Filthy Savage: Chapter 15

The last few months have been hard. I’m still working two jobs, though not at the café anymore.

After I was fired for being sick too much, I needed something new.

It so happened I found a stray cat and brought her to the nearby vet. When I did, I noticed that they were looking for a receptionist, and the rest was history.

Working two jobs while pregnant has not been fun, but I’ve been able to save some money of my own for when the baby comes and I’m out on maternity leave. Both places have agreed to give me two months off after Fia is born.

Fia.

I love her name. It was intentionally close to Fionn’s because in my heart, I know she’s his.

Maybe one day when he finds us, he’ll know I wanted him to be a part of our lives. Or at the very least, her life.

Then this sudden thought hits. Maybe I want something that’ll never happen. That not only is she Xander’s, but that Fionn wouldn’t want us because she isn’t his.

“When are you due?” an elderly woman asks as I tour her home, hoping I can rent it. It’s in a nicer part of town, and I still have Fionn’s money.

“In about three months.” Rounding a hand on my small belly, I grin. “It’s why I’m looking for a bigger place.”

It’s been a rough pregnancy, and Mom still thankfully hasn’t even noticed. I throw on a baggy sweatshirt and have managed to hide it from her. For all I know, she’ll kill me if I tell her—or do something to the baby. I can’t risk that.

“What a blessing. And where’s the father? Will he not be joining us?”

“Um…”

“He’s working. Making all the big bucks,” Emily offers, grabbing my hand in reassurance.

I need this place. It’s my last hope of getting away from my mother. And this is the best home I can find on a budget I can work with. I’ll use Fionn’s money to supplement if I need to, but with the new job and nights as a housekeeper at the hotel, I’ll come close to being able to afford this place, plus utilities.

I’ve even gotten a used car recently. Nothing special, but all mine.

“Oh, I understand,” the woman says, leading us up the stairs to show us the three bedrooms. “When I had my kids, I wanted the same thing. I raised my three children in this home.”

“That’s really nice. That’s what I’m looking for. Somewhere to plant roots.”

Glancing over at me as soon as we make it to the top, she smiles fondly, and I swear, I feel as though she wants me to have this place. She’s retiring and moving down south and wants someone reliable, so if I tell her I’m a single mom, she’s not going to rent to me.

“What do you think?” she asks.

I rub my belly some more, hoping that sways her. I’ll take anything I can get.

“I want it.”

She gives me a thoughtful look. “I have two other applications, but I do really like you.” A grin spreads. “Eh, what the heck? I think a young family is just what this house needs.”

Phew.

“Great! Thank you so much!” My entire body radiates with pure happiness, and Emily is practically jumping up and down beside me.

“Of course, dear. I’ll need the first month’s rent and security deposit now, and the rest, you can send via Venmo or mail a check.”

“Venmo is fine.”

“Let’s sign the paperwork and I’ll be out of your hair.”

I can’t stop grinning. I have a home. I have somewhere to raise my daughter.

“This is great. We’re gonna live so close!” Emily whispers.

It’s going to be tough to be on my own with another life I have to take care of, but it’s what I have to do.

My girl and I will be fine on our own. We have to be.

I’m all she has, and I promise to do better by her than my mother ever did by me.

Once the papers are signed, I return home with Emily, needing to pack. I can’t wait to be out of here.

As soon as my mother sees Emily bringing boxes out to my car, she grabs my arm. “What the hell is this?”

The bags under her eyes have started to fill up even more. She looks tired. Drugs have done a lot of damage to her. She’s always done them for as long as I can remember, though she was a lot more functional back then.

In recent years, it’s gotten worse. She’s started gravitating toward crack and has stolen money from me to buy it. Sold our TV to get high.

I can’t live this way anymore. And I’ll die before I let my daughter live the way I did.

“I’m moving out.” I straighten my spine, bracing for the fight that’s coming.

“Excuse me?” she scoffs. “What the hell you mean, you’re movin’? Who told you you’re allowed to move?”

“She doesn’t need your permission, Desdemona.” Emily narrows her glare. “She’s been the one supporting you all this time, and it should’ve been the other way around.”

“Who the hell asked you anything, you little rich bitch?”

“Don’t you dare talk to my friend like that!” My heart races. “Come on, Emily, we’re done here.”

I’m leaving my bed and dresser behind. I’ll buy another one. Something affordable, but new, because I deserve it.

“You ain’t going nowhere.” She grabs my arm and yanks me hard, almost causing me to trip.

I clutch my stomach, the instant urge to protect my daughter hitting me like a pile of bricks.

“Don’t you fucking touch her!” Emily gets in the middle of us, and as she does, my mother’s hazy vision drops to my stomach, now visible from the way I hold it.

“Are you pregnant, you slut?”

The words are like a blow to my heart.

“Don’t call me that.” My upper lip curls and anger radiates through my limbs.

She laughs. “You think you can raise a child?”

Getting closer, I come face-to-face with her. “I can do much better than you ever have. Then again, that’s not saying much.” A slow-growing smile captures my lips. “I’ll give my daughter everything I can. Do everything for her. I’ll be the kind of mother you were never capable of being.”

“She’s never gonna love you.” Her mouth tremors. “Your father never did, either. And no matter how much you’ve wanted to know who he is, I’ll never tell you. He doesn’t want you. You know that, right?”

Her words are a sharp bite, but I don’t show her how much they affect me.

“He left you while you cried, begging him to stay.”

I force away the stinging blinding my vision, but it blinds me anyway. The pain from her words etched in my heart.

“I’m leaving. Goodbye, Mother.”

Her face grows ashen. “You can’t go. I’ll have nowhere to live.”

“Get a job. I did. Two, in fact, just so I could pay the rent here and afford to move. I’m done now. Figure it out yourself.”

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d have the courage to face her this way. But having a child, it’s given me a reason.

“Come on, Em.” I grab her arm and start out.

“You get back here, you ungrateful bitch! You’re nothing without me! I made you who you are!”

Opening the door to my blue sedan, I return my attention to her. “You’re right. You ruined me and turned me into who I had to become. But that’s all thanks to me. You did nothing but hurt me. Now you’ll never get to hurt my baby.”

Getting into the car, I shut the door on the life that once consumed me.

Now I have hope. A new beginning. And all the possibilities waiting for me on the other side.