Chapter 88

***Chastity***

Getting up the next morning was a struggle. I had not slept great, and my emotions were running really

high still. I was surprised to find Colby, and Lexi still in my room. Colby was already out of bed, reading

something. Lexi was still sound asleep. How the three of us managed to fit in my bed together was

beyond me.

“Oh good. You’re awake.” Colby said quietly as he set his book down.

“What are you two still doing here?” I whispered as I sat up.

“No way we were leaving you alone last night with how upset you were.”

“But….”

“You’re my sister short stack, and you needed me.”

“I….you two shouldn’t have to do that though.”

“It’s not about having to. We did it because we love you, and you needed us.”

“Oh.”

I didn’t know what else to say. I felt horrible for ruining their night. They shouldn’t have to put their lives

on hold for me like that. Last night was terrible, if I’m being honest. It didn’t start out that way. I had

fallen asleep while studying, but the dream that woke me up was awful. It wasn’t like my old

nightmares, but it was emotionally terrible.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Colby asked.

“I…I have to get to class.” I responded, looking at my hands.

“Don’t be mad, but I already contacted your professor this morning. Since you have nothing due, they

emailed today’s notes, so you have nothing until your appointment with Dee-Dee.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Because we need to talk about what happened last night, you need more rest, and how would you be

able to concentrate when you head, and emotions are a mess?”

“But I can’t afford to miss class.”

“Chastity, it’s one class, and it’s not going to set you back. Your professor already sent your notes, and

assignments to you so you’ll have no trouble.”

“But….”

“I get it. I really do, but right this second you need focus on you.”

“I…Thank you.”

“I’m your brother. I know I didn’t do it for years, but it’s my job to look out for you. You were a mess last

night. You even said you wanted to drop out.”

“I…I’m sorry I worried you.”

“I’m fine. You’re not alone anymore Chas. You have people who love you, and are always here for you.”

“How….how did you know I was having a rough time last night?”

“Rowen text me and Lex.”

“Oh. How did you get in?”

“I had your door code add to my ID card?”

I didn’t know how I felt about that. It seemed a little much to me.

7 did it because I needed to make sure I could get to you if you needed me.” Colby explained before I

could ask

“We did it because we love you small fry. Nothing more, nothing less.” Lexi said sleepily as she sat up,

and rubbed her eyes.

I nodded, and looked at my hands. I wasn’t used to people being there for me when I’m struggling. I

didn’t know how to react to it. It made me feel weird. Before I could say anything Lexi moved over to

me, and put her arm around me, pulling me close to her.

“Do you want to tell us what happened last night? Maybe we can help you feel better.” Lexi offered.

“It’s stupid. It was just a dream.” I whispered.

“Nothing that upsets you that much is stupid Chas.” Colby said as he picked up Lilac, and set her on

the bed near me.

I watched my kitten come over to me, and climb onto my shoulder then said, “She needs to be fed.”

“I already fed her.” Colby stated.

“You did?” I questioned.

“Yeah. She was trying to wake you up so I fed her to let you sleep.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Talk to us Chas. We want to help you.”

“It was just a dream. I don’t even know why it upset me so much.”

“It doesn’t matter why. All that matters is that it did, and we want to help you feel better.” Lexi coaxed.

I took Lilac off my shoulder, pulled away frim Lexi, and leaned forward. I ran my hands through my hair,

and sighed I didn’t want to talk about it because I didn’t want to think about it. It was my biggest fear

brought to life. I felt Lexi rub my back, and Colby sat on the bed in front of me. He put his fingers under

my chin, and made me look up at him.

“Chastity, we’re not going to laugh at you, ridicule you, or make you feel bad in any way about your

dream. We want to hear about it so we can help you work through the stuff that it caused.” Colby said

gently and I finally nodded

“Joe, and dad decided to drop the charges against Fiona then had her released from prison. They even

brought her back to the pack, and moved her into dad’s apartment with him and Braxton. I went home

for a visit, not knowing any of that. When I got home dad, Joe, Jax, Molly, Peter, Ross, Melissa, Gina,

and Braxton started yelling at me about being a liar That they didn’t appreciate all of the lies I told about

Fiona that caused them to falsely imprison her. You two, Rowen, Norm, and Marcus turned on me right

that second

“Dad and Joe told me that I wasn’t allowed to return to school because of my lies. Rowen told me he

wasn’t going to reject me, but he didn’t want me as his Luna any more. He was going to take Fiona as

his Luna. That I was banished from the pack, and that he made sure I wouldn’t be accepted by another

pack, ever, not even the Rogue leader would except me. I would spend the rest of my life alone. That

eventually even Leila would abandon me because she would no longer be able to have a mate, pack,

or pups. That was my punishment for hurting so many people with my lies, and games. I was allowed

to pack up some clothes in my back pack, take Lilac, and leave. I was not allowed to take any money,

my phone, nothing. worth money. Even the ring from my mom was taken from me, and given to Fiona.

Joe lead me to the edge of the pack territory, broke my link to the pack, and then the warriors chased

me out of the pack.” I explained quietly as I had tears running down my face.

“Chastity, we know for a fact that you did not lie about anything that happened to you. They admitted to

all of it. We also have your medical records from your hospital stays. Hell, we all saw Fiona, Aurora,

Naomi, and Gina beating you up at the Welcome Home party. Your scars are evidence to what you

were subjected to as well. Fiona will serve her full sentence, and she has already been banned from

the pack. That is not going to change. I know you may not believe my words, but I can get the

paperwork for Fiona from Joe if you want me to. The only other thing we can do is continue to prove to

you that we are not going any where. The only way you’re not going to finish school is if you decide to

quit on your own which we’re not going to let you do without good reason.” Colby stated as he

squeezed my hand.

“I know. In my heart I do, but sometimes it’s hard to remember.”

“We understand, and we’re not judging you in any way. Please don’t think we are. We’ll never leave

you You’re my sister-in-law, and my best friend. Like it or not, you’re stuck with me for life.” Lexi said as

she bumped against my shoulder.

“You’re stuck with all of us. I know we all let you down for a lot of years, but that will never be the case

again. Give us time to prove that please.” Colby added.

“I know, and I’m trying. I really worried Rowen last night, didn’t I?” I asked.

“Yes you did. He stayed on video chat until he was sure you were completely asleep, and he already

text me twice this morning.” Colby answered.

“I should probably call him.”

“It would probably be a good idea.” Colby agreed.

“Do you want us to stay?” Lexi questioned.

“No. You don’t have to. You both have classes to get to.” I responded.

“I already told my professor I won’t be in class this morning.” Lexi said.

“I have to go to mine, but I’ll be here before dinner.” Colby stated as he got off the bed.

“Oh.” I said quietly.

“Why don’t I go get changed then grab us breakfast while you call Rowen, and take a shower. We’ll

spend the morning together.” Lexi offered.

“Yeah. OK. Thank you.” I agreed as I went to go get clothes to change into.

They both left as I headed to the shower. I just stood under the spray for a long time, just trying to calm

down, and clear my mind. I couldn’t think straight still. That dream really messed up my head. I hadn’t

expected that, and I really had no idea what brought on such a dream. I didn’t like it. It felt like I had

been drug back ten steps from where I have been recently. I hated it.

Finally I got out of the shower, dressed then grabbed my phone off my nightstand. I found I had several

text messages from Rowen, Jax, Molly, Ross, and Melissa. Just seeing those messages made me

smile, and feel a little bit better. With a sigh, I called Rowen. It only rang twice when he picked up.

“Hi sweet girl. I was just thinking about you. How are you feeling this morning?” Rowen’s deep voice

came through the phone making me smile a little.

“Hi Rowen. I’m sorry I worried you last night.” I said quietly.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You had a bad night, that happens. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be there

with you.”

“But you were there for me, and you did what you could to make sure I was taken care of it when I

needed it most. That meant a lot to me. Thank you.”

“I should have been the one holding you though.”

“I know, but you did what you could for me despite the circumstances. You also didn’t get mad at me for

yelling at you. I was being unreasonable for no reason, and wouldn’t listen to what you were saying. I

was making assumptions over nothing with no evidence behind my accusations. I’m so sorry.”

“Chastity, you don’t need to apologize, I understand, and I don’t hold it against you. I know these things

happen, and I didn’t explain things to you well from the beginning I’m sorry for that.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong though”

“Neither did you. You have a right to your concerns, and to voice those concerns.”

“True, but I should have been more reasonable about them, and actually talked to you about them,

instead of yelling.”

“Yelling happens sweet girl. I was more worried about you than bothered by your yelling. If you need to

yell, you’re more than welcome to.”

“Why would you be ok with what I did?”

“Because I love you.”

“…”

“I don’t expect you to say it back sweet girl. I know you’re still dealing with a lot right now, and I would.

never expect you to say some it while you’re still dealing with so much.”

“I….thank you.”

“Always sweet girl. Do…do you want to tell me about your dream?”

With a sigh I told Rowen about my dream. He listened to all I had to say, quietly. When I was finished I

realized I was crying, again. I hated that a dream had such an effect on me. I was going to have to ask

Dee -Dee about why a dream was having such an effect on my during my appointment today.

“Wow. Did something happen that may have caused you to have a dream about her?” Rowen finally

asked.

“I…I’m not sure. I have been thinking about her a bit lately. Just wondering how she is doing in prison,

and if she has started therapy yet. In some ways I feel kind of bad for her because she’s in that place

all by herself. She’s completely alone, and I know how that feels. It’s hard in so many ways. Maybe

that’s what caused that dream. Everyone turned their backs on her, and now she has no one.” I

responded after thinking about it for a few minutes.

“That is true, but her actions have put her where she is at this point. That, and her lack of remorse for

what she did. She almost killed you Chas. That’s not some small thing.”

“I know, and I get it. I do, but I know how it feels to be isolated from everyone, and completely alone.

It’s tough, and it hurts, a lot.”

“I can’t imagine what that feels like. I know you though, so I know you have thoughts of going to see

her.”

“Yes, and no. There is a small part of me that wants to let her know that someone would be there for

her. but that person shouldn’t be me. It can’t be me. I don’t think I could ever be around her, and not be

afraid.”

“Which is completely understandable. You should never put yourself in a position that makes you

uncomfortable unless there is no other choice.”

“At the same time I need to face my fears.”

“Yes, at some point, but I’m thinking not right now. I don’t think it would do either of you any good.

Especially you.”

“I know you’re right. I’m going to talk to Dee-Dee about all of this, and see what she says.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being so supportive, understanding, and patient.”

“That’s my job, and I do it with honor. You don’t ever have to thank me for that ”

“I better go. Lexi just got here with breakfast.”

“Ok. I’ll talk to you tonight. OK?”

“Ok.”

We hung up as I opened the door for Lexi. We ate breakfast together quietly. She worked on some

homework as I wrote a long journal entry. I needed to get everything out that I was thinking, and

feeling. I had just finished my entry when Lexi looked up at me.

“Umm…Chas?” Lexi said tentatively.

“Yeah?” I responded.

“You….you weren’t serious about dropping out, where you?”

“No. I’ve worked too hard to give up. I just felt so alone last night, and….Well I thought if I went home I

wouldn’t feel that way any more.”

“I understand, but just know you’re never really completely alone. We’re all here for you. We’re not

going any where.”

“I know, and that means a lot.”

“Good. Well I need to get to class, and you need to get to Dee-Dee’s office.”

“Yeah.”

“See you at self defense class?”

“Yes.”

Lexi nodded, gathered her stuff, and left. After I collected Lilac, who hadn’t left my side once, and my

journal, I made my way to Dee-Dee’s office. Surprisingly I wasn’t worried about what she would think of

my journal entries, and what I was feeling. I knew she would help me with this, as she always did. I was

really glad my dad got me in with her. I felt like I had come a long way. I knew I had a long way to go,

but she really helped a lot over the last few months.

I sat quietly, an played fetch with Lilac as Dee-Dee read my journal entries from the last few days. I

knew at least one was about Greg’s passing, and my worries about Braxton. The most important one

was from

this morning though. I knew in my heart that I had nothing to worry about, but it isn’t always to convince

your mind of that. Eventually Dee-Dee handed me my journal back.

“First, I’m proud of you for how you handled Braxton’s loss. I’m sure it meant a lot to him to have you

there.” Dee-Dee said with a smile.

“Yeah. Honestly I needed that weekend more than I realized. There was still a part of me that was

afraid of Braxton, especially when he’s angry. Seeing first hand how he handles his anger, put the last

of those fears to rest. I hadn’t realized how much I needed that until it happened.” I responded.

“I’m glad that you were able to do that. That is a big step in the right direction.”

“Yeah, but I took massive steps backwards last night.”

“You did, but you didn’t. It’s not uncommon for dreams to have an impact on one’s emotional, and

mental stability. Especially when one struggles as you do. It’s also not unheard of to have our

subconscious to dredge up our fears in the form of dreams.”

“So what do I do?”

“Well first, remind yourself that it was just a dream, not reality. Just because we dream it, doesn’t mean

it will happen.”

“That’s true.”

“I know can be hard to do, but it can be important to work hard to remind yourself often that it was just a

dream. Reality is what you have been living the last few months. Reality is the experiences you have

had over the last few months. Reality is the daily contact with all of those that are most important to

you.” “That makes sense. I know I also need to face my fear of Fiona as well.”

“In some ways, yes, but maybe not in the way you’re thinking.”

“What do you mean?”

“You can face your fear of Fiona without interacting with her in any way. Especially not right now.”

“How?”

“Fiona is not part of your life any longer. She never will be again. Even when she gets out she’s not

allowed back at your pack. She will have to find herself a new pack. She also is not allowed here at

Cloverland, for any reason. You have to remind yourself that none of the people in your life have any

contact with her. You wrote in here that Colby offered to get her file from your pack so you can see

things for yourself. I think it would be a good idea for you to have that. You can read it anytime you start

to fear her taking your life, and those you Jove away from you.”

“I can see how that might help. What do I do about that fact that there is a part of me that is worried

about her, and feeling bad that she is alone?”

“That’s part of your nature Chastity. It’s part of how you are as a person. You will probably always have

a part of you that will feel those things. There is nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t mean that you

need to check up on her, or do for her what you did for Braxton.”

“Why is that?”

“Let me ask you a question.”

“Sure.”

“What was it about Braxton that made you decide to reach out to him, and do what you did for him?”

“I spent years observing him as he grew up. When he wasn’t angry he was a good person, and very

sweet.

I watched how he was with pups as well. When I found out how his life imploded I felt for him. I just

knew he needed someone who understood him in that moment. I was the only person he treated

poorly.”

“But you were also the one to reach out to him. It’s all because of you that no one turned their backs on

him.”

“Everyone else was angry. I wasn’t. I was just scared. He was taught to do the things he did to me. I

knew inside he was a good pup who deserved a real chance.”

“Now what is different with Fiona?”

“Everything.”

“Explain that to me.”

“She was rude to so many people for as long as I can remember. I remember when I was a pup Luna

Jane would sometimes ask Fiona if she wanted to help us with whatever we were doing Fiona was say

no, stick her nose up in the air, and walk away. She would seek me out for the sole purpose of hurting,

humiliating, and laughing at me. The people she called friends, she would talk bad about behind their

backs. She never treated anyone that wasn’t Aurora, Rowen, her dad or Joe with any respect or

kindness. She would also do what she could to get others in trouble. She was just not a good person.”

“Knowing what you know of Fiona, how do you think she would react to you approaching her to see

how she is, and to extend friendship to her?”

“Right now, at least not very well.”

“You’re probably right. Seeing her may also be more damaging to you right now. She won’t talk to you

with any respect, and may even try to tear you down. The most important person right now, is you. I

understand your feelings, and concern for her, but the best thing for you to do is put those to rest. I

know it’s hard, but your concern for her will do you more harm than good.”

“I can see what you’re saying.”

“Can I ask you another question?”

“Yes.”

“How did Lexi, and Colby staying with you make you feel?”

“Surprised, for one.”

“Why surprised?”

“I didn’t expect them to do that.”

“You didn’t think you meant that much to them?”

“Well yeah.”

“Now you know they do.”

“Yeah.”

“What else?”

“At first, uncomfortable, and guilty, but then it made me feel cared for, special, and important.”

“Why guilty?”

“I took their time they have together. Lexi and Colby have very little time for the two of them. They gave

that time up for me.”

“Did they say anything about being with you instead of just being with each other?”

“No. They told me that no matter what they are always here for me.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Good.”

“How are you feeling compared to last night?”

“Better, and less fearful. That dream broke my heart more than anything. Having all of the people I love

turn their backs on me like that hurt, a lot.”

“I’m sure it did.”

“It seemed so real.”

“Sadly dreams can be like that some times.”

“Why did I have that dream though?”

“It’s hard to say why we have the dreams we have. There can be any number of reasons. Some

believe that our dreams are manifestations of our fears”

“So I’m afraid of Fiona returning, and turning everyone against me?”

“I think the fear is less Fiona, and more of being abandoned by those that are most important you.

Fiona being the one to cause that is just due to the effect she had on your life for so long.”

“Oh. I guess I can see that. So what do I do to get rid of this fear?”

“All you can really do is give it time, and continue to build your relationships, as well as watch their

actions toward you. The longer they are a part of your life, the more the fear will go away on it’s own.

That kind of fear can’t just be talked away.”

“Oh. I worry that everyone will get tired of me being afraid they’re going to leave me.”

“They won’t. They understand why you have such a fear.”

“I guess.”

“I know it’s hard, but give yourself time, and be patient.”

“I’ll try.”

“Good. Are you still thinking of leaving school?”

“No. I….I only said that because I felt so alone, and felt that if I was at home I wouldn’t be alone. Colby,

and Lexi helped me get rid of that feeling.”

“Good. I’m glad. You would regret it if you let your emotional state take you away from what you want to

accomplish.”

“Yeah. Rowen, and Colby said the same thing.”

“I have no doubt they did. Believe it or not you’re doing really well considering where you were a few

months ago. Keep it up. You’ll look back some day, and be proud of how far you have come.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. You should get going though. Class starts soon.”

I nodded a I clipped Lilac’s leash back on her. The rest of my day went better, and I was able to focus

on my classes better than I thought I would. Working out in self defense class also helped work out the

last of the stress in my body. By the time I got back to my room that night I did feel better. Rowen, and I

had a long talk about what happened, my dream, and what he had tell me about his training program. I

was

honestly proud of, and happy for him. I had felt bad for worrying him so much, but his reassurances

helped me feel better.

I sometimes worried that I was too much work for him though. I hated making life harder for him. He

had so many responsibilities as it was, and I felt I just added too them. I didn’t know how to fix it either,

nor how to talk about it with him. I guess I just had to give it time, and see what happened. I also had to

remind myself at times about what Dee-Dee said about not making big decisions when I’m emotionally

and mentally struggling. I also hoped that he didn’t start resenting me for all the work I made him do.