Chapter 51

WARNING: VIOLENCE/ ABUSE...

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Li Yan finally couldn't take it anymore. He pressed the other person onto the bed and pinned both his wrists above his head onto the pillow, getting onto him and latched his lips with Shen Nuo's lips.

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But just when his thin lips pressed lightly against Shen Nuo, Li Yan stopped dead. He did not move. Shen Nuo did not know what to make of it. He looked even blank when Li Yan forcefully tore his lips apart, breaking the soft touch of lips.

Then almost at the same time, two pairs of black and fathomless eyes met. No one spoke a word. Shen Nuo looked at him with glassy eyes. "Why?" He asked in a misty voice with confusion flashed across his face.

Li Yan's eyes were bloodshot and red as if to drip blood. His hands clenched upon Shen Nuo's wrists painfully. It looked as though he was restraining himself hard. In the attempt, his entire body slightly trembled and his adam's apple rolled. No. He shouldn't be doing this. Shen Nuo wasn't in his senses now. If he do this now, it would be like taking advantage of him. Li Yan gulped and looked away. "I'm sorry."

Shen Nuo was startled. "You don't have to, if you like it."

Li Yan's breath was now extremely messy. "Shen Nuo." He spoke hoarsely. "You're drunk. Once you're sober, you'll regret it. You'll hate me more." He slowly got off Shen Nuo and then out of the bed. He picked up the fallen bowl and the chopsticks and stuffed them onto a nearby desk. "Go to sleep."

Shen Nuo did not understand. He was looking at Li Yan with yearning eyes that were half sleepy and dazed. "Then stay with me..."

For a moment, Li Yan did not move. He kept staring at Shen Nuo. Then he slowly sat beside the bedside and draped the enormous quilt over Shen Nuo's shoulders.

Shen Nuo immediately clinged onto Li Yan's arm, coiling his slender arm around Li Yan's elbow.

Li Yan pursed his lips. Then with the other hand, he started gently caressing Shen Nuo's head, running his slender fingers through the fluffy soft hair. "Now sleep."

Shen Nuo closed his eyes in comfort, pulling himself closer to Li Yan. Li Yan's lips slightly curled at the ends. "Only if you are obedient like this when you are sober..."

Several minutes later, Shen Nuo spoke with his eyes closed. That voice was very weak and drowsy as if he was talking in his sleep.

"Li Yan..."

"Hmm?"

"I really have... nothing to do with... Zhanhua. You, you don't be mad at me... Ok?"

Li Yan's jaws tightened. "Sleep!"

"Li Yan..." Shen Nuo whispered again in a painful voice. "I feel sad, please..."

Li Yan pursed his thin lips. "Hmm."

"Zhanhua is also... confused since the day he accidentally... marked me. Just give him some more time... to sort it out by... himself, will you?"

"Okay." Li Yan said against his will. His eyes were slightly red at the ends. "But don't you like Zhanhua?"

Shen Nuo's eyelids fluttered. He still had not fully recovered his senses. "No..." He whispered. "He's... only a brother to me."

Li Yan was silent for a long time. No one knew what he was thinking. Then against his will, he spoke something which he would never have spoken if Shen Nuo was sober. "Then... Then what do you think of me?"

Shen Nuo smiled and muttered in a genuine voice. "You're a fool..."

"..."

"An honest fool."

"..."

"A dog."

"..."

"A stupid annoying dog!"

"..."

"You're an idiot!"

"!!!" Li Yan had had enough. He was getting ready to punch Shen Nuo's face if he dare to speak ill of him again. But Shen Nuo smiled foolishly. "But you're also cute. So... yes, I like you!"

Li Yan's heart burned. He leaned down, pulling  Shen Nuo closer and pressed his lips on top of Shen Nuo's fluffy head. His heart was in a mess. That person just admitted that he liked him. Though the reason for it was not something he would approve, still it made that person like him. That was enough. His lips curled up at the ends. He took a deep breath, drowning himself in Shen Nuo's faint fragrance of lotuses wafting off his hair in contentment.

Shen Nuo slowly opened his sleepy eyes and raised his head to Li Yan. His hazy eyes met with Li Yan's at a very closer distance from this position.

"Li Yan... If someday... I disappear from this world, will you miss me?"

"No."

"But I want you to miss me."

For this, Li Yan's heart clenched. He smiled painfully. His eyes were unfocussed as he stared at Shen Nuo for a long time. "I won't be alive until that day..." He whispered softly to himself. Pain was wrenched within that voice. Only he knew why...

Shen Nuo felt too drowsy to understand the meaning behind the words. He kept staring at the coldly handsome face infront of him and lightly smiled at Li Yan's sharp jaws and thin lips. This profile could be defined to be very handsome, than any person he had ever seen in his life. His eyes shifted to the straight sharp nose and the dense brows of Li Yan.

Suddenly he went dazed. He cupped Li Yan's face in his slender palms and pulled him closer, startling the other person. Shen Nuo's pale pink lips were slightly parted. His big moist eyes were fixed dead at the scarlet mole between the other person's brows.

Familiar, yet also unfamiliar memories flashed past his mind. They were unclear and too blurry but Shen Nuo felt like he remembered. He faintly remembered that once long time ago, in a morning under the heavy fall of pink petals, he kissed this mole of that person, hugged in that person's warm comfortable snuggle...

That hadn't been the only time. One evening, he had kissed that person's forehead again, inside what looked like a study while that person had been reading memorials....

He felt like that person had always liked it when he did that to him. He did not know. He did not understand. The memories were too unclear and messy. But still he remembered them.

As if guided by some unknown force, Shen Nuo slowly raised his head to Li Yan. Li Yan's pupils shrank. But before he could think of anything, Shen Nuo gently pressed his lips against the scarlet mole between Li Yan's brows and sucked it in his warm mouth.

Li Yan's scalp exploded, his body stiffening at once. His whole body went numb and convulsed under the stimulation. His breath scattered, eyes going red. This mole was one of the most sensitive parts of his body. It did not take too much time for him to get roused. The desires hidden in the depths were rekindled again.

His face darkened, eyes narrowed. And suddenly there was a flash of a golden tinge in his fathomless orbs of black. He continued to look at Shen Nuo with an extremely dark expression.

Shen Nuo's entire face was flushed red in his drunkenness and still was not aware how ambiguous and awkward this position was. It was also suggestive and tempting. So meeting the Emperor's golden pupils, he was confounded again. "Li Yan?"

But before he could think of anything else, the Emperor pressed him down the bedsheets, hoovering over him. Shen Nuo's entire body went limp and he released a suppressed moan in pain when the Emperor's heavy weight pressed down on him.

"Li Yan, you ummmh-!!!"

Shen Nuo could only swallow back the rest of his words. The Emperor locked his lips with Shen Nuo in a furious kiss. He kissed them crazily and sucked them in his. He bit them until they were scratched. Shen Nuo's eyes widened when he felt Li Yan's torture. Li Yan sucked his lips hard before he licked them open and entered into his mouth. Their breaths mingled ambiguously. Tongues met and intertwined.

Shen Nuo's eyes teared in pain. It was pain and also some other strange feeling he hadn't felt. His body shuddered violently in the stimulation. He wanted to struggle out but he couldn't. In his useless struggle, some familiar memories flashed past his tensed mind again. This thing had happened before. At least he thought so, in a gloomy evening inside an enormous chamber, he was pressed down like this onto the floor, violated by the same person until his lips bled...

His head was giving him a splitting headache. What had he forgotten, what? Shen Nuo shut his trembling lashes. He was in a mess. Big glassy tears seeped down the ends of them as conciousness slowly returned to the self.

Li Yan was just about to deepen his kiss in his sudden impulsion. But he froze in his tracks when he suddenly felt Shen Nuo tremble under him violently. Li Yan felt as if a cold bucket of ice was dumped over his head when he realized what he was doing.

The golden lusture in his pupils disappeared back into his orbs of black. His heart felt as if stabbed. He promised Shen Nuo! He promised Shen Nuo that he would never touch him without permission... He really did not know what happened to him all of a sudden.

The cold lips that furiously sucked the warm, soft and shuddering lips subconsciously paused.

His heart ached. He lowered his guilty eyes to look at drunken Shen Nuo beneath him. Li Yan was dazed. He suddenly remembered the last day Shen Nuo had also convulsed under him like this. Shen Nuo lied, shuddering with a slightly raised head. His red eyes were unfocussed and misty with a veil of moistness. His vaguely parted pale pink lips were wet and swollen. They trembled. His adam's apple slid down his fair supple throat.

This was so intoxicating.

But it was also very distressing that Li Yan, though himself overwhelmed with a strong desire to conquer the person beneath him, couldn't help but withdraw his lips slowly.

Wasn't this the same way Shen Nuo looked that evening he mercilessly killed him with poison in his previous life? Shen Nuo looked so pitiful and miserable when he had raised his slightly unfocussed gaze to Li Yan with pleading eyes. They were full of pain and tears.

Li Yan remembered like now, that moment before he killed him, how those tears left those glassy eyes the moment he locked his lips with him. He remembered how that person shuddered as he drank the poison that was passed to him. Blood lines seethed down the side of his pale chapped lips even before Li Yan could part his lips with him. Shen Nuo must have been in so much pain.

Li Yan's heart clenched. His heart bled. Did he deserve Shen Nuo after ruthlessly killing him that way? He was frustrated. Where on earth did he go wrong? He did not understand. He was so frustrated. He did not wait there anymore. He did not want to see Shen Nuo's face. It gave him so much pain. He silently got off the bed and pulled the quilt over Shen Nuo's shoulders and left the room, ignoring Shen Nuo's blank and confused look. He returned to his own chambers at the imperial residence.

His heart ached in the raging emotions that he restrained infront of Shen Nuo few minutes ago. When reminding that miserable face from few minutes ago, he realized that the death day of Shen Nuo in his previous life wasn't the only time he saw such pain and tears in Shen Nuo's eyes. He clearly remembered Shen Nuo's glassy eyes with tears and full of yearning, that moment he left Shen Nuo alone by the grave some few hours ago.

That look was the same look he saw from Shen Nuo few minutes ago; the same look that he saw from Shen Nuo who was forced to drink poison infront of his own eyes a lifetime ago...

Li Yan rubbed his brow bone. Did he go too far on Shen Nuo today? Shen Nuo was obviously crying when he left him by the grave yard. He sighed.

Li Yan knew at that moment by the graveyard, he got carried away too much by his emotions and carelessly uttered some shit. He just couldn't get off the memories of Shen Nuo and Zhanhua at the deserted lane from haunting his mind. But in his blind fury, he must have unknowingly hurt Shen Nuo a lot.

True. He hated Shens for what they did to his family. But at least people like Shendu, Shen Hao and Shen Nuo were innocent. This wasn't their fault to begin with. They shouldn't pay for what their father committed either.

He only understood one thing. In this life, no matter what, he couldn't loose Shen Nuo. Even if it costed him to loose his kingship, he was still willing.

Li Yan pursed his lips. No. He shouldn't be doing this. In his last life, he lost many of his precious things and beloveds in his blindness. He hurt the person he loved to death. Should be repeat the same thing again? In this life too? Never...

He placed his slender fingers onto the window sill and raised his sorrowful eyes to look at the gloomy moon in the sky. That night, he finally let go of what little hate that was left towards Shen Nuo inside him. And with that, he felt flourishing love.

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And yes, my dear friend, 150ArtemisFowl150, there will be a lot of dog food from now on. 😉💕