Chapter 2

Knocking on Robbo's office door, I pulled uncomfortably at the waistband of my jeans. They were getting tight, and I'd only bought them a few weeks before in a larger size than my old favourites. The feeling of being cut in half was just another reminder of how much my body was always working against me. Of course, it didn't help that I'd eaten KFC for dinner three times in the last week and knocked of an entire pack of Oreo's during morning tea...

"Come in!" Robbo was on the phone behind his paper-littered desk. "Evi, give us a sec, I just need to wrap this up. Yeah, yeah, Roy, I hear you..."

As he continued his call, I plonked onto his couch and stared at the huge poster for Jump Start on his wall. As the most successful morning show in the country, our photos were emblazoned all around the studio; me sitting on the desk with my chubby legs crossed and Matt looking delicious by my side, a black button-down shirt tight over his taunt chest.

Normally, I stared at Matt rather look at my own photo, but I was still feeling rattled by Chloe and Taylor, and found myself scanning the poster for my flaws. My creamy skin glowed on the poster, but in real life I knew I looked pasty. My blue eyes flashed wickedly, while the one feature I actually claimed any pride in, my hair, tumbled down my back in shiny chocolate waves.

And, as I did every time I caught my reflection in a mirrored surface or saw myself on a monitor, I thought, If I was skinny, I'd be pretty.

Robbo interrupted my reverie. "Evi! How's me favourite cash cow?"

It was supposed to be his idea of cute nickname; I brought in the viewers, the sponsors and the numbers. Biting back my stinging feelings, I put my game face on. "I'm good, ya dirty old man! What do you want, Robbo? I've got a lunch date with a Man Power model, and I need to shave my naughty bits."

He bellowed in laughter. "Won't keep you long, then! Listen, love, I want to run an idea past you." He settled into the chair opposite my seat on the couch. "Now, you know things have been rattling along pretty well 'round here."

"Number one in our time-slot for the last year," I reminded him.

"You know it! So, we don't want to give things a chance to get stale, or else, we could be falling off the map before we know it." He rubbed his meaty hands through his hair, the sparse strands oily. "What do you think about the idea of a reinvention road-trip?"

My lip raised in a doubtful grimace before I could stop it. "Road-trip? Like, me and Matt broadcasting from butt-crack nowhere again?" The previous winter, the whole crew had gone on a big, interstate road-show, visiting twenty tiny towns in a month. I'd hated every minute of it.

"No, no, totally different," Robbo said. He cracked his knuckles nervously. "Hear me out, Evi, I think you'll like this. We want to send you on a job rally."

"A what?"

"It's like speed dating for careers! You'll do a different job every week for the next two months, and report back. You'll travel the country, try new things, discover yourself! It'll be a blast!"

Stunned, I goggled at my producer, with his expensive tie and sweat stained shirt. "You mean, just me? On my own?"

He nodded, taking my questions as a good sign. "Yeah! You'll spend Monday through Wednesday actually working in whatever workplace you're at; we're not faking this, you'll really be out there in the trenches, and we've got some bloody awesome jobs lined up for you. Then, Thursday, you'll film a hilarious report with a small crew. Friday, we do the live cross back to the studio. Brilliant, ay?"

"But... who'll be here with Matt?"

"That's the best part! Taylor can move up to co-host while you're gone." Robbo grinned at me, so confident in his solution. "I've auditioned a few people for the weather gig – there's a funny emo kid with a YouTube following of about two million, I reckon he'll be the right kind of different."

I couldn't look at Robbo and his stupid face. I tried to look at the Jump Start poster again, but all I could see was Taylor's flawless figure replacing my bulky one.

Robbo waved in front of my eyes. "Evi, hello? What do you think? If there's stuff about the idea you're not keen on, we can negotiate."

There was so many things I wasn't keen on, I didn't know where to start. "So. You want to send me packing around the country, to do weird jobs, when my dream job is being here. You want to replace me with Taylor the stick-bitch. You want to drop my air-time from three hours a day to about three minutes. Plus, I'll be away from my home and everything I love!"

My voice was raised in fury, and Robbo, a reactive personality, raised his in return. "You're not losing your job, Evi! This is a friggin' compliment! You're a huge star and the public love you; they'll love seeing you learning more about yourself in different situations, not just sitting behind a desk. Also, you're the one always banging on about how fat people work just as hard as everyone else; well, here's your chance to prove it! And, what the hell are you leaving anyway? It's not like you have much going on, Evi, let's get real here."

The last comment struck low. It was punch on or punch out. With my belly sucked in indignantly, I rose, saying, "I'm not going anywhere, Robbo. If you try to force me to leave as co-host, I'll rally a social-media protest the likes of which would make Lady Gaga retiring look meek. Do you hear me?"

Robbo deflated. "Evi, I'm sorry. But, seriously, love, think about it. It couldn't hurt you to live a more active lifestyle for a few months, change your habits a bit. I'm just saying."

"Screw you," I said, pushing past him and out the door before the tears came. "I'm just saying."

***

The ocean air was soothing as I panted my way up the steep path to the barbeque area. Despite my sweaty thighs rubbing uncomfortably, it still felt good to be out of the house.

After I'd stormed out of Robbo's office, I drove home and sobbed for hours in the shower, hoping the hot water could wash away my feelings of complete inferiority.

They want to replace me with Taylor because she's prettier. They want to turn me into a joke. They don't like me because I'm fat. On and on, the vicious words cycled through my head like a giant twister, tearing up any confidence or pride found in its path. Exhausted, I dragged myself into bed and slept the rest of the day away.

But as early evening crept in my windows, I woke feeling significantly stronger. So what if they're trying to move me, change me. I'm not going anywhere. I stretched in front of my window with the glorious view of the sea, and made my choice; I was going to go to the barbeque and show everyone exactly how fabulous this fat girl was.

I donned my favourite dress, a floating maxi in a hot pink, impossible to ignore. With my gladiator sandals on and my hair falling loose around my face, I was fierce and ready for anything.

Half an hour later, I was a little less empowered, with the exertion of climbing up the hill causing huge damp patches under my arms and my hair to stick uncomfortably to my neck. My pulse beat erratically under my bra which was too tight, forcing my breasts to swell out in weird shapes. I needed a moment to recover before I walked over to the crew, laughing and chatting around a cluster of picnic tables.

"Oh, hey, Evi!" Taylor flounced effortlessly up the path behind me, her legs ridiculously long, starting in short shorts and ending in wedges. "Are you okay? That must have been a tough walk up here for you!"

"Thanks, Taylor, I'm fine." Breathing heavily, I barely managed to keep the annoyance from my tone.

She tilted her head, and batted her lashes at me. "So, I spoke to Robbo, and he's really hoping you'll come around on the whole job-rally-reinvention thing. You should totally do it, Evi. I think it'll be so great!"

"I'm sure you do," I said dryly.

"And, I want you to know, I would never take any joy in being promoted to take over from you." Her eyes were so wide and innocent, I felt like gagging. "I promise to do a wonderful job while you're away, and I'll look after Matt for you too."

"Duly noted, Taylor." I turned away from her, worried I might rip her wings off if I had to spend another minute staring at her defined cheekbones and miniature waist. "I need a drink."

My favourite voice in the world sounded from behind me. "Let's get you one, then."

"Matt!" He hugged me from behind, his arms burying deep into the folds of my waist. I was torn between enjoyment and embarrassment as I said, "You look good, co-host!"

He shrugged, dressed simply in a black tee and jeans. His hair fell into his eyes which shone a velvety blue. "Thanks. You look stunning."

Before I could respond, Taylor piped up, "She does look great! That loose style is very flattering for you, Evi, and you're so brave, wearing such an attention-grabbing colour."

It sounded like a compliment, but slapped me like an insult. I ignored her and spoke to Matt. "Drink. Now."

I never normally drank when I was around work people; my mum had always told me that work functions were still work, and I was always a professional when it came to my job. But at a barbeque there were really only two options: eat or drink.

Eating was hard for a big girl in public. I was always incredibly conscious of anything I put in my mouth, imagining the stares of people around me as they judged my food choices. I preferred to do all my eating in private, where no one could track my caloric count - least of all me.

So, ignoring the call of the glistening burger patties and moist brownie squares, I concentrated on downing several fruity ciders while Matt steered us around the party, sticking close by my side.

He and I had such an easy flow, both off and on camera. Conversations with us were always enlightening and entertaining, me providing the funny and Matt covering the intellect. Being with him was the way I imagined married couples must feel after a few years; a total understanding and anticipation of each other's thoughts.

We are such a great team, I thought, glancing over at Matt, with his light beer clasped in his strong fingers, head thrown back in laughter at my latest quip. We were standing with Alex, our sports reporter, and his latest flame, a South Sydney Bunnies cheerleader.

Rochelle was far from a dumb pom-pom waver though; with a degree in sports medicine, the slender brunette was quick-witted and interesting. "You wouldn't believe how many NRL players haven't even thought about their future," she said. "It's like they think they can play footy until they turn 70 or something!"

Alex nodded, winding his arm around her waist. "Yeah, I gotta admit, I was a bit like that when I was playing AFL. I'm actually glad now my injury meant I had to look for other career paths."

"What injury?" Rochelle asked with a sassy grin. "Oh, that's right, you played AFL, so I'm gonna guess... you broke a fingernail?"

"Oi! Listen you..." He tickled her sides gently and she giggled, collapsing into him. For a moment, they simply held each other with the tenderness of new love, the whole world unimportant.

My heart thumped in agony, wanting to experience what they had, wanting it with the man who stood by my side, the one who saw me only as his buddy. Clearing my throat loudly, I said, "Okay, you crazy sports fans, I think I'm going to head home."

They broke apart, and joined Matt in saying, "What? No! Stay!"

"Dudes, we've got another 5am start tomorrow; this beauty needs some rest or the Australian public are gonna see a beast when they turn on their TV's tomorrow."

"I'll walk you home," said Matt, gallantly dropping his beer in the bin.

"You don't have to do that." Having him by my side any longer was only going to make my feelings of loneliness more palpable. "My place is only a few minutes' walk."

"I know." He looped his arm through mine. "See you tomorrow, Alex."

"Nice to meet you, Rochelle," I managed, before Matt towed me away. A few people noticed us going and waved happily. Taylor stood chatting with a friend of Alex's, a wealthy football player with gorgeous arms, but somehow, she still didn't look pleased to see use leaving.

Matt supported me as we carefully picked our way back down the path. "Seriously," I said, "you know you can stay, right?"

"Evianna, how many times do I have to tell you; we're a team! I've got your back, beautiful."

"Don't call me that." We'd reached the bottom of the hill, and as we stepped onto the footpath leading to my house, I felt my façade crack and my defensiveness spill out.

"What?"

"Beautiful. Please, don't throw around words like they don't mean anything."

Matt stopped, pulling me to a halt. He faced me and said, "I know words like beautiful have meaning. Evianna, you are beautiful."

"Matt, don't." I tugged my arm back and clomped off along the sidewalk. "I know you're possibly the world's nicest guy, but I don't need your false flattery. Or 'false fat-tery' in my case."

He didn't respond to my joke, shadowing me closely as we walked. "I'm not being false, or nice. I'm being honest."

The alcohol in my system swirled up through my emotions, making my responses less guarded. "Let's be honest, shall we? Honestly, I'm a five and you're a ten. Honestly, I hate my body and everything about myself. Honestly, I love being next to you as much as I hate it, because it only makes me feel worse about who I am and the gap between us."

There was a beat of silence where, horrified at my words, I clapped my hands to my mouth. That's what you get for forgetting Mum's golden rule about booze and work...

Matt's eyes were grief stricken. "Evianna..."

I pushed past him, down the narrow alley to my front door. One of the advantages of being a well-paid TV host was the ability to live somewhere I loved; my little house was crammed in against a dozen others on the Coogee cliff side, some of the most expensive real estate in Sydney per meter. But I loved the ocean views and the feeling of floating above everything, even if my front entrance was a less-than-glamourous bare iron gate and a concrete stairway.

I fumbled with my keys, trying to get inside the gate and away from the humiliation I'd brought down on myself, but my fingers were shaking and I could feel Matt staring at me. "Good night, Matt," I said as the right key finally slid home.

"No." Matt stepped through the gate with me.

"No, what? Go home, Matt. Just do me a favour and forget all of this, okay?" I smiled weakly, walking backwards up the dimly lit stairs.

He took another step, closing the gate behind him. "No."

"No, what?"

"No." He closed the gap between us, pushing me to the cool concrete wall. I gasped at his nearness, as his warm scent filled my head and my body rolled in waves of happy sensation. He raised a hand and traced the curve of my cheek, his eyes tinted dark with desire.

"You, Evianna, are beautiful, inside and out. And I'm going to make you feel beautiful tonight."

Warning - sexy times ahead - please remember to click the little star and vote if you love me...