||Four||

Tom and I were dragged into another date by none other than Devin.

I always knew I wouldn't be single forever and as much as I wanted to be dating Devin, I also knew that there was a possibility that would never happen. I just never imagined he would be so enthusiastic about me dating.

It sort of hurt.

It hurt that he couldn't see I wasn't happy, and that that was because I wasn't dating him.

But he always seemed to express how happy he was that I was finally dating. He would smile this secretive smile every time he saw me, occasionally wiggling his eyebrows which made me highly uncomfortable, and would say the most cheesiest sentences ever.

One time, when we were casually talking on the phone about the most random things, he would bring up Tom.

"You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say you two are in love," he said at the time.

I almost gagged.

"I mean," he continued, "You're so right together, it's almost surreal."

I rolled my eyes at that one.

I would mention more of those cringe-worthy moments, but they only made me feel worse.

There was another thing too; he was smiling all the time.

I should have anticipated that he would be so bubbly. He did say that Ian made him happy when he came out to me.

But I didn't expect him to be this happy.

It left me in a foul mood, and I've learned from my past mistakes that that was definitely not a good sign.

I knew as soon as we walked into the bowling alley that I would have no fun that night. Not one bit.

Ian and Devin held hands confidently, laughing and exchanging smiles occasionally.

It made me sick.

I must've been scowling because I felt a sharp jab at my side and quickly turned my head to the initiator, Tom.

He sent me a fake smile before stepping up on his tiptoes to whisper something in my ear.

"At least try to pretend that you're happy?"

I glared at him, but he jabbed me with his elbow again and I almost hit him back.

How could I pretend to be happy when it was the only emotion I couldn't feel?

Still, I managed to calm my nerves and push the thoughts of Devin and Ian to the side as I focused on making my relationship with Tom more real.

I couldn't find my self to smile just yet, but the tension between my eyebrows had eased and I could finally look at Devin without wanting to rip him away from Ian.

"Let's get our shoes," I said.

Tom agreed and the two of us headed to the counter as Ian and Devin slowly trailed behind us.

Tom and I had our shoes on before the other two, so we headed towards a lane and sat on the plastic seats as we waited for Ian and Devin to catch up.

"Nate?"

I looked up from tying my shoes to glance at Tom, "Yeah?"

He sighed, rubbing his hand against the bak of his neck, "How long is this going to last?"

I didn't meet his eyes as I shrugged my shoulders.

"Look, I know that I agreed to this, but I don't think I can keep lying like this forever," he whispered.

"It's not forever. I'm sorry I dragged you into this, okay? I'll figure out a way to end this, I can imagine how hard it is for you. I was just being selfish," I admitted.

His brown eyes projected worry, an expression I rarely saw on his face. He was always so relaxed.

Before either of us could say anything, Ian and Devin plopped down on the seats beside us.

"We'll go against you guys, losers pay for the food. Deal?" Devin said, his words came out in a rush, his eyes ablaze with excitement.

I smiled a little, loving the way he quickly got excited over things.

It was refreshing.

As kids, Devin and I basically worshipped the bowling alley.

It was an old place, the wooden floors were scratched yet surprisingly it still shiney. The paint was new, as the owner regularly renovated, but the furniture was the same.

Same plastic chairs, same tables, same counters. They were all drilled to the ground.

We used to visit the alley at least once a week, so regularly that the workers there often 'forgot' to take our money.

We would spend hours rolling the bowling balls against the newly waxed floors, the sounds of bowling pins hitting the ground would echo around the giant space.

Then, when were finally worn out and our arms began to ache, we would order a bunch of snacks from the snacks counter and eat up until both our bellies ached.

It was different now.

Our skills were long forgotten, and when Devin rolled his first bowling ball, it instantly veered off to the side.

The same happened to me.

Whereas Ian, he almost always got a strike, and I wondered how easily someone could be replaced.

Just like that, as easy as the clicking of fingers.

Tom wasn't too bad, and after a few more turns, I managed to score a lot more points, and those forgotten skills stated to come back to me.

We took a break after a while.

At that point, the only people at the alley besides us four and the occasional workers roaming around, were a group of loud obnoxious friends who wouldn't stop shouting.

While Devin went off to get us more snacks, one of the girls from the pack of friends came over to our aisle.

She stood in front of us nervously as the her friends, a few columns begin us, giggled and stared at us.

"Um, hi, I'm Rachel," she squeaked, her fingers playing with the hem of her shirt.

We introduced ourselves to her, and she began to relax a bit, letting go of her shirt and sharing a small smile.

"So, my friends and I couldn't help but notice that you're, um," she giggle, "gay."

I raised my eyebrows quickly, without thinking.

Rachel's eyes fell towards me and Tom, and she smiled shyly.

"I've seen two boys holding hands and stuff before, but I've never seen them kiss. I was wondering..." She bit her lower lip suggestively.

I glanced at Tom, whose eyes were huge as saucers as they moved to look at me, his face pleading no.

Ian, who sat across from us, smirked as if he was highly entertained by the situation.

"My boyfriend is getting us food, but I'm sure these two wouldn't mind," he said, raising an eyebrow at us, his earring twinkling under the lights.

Damn you, Devin.

"Really?" She squeaked excitedly, her eyes moving away from Ian to me and Tom.

"Please?"

All I could think was what the absolute hell is wrong with this girl?

But also that if I didn't kiss Tom, Ian would be suspicious as to why since to him, it would seem like a stupid and harmless request.

It wasn't.

I turned to Tom, who probably saw in my eyes what I was asking because he subtly shook his head at me.

I'm sorry, I thought, before reaching for Tom's face, his eyes squeezing shut for the following contact. My hand cupped the side of his face as I slowly connected our lips together.

His lips were soft, not as soft as I expected, and they tasted like the sugary sweet taste of the strawberry soda he just had.

I heard a gasp, and I quickly pulled away, my eyes anywhere but on Tom.

"That was so hot," Rachel gushed, before quickly hurrying off to her friends who over reacted about the situation with her.

Ian's smirk was still plastered across his lips, while I couldn't even look at Tom.

"Couldn't have done it better," he commented.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and finally mustered the courage to look at Tom.

I could tell he was trying his best not to explode at me right there and then, his clenched hands hidden in the safety of his jacket's pockets.

Devin came back a few seconds later with the food in his hands.

He sat next to Ian and frowned, "Why are your faces red?"

~

By the final round, Ian and Devin got most of the points out of the four of us. Tom and I split our money and paid for the food before saying goodbye and taking our leave.

Tom and I walked to my car in utter silence, the only sounds we made were of our shoes hitting the gravel.

"We'll have to talk about it eventually," Tom said once we were in the car and all buckled up.

"Do we? I kissed you, we both felt nothing because it was nothing, and that's that."

He sighed, "I just don't want it to be awkward between us just because of a stupid kiss. We're both into other people and should be mature enough not to let it get in the way."

"I know, I just wish I didn't have to do it," I said, pulling the car up to his drive way.

"Technically, you didn't have to do anything. It was a choice."

"Yeah, and if I chose the other option, what would've Ian thought? He'd suspect it, that asshole is smart like that," I cursed.

Tom shook his head and unbuckled his seat belt, "Sometimes I wonder if this is even worth it, and you should too."

He got out of my car and walked away toward his front door and I waited until I was sure he was safe inside before driving away.

My mind kept replaying Tom's words over and over again in my head.

Was it really worth it?

Was it? Was it worth lying to my best friend? This act, I couldn't imagine what would happen if Devin ever found out.

Because I knew if he found out, he'd demand an explanation.

And I would have to tell him that I've been crushing on him for two entire years.

I didn't think I could do that.

There was also the fact that every time I saw Devin, I couldn't help but imagine being with him, kissing him everyday, holding his hand in public...

I wanted him more than anything.

And I needed to find a way to have him, sooner or later.

~

I passed Rob on my way to my apartment.

He was carrying boxes and leaving them outside his apartment.

"You're moving?" I asked, surprised.

"Nah, just cleaning out some stuff my girlfriend left behind," he said.

"Girlfriend?" I echoed.

He nodded, then frowned like he just remembered something, "I guess she' my ex-girlfriend now."

"She found out you were cheating on her?" I guessed.

"Something like that. Women. They don't understand that we need to quench our needs, you know?" He looked at me expectedly.

"Sure?" I said hesitantly.

He seemed somewhat satisfied with my response and went back to carrying boxes around.

"Have you ever been through the same situation?" He asked me.

"No, actually," I said honestly, then began helping him with his moving the boxes.

He nodded gratefully, "But, you never felt like your girlfriend wasn't enough?"

"I never had a girlfriend."

"What? When I was your age I had plenty running after me, are they trickier this generation?" He winked.

"No, I don't know. I'm gay."

"Oh right, you're the gay neighbor. I had you mixed up with someone else, my bad," he smiled sheepishly.

I frowned. "Your other neighbor is married to a woman."

He replicated my expression, "Oh."

I returned back to my apartment a while later, tucking myself in bed after making sure the dog was okay.

I stared at the ceiling of my room as I thought of what Rob had said earlier.

I never felt the need to 'quench my need' or whatever but after kissing Tom today, it reminded me of how long it's been since I last kissed someone, or touched them in any romantic way. It made me sad a little, that all this time I was waiting to be with Devin, for him to realize what I felt for him, I forgot everyone else around me.

I blocked out all potential dates, my only thoughts were revolved around Devin.

Maybe if I just I opened my eyes I wouldn't be so alone.

But then again, I reminded myself, I didn't want anyone but Devin.

Sighing, I turned to my side and finally felt my eyelids go heavy.

Just when I was about to fall asleep, my phone which I had left on my bed side table, buzzed loudly.

I groaned and reached for my phone, the screen glaring at me painfully.

I squinted at the brightness before making out a text sent by some unknown number.

"Nice performance today, highly enjoyed it."

I frowned and texted, "Who's this?"

"Ian."

I got the text almost instantly.

Rolling my eyes, I texted, "I'm trying to sleep, stop texting me."

"Fine, Mr. Lone Boy."

I growled at the stupid nickname and turned my phone off.

I didn't want to think of how he got my number, probably form Devin, or about the meaning behind this stupid nickname.

I just ignored it all and went to bed, pretending that everything was okay and that Devin was still single.

How pitiful could I get?