Filthy Savage: Chapter 16

“Push!”

The doctor holds my feet while Emily and Lilith clutch my hands, with Patricia standing off to the side.

I can’t believe the last few months have flown by so quickly and I’m about to see my daughter for the first time. My heart aches that she’ll have no father, that I’m alone in this. But it’s what we have, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

“Come on. You’ve got this, Amara,” Emily says. “Fia can’t wait to meet her mama.”

Tears well in my eyes, and I give one big push until her cry fills the room, and emotions like I’ve never felt before hit me all at once.

“You have a healthy baby girl.” The doctor places her on my chest, and through the blinding vision, I see her face.

Tears fall down my cheeks like rivers. I don’t think I’ve ever known love like this before.

“Hi, baby,” I stammer. “I’m your mama.”

Emily sniffles, swiping under her eyes.

“She’s beautiful!” Patricia gushes, blinking past her own emotions.

“Just the cutest!” Lilith’s eyes fill with warmth.

Both of them have become my friends over the past few months. They helped me unpack when I moved, and we all went shopping together for all the things I needed. They all even chipped in to throw me a baby shower at Emily’s home. There weren’t that many there, but more than I ever expected. Emily’s mom even invited some of her friends. I felt so much love.

My mother, of course, wasn’t invited.

The shower came as a complete surprise. When Emily told me to register for gifts, I thought that was ridiculous, because who was going to buy me all this stuff? But people have been beyond generous. A new crib, a name-brand stroller, two car seats—one for when she’s older—and everything else I could possibly need is already at my home.

All I’ve been waiting for is her.

My gorgeous daughter.

And now she’s here.

I hold her tighter and kiss the top of her head while the nurses wipe her off. For some reason, my mind goes back to the dream of me holding a baby as she slips away, the one I still have from time to time. And I hope it has nothing to do with my own daughter. That I’ll never lose her.

“We’ll always have each other, my sweet girl. Mommy will always protect you.”

And I swear to keep that promise until the day that I die.

Being a mom has been hard. I had a lot of growing up to do in a short time, and I did it. And I’m damn proud of it. Proud of myself for leaving that weaker version of Amara behind. Because in her place I’d like to think I became stronger, for both myself and my daughter. I won’t let anyone hurt my girl.

She coos in the stroller, lying in her bassinet as we stroll around the neighborhood.

A whole month has passed since I’ve had her, and every day I stare at her, I wonder what sort of mother my mom was back when I was this small.

Was she kinder? Did she love me? Did my father? Maybe he was just as awful as her. Who else leaves their child behind?

As soon as we’re nearing the house, she starts to cry.

“Oh no. What happened, sweetheart?” I stop immediately and lift her in my arms, placing her against my chest as I bounce her. “Mama’s here. Don’t you cry. I’ll always be here.”

“Good morning.” A couple passes by, smiling at me.

“Good morning.”

My heart fills with joy. This area was everything I needed. No one sells drugs here. I feel safe. My daughter will have a good life. I just know it.

As soon as she calms, I place her back in the stroller and head down the street toward our home.

When I reach the driveway and start for the backyard, a set of tires screeches past me, causing me to stop.

“Is that my granddaughter?”

My pulse slams in my ears.

No. Nonono. She can’t be here. She can’t ruin this for me.

My eyes squeeze shut, panic sending my entire body drowning in dread.

Footsteps pound closer, and every inch of me wants to run. But I force it all down and turn to face her, standing right in front of the stroller so she doesn’t so much as see my daughter.

“What are you doing here?”

My eyes take her in. A pair of jeans and a loose black t-shirt. Her eyes are bloodshot, like she’s just taken something.

But she’s not alone. I glance at the man beside her, his eyes glassy and dark hair combed back. Probably a new boyfriend.

“Well…I came to see my grandbaby, of course.”

“You can’t. I want nothing to do with you. Do you understand, Mother?”

She huffs, glancing up at the guy she’s with. “Can you imagine ever treating your mom this way?”

He shakes his head, but doesn’t say a word.

“Who’s he?”

I probably shouldn’t have asked. It doesn’t matter to me, but he’s in my driveway, so I have a right to know.

“Oh, this is Mark. My new boyfriend. He actually lives with me now.” She rounds her arm around his tall frame, glancing up at him while he stares at me like I’ve just killed his beloved cat. “After you abandoned me and left me with no money, I met this beautiful man, who has helped me more than you ever did.”

“I’m happy for you.” My voice is completely monotone. “You can go now. Hopefully to hell. I think you’d find it cozy.” My mouth thins.

“Oh…” She pouts. “Don’t be like that.” She peers over at my home. “Seems like you’re doing well for yourself to be able to afford this place.”

My heart races. “I know what you’re trying to do. I don’t have money to give you, nor would I if I did.”

Her laugh is like a cheese grater to my ears. “I wasn’t asking for money. Mark is loaded. Right, babe?”

“Mm-hmm.”

I bet he is…

“How did you find me?”

We haven’t spoken since the day I left. I haven’t so much as called her. She probably could’ve looked me up, though she’s not the best with the internet.

“Oh, I followed that rich bitch the other day. Saw her with some toys she was lugging into her car, so I figured she was going to see you, and of course, I was right.” She grins, looking proud of herself.

Rage causes my pulse to quicken. “You need to go, and don’t ever come back. You understand me?”

“Right. Well, let’s go, Mark. Maybe we can catch her in a better mood next time.”

“There will be no next time!”

“Whatever you say, darling.”

Bitch.

Before I can reiterate that neither Fia nor I will ever have a relationship with her, they’re driving away.

And all I can do is watch her go, hoping she never comes back.

“I can’t believe she followed me!” Emily shakes her head with disgust. “I’m so sorry. If I knew…”

Placing a hand on her shoulder, I try to quell her guilt. “It’s not your fault. That’s just who she is. She would’ve found a way to get to me without you.”

She sighs, staring down into her mug of coffee. Fia sleeps in the portable bassinet beside us in the kitchen.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?”

“I have to. She needs to know she can’t just show up here again.”

“If you think that’s best, but please be careful. Especially with that sketchy guy now living there.”

I swallow past the lump in my throat. He did look scary. He’s probably a drug dealer. She seems to attract them, or maybe use them for drugs. Who really knows with her?

“You sure you’ll be okay with Fia? I won’t be long. Two hours tops, assuming traffic is okay.”

“Of course. I’ve got her. Don’t worry.”

“Thank you.” Grabbing my handbag and phone, I head for the door, giving my daughter one last look. “I’ll let you know how it goes once I’m done.”

“Alright. You’ve got this.”

Blowing out a quick breath, I head out toward my car and get on the road.

The whole time, all I do is rehearse what I’m going to say to her. I doubt she’ll listen, but I need to try. I’ll be honest, with the way she was staring at the house, I’m afraid she’ll show up with her boyfriend to rob me.

The cash Fionn left is mostly still here. It’s a relief to have it, especially while I’m on maternity leave for another month, not making any money while I’m out.

When I arrive at my mother’s, I find her beaten-up Volkswagen in the driveway, but the sedan her boyfriend drove isn’t there. Parking a house down so she doesn’t see me, I give myself a little pep talk, hoping to remain calm and collected while she hurls insults. Because of course she will. I’ve lived through it all.

“Okay, it’s now or never.”

But as soon as I start getting out, I find someone I never expected pulling into her driveway. He doesn’t see me as he struts inside, hands in his pockets. But there’s no doubt it’s Xander.

Confusion mars my features while I try to figure out why in the world my ex is coming to see my mother.

Over ten minutes pass before he returns to his vehicle, and that makes me even more anxious. If he was asking about me, he wouldn’t need to be here that long. But what other reason would there be?

When he drives away, I finally step out, grabbing my phone and texting Emily that I got here and who I saw. She’s just as suspicious, warning me to be careful.

My heart pumps against my rib cage as I start toward the door, knocking until I hear her muttering that she’s coming.

“I thought we were done—” But when she realizes it’s me, surprise fills her eyes. “Oh, you,” she mutters. “What do you want?”

“Were you expecting someone else?” I cock a brow.

“What? No. I thought you were Mark. What is this, an inquisition?”

“I saw him, Mom. I just saw Xander, so why don’t you cut the bullshit?”

“Oh, right.” She laughs dryly, scratching her neck. “He was just here for a minute asking where you live and stuff. Of course, I didn’t say a word.”

She tries to lower her palm to my arm, but I quickly snap my hand away.

“Is that really why he came? Because he was here for a while, so don’t lie to me.”

“Seriously, what the fuck do you want? He doesn’t need your permission to come around.”

“You know what? You’re right. You can keep him. Better yet, make sure both of you stay the hell away from me and my daughter.” I step closer, my breathing shallower, unable to contain this anger she brings out in me. “If I find you anywhere near either one of us, Desdemona, I will ruin your life. So if you like your drugs, I’d leave me alone, or you’ll be rotting in prison.”

She shakes her head, her glare intensifying. “You’d do that to your own mother?”

A wry laugh escapes me. “Just because I came out of you doesn’t mean you’re any more my mother than a random woman on the street.” Turning away, I stare at her over my shoulder. “Remember what I said. Stay the fuck away from us. Forever.”

“Fine! Whatever! Go to hell.”

“Been through all that. Don’t have any plans to return.”

Then I’m back in my car, gripping the wheel tight, my hands trembling as the stress of it all takes over.

But I did it. I told her off. Now it’s up to her to call my bluff.