thirty-six

EMMA

Walking up to the suite alone, I feel numb. Zoey, blonde and brown eyed like me, but awash with pregnancy glow, is the only thing I can see in my mind. That, and the look on Beau's face when he saw her. Beck and Zoey said she was just an ex from before he left to LA, but if that's true... why did he look so devastated? Why are we fighting over her now?

With an exasperated sigh, I swipe the keycard and brace myself as Zeus jumps up to his hind legs to greet me. I pet him sadly, letting a couple of tears slip down my cheeks. I wanted Beau's birthday to be special this year - I never thought brunch could go so horribly and ruin the whole day.

Settling onto the plush mattress, I debate calling the reception desk to tell them not to bring up the guitar. Something tells me we won't be in the mood for celebrating tonight. Will Beau even want me at the show? I bite my lip nervously before cuddling under the heavy hotel comforter, Zeus curling up at my side.

Beau and I have been doing so much better at communicating and understanding each other. What if we really aren't that much better off this time, after all we've been through? Despite all his changes, there's still so much I don't know about him or who he was before he became Beau Lewis - rock star with walls so high, you need a bulldozer to break through.

I grab my phone to call Nadine and get her perspective when a text comes through from Adam. I open it, grinning sadly at the photo of Nadine and Gemma at the coffee shop, their boyfriends laughing with them cheerfully. Attached to the photo is Adam's message: "Really can't wait for you to get back. Fifth wheeling these lovebirds gets worse every day."

I text a quick message back letting him know how much I miss them all and rest my phone on the bedside table. Nadine looked too happy in the picture to be brought down by my drama. It's nice to see her so carefree - she's always so high strung, being the one to take care of everyone and everything.

They all looked so happy, I realize with another sigh. For just a second, I wonder what the photos the paparazzi snapped of Beau and I would show. Surely not a happy couple. As quickly as it came, I push the thought from my mind - one moment doesn't define our relationship.

Instead of calling Nadine, I stare at the ceiling, hoping for answers. Again, Zoey's face clouds my thoughts, so similar to my own. So what? I ask myself begrudgingly. Beau has a type, I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous.

I'm just tired of Beau's attitude when he gets upset, that's all. Maybe he has a point though, I argue with myself, turning over and over in bed. Whether there's more to the story or not, I have to trust that he has his reasons, right?

My eyes grow heavy as I deliberate our argument again and again, until I finally drift to sleep, Zeus snoring loudly beside me.

I'm not sure how much time passes before the suite door finally swings open and Beau stomps through, waking me from my nap. I sit up groggily, trying to tame the blonde locks I can feel splayed out around my head.

"You came back," I mutter, rubbing my eyes. Zeus is standing on the bed now, happily hopping foot to foot, waiting for Beau to give him attention.

Beau cocks his head to the side, narrowing his eyes at me as he rubs Zeus's ears. "Did you think I wouldn't?"

I stare at my hands, nervously picking at my cuticles. It's not often that I'm the one apologizing to him, but ultimately, I think he was right. Attitude or not, I should've had his back.

"Look, Beau." I start just as he opens his mouth to speak. I wait patiently for him to finish.

"Go ahead," He nods, removing his leather jacket and keeping his eyes on Zeus as he turns over and shows his belly.

The words spill out of me then. "I'm really sorry. You're right - I don't need to know what happened between you and Zoey, or why your relationship with Beck is how it is. It's your business, not mine. But I," I take a deep breath, "I love you and so I have your back, no matter what. Beck, Zoey, whoever - it's you and me and fuck everyone else, remember? I don't care about anyone else, I just love y-"

Beau interrupts me by planting his mouth on mine, holding my cheeks tightly in his long hands. Parting my lips for his tongue, I melt into his kiss, feeling all the tension between us fading away. I pull him on top of me, holding his body to mine by wrapping my legs around his waist.

He pulls back and I feel a pout form on my lips. Chuckling, he sits up and pushes his hair out from his face.

"You're right, too. I'm a dick when I'm mad. You don't deserve that." Beau grimaces at me, his eyes full of shame. "Sorry."

I nod, leaning my head on his shoulder. "We're still learning, is all."

He clasps his tattooed fingers around my knee and kisses the top of my head wordlessly. I want to ask him how he is, to make sure he's handling all that's gone down alright, but something tells me he isn't in the mood to talk about it all.

"How was Rey?" I mutter, tracing the tattoos on the top of his hand.

He shrugs, shaking his head. "A mess."

Eyeing the clock, I know we don't have much time before he has to get ready for his concert. Still, I want to distract him from everything so that he can enjoy at least some of his birthday. With such limited time, I can think of one way that might work.

Gently, I press my lips to the delicate skin of his neck, lightly tracing the tattoos up under his jaw and just under his ear. Sucking his skin gently, I pull away and just barely whisper into his ear.

"Today is a special day." I pull his earlobe between my teeth and he tips his head back, his eyes closed as his chest rises and falls more quickly.

"I told you it's not a big deal." He groans again as I nip the skin over his collarbone.

"Today is your birthday, Beau Lewis." I say firmly, pulling away from him and standing at the edge of the bed between his legs. Leaning back on his hands, he slowly opens his eyes and raises his brows at me questioningly.

"What would you like for your birthday?" I bite my lip and peer at him from under my lashes, slowly bringing myself to a kneeling position in front of him.

Smirking that sexy grin of his, Beau's voice is husky as he says, "I can think of a few things." He leans forward and uses a fingertip to raise my chin so that he can kiss me softly. When he pulls away, he bites my lip sharply, making me suck in a big breath. Smugly, Beau leans back again, eyes intense on my face as if he's daring me to do my worst.

Heart beat racing, I steady my hands and begin unbuttoning his jeans. As I do, he tears his shirt over his head, tossing it onto the floor by Zeus.

Trailing teasing kisses along the edge of his boxers, I feel the excitement growing beneath the thin fabric and smile at him sweetly. Just barely, I rub my hand along the hardness under the fabric, watching him intently. He groans, fingers finding my hair and gripping firmly. When I'm sure he can't take anymore teasing, I finally indulge him, treating him to part one of his birthday gift.

***

In the dressing room before Beau goes on stage, I can't help but notice how different his routine is now compared to how it used to be. Where they all took pre-concert shots before, surrounded by groupies and other drunk musicians, Beau is alone, quietly pacing the room now, headphones in as he hums to himself.

I watch him from my perch on the leather couch, overhearing Rey belting out one of her biggest hits so far, the crowd almost louder than she is. Suddenly, Beau stops pacing, a deep frown creasing his face as he stares at his phone. Instantly, I am on my feet and at his side.

"It's Beck." He mutters, showing me his screen. The message is yet another plea for Beau to hear him out, without Zoey this time, if she makes it too unbearable. Beau watches me for my reaction and I shrug, trying to push down the anxiousness I feel at the mention of his ex.

"Do you want to hear him out?" I rest a hand on his cheek, pushing a stray strand of hair behind his ear.

Beau shakes his head. "I just..." He lets his head fall back as he huffs out a big breath of air angrily. "He's having a baby." I nod, waiting for him to continue. "My nephew."

Again, I nod, taking his hand in mine. His brows are furrowed, his eyes closed tightly as if he's concentrating hard.

"And my mom is dead and I didn't even know it." He opens his eyes and shrugs at me, shaking his head sadly. "What would you do?" He stares down at me with narrowed eyes.

I chew my lip, thinking my answer through before I respond. I don't want to fight with him about this anymore, but I also don't want to see him swallowed in grief and regret later on. "I don't know - my situation was... different."

Rocco sticks his head through the door with a rapid knock, bringing a cloud of cigarette smoke with him. "On in five, Beau."

Beau nods him away lazily, still focusing on my face.

"But I don't have any family left. If there was someone I could... connect with," I struggle for the right words, "I think I'd regret not taking the chance."

Beau nods wordlessly, his expression conflicted. Just moments later, the door opens again, the sound from onstage flooding our senses as it does, and Rocco calls for Beau another time.

"Whatever you decide, I'll be there for you." I kiss Beau's cheek gently, hoping it's enough.

He smiles a half grin, but his eyes look sad and confused, closer to how they were when we first met than how they've been. The similarity makes me nervous but I try to appear calm for him.

"Fuck it. I'll just-" Beau is interrupted when Rocco shouts again.

"Now, Beau!"

I glare at the manager, not for the first time wishing he cared more for Beau's well being than his career.

Rolling his eyes, Beau continues as if Rocco hasn't spoken at all. "I'll just meet him after the show. A half hour tops."

"Okay," I smile at him reassuringly, glad to have more time to make sure the room is perfect before we get there. We were supposed to arrive together, but now I'll be able to see it before he does. Even still, I'm worried that Beck will just piss Beau off more, or worse, that he'll hurt him somehow.

Whether he admits it or not, I know it's not just anger that keeps Beau away from his brother. Beck better not tip him over the edge - if he does, Beau won't be the only one swinging at him.

"Okay." Beau repeats, looking to me for support. Giving him a quick kiss, I take his hand and walk with him out to the stage.

As usual, Rey announces him, this time making a bigger spectacle than normal. "Now I know y'all can do better than that," She shouts, smiling widely at Beau off stage. I try to ignore her so obviously ignoring me.

At least she seems to be put together - I'm still not sure what happened this afternoon, but Beau seems more relaxed than before, regarding Rey, at least. The crowd roars loudly and I can't help but grin proudly at Beau. Rolling his eyes, he grabs his guitar and pulls his hair into a ponytail, the sides of his head freshly shaved short again.

"You see," Rey continues, "Tonight is extra special, so I'm going to need y'all to give an extra big welcome for his birthday! Boston, put your hands together for your very own Beau Lewis!"

Feeling creative lately so here's another chapter for you!

Thanks for reading babes!

Any predictions on how Beau's convo with Beck will go?