(55) Jessica

Jessica

There was a buzzing on the night-stand on Matthew's side of the bed. Usually, I'd sleep through the buzzing, but I wasn't asleep at all.

Matthew on the other hand probably was because it took him a minute to hear the buzzing.

I forgot how comfortable I was until Matthew retrieved his arm from my waist and reached for his phone. I pretended to be asleep even when my heart hammered in my chest because I heard him say her name over the phone.

The bed dipped as Matthew climbed out of the bed. He stepped into the bathroom, probably worried about waking me up.

The one-sided conversation echoed in the bathroom, and I listened in. In a short span of time, I was able to conclude that the caller was Kierra's mom. Something must've happened after we left the party. Kierra locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn't talk to anyone.

After a few more moments, Matthew stepped out of the bathroom. My back was on him, but I could hear rustling in his walk-in closet.

I hugged myself and tried to keep my eyes closed.

Footsteps came toward the bed. I felt Matthew sat on my side of the bed, leaned in, and kissed me on the cheek.

I thought he'd step away after, but he stayed for a moment, his fingers playing with my hair. He then gives me another kiss before finally standing up.

I'd like to assume he was hesitating to go.

There was a second where I wanted to open my eyes and reach for him.

Please don't go.

But my conscience was screaming, 'Kierra needs her best friend.'

Matthew closed the bedroom door behind him.

I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. My stomach was tangled in knots. My head screamed even louder when the front door closed.

This time, my thoughts started spiraling: Matthew was just going to comfort Kierra and he was going to tell her about Jason's affair. They'll both wish they did things differently in the past. Maybe she'll tell Matthew that she should've told him about her feelings... and the same goes with Matthew.

I shake my head, wrestling with my thoughts.

Then, Matthew and Kierra realized that, all along, they belonged with each other.

I groaned.

Where will I be in the picture?

I bolted up and buried my face in my palms.

With great shame, I realized that although my heart breaks for Kierra, it shamelessly breaks even more for me.

I tried to take deep calming breaths, but as I looked around Matthew's bedroom, I knew I wasn't remotely close to calming down. My chest felt like it was about to burst. I knew then that I didn't want to be there.

I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and jogged my way out of his apartment. However, as I stared at the door of my own apartment, I realized I didn't want to be there either. I don't want to be anywhere where Matthew could be. Anywhere where my heart could be torn in half.

I slumped on the cold, hard floor and texted my mom. I know I should've just texted my grandmother, but for some reason, I wanted my mother. Even when there's a slim chance that she'll show up.

I leaned against the door, a bile forming in my throat. I hugged my knees close to my chest like I was holding the pieces of my heart in place.

My phone beeped, the screen flashing my face harshly. I squinted at my phone, suddenly confused that my mother just texted that she'd be here in 10 minutes to pick me up. 15 minutes tops.

The next thing I knew, my parents were standing in the lobby in matching monkey-printed pajamas. "What the hell are you guys wearing?"

My dad examines his PJs. "What's wrong?"

"We wear pajamas now. What are you wearing, bunny girl?" My mom responded defensively.

I look down at my own rabbit-printed pajamas that Kylie gave me some months ago. "Touché, mother."

We walk toward the car in silence. They knew something was up. Their daughter doesn't text them at half past midnight just because she feels like it.

I leaned against the car door and rested my head on the cold glass. I wonder if I'll feel better in my old room.

"Sweetheart, do you want to grab some milkshake?" My dad tore through my train of thought.

My mom's head bobbed between their seats. "There's a 24-hour Diner up ahead. We could stop for some—anything you like."

I nodded.

Two milkshakes later, we decided to order the burgers to go. Then, as I stuff my face with takeout burgers in my mom's spotless kitchen, I feel my parents' curious gazes on me. I could tell my mom was struggling to hold her tongue.

"I wasn't expecting you guys to be up this late," I started off, putting down my third burger of the night.

"Well, we were doing a Netflix and chill," Dad answered, the 'Netflix and chill' sounding so alien from his mouth.

I sighed. Not too long ago—last night—Matthew and I just binge-watched a cheesy rom-com until one of us passed out on the couch.

The corners of my eyes suddenly felt red pepper hot. Before I knew it, I started sniveling.

"Oh, sweetie. What's wrong?" Dad reached for my hand on the countertop.

I look up to keep the tears at bay. "Matthew and I might break up."

"What?" They questioned out in unison.

"But why? You guys were so happy." Mom took the sit next to me and swathed an arm around me. The rare gentleness in my mother's face almost makes me want to cry my heart out.

Dad poured me a glass of water. "Honey, if it's a fight, I'm sure it can be resolved by talking as a couple."

I stared at the glass for a moment, then glanced at my parents. "It's not. Can I go to my room now?"

"Okay. I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning." My mother rubbed my back. "Stupid question: do you want us to tuck you in?"

A wayward laugh bubbled up from my throat. Growing up, my parents were rarely able to come home early enough to tuck me in. "I'd like to take this opportunity."

They both chuckled.

They tucked me in. However, my mom stayed sitting on the side of my small bed.

I pretended to close my eyes, but I found the awkward silence unbearable. I opened them back up and sighed. "Mom, it's not like you to sit there and watch me sleep."

"Oh, honey. We both know you were just pretending to be 'asleep.'" She grinned lopsidedly.

I let out another sigh and sat on the bed.

"Sweetie, you don't have to tell me anything. I just need to know if I'm gonna have to tell Matthew to fuck off once he comes looking for you."

I felt my lips curving into a small smile. "You don't have to. He didn't do anything wrong."

She nods slowly. "Are you sure? Because your dad and I have so much time on our hands. Murdering then burying a body will keep us occupied."

I laughed. "No. I'm sorry. You and Daddy can't bond over murdering people around." I thought for a moment, then snapped my fingers, "I suggest a week-long vacation to somewhere sunny and warm?"

She scrunched her nose.

"How about a long and quiet stay in the suburbs? Nathan can offer you a ton of lake houses."

My mother shivered in disgust. "I don't like the suburbs. The slow, small-town pace drives me crazy. Other than that, there's always that pressure to relax."

I looked at her with an exaggerated gasp. "You're a monster."

She made a dismissive wave with her perfect hands. She lets out a soft chuckle—that was the first time I came close to making my mother laugh.

A full smile spread across her lips. "No, it's not."

Oh, I must've said it out loud.

"You made me laugh a ton of times when you were little." There was a distant look on her face as she stared at the wall.

I smiled.

"You know, you weren't bright when you were a kid."

My smile slipped. "Could've just spared me from that info, but thanks anyway."

Then, she laughs—a full belly laugh. "I'm kidding. I thought you were raised to have a thicker skin than this."

I find myself laughing too. "You suck at making jokes."

"I know. I'm glad you had your dad's rumor. He was always a step ahead of me because he wasn't as stuck-up as I was."

I tucked my legs. "I didn't know that—I mean the part about dad's humor. Not you being a stuck-up."

She gave me a look. Then, she didn't say anything more.

I groaned. "Mom, just tell me."

"Just a minute. I'm trying to swallow my pride so I can tell you I wasn't the best in my class after all."

I gaped at her. "Wait, Dad? That little goof?"

"I know, right? You definitely wouldn't know that he's smarter than he looks," she says with a soft smile on her face. She had sparkles in her eyes.

God, I'm just now seeing the dopey look on my mom's face—like a tiny little crack that tore down her icy demeanor. My heart swells at the look of love on my mother's face. Then, I thought of Matthew.

I must have the same look on my face when I talk about Matthew. A bittersweet ache nestled in my chest. Hot tears burn my eyes.

My mother's brows creased together. There was a tender look on her face that I rarely see. "Sweetie, what's really going on?"

I sniffled. With a sob, I blurted everything out.

Everything.

I couldn't tell if I was making any sense, but by the looks of my mom's face, I probably was.

"You think Kierra and Matthew will finally be together now that her fiancé is out of the picture?" She asks, her head tilting to one side.

I wipe my tears with my blanket—I'm only noticing just now that it was the Tinkerbell-printed blanket from when I was a kid. "Yes. I just needed to get away for a bit. Maybe, brace myself for when he breaks up with me."

"Jessica, don't you think that you're overthinking this?"

I sniveled. "I don't know, mom! I'm not thinking straight right now." I sobbed.

She sighed, her hand going over mine. "Listen, sweetie, I think Matthew loves you. Also, I can tell that you love him too. I've never seen you so happy with anyone else. It'll be his huge loss. And I'm talking about a gigantic loss." She gestured her arms around as if exaggerating the word 'gigantic.'"

I wipe my nose with my hands. "You think so?"

"Jessica, I know so."

"Okay." I sniffed. "I didn't know trying to do the right thing would suck this much."

"Yeah, it does suck." She reached for a loose strand of my hair and tucked it behind my ear. "I know I don't tell you this, but I'm glad you turned out to be this beautiful, kind, and smart, young woman."

My lips curved into a small smile.

"I want you to know that I'm proud of you. Even when I always seem to disapprove." She squeezed my hand, and continued, "Also, I don't want to ruin the moment, but I think you have snot on your chin."

I burst out laughing.

She did too.

"Tell you what, whatever happens, we'll go on a vacation together. You can pick the shabbiest little cabin and we can stay there for however long you want."

I gasped. "Really? You'll put yourself through the mundanity of a small town just to cheer me up."

She shrugged.

How are you pretty ladies doing? My country has been having these terrible heatwaves and it really sucks. I wish I could shrink myself to live in the fridge until the rainy season comes. Maybe I could learn to live with the vegetables and frozen food.

Anyways, April has been good for me.

I GOT HIRED AS A FREELANCE FICTION WRITER. YAY!

I didn't know how badly I needed a "win" until now. I'm feeling good and happy. Thank you for re-reading my books and leaving sweet comments. They make my day.

Also, I need some suggestions on how I keep myself cool during this awful, awful heat wave! (aside from hydrating and sitting in front of the air conditioner). Please let me know on the comments below. I'm very desperate. I feel like I'm melting over here.