Chapter 62

Li Yan brought Shi Lianhua into his personal chamber at the imperial residence. The moment he put her down by the desk, she tried to move away uncomfortably. But Li Yan's strong arm pushed her onto the low seat, restraining her hard. "Sit." Though that voice was soft, that frightening grip was deadly. Consort Lian shut her eyes and her lashes trembled slightly.

Then Li Yan silently brought a water basin and a wooden box from the inner chamber and sat inront of Shi Lian, placing the contents on the desk.

"Hand." He said expressionlessly, pulling out his handkerchief from his chest lapels.

She raised her trembling injured palm tentatively. She did not know what Li Yan was playing at. Li Yan silently dipped the handkerchief into the water basin, wringed it and gently wiped the slit across her blood stained palm.

His palm also had a deep cut from Chen Gu's poisoned dagger. But he had carelessly wrapped a gauze around it. Blood stained the white cloth scarlet revealing how deep the wound was. But he didn't seem to care. He only looked at her with deep sorrowful eyes as he cleansed her wound. "Why? Why would you do that?"

At that moment, Shi Lian knew that the other person, Li Yan knew everything. Her face was deadly pale.

Li Yan heaved a sigh. "That child once called you mother. He had done nothing wrong to you. Why would you want him killed?"

Shi Lian's heart was beating wildly. She shut her eyes furiously. Her fingertips trembled.

Could she tell that she didn't want to kill anyone? Even if she tell so, would Li Yan believe? After all, she had already killed them. There would be no way of proving her innocence. She did not want to either. Perhaps the time had come for her to pay for all the crimes she committed this far. Also fine...

She raised her tear stained eyes to look at the Emperor. "Because I wanted to..."

Li Yan raised his unfaltering eyes to her. "Because you wanted to, or because your father wanted to?"

"!!!"

Her heart was beating like thunder. She stared at Li Yan in incredulous disbelief. "How... How-"

Li Yan placed away the blood stained handkerchief, washed his hands in the basin and opened the wooden box. Then he pulled out a little glassy phial and gently applied a certain herbal paste onto her slit.

"How do I know, right?" His jaws tightened. "I can know anything if I want to."

Shi Lian was trembling from head to foot, convulsively. She did not know what to say or do. Li Yan pulled a gauze across her palm and wrapped it gently over the wound.

"Shen Zhaosheng. Sixth Miss of the General's Manor, Lordess of the Wolf Head Assassins and a Noble Consort of mine..." His eyes were narrowed. "Accomplishments through out the last three years, fooled the emperor with sweet words, kept hidden many important things, plotted together with your father to do unforgivable crimes and killed many including my first empress with poison."

Shi Lian shut her eyes. Tears seethed off them. "Yes, I admit... I admit everything. I've killed so many people that I've even lost the count." She said in a broken voice. "I've kept many things hidden and had committed crimes sinful enough to deserve death."

She suddenly choked. "The blood that had stained my hands can never be washed in a lifetime. I had my own reasons but I won't ask any excuse for it, Your Majesty, I won't say sorry because it's too late to regret. I know the people who suffered and died in my hands would never be brought back to life. So I can only await my death to atone my sins alone."

"So finally you admitted it?"

Shi Lian lowered her head. The tears that dropped her closed eyes stained the clean wooden tiles. "Yes."

"Then why didn't you kill yourself?"

This remark was very ruthless. She gulped. "Your Majesty, do you think it's easy to commit all these crimes against my will and live happily? Every moment in my life that I spent in guilt was just sadness, anger, depression and regret. Dying is better than living in a hell, a life that is worse than death..."

"So you're pushing all the fault upon your father." Li Yan spoke quietly. His unfaltering phoenix eyes were fixed at her.

"No." She said hoarsely. "Father or no, still I committed the crimes. The fault is completely mine."

Li Yan nodded his head furrowing his brows. "So, how should I punish you?"

Shi Lian felled o to her knees. In her face was pain... "I deserve a thousand deaths. Please kill me..." These words came from the bottom of her heart.

Li Yan took a deep breath, grasping from her shoulders. He pulled her back to her feet. She was shuddering violently.

"I knew this assassination is going to happen. And I knew you were ordered by your father to do this." Li Yan said. "I only wanted to make sure of one thing. When Chen Gu fails, will you kill Minghe or not."

"..."

Li Yan smiled. "But congratulations, you passed my test. When you had the ability to kill my son, still you didn't when you already knew the cost you have to pay will be the life of your own son."

Consort Lian's eyes widened in horror. "Your Majesty!" She gasped in a lame whisper.

Li Yan sighed. "I already know you're married and have a son."

Shi Lian couldn't believe her ears. How can this possibly happen? She gulped. "Your Majesty, kill me. I betrayed you. I lied to you. I plotted to kill your son. My crimes are unforgivable. Please kill me."

"..."

"I've got nothing left in this life." She wept. "My husband was killed many years ago. My son..." Her voice broke painfully, "might be already dead by now. There's no reason I should live. This is the punishment for what I've done..."

But Li Yan shook his head. "I know the pain of being forced to do things against will. And I know you never wanted to commit these crimes either."

Shi Lian looked at his face with red eyes. "But..."

"The day Xi Jiu was burried, you went to her tomb stone in the night and cried for hours, repeatedly whispering sorry. I was there watching from behind a tree. Back then, I did not understand why, but now I do." Li Yan said with a smile. "When Minghe's life was at stake of being poisoned, when you knew your father would punish you, you still secretly met the doctor who treated Minghe and handed over the antidote to save Minghe's life. The doctor said everything with me. Whenever Shen Nuo went out of the palace, you'd be sure to follow, and make sure he returns safely. And since Shen Nuo offended Empress Qing, you had been killing assassins who were hired by the empress to kill Shen Nuo. So I don't think you're a bad person."

Shi Lian cried hard. "Your Majesty, but still I'm a criminal. I still killed Xi Jiu, I still plotted to kill Minghe... Your Majesty shouldn't be gentle to me."

"But I think differently." Li Yan said softly. "If you committed crimes and still did not regret them, I would have definitely killed you. But for me, you're different."

Shi Lian cried even hard. She felt wretched. "I thank you, Your Majesty, but I don't deserve your kindness. I don't have any reason to live anymore. Your Majesty may as well kill me!"

Li Yan slowly nodded and his lips stretched into a smile. "So how about I give you a reason to live? Hmm?"

Shi Lian did not understand. Her glassy eyes were confused. She was too muddle headed to understand. She looked blank.

"You were a good girl. Shouldn't Zhen give you a gift? Why don't you go to Zhen's bed?" He said casually, loosening his tight collar a bit. "Zhen had already prepared you the most beloved gift."

Shi Lian's face went pale. Her heart was beating wildly. What did he mean? Bed? Go to bed? But Li Yan was still looking at her, waiting for her to make the move first. So with shuddering steps, she still went. She knew Li Yan was coming behind her. Her head was already buzzing. She did not know what to do. Her eyes drew glassy. No... She didn't want to do this...

But suddenly her eyes caught something, no, someone small, lying peacefully in the mid of the bed in a deep untroubled sleep. It was a baby boy wrapped in a dark blue silken cloth and he looked no more than three years old.

Shi Lian felt as if stabbed. She immediately leaned forth and hugged the child into her bosom, tears pouring down her eyes. How could she not identify her own child? This was her son! Three years... For three years, she missed this son of her. For three years, her father stole this son from her, hurting her and forcing her to do things against her will. Her heart bled.

She gulped, her eyes drawing extremely red. She looked at Li Yan with a bleeding heart. "But... how?" Her eyes were full of pain and thanksgiving.

Li Yan laughed gently. "Why do you think Zhen was absent during the last fifteen days?" He asked with a smile. "As soon as Zhen got to know of your case, Zhen had been personally investing everything in secret. Zhen knows you were forced. So Zhen won't blame you. But..." He looked at her furrowing his brows. "Zhen did everything he could. So Shi Jiu, the rest is up to you. Zhangsun!" He raised his voice. "Let him in!"

The door slid open slowly and a tall man walked in. He was dressed casually, and his body was well built with a dark and tanned skin that revealed his lowly status as a commoner. That person's face was burnt and scarred to the point of looking frightening. But still in his face was the remnants of handsome traits. He must have looked very handsome before his face was burned and scarred.

Li Yan decisively pulled the baby into his arms with a smile, gently pushing Shi Lianhua from her back. "Go. Go and see if you still remember him..."

The man looked politely confused. He looked at the woman by the bed with furrowed brows and then his eyes suddenly widened in disbelief. "Wife!!?"

Shi Lian's heart stopped beating for a second. She slowly walked down with lame steps and slowly raised her trembling fingertips and touched that man's scarred cheek. Tears poured down her red eyes more and more. Those shuddering fingertips slowly slid down that scared cheeks.

"H... Husband?" That voice was utterly hoarse. Infront of her stood a man who was supposed to be long dead...

The man's eyes turned red with tears too. "Lian lian, is that really you?"

Shi Lian suddenly narrowed her eyes. "Where were you all these times?"

That man's voice was hoarse. "I... Lian lian, I -"

"Yes?"

"I survived..." That man ended lamely. "But, I was... afraid to come to you because I'm... too ugly... I was afraid you won't accept me..."

SLAP - !!!!

The man gritted his teeth, his face tilting to the side in the pressure. Shi Lian was breathing hard. "What did you promise me that  day we got married at the temple?"

The man lowered his face, shutting his red eyes painfully. "Never to leave each other no matter what the circumstances are. To live a happy contented life even if we are poor. To look after our children and teach them to do only the right. And..." He raised his tear stained red eyes to look at her. "To die together happily oneday..."

Shi Lian couldn't take it anymore. She bursted out crying. She threw her arms over the man's shoulders and locked her lips with him. Tears were rolling down her eyes.

That man's eyes widened in disbelief. She... She accepted him? With all that ugly and scary face? He did not know what to feel. He hugged her tightly in his arms, closing his eyes and kissed her back with tears. It was true. It really had been a long time thence they met last.  It was as if they had forgotten that they weren't alone, entangling in their own world full of love and care.

"Zhangming, what I loved wasn't your face. I don't mind how ugly you are!" She whispered hugging him furiously. "I would love you as long as you're still that pure and innocent lad I met at the fields long time ago..."

Zhangming looked lost. He hugged her tighter. "Lian lian, I'm... I'm sorry..."

And Li Yan who silently watched this from the side actually had tears in his eyes. He remembered someone too. But... Forget it! He pinched the tip of his nose, looking away and his eyes were slightly red at the ends.

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When Shi Lian's husband came out of the main palace alone, a tall man confronted him. He was startled. He looked at the other person who was dressed completely in majestic imperial robes of black and silver.

That person was handsome as the Emperor, young and promising, unlike him whose face was scarred and very ugly. "Who are you?" He asked nervously, afraid of offending the other person.

But the other person stared at him with sword brows and narrowed eyes. "Are you Zhangming?" He asked grimly.

"I am." The man said politely. "And who you might be?"

The other person, though his eyes looked frightening, they actually had a gentle light in the depths of them that were rarely to be seen in those eyes.  "I'm Shendu. The elder brother of your wife."

Shendu? The man's eyes widened. Grand Martial Shendu!!! Who in the world in Li Yang did not know who this ancestor is? The man had obviously heard of the terrifying general who bathed battlefields in pools of blood... that general who never a lost a battle to anyone... The man bowed to Shendu deeply. "Greetings, Your Honor!"

Shendu tightened his jaws. "I did not know she was my sister. It's too late to acknowledge it now anyway. But I don't want her mistreated."

Zhangming smiled. "I will protect her with my life..."

Shendu nodded. "I've already prepared a horse carriage which would take you far north. At Xiang Lin, there are one of my unused manors. You can live there peacefully."

But Zhangming shook his head furiously. "Zhangming doesn't dare to bother you, I... I can earn and -"

"- Shut up!" Shendu said through gritted teeth. "I'm not doing this for you. You only have to listen to me and do as what I say. Understood or not?" That voice was really frightening.

A cold shudder ran down Zhangming's spine, chilling him down to the core. "Understood..."

So when Zhangming and his wife with his child returned to the horse carriage, Shendu was already gone. The horse carriage was spacious. Inside the carriage was several stacks stuffed with gold and silver teals. Zhangming's eyes widened. Shi Jiu gasped.

She picked up a piece of folded paper that was stuck onto the top of a stack. She unrolled it and skimmed her eyes through the contents lightly. Her beautiful lips stretched into an enchanting smile.

"What is it?" Zhangming asked swiftly. Shi Jiu stretched the piece of paper towards him. On it were some hastily written characters.

*Zhang Lianming.* I'll be coming to take the child to Northern Border Fortress to personally train him when he turns five - Shendu.*

Zhangming furrowed his brows. "What's Zhang Lianming?"

"Fool!" Shi Jiu teased laughing softly. "It's a name for our son!"

"Oh!" The man scratched his head, smiling embarrassed. Then suddenly he choked in his breath. "What!!? My son? To be personally trained by the Grand Martial of Li Yang!!?"

Shi Jiu laughed. "After all, he's still his uncle. The fate really isn't bad as I thought..." She closed her eyes, sighing in contentment. It's a long time since she smiled happily like this. Her lips murmured genuinely.

"Thanks Li Yan... Thanks Shendu..."

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