VI: Speaking of the demigod

《 ELIAN PHOENIX 》

If hearing that one choked-out word proved anything, it was that Birdy was right. It doesn't matter if the sand never burns your bare feet or if you can get anything you want with a blink of an eye, it's about to get damn lonely without people around.

I woke up from a dream, within a dream, when I heard Aspen calling my name. He didn't sound like himself, and yet I could have recognized him anywhere. My heart leaped in my chest, and I felt his presence like a warm blanket wrapping around me. I breathed it in, embraced it, and it's possible I even teared up a bit.

“Aspen?” I called back. I heard nothing more, no teary reunion over loudspeakers or even a snippet from a song. It didn't stop me from trying, of course, and I screamed his name over and over again at the top of my lungs.

Please, hear me.

Oh god, please, answer me.

Don't leave me here alone, please.

I kicked at the railing of the carriage, then hopped off it and stomped around in the amusement park. I was sick and tired of the same song playing over and over again. The smell of popcorn and cotton candy made me want to barf, even as the place kept me from feeling any physical discomfort, and everything being purple was getting old.

Oh, what I would have given if I could have hugged my friends even just for one more time. Even better, to see Aspen getting flustered by my teasing. I yearned to hear him call my name again, and I wanted to believe he heard me calling back to him. I wanted it so bad it was a fucking torture.

I tried the music thing again, thinking about my friends while focusing on the sound coming from the loudspeakers. But it was the same old Cigarettes After Sex song with no pauses in between. Birdy was right, trying to send messages from this god-awful place was frustrating.

Speaking of the devil, though in here she was more like a demigod, I spotted Birdy leaning on the metallic fence of the merry-go-round. I practically skipped my way to her, more grateful than ever to have some company. She smiled and hugged me as soon as I made it to her, cocooning me in motherly warmth and comfort.

I wanted to weep like a baby, but I swallowed it back, because I still had some reputation left to preserve. But then again, Birdy had long ago seen through my bullshit and I doubt a little tantrum would have changed her opinion about me either way.

“You're late.” I whined. That was better than a full-blown tantrum. Not by much, but still. Birdy bit back a laugh, a fond look in her eyes as she pulled back from the embrace.

“I stumbled upon another dreamscape this morning.” Birdy explained and leaned her lower back on the fence. See, a demigod: I can't just up and leave this place and I most definitely don't stumble upon other dreamscapes. “It was a classroom.”

“Can you imagine that there is someone whose happy place is a classroom? I wouldn't go back to school even if they paid me to.” I shook my head and made a clicking noise of contempt with my tongue.

“I wouldn't expect anything less from you.” Birdy gestured at the noisy, glowing amusement park around us. “But for some of us, quiet and comfort is a better fit. There was this old lady sitting at the desk, so I’d say she's probably a teacher.”

“You didn't ask her?” I glanced at Birdy, eyebrows darting up in surprise. "That usually works."

“I couldn't get in.” Birdy hummed, pinching hers together like she was already scheming her way in. We fell into a comfortable silence, resting against the fence and just breathing in the heavily scented air.

Out of all things, my thoughts wandered to what my friends’ dreamscapes would look like. Rain's would be on top of some mountain, where he could feel the adrenaline soaring in his veins and see the world opening in front of his eyes. Najwa's wasn't as easy, but my guess is that she would have chosen her room where she had her computer. Sounds boring, but it's actually a menace when she's such a wizard with hacking.

Then there’s Rio, who still remains somewhat a mystery even after knowing them for years. They were less secretive now that Aspen took away their trauma, but there was still little I knew about their time before meeting us. But as it's safe to assume Rio's memories from before weren't good ones, I bet their dreamscape would be a place they shared with us.

I got tired of speculating whether that would be Najwa's place or the stronghold of The Queers of Chaos or even the mall, and my mind looped back to Aspen. Just like every other time that I thought about him, my heartbeat accelerated and the corners of my mouth began to pull upwards.

“I almost forgot.” My eyes snapped open and I turned to Birdy. “I heard Aspen. He called my name. I called him back, and, and.. I mean he has to have heard me too, right?”

“Oh, Phoenix, that's amazing.” Birdy exclaimed, clasping her hands together in front of her chest. “Have you found anything else yet?”

Given that I had slept two thirds of the time Birdy was back in her own dreamscape, there wasn’t much I could have done. I shook my head, a tiny part of me expecting her to reprimand me over it, but a bigger part knowing she would never do so. Najwa was one lucky gal to have such an amazing mother, just saying.

We spent the afternoon looking for clues, and I let most of Birdy's stories go in one ear and out the other. I was distracted by how Aspen's voice had made my heart leap in my chest so hard it made my head spin. It was a tad bit worrisome that I missed Aspen more than I missed any of my friends.

The worst part? I'm about ninety percent sure Aspen would have returned the sentiment. Had I had the chance, I would have made sure I didn't screw it up like I did with Levi. If only we were in the same universe and could actually talk to each other.

“Why is it so hard to connect them?” I huffed, interrupting the monologue Birdy was keeping.

"It's only been a couple of days." She reminded me, patting my arm. "There are no guide books for this stuff, so we have to learn as we go. Be patient."

We had reached the ferris wheel for the fourth time, walking around the amusement park in aimless circles, but our bodies showed no sign of tiring. A playful glint appeared in Birdy's eyes as she hopped up into one of the carriages with surprising agility. “Come on, let's go up there.”

“It won't —” I started to object, yet the big machine stirred to life as soon as my bony ass touched the hard plastic of the seating. I let out a dry laugh and muttered to myself: “Never mind, I forgot you're a demigod down here.”

The carriage twitched, swaying slightly as it moved towards the purple sky. I have no phobias about high places or anything like that, but I can't say I particularly enjoy them either. And yet, the higher we got, the easier it was to breathe. The dense smell of grease still lingered, but I couldn't hear the music for the first time in days and the quiet was freaking heavenly.

I braved a glance over the fence, gripping it with white knuckles. As far as I know, you can't die in a dream. I doubted I would feel pain even if I did fall down, so there was no reason to be afraid, right? I cracked my eyes open, peeking down, and I gasped.

I could see all the way up the beach and the endless sea, as well as the amusement park. But there was nothing else. Just the sea, the lot and a lot of nothing. The more I tried to look at the gringes, the more my eyes began to ache. It was like staring at something too bright, a minute of it like spending an entire day outside without sunglasses.

At last, I had to look away and I slumped back to my seat with a defeated sigh. Birdy smiled, the empathy in her eyes enough to drown in, and clasped my hand between hers.

“Why is it so hard to wake up?” I groaned, blinking my eyes when they threatened to start to prickle. It had only been days so I shouldn't miss him that much, but my chest was hollow and hearing his voice had only made it worse. “I want to go back.”

“Oh, hon, come here.” Birdy breathed and spread her arms for me.

“I'll weep if you hug me.” I made a face, cringing like she had just pulled a knife on me instead offering a hug.

“Then weep, for Heaven’s sake.” Birdy shook her head, amused by my antics, and pulled me into her arms. She stroked my hair like mom used to do, and for fuck's sake, I missed her too.

“What if they all think I'm gone?” I whispered my greatest fear. A shudder ran up my spine at the thought. “And that is why they won't hear me?”

“None of that.” Birdy pushed me back on arm's length, leveling a somber gaze at me. “You keep trying, and that boy will hear you. He's magic, just like you. As long as he stays by your side, everything is possible.”

“Thank you.” I whispered, throwing my arms around Birdy again. I knew she couldn't stay for long, but I wished she wouldn't have to go this time.