes into cheers. Levi’s face is flushed but the happiness and excitement is obvious as he raises his stick to the fans. My heart does somersaults as pride swells so fiercely within me. He’s done it. The team has done it.

When we grab our things and start weaving through the crowd, Jade nudges me with her shoulder. “Come on, let’s go congratulate them!”

“Is that something we can do?”

Jade gives me a big grin. “Of course!”

We make our way down toward the locker rooms where family and friends are already gathered. It takes a bit, but soon, Levi emerges, his hair damp and his eyes scanning the crowd until they settle on me. A mixture of emotions plays across his face that I can’t quite figure out.

Ignoring the sea of people around him, he makes a beeline toward where I’m standing with Jade. I swallow hard and I’m even more nervous about what he might say than when I walked into the arena.

“Hey,” Levi says when he reaches me. I can hear the exhaustion in his voice. “Jade, do you mind if I talk to Hailey alone for a moment? Wilder is looking for you and he was behind me last I saw.”

“I’ll go find him. Congrats on the win,” Jade says.

“Thanks,” Levi responds before turning his attention back to me.

“Hey, yourself,” I reply once Jade is out of earshot, trying to ignore how his damp hair makes him look even more attractive. How is this even possible? I clear my throat and say, “You were great out there.”

He flashes me a grin that could stop my heart if it wanted to. “Thanks, Rook.” His eyes flicker down to the jersey I’m wearing, and his smile lessens. He leans toward me and says, “I don’t want to see you wearing his number again.”

Normally, someone saying that to me would have pissed me off. How dare he tell me what to do? But the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice, meant only for me, makes me want him more. “I was trying to be incognito. You know people are looking at us, probably talking trash about us.”

“You’re doing pretty well with the attention we’re getting right now. To me, it makes sense for us to make this more public. I want people to know you’re mine. Cause seeing you in anything but my jersey is making me see red and not in a good way.”

I almost make a joke about him seeing red and the jerseys also being the same color, but now isn’t the time. Because everything about this shows me how serious Levi is about all of this.

“Fine. Make sure that I have the proper attire to wear to your games then.”

The grin returns to his face. “Yes, ma’am, but you’re going to pay for all of this later. You have no idea how much it meant to see you here tonight.”

I’m stunned by his confession, but I’m happy he shared it with me. However, what did he mean by me paying for this later? “I didn’t want to miss it. Being here for you is the only thing that mattered to me,” I tell him honestly.

Before I can ask him about his other comment, a look of relief washes over his face and he pulls me into a hug. I hate that the hug is brief, but it needs to be given where we are. As he steps back, he keeps one hand on my arm like he isn’t quite ready to let go completely.

Our moment with one another in this crowded space is short-lived though. Levi looks away from me and I watch as his posture stiffens immediately. Based on where we are and his reaction, I can guess who is behind me without turning around.

“Good game tonight,” a voice says behind me, prompting me to pivot and come face-to-face with a man who is unmistakably an older version of Levi. His features are sharper, more defined than his son’s. His hair, once likely the same rich brown as Levi’s, has faded to silver at the temples and is slicked back. They both have similar blue eyes but his have an icy undertone that Levi’s warmer gaze lacks. His height and broad shoulders remind me of Levi’s athletic build, yet I would best describe him as having a stick up his ass versus his son’s relaxed posture. That is, until his father showed up.

“Thanks, Dad,” Levi replies. I watch as Levi’s jaw clenches tightly and it’s taking everything in my power not to drag him away from whatever this is about to become. It isn’t lost on me that his father didn’t try to introduce himself to me and neither did Levi.

“You’ve still got work to do on your defensive positioning in the neutral zone. And your breakouts were sloppy at times,” Mr. Jamison states.

Levi takes a slow breath before responding. “I appreciate the feedback. My defensive play is something I’m focusing on improving.”

His father gives a curt nod. “See that you do. Can’t have the captain slacking off.”

I resist the urge to jump to Levi’s defense. This is his battle to fight, and I need to remember that. After all, like Emily said, I don’t need to fix his problems, but I can be there to offer support.

“I know you want what’s best for me and the team. But I need you to trust that I’m putting in the work. I’ll keep improving, but I can’t let your criticism shake my confidence either. I know my capabilities. What you don’t realize is that I’m not Caleb and I’m never going to be him.”

I hold my breath as Levi stands up to his father. I can only imagine how difficult this is for him. Mr. Jamison’s eyes narrow slightly at Levi’s words, and he crosses his arms over his chest.

“You’re right, you’re not your brother,” Mr. Jamison says after a tense pause. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to lower my expectations of you. You have potential, and I want to see you reach it.”

Levi shakes his head. “I know you do. But you need to back off.”

“All I’m asking you to be is the best version of yourself. And sometimes, that means pushing you harder than you might like.”

Levi shakes his head. “But at what cost? I’m out there on the ice, giving it my all, not for me, but for an idea of what you think I should be. It’s exhausting and I feel like I’m always falling short.”

There’s a shift in Mr. Jamison’s stance. “I’ll think about what you’ve said.”

I get the feeling this isn’t enough for Levi, but based on what Levi has told me, this might be the first step forward they’ve ever had.

“Okay.” Levi doesn’t elaborate further, choosing to hold back even though I can see that there is more he wants to say.

Mr. Jamison leans forward and puts his hand on Levi’s shoulder for a moment before his eyes land on me. He gives me a swift nod before turning on his heel and walking away. We’re left watching him leave until Levi lets out the deepest exhale, forcing my attention toward him.

“Let’s get out of here,” Levi says as he finds my hand and grabs it.

“That’s fine… but what about Jade? She and I arrived together.”

“Text her and let her know I’m going to take you home. She’s with Wilder anyway so she’s fine. You need to pay up, Rook.”