XVII: Whatever you do, don't run

《 ASPEN GRISWOLD 》

Rain led us off course by accident, costing us a day's walk. I was frustrated enough to slam my backpack on the ground and groan, but held it back as I noticed how hard Rain took the miscalculation. Whatever frustration I had, he was feeling a tenfold of it.

And so, I offered Rain my best effort of consolation: “Anyone could make a mistake like that. Compasses are tricky. I mean, I wouldn't..”

“Aspen.” Rain snapped, pivoting on his heels to stare at me. His eyes were blazing and bloodshot, as he deplored his mistake: “I know how to use a compass. I don't get lost. Especially not now, when we need to get back to Rio and Najwa, and we’re so close to getting Phoenix and Birdy back. We can't afford a mistake like that. ”

Rain tossed his backpack into a patch of moss, turning away from me again. Then, he crouched down and shrunk into a ball with his head between his hands and his elbows on his knees. I had no idea idea what I could do to make Rain feel better, as he whispered a soft: “Aw, fuck.”

When I healed Rain's leg, I caught a glimpse of his inner world. It wasn't a happy place. None of us was well back then, so I paid little mind to it. But now I couldn't shake the idea that there was more to it, his parents teaching him not to reach for the moon. If you clip the wings of a bird, it'll never fall.

It won't fly either.

And I couldn't have Rain falling apart over one mistake.

“Hey.” I crouched down next to Rain and rested my hand on his hunched shoulder. What now? “Uh.. It's just a little roundabout. It’ll feel better once we get something to eat, and rest.”

“Yeah?” He mumbled, the cocoon of his arms and knees muffling his voice.

“I'm sure of it.” I promised, not mentioning the lack of food or how close we were to running out of water.

At last, Rain lifted his head from his knees. He didn't bother to hide the glistening wet patches under his eyes, when he gazed at me. There was no tension on his face, no remnants of his frustration, just weariness.

“We still need to find food.” Rain sighed, pushing away his previous emotions. He got up and shook his legs, before turning to me. “I'll take care of that. You can build the fire in the meantime.”

“I don't think we should split up.” I stepped in front of him.

“You have your magic, you’ll be fine. And what comes to me..” Rain lifted a handgun from his pocket, just long enough for me to see it, and then put it right back. Then, he armed up with his hatch and a handful of knives, giving me a wry smile. “I think I'll manage.”

I watched him as he went, his pace fast despite the limp that had gotten more noticeable after two days’ hike. The idea of splitting up didn't sit well with me, but Rain was right, we could take care of our own safety. This way, I didn't have to see and hear Rain taking care of our next meal.

I plopped down on the ground and let out a relieved breath. It was heaven on Earth to stretch my sore muscles. As I did, I thought about Phoenix. To be exact, how he said he was going to be angry if anything happened to Rain or me. And damn it, I couldn't let Rain leave on his own. So with a groan I got right back to my feet, dusted my jeans and jogged after him.

“Wait.” I huffed as I reached Rain, clasping my hand to his shoulder to make him stop. Rain pivoted on his heels, lifting his eyebrows at me. He opened his mouth to retort something, but I cut in before he could: “You don't have anything to prove.”

“I'm not trying to..” Rain drifted off as he realized how blatant his lie was and how pointless it was to argue with me. “Fine. But try to keep up with me, we don't have a lot of light left.”

What I believed was out of spite, Rain handed me the gun and I pocketed it. It weighed like lead, pulling the fabric down, but I swallowed my complaints. I didn't think I had it in me to pull the trigger, but Rain didn't need another reminder of that. Otherwise he was going to leave me right there and then.

Before our roundabout, the woods had been less dense and the ground easier to travel. As it was, we were back to the thick underbrush and tall trees towering high above us. Rain checked his compass again, and sighed, muttering under his breath.

His frown was so deep and his shoulders so tense that I found it safer to not ask him speak up. So, we let silence hang over us as we walked back to the general direction of the north-east. But when Rain saw a patch of some tall, brown plants, his bad mood was swiped away in an instant.

I understood what the hype was about as Rain pulled one of the plants from the ground and the roots were heavy with tubers; less irregular in shape and bigger than potatoes. I never used to be a fan of vegetables, but since my soccer days, I've finished my greens without an argument. Also, my hunger was closing to the point of eating moss and leaves at an alarming pace.

“Help me with these.” Rain commanded me and I crouched on the ground next to him, following his example. We stuffed handfuls of tubers in our pockets and backpacks, our hands getting stained with dirt. With a broad, un-Rain-like grin, he explained: “These are called sunchokes, and they're so good you won't believe it.”

When Rain took a bite of one of the tubers, which he wiped in the sleeve of his jacket, I gaped at him. Once he explained to me that they were safe to eat raw as well as cooked, my body didn't hesitate to tell me to do the same. It was like biting into a raw potato, but it tasted sweet.

Mom would have gotten a panic attack if she had seen me there, sitting on the ground and eating food straight from the soil. But then again, she had never known hunger or that when the body takes over, it gets primal. Until all you can think about is food, water, and running for your life.

Anything to survive.

“They are.” I gushed, gobbling the tuber and cleaning the second one in such a hurry that dirt crunched between my teeth. “So good. God.”

We came to our senses once the worst hunger subsided. Rain was sitting cross-legged on the ground, with his hatches and knives, and there was dirt and dry plant parts all over him. I burped and it turned into a cackle, which Rain was quick to join. My eyes filled with tears and my stomach ached, but it was just too hilarious.

Rain, doubled over, muttered between his cackles: “Just look at us..”

“Hey, do you want to know a secret?” I blurted out, as if the laughter had broken some invisible dam inside of me and I was ready to vomit out everything I had been too afraid to say before. Or maybe the tubers had gone bad and the sudden burst of honesty was a symptom of poisoning or drunkenness. “I kissed Phoenix.”

“You did what now?” Rain managed, wiping at his eyes and leaving a smear of dirt on the highest point of his cheekbone. Then he shrugged and told me: “Good for him.”

“Wha— why?” I half-grinned, half-grimaced, it was so far from any reaction I could have imagined.

“Well..” Rain began with an amused grin. “You are, objectively, very handsome, and you're his type.”

“I am?” I didn't know why that made hope flare in my chest. We had kissed multiple times, so it shouldn't have come as a surprise that Phoenix liked me. That liked me back, my mind felt the need to add.

“Yup.” Rain brushed off the dirt at the front of his jacket, no longer laughing but amused. He ticked off each trait with his fingers, as he explained: “Black-haired, ridiculously handsome, kind of snobbish and nerdy.”

“I am not—” I started to say, but Rain, deadpan and serious as ever, finished it with: “Nerdy. Yeah, that's true.”

“Not what I meant to say, but okay.” I snorted, shaking my head at Rain.

“I just didn't know he's your type.” Rain pointed out. He made it sound like my not-so-straight sexuality wasn't a big thing. I guess it wasn’t.

“I was surprised..” I never got a chance to finish my sentence, because there were no limits to how many times the world can turn upside-down in a matter of one day. Get lost, find food, come out of the closet and..

“Fuck.” Rain's eyes widened to saucers and the color drained from his face. He was staring at something behind me and I didn't want to turn to look at what it was. I didn't want to see what got Rain so scared, but my reflexes took over and I glimpsed over my shoulder. If it were another Pierre, we could handle the fool together.

The hair on the back of my neck stiffened, as my mind tried to make sense of what my eyes were seeing. It was not Pierre, but something enormous with black, shiny fur and brown muzzle. I swallowed against a hard clump in my throat, as my gaze darted to the round ears and the dark, merciless eyes. Everything stopped.

There was no surviving this.

“Up. Now.” Rain urged me. He wound his arm around my lower back, which was good since I couldn't feel my legs and standing was a challenge. Rain's fingers dug into my side as he pulled me back a slow step and whispered: “Whatever happens, don't run.”