Chapter 15

Alex's POV

Unlike most girls my age, I didn't fantasize about prom. I didn't think about the dress, my date (but if I was going to prom with anyone, it'd have to be Robert Downey Jr. in his Ironman suit with a black bow), and I skipped the cliche's of losing my virginity. Prom night was a night of popularity and circus acts. It came down to this: if you weren't a lion tamer, acrobat, or contortionist, you were a freak. I was the freak. So, if going to prom would only emphasize my sad position in today's complex teenage pyramid- count me out. If only it were that easy...

"Alex, just try the damn dress on!" Sam exasperated. My pride and stubborn personality were clashing with Sam's need to control everything.

"Sam, I just want to wear one of the dresses I have at home," I groaned, stomping my foot. I felt like a child who wasn't getting her way. Sam pursed her lips, her eyes growing wider and colder by the second. She draped the dress over my arms and then shoved me into one of the dressing rooms. Her and Chris leaned against it, making it harder for me to get out. I was trapped.

"You, bastards! Let me out!" I said, banging on the door.

"Not until you try on the freaking dress," Sam yelled back. I leaned my forehead against the door and groaned. I held the dress in my hand and stared at the silky fabric. It was royal blue with little gems around the neckline. Stupid dress.

"Fine."

I stripped down and shivered as I pulled on the dress. It was hot outside but the store had the AC blasting through the vents.

As I attempted to zip the back, I looked in the mirror. I hated mirrors. They distorted images and today it decided to make me look like a girl. A "girl". The type of girl society saw fit for femininity. My long hair hung against my visible collarbone. The dress stopped just above the knees, showing off legs that needed tanning. The fabric hugged my hips in a flattering sort of way. I wasn't sure if I hated it or loved it.

I knocked on the door, and waited. It slowly creaked open with Sam poking her head in. She looked me up and down, gawking at me. I felt so exposed. I chewed the inside of my cheek, staring at my bare feet.

"You look beautiful! But let's go find some other ones just to be sure," Sam smiled, giving me a thumbs up. Great. What a self-esteem booster.

I pulled off the dress and quickly changed back into the comfort of my black jeans and Story So Far T-shirt. I put the dress back and followed Sam and Chris outside. I looked down at their hands and watch Chris intertwine his with hers as though they wouldn't be completely whole without holding each other. I looked down at my own hand, pondering the idea of having someone else's fingers pressed against mine. I looked at my chipped nails and rubbed my thumb against them.

Weird.

I opened my hand and felt only a cold, vacant area above it. It was hard to imagine, but if I closed my eyes, I could feel the warmth of rough skin pressed against my palm. I could feel callouses from endless guitar playing brush against my softer tips. These were things I could imagine... not sure if they'd ever be real.

"Boo!"

I jumped backwards, feeling my heartbeat quicken.

"Ahh!" I looked up from my fingers, startled by the voice. Elias looked at me, a hint of pleasure playing on his lips. I curled my hand into a fist, hitting Elias on the shoulder.

"You jerk," I said, pouting my lips. I was awaken from a nice thought by an annoying boy.

"You make it too easy, sweetheart," He chuckled, rubbing his arm. I hope it bruises.

"What are you doing here?"

"I brought him here to come shopping with me and the rest of the band," Lexi smiled, walking from behind him. I looked over his shoulder to see Tyler and Austin having an animated conversation about video games. I looked back at Elias, smirking.

"I see." I leaned in closer, and whispered into his ear, "I was dragged here against my will, too." I patted his shoulder and skipped back to Sam's side. Being too close to Elias was starting to suffocate me. The last thing I wanted was him to watch my cheeks flush and heat rise from the uncomfortably short proximity of his face and mine.

We continued to walk around the mall, allowing Sam to lead us into every dress and tuxedo store there was. While doing so, the couples discussed color arrangements. Sam and Chris were going with a deep crimson, Tyler and Lexi were sticking with a dark wine color, and I was decided to stick with royal blue. If I didn't attempt to participate, Sam would beat me black and blue.

I looked over at Austin and Elias whom stayed quiet during this loud exchange. Neither of them had dates. Nor did I. Life just loves to see me suffer, doesn't it?

"So, are we planning to hold the prom at the lake house, then?" Austin said, looking perplexed. We hadn't really discussed it with him yet. Sam and I looked at him with innocent smiles, fooling no one.

"Yeah... if that's okay with you," I said. I walked towards him, tugging on his jacket and puppy-dogged him. He rolled his eyes, patting me on the head.

"Of course, just let me know what we need." Sam and I hugged him, thanking him vigorously. No more stupid prom. Just our prom.

Sam sent a text message to several people, letting them know we would be hosting our own separate party from the school.

As we continued looking through store windows, Sam pointed out Starry Nights, a large store dedicated to prom attire.

"Let's look in this store!" Sam yelled running in. She grabbed my hand and pulled me toward an endless isle of dresses.

"Wow. It's like a dream," Lexi stared in awe. Laughing, I pulled my hand free from Sam's. These girls were made for each other. I left them and decided to walk down the color coordinated rows of dresses. I ran my hand against the fabrics until I reached an assortment of blues. It wouldn't kill you to act like a girl for once. I swallowed my stubbornness and pulled at the silky cloth, trying to see if any would suffice.

"Blue?" Elias asked looking at the dresses.

"Yeah, it's a nice color so why not," I shrugged, pulling out a few. I held them up for him to see. He looked at both and pointed at the shorter strapless dress.

"I thought so." I rolled my eyes. I put that dress back and kept the longer one. Elias chuckled before leaving me to join the other boys at the tuxedo counter.

"I'm going to go try this one on," I said, holding out the dress for the girls to see. They both nodded in approval and followed me to the changing room. We went into individual stalls and slipped on our dresses.

"Are you guys done?" I shouted from my room.

"Yes," They said simultaneously. One by one, we stepped out and stared at each other in awe. I still didn't enjoy being stared at. But at least this dress covered by entire body except for my arms and collar.

"That looks great!" I said looking at Sam's dress. It was a long, red, satin dress with a rose stitched on the left shoulder holding the one strap that went across her back. The dress fell over her curves perfectly and made her green eyes pop.

"Lexi that looks awesome on you!" Sam smiled, walking toward her. Her dress was made up of a strapless wine corset and a black and purple tutu. Lexi had her own way of protesting the Prom norm. She stuck with her roots. Punk has never looked so beautiful.

"Thanks, you look great in your dress too," she smiled. The strapless dress flowed to my feet and had a white Peonie flower embedded on the right side of my hip.

"I love it," Sam squealed. Laughing, we changed back into our regular clothes and went to pay. It was almost painless. Almost. It made a dent in my bank account, that's for sure.

"I'll meet you outside. I'm going to wait for the guys," I smiled heading toward their changing rooms. None of them were out yet except for Austin. He was standing at the long mirror trying to figure out how to tie his bow. He muffled curse words to himself, unsure of which way the loop was supposed to go. I giggled to myself and walked toward him. Thanks to the one time I acted as a young gentleman in my middle school play (Bad Singers Nationwide. We were applauded for our witty satire at such a young age), I was an expert at bows.

"Here," I said, pulling him toward me. The distance between our faces didn't faze me. I could feel his breath tickling my nose, but my breathing stayed even. He didn't make me feel like I was going to die from suffocation. I felt safe. I liked it.

My tongue poked out between my lips as I concentrated on the bow. His eyes were burning a hole into my forehead before he decided to look away. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest as his breathing vivified.

"There," I patted it and lengthened the distance between our bodies. He cleared his throat, turning back to look at himself in the mirror.

"Thanks."

His tux was an ash color, fitting him in ways only that tux could. He looked like a 1930s businessman ready to take on Wallstreet. The harder I stared, the faster the color drained from my cheeks. My body became a heater box and it took every fiber of my being to look away. It made me laugh knowing what clothes can do. They can deceive the eyes, play with emotions. The tux made him look like the man of every girl's dreams. It made me believe he was the man of my dreams. I just wasn't sure if it was one made on it's own, or drawn together by a piece of clothing fitted heavenly over his long, cut torso.

I sat down on the small blue sofa and waited for the rest of the guys to come out.

"Can I ask you something?" Austin asked in a husky voice.

"Sure."

I kept my eyes on my hands, reminding myself of whose hands I wanted them to be touched by.

"Would you go with me? To the dance, like as in my date?" His voice was shaky. I took a sharp breath, feeling guilty. I was hoping it would be anything but that. Something tugged at my heart, telling me it would be safer to go with him. He'd been the only person to ask me anyways. Elias would never ask you. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Obviously not.

"Okay, I don't see why not," I smiled. He sighed in relief and walked back into his changing room. After a few moments, Elias came out holding his tux. He looked at me with what seemed like disappointing eyes, but I couldn't tell. His face stayed hard and unreadable. He gave me a painfully small smile and walked away. My heart shuttered at the thought of him listening to our conversation. Was he even going to ask me? Austin and Chris came out grinning from ear to ear. Chris showed me his tux and the corsage he was going to give Sam.

"They both look really nice," I winked at him, giving him a thumbs up. He smiled and took Austin to the cashier. I met them outside with the rest of the gang. Elias was sipping on a soda listening to his iPod. I shook away any signs of shakiness and uneven breathing before leaning beside him. I pulled out an earbud and put it into my ear. He was listening to The Rumour by You Me At Six.

"Nice song selection," I said, pulling the bud out.

"Thanks..." He trailed off. He walked toward Chris and pulled him along, leaving a cold vacant space beside me. I shivered, silently wanting him to keep me warm. As I tuned out the world, I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I could feel it being squeezed by Elias's rejection. It hurt.

I hid behind a smile and followed the crowd with Austin clinging to my side.

Elias's POV

"Hey can we talk?" I asked Chris, pulling him to the side.

"Sure. Hey we will meet up with you guys later," Chris said letting go of Sam's hand. Alex walked past me, avoiding my eyes. I could feel my body grow hot as I watched Austin's arm make its way around her shoulders. Rolling my eyes, I followed Chris to an empty table in the food court.

"What's up?"

What am I supposed to say? If I told him the truth, he wouldn't believe me. Would he? I decided to give it a shot.

"I think I like Alex. I know you said I'd get over it, but I haven't" I said quickly. Chris choked on his soda as he tried to process the idea of me actually caring for someone other than myself.

"Are you sure?" He said, sounding confused. "Because you just broke up with Victoria. You're probably having mixed feelings because you were with her longer than most of your other girls. I don't think you really like her. Like I said before, she isn't your type."

Although he made a compelling argument, I couldn't help but disagree.

"The thing is, I liked her even when I was with Victoria, and I just didn't want to say anything since we weren't exactly friends," I said, almost believing what I said.

That wasn't the entire truth. I knew things about Alex Chris would never know unless he read her poetry and journal entries. No one knows her like I do because no one had the priveledge to unravel the mystery that is Alexandra Santos. I knew her better than I had ever known Victoria. Not only that, but Alex was different. No, she wasn't like any of my past girlfriends or hook-ups. She was eccentric and nerdy. She was tough and was slightly neurotic. But all these little quirks and flaws were made up for by the way she laughed and lived like today would be her last. She didn't live for others. I watched her learn to live for herself, breath for herself.

But all these things, I'd never admit to. Not out loud.

"Well you better figure it out because Austin likes her, too and you know that," He shook his head and folded his hands together. "Plus you've got like two months to tell her before she leaves." That's what I was scared of. I was scared that if I tell her she'd be gone in a matter of moments, and I wasn't ready to let her go yet.

Not only that, but Austin stole my one chance to tell her. It would've been perfect. Two delusional teens who hated prom went together. And lived happily ever fucking after.

"Well they're going together..." I sighed.

"Of course they are, J. You took too long to ask her. Sorry, but Alex isn't the type of girl to wait around," Chris chuckled, standing up. I know she wasn't, but I was hoping she'd hold out just a little longer. I needed time. Time that we both didn't have.

We threw our drinks away and looked for the rest of the group. We found most of them in Game Stop looking through games and playing demos on the consoles. I looked around, but didn't catch a glimpse of Alex... or Austin.

"Where's Alex and Austin?" I asked Sam. She was busy playing a surfing game on the Wii.

"I think they went to-yes I win!" She yelled, high-fiving Lexi. "Tokyo," she said restarting the game. Nodding, I walked toward Tokyo and saw Alex standing alone looking through the Japanese action figures.

"Since when do you like Anime?" I said, stepping beside her. She pulled out a large stuffed Anime character and handed it to me.

"Since forever," she laughed. The Anime character had long raven hair, bold black eyes and wore only a white shirt. His legs were pulled up to his chest as if he was sitting.

"Who's this?"

She gasped taking it from my grasp and held him to her chest.

"His name is L. You know, from Death Note?" She said as though it was the most obvious thing ever. I rose an eyebrow, shaking my head.

"Never heard of it," I chuckled. She teasingly pushed me and put the doll back.

"That's sad. We need to have an Anime night and I'll force you to watch the amazing creation of the Japanese people. Anime is freaking awesome," she said straight faced. Laughing, I ruffled her hair and walked around the store.

"Anime is just another form of cartoons," I said. "You know, for children."

"I'm not a child," She whispered to herself, her bottom lip pushing forward in a pout. I continued to walk around the store, and waited for her to follow me. I glanced behind me to see her ogling at all the boxed up action figures and Japanese styled dishes.

She ran her hands against knitted clothing and pulled out a long lavender kimono, holding it out in front of her. I imagined her in it, her curves being hugged in all the right places. I could see her lips, dipped in red, grinning seductively at me. I shook away the thoughts and cleared my throat.

"What's so great about Japanese culture?" I asked as she put the kimono away.

"I like the tradition. Americans don't appreciate it as much as the Japanese do and sometimes old is a good thing," She said, lost in her thoughts.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean it is definitely becoming Westernized, which sucks in some aspects, but they still have some Traditions lingering in their world." She continued walking past me and I followed like a lost puppy.

"Well if you ever visit, you'll have to bring me back one of those Asian beauties," I winked. She snickered, slapping me on the shoulder.

"In your dreams," she said, continuing to walk away from me.

"Hey, the gang is leaving," Austin said, startling us. Alex walked toward him and slipped her hand into his. I looked down at my own hand, feeling it grow cold.

"Alright, let's get going," She grinned, pulling him along. She looked at him with affection and I hated it. It hurt. I reluctantly followed behind. Tomorrow night was going to be the longest night of my life.