From Blood and Ash: Chapter 16

The dagger. Damn it. I’d forgotten that he’d seen the knife at the Red Pearl. Gods, how could I forget that? I jerked the blade away, but it was too late.

And it was also a mistake.

Hawke’s other hand moved lightning-quick, catching the wrist of the hand that held the weapon. “You and I have so much to talk about.”

“We have nothing to talk about,” I snapped, irritated at myself for making not one, not two, but three incredibly foolish moves. And beyond frustrated with Hawke because he’d gained the upper hand.

“She speaks!” He widened his eyes in false shock and then dipped his chin, causing me to tense. “I thought you liked to talk, Princess.” He paused. “Or is that only when you’re at the Red Pearl?”

I said nothing to that.

“You’re not going to pretend that you have no idea what I’m talking about, are you?” he asked. “That you’re not her?”

I pulled on my arms. “Let me go.”

“Oh, I don’t think so.” He turned sharply, and suddenly, my back and the bow were against the stone wall of the Rise. The contact sent a dull wave of fire over my healing back, but he pressed in, caging my body with his. There was barely an inch between us. “After all we shared? You throw a dagger at my face?”

“All we shared? It was a handful of minutes and a few kisses,” I said, and the truth of that struck me with startling clarity. That was all we’d shared. Gods, I was so…sheltered. Because in my limited experience, it had become…so much more to me. The wake-up call that it was only a few kisses was utterly brutal.

“It was more than a few kisses.” His voice dropped low. “If you’ve forgotten, I’m more than willing to remind you.”

Tiny coils of tension formed in my stomach. Part of me wanted to be reminded of what I surely had not forgotten. Thank the gods, the smarter, logical part of me won out. “There was nothing worth remembering.”

“Now you insult me after throwing a dagger at my face? You’ve wounded my tender feelings.”

“Tender feelings?” I snorted. “Don’t be overdramatic.”

“Hard not to be when you threw a dagger at my head and then cut my neck,” he shot back, his grip on me surprisingly gentle compared to the hardness of his tone.

“I knew you’d move out of the way.”

“Did you? Is that why you tried to slice open my throat?” His golden eyes burned from beneath heavy, thick lashes.

“I nicked your skin,” I corrected. “Because you had a hold of me and wouldn’t let go. Obviously, you haven’t learned anything from it.”

“I’ve actually learned a lot, Princess. That’s why your hands and your dagger aren’t getting anywhere near my neck.” His thumb slid over the inside of my wrist as a reminder, and my fingers spasmed around the handle of my weapon. “But if you let go of the dagger, there’s a whole lot of me I’ll let your hands get close to.”

I choked on my next breath. Did he not realize who he was speaking to? Was the sound of my voice so common that he had no idea it was me? But if he hadn’t figured it out yet, that meant I still had the advantage. A small one, but still. “How generous of you,” I retorted.

“Once you get to know me, you’ll find that I can be quite benevolent.”

“I have no intention of getting to know you.”

“So, you just make a habit of sneaking into the rooms of young men and seducing them before running off?”

“What?” I gasped. “Seducing men?”

“Isn’t that what you did to me, Princess?” His thumb made another slow sweep along the inside of my wrist.

“You’re ridiculous,” I sputtered.

“What I am is intrigued.”

Groaning, I pulled at my arms, and he chuckled in response, eyes reminding me of pools of warm honey. “Why do you insist on holding me like this?”

“Well, besides what we went over already, which is the whole being partial to my face and my neck thing, you’re also somewhere you’re not supposed to be. I’m doing my job by detaining and questioning you.”

“Do you typically question those on the Rise who you don’t recognize like this?” I challenged. “What an odd method of interrogation.”

“Only pretty ladies with shapely, bare legs.” He leaned in, and when I took my next breath, my chest met his. “What are you doing up here during a Craven attack?”

“Enjoying a relaxing evening stroll,” I snapped.

His lips curled up on one side, but there was no dimple. “What were you doing up here, Princess?” he repeated.

“What did it look like I was doing?”

“It looked like you were being incredibly foolish and reckless.”

“Excuse me?” Disbelief thundered through me. “How reckless was I being when I killed Craven and—”

“Am I unaware of a new recruitment policy were half-dressed ladies in cloaks are now needed on the Rise?” he asked. “Are we that desperately in need of protection?”

Anger hit my blood like wildfire. “Desperate? Why would my presence on the Rise signal desperation when, as you’ve seen, I know how to use a bow? Oh, wait. Is it because I happen to have breasts?”

“I’ve known women with far less beautiful breasts that could cut a man down without so much as blinking an eye,” he said. “But none of those women are here in Masadonia.”

I would’ve liked to know where this group of rather amazing-sounding women lived—wait. Far less beautiful breasts?

“And you are incredibly skilled,” he continued, snapping my attention back to him. “Not just with an arrow. Who taught you how to fight and use a dagger?”

Clamping my mouth shut, I refused to answer.

“I’m willing to bet it was the same person who gave you that blade.” He paused. “Too bad whoever they are didn’t teach you how to evade capture. Well, too bad for you, that is.”

Anger flooded my system once more, overwhelming me. I thrust my knee up, aiming for a very sensitive part of him—the one that somehow made him more qualified than I was to fight.

Hawke sensed my move and shifted, blocking my knee with his thigh. “You’re so incredibly violent.” He paused. “I think I like it.”

“Let me go!” I seethed.

“And be kicked or stabbed?” He shoved his leg between mine, preventing any future kicks. “We’ve already covered that, Princess. More than once.”

I lifted my hips off the wall, attempting to throw him off, but all I accomplished was pressing a very sensitive part of my body against the hard length of his thigh. The friction created a sudden, jarring rush of heat that was so powerful, it was like being struck by lightning. Sucking in a startled breath, I stilled.

Hawke had done the same against me, his large body filling with tension. His chest rose and fell against mine. What…what was happening? I felt hot despite how far up we were and that we stood in the cold night air. My skin seemed to buzz as if fine currents of energy were dancing along my flesh, and hard, pounding heat had replaced the aching coldness in my body.

Several too-long moments stretched out between us and then he said, “I came back for you that night.”

The noise from below was beginning to calm. At any moment, someone could come up here, but I was so incredibly reckless and foolish because I let my eyes drift shut as his words cycled through me.

He had come back.

“Just like I told you I would. I came back for you, and you weren’t there,” he continued. “You promised me, Princess.”

A smidgen of guilt formed within me, and I wasn’t sure if it was for lying to him, or the throwing the dagger at his face part. Probably both. “I…I couldn’t.”

“Couldn’t?” His voice had dropped again, becoming lower, thicker. “I have a feeling that if there’s something you want badly enough, nothing will stop you.”

A harsh, bitter-sounding laugh escaped me. “You know nothing.”

“Maybe.” He’d let go of my arm, and before I knew what he was up to, his hand had slipped inside my hood. His cold fingers touched the unmarred skin of my right cheek. I gasped at the contact and started to draw back, but there was nowhere to go. “Maybe I know more than you realize.”

A small measure of unease crawled across my skin.

Hawke bent his head, pressing his cheek to the left side of my hood. “Do you really think I have no idea who you are?”

Every muscle in my body tensed as my mouth dried.

“You have nothing to say to that?” He paused, and his voice was barely above a whisper when he said, “Penellaphe?”

Dammit.

I exhaled noisily, unsure if I was relieved or afraid that I no longer had to wonder if he knew. The confusion spiked my irritation into uncharted territories. “Are you just now figuring that out? If so, I’m concerned about you being one of my personal guards.”

He chuckled deeply, the sound infuriatingly infectious. “I knew the moment you removed the veil.”

My lips parted on a thin inhale. “Why…why didn’t you say something then?”

“To you?” he asked. “Or to the Duke?”

“Either,” I whispered.

“I wanted to see if you’d bring it up. Apparently, you were just going to pretend that you’re not the same girl who frequents the Red Pearl.”

“I don’t frequent the Red Pearl,” I corrected. “But I hear you do.”

“Have you been asking about me? I’m flattered.”

“I haven’t.”

“I’m not sure if I can believe you. You tell a lot of lies, Princess.”

“Don’t call me that,” I demanded.

“I like it better than what I’m supposed to call you. Maiden. You have a name. It’s not that.”

“I didn’t ask for what you liked,” I said, even though I whole-heartedly agreed with his dislike of how I was supposed to be addressed.

“But you did ask why I didn’t tell the Duke about your little explorations,” he countered. “Why would I do that? I’m your guard. If I were to betray you, then you wouldn’t trust me, and that would definitely make my job of keeping you safe much harder.”

His very logical reasoning for not saying anything carried a bitter bite of disappointment, and I didn’t even want to delve into why. “As you can see, I can keep myself safe.”

“I see that.” He drew back, brows furrowed, and then his eyes widened just a fraction as if he’d figured something out.

“Hawke!” a voice called out from the ground below, causing my heart to trip. “Everything okay up there?”

His gaze searched the darkness of my hood for a moment, and then he looked over his shoulder. “Everything is fine.”

“You need to let me go,” I whispered. “Someone is bound to come up here—”

“And catch you? Force you to reveal your identity?” Those amber eyes slid back to me. “Maybe that would be a good thing.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. “You said you wouldn’t betray me—”

“I said I didn’t betray you, but that was before I knew you would do something like this.”

Ice drenched my skin.

“My job would be so much easier if I didn’t have to worry about you sneaking out to fight the Craven…or meet random men in places like the Red Pearl,” he continued. “And who knows what else you do when all believe you’re safely ensconced in your chambers.”

“I—”

“I imagine that once I brought it to the Duke’s and Duchess’s attention, your penchant for arming yourself with a bow and climbing to the Rise would be one less thing I had to worry about.”

My chest seized with panic, and I blurted out, “You have no idea what he’d do if you went to him. He’d—” I cut myself off.

“He’d what?”

Taking a slow, even breath, I lifted my chin. “It doesn’t matter. Do what you feel you need to do.”

Hawke stared down at me for so long it felt like a small eternity had passed and then he let go of me, stepping back. Cold air blew in between us. “You better hurry back to your chambers, Princess. We’ll have to finish this conversation later.”

Confusion held me in its grip for only a few moments, but then I snapped out of it. Easing away from the wall, I ran, and even though I didn’t look back, I knew he didn’t take his eyes off me.

Slipping through the old servants’ access, I wasn’t surprised when I found that Tawny was still in my chambers, even though it had taken me nearly an hour before the gates were lifted and I could sneak back in.

She gasped. “I thought you were never going to come back.”

I closed the creaky door behind me and faced her, slowly reaching up to pull the hood down.

Tawny drew up short. “Are you…are you okay?” Her gaze searched mine, and I saw a faint tremor radiate through her. “Was it bad? The attack?”

Opening my mouth, I had no idea where to start, recalling all that had happened. I leaned against the door. My confrontation with Hawke still had my heart pounding. My mind was a confusing mess, and my stomach churned with the knowledge that the Craven had reached the top of the Rise.

“Poppy?” she whispered.

I decided to start with the most important. “There were a lot of them. Dozens.”

Her chest moved as she took in a deep breath. “And?”

I wasn’t sure if she really wanted to know, but to be in the dark was far more dangerous than fear of the truth. “And several of them reached the top of the Rise.”

Tawny’s eyes flew open. “Oh, my gods.” She pressed a hand to her chest. “But the shields have lifted—”

“They were stopped, but a lot…a lot of guards died tonight.” I peeled myself away from the door as I unbuttoned my cloak with chilled fingers, letting it fall to the floor. I went to the fireplace and stood there for several minutes, allowing the warmth to beat back some of the coldness. “There were just so many of them that they basically swarmed the front line. If there’d been more…”

“They would’ve breached the wall?”

“It’s more than possible.” Stepping away from the fire, I unhooked the cloak, letting it fall in a messy puddle. I slipped off the bow, carefully placing it in the chest before I closed the lid. “They sent out the horsemen, but at least two Craven had already made it to the top of the Rise by then. If they wait like that again, it could be too late. But I don’t think…I don’t imagine they expected them to be able to do that.”

Tawny sat down on the edge of the bed. “Did you…kill any of them?”

Toeing off my slippers, I looked over at her. “Of course.”

“Good.” Her gaze drifted to the window, to where the torches now burned brightly in the darkness. “There’ll be a lot of black flags raised tomorrow.”

There would be. Each house that had lost a son, a father, a husband, or friend would raise the flag in memoriam. Commander Jansen would visit each and every one of them over the next day or so. Many pyres would be lit.

And I feared that some of those who’d bravely faced down the Craven tonight would return to their homes or the dorms, bitten. It happened every time after an attack.

I plopped down on the bed, catching the scent of burnt wood in my hair. Before I could say anything else, there was a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it.” Tawny rose, and I didn’t stop her, figuring it was Vikter or another Royal Guard checking on us. As she made her way over, I gripped the edge of my braid, quickly unraveling it as I heard Tawny open the door and say, “The Maiden is sleeping—”

“Doubtful.”

Heart slamming against my ribs, I jumped up from the bed and spun around just as Hawke came through the door. My mouth dropped open, mirroring Tawny’s expression.

Hawke kicked the door shut behind him. “It’s time for that talk, Princess.”