||Five||

Jake sighed for the fourth time during our tutoring session.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" He asked me.

I looked up from my notebook, the page as blank as the expression I wore on my face. "No."

Jake shook his head at me, "You shouldn't have called if you knew you'd be distracted the whole time."

I checked the clock that hung on the wall of my apartment. "It's only been fifteen minutes."

"Exactly, and you're already distracted. Has anyone ever told you that you have the attention span of a puppy?"

I sat up from my slouched position on the couch. Jake's textbooks, notebooks, laptop and other things that aided him with teaching, were scattered across the coffee table in the living room section of my apartment. We sat around it, Jake trying to explain something about finding derivatives or whatever.

"I'm sorry," I said, kind of meaning it.

Jake's expression relaxed slightly as he ran his fingers through his cropped hair. He set his chocolate brown eyes on me, as if analyzing me, using the same expression on his face when he's trying to understand a difficult problem.

Too bad he's straight as a pole.

"Are you okay? You've been acting weird lately," he said, setting his pen down.

"Well, you know, it isn't easy knowing your best-friend slash long time crush who you thought was straight, is actually gay and has a boyfriend. No biggie."

"You told me already."

"Oh," I added before he could say anything else,"I also lied to him and his boyfriend by pretending that my friend is my boyfriend. Which he's not, because he likes someone else and that someone likes him too. I also kissed him by the way.  I am surrounded by people who are in relationships, yet I'm not in one."

If he wasn't entertained by this confession-session before, he was now.

"And this all happened throughout the span of a week?"

I nodded.

He smiled goofily, "Sucks to be you."

I glared, "Like I don't know that already."

"I have a question," he said after a moment of silence.

I rolled my eyes, "What?"

"Is everyone you know gay?"

I threw my pencil at him, missing by a long shot. It wasn't like I was ever good at sports anyway.

"I'll take that as a yes," he laughs.

"It's not funny," I mumbled, sounding a lot like a child.

He leaned back against the couch, settling in comfortably before looking at me strangely.

"What?" I snap.

He holds his hands up in defense, "I didn't say anything."

"You were looking at me weirdly."

"Just thinking."

"Of?"

"You're so nosy. But because I've known you for almost...what? Two years? I know that you're going to pester me till you know everything that's going on in my head."

He was so right, it freaked me out.

"Well?" I asked.

"I was just thinking, that if I didn't like bo-"

"Don't say it," I interrupted, disgusted.

"What? The word 'boobs'?"

I threw another pencil at him.

He ignored me and continued, "If I didn't like girls, I would say that Devin is stupid for not noticing you."

"He's still my best friend, you know," I say, frowning.

He shrugs, "I still think you deserve better than him."

"What the hell?"

"No homo, but seriously."

I shake my head, "Whatever."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"Kick you out and take a nice long shower before leaving for my date."

"I mean about the whole Devin situation?"

"What about it? There's nothing I can do," I sigh.

"You could win him back, haven't you thought of that?"

I frowned, "I'm not taking advice from a straight guy."

He shot me a blank stare, "I'm just suggesting it. If you really want to be with him."

I got up, shoving all the books away from me. "I do, but it's too late. And I don't want to end up hurting anyone."

"The only person you'd be hurting is his boyfriend," he points out.

"And that's supposed to be okay? My turn came and I basically threw it out because I was too scared to tell my best friend the only secret I ever kept from him. Even if I can think of a good plan to be more than just a friend to him, I'd still hurt him by hurting Ian."

He looked at me curiously, like he's never seen me before. Or at least not this part of me.

"Don't you owe it to yourself? I mean after all those years, you were hurting too. Maybe stop thinking of how it'll hurt someone else, and think about how much you want a life with Devin. The only person who's ever known you. Ian, or whatever his name is, will get over it. But you won't because you've known Devin for longer, because you know no body like you know him. Learn how to fight for what you want, Nate. Stop letting yourself down."

I didn't know what to say after that. I tried forming a sentence or two, but as soon as I opened my mouth, I'd feel dizzy or confused. I finally managed a whispered, "Thank you."

Jake smiled sadly, "You're welcome. I'll help you anytime you want, I've got your back, Nate."

I nodded appreciatively. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, call me."

"Thanks, Jake."

"Anytime," he replied, finished with packing up all his stuff.

I thought of Jake's words as I slipped into my clothes and styled my hair for the date. I didn't want to let go of Devin, or the day dreams that I've had of the two of us together. But something inside of me told me that I couldn't change what's going on between my best friend and his new found romance. Could I really do that? Rupture their relationship for my own wants?

Needs, I corrected myself.

I knew that despite all of that, living a life without Devin as my friend was not the kind of life I wanted. I have waited so long to muster the courage to tell him that I liked him, a lot, and what Jake said was true. I knew what Devin had with Ian wasn't long term. It wasn't going to last, I didn't think so, especially with the knowledge of Devin's past relationships.

~

Tom and I got to the movies earlier than Ian and Devin. We bought our tickets and some snacks before settling down in our seats.

"How come I paid for the food?" Tom asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Isn't this supposed to be a date?" He asked.

I punched his arm.

"Ow, I was kidding!"

"Your sense of humor does not amuse me," I stated.

"So, are you going to kiss me this time too?"

I stared at him blankly. "No."

"Are you sure? 'Cause last time-"

"It won't happen again," I said sharply.

He looked me in the eye, so seriously it almost scared me. "Okay. When are we going to break up?"

I raised my eyebrows, the lights in the theater dimmed slightly. "Are things going faster than expected with your singer?"

"He's not my singer. And no, this isn't about Jess, this about us lying. Haven't you ever heard someone say that the truth always comes out eventually?"

I almost rolled my eyes, "People also said that the world would end in 2012. I don't know about you, but I'm still standing."

"But-"

"Hi, guys," Devin said, his voice suddenly appearing beside me.

I turned to look at him although it was too dark to really see anything. "Hey, Dev."

"Where's Ian?" Tom asked, and I noticed the fact that Ian wasn't present.

"He's getting us some snacks."

Ian came back a few moments later, a few snacks in his hands as he took a seat beside Devin. I watched as they slowly smiled at one another, pain throbbing throughout my heart at the given exchange.

I looked away before anyone could notice.

"Nate," Devin said.

I looked at him, barely seeing anything due to the dim lighting. "What?"

"Sit here, I want to get to know Tom better," he pointed at the seat next to Ian.

I glanced at Tom, who thankfully didn't give away any form of panic, and I stood to switch places with Devin.

The lights went out as the screen came alive, signaling the start of the movie. Some sci-fi thing that Devin's been raving about for quite sometime.

I sat slouched on my seat during most of the movie, my hand occasionally dipping inside my box of popcorn. I watched as a spaceship shot up into the universe, the volume too loud for my taste. Unintentionally, I managed to finish my popcorn before the end of the movie, leaving me restless with nothing to keep me busy save the impatient bounce of my leg.

I noticed Ian's calm composure, his face almost expressionless as he chewed on his nachos, one hand to travel the food to his mouth and the other clasped around Devin's. He looked different than I remembered, a lot less chatty, but I figured it was because we were in fact watching a movie.

Then I remembered the text he sent me the other night, and I felt like punching someone, so I confronted him about it.

"How'd you get my number?" I whispered.

I was glad that Devin was always the type to be too involved in a movie to notice anything around him, because he didn't even blink when I spoke.

"I asked Dev for it, is that a problem?" He asked, his head twisted to the side as he looked at me, with his eyebrows raised and his smile pulled back into his infamous smirk.

"No," I scowled. "But what the hell was that?"

"Oh, you're upset about the nickname?" He frowned.

I didn't even bother answering him, I just mentally cursed him and turned back to the screen.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," he whispered in my ear, and I almost jumped from how discreetly he'd moved so close to me. Close enough so that I could feel his breath tickle the skin on my ear and I fought the urge to whack him in the head.

"Tell anyone?" I whispered, focusing on what he actually said and not the way he said it.

"Oh, you know. How lonely you feel, how much you crave other people's company. It's like you're hungry all the time, but you're so used to the emptiness that you're just not able to do anything about it. At least, not personally."

I stared at him, my fists clenched as I tried my hardest not to walk off, because that would have caused a scene I couldn't afford.

"You don't know me."

"No, you're right, I don't. But Devin does, and I'm surprised he hasn't pointed this out to you."

"Shh!" Someone hushed us a few rows over.

That seemed to trigger something in Ian because he slowly turned away from me, not uttering a single word until the movie was over.

As we left the movie theatre, Devin suggested we go somewhere for a bite, but Tom and I managed to convince them otherwise.

"Besides, you guys have school tomorrow," I stated before leaving.

Devin shook his head, "Ass."

I smirked, linking my fingers with Tom's which resulted in him glancing at me in surprise but quickly hiding his the expression on his face. I pulled him along with me as I walked to the car, but I didn't let us in.

"What?" I asked as I felt Tom's eyes on me.

"Nothing."

I knew it wasn't nothing, and I had a feeling it had to do with me holding his hand, so I remained quiet for a while.

"So," I say after I getting bored of the silence.

"I swear to god if this is about Jess..."

"It is."

"Damn you."

I smirked.

"I told him we're faking it," he said.

"Okay."

"That's all you have to say?"

"Well, don't kiss him in public until we break-up," I said.

I heard him sigh beside me as the traffic light turned red in front of me.

"Nate-"

"Tom."

"Fine," he said angrily, "but you know we're guys and we can't control our urges."

I internally shuddered at the thought of the urges Tom was referring to, "Whatever, you can do whatever you want with Jess. Just not in front of Dev and Ian."

"What if I do? I mean, accidentally?"

"Then this will end sooner than later."

He grumbled something under his breath that sounded like "good", before I finally unlocked the cars to let him in.

I dropped him home, waving quickly at his mom who was waiting for him by the door, before speeding back to the apartment.

Rob's apartment door was open when I passed to my own apartment. Curious and also confused, I peeked in.

"Rob?"

I was greeted with nothing, but as I was about to shrug it off and move on, I heard something that sounded very...sexual. Like a woman's moan, I hurriedly grabbed the handle of his door and pulled the door shut.

I shook my head in disgust, trying not to imagine what he was doing in there. I wasn't sure why I was so surprised by how fast he moved onto the next woman, and it almost unsettled me for a few seconds. Shaking off the thoughts, I pulled my own keys out, and unlocked the door to my apartment before stepping in.

I called for the dog, who bounded over to me as I bent down to pick him up. I walked towards the couch and fell against its comfortable material before proceeding to pet the dog's fur.

"You need a name," I murmured as the dog released several soft barks of happiness for receiving attention.

I waited until the dog fell asleep, leaving him comfortable on the couch, before getting up to make some sort of dinner for myself. I looked through my shelves for something quick I could make, but didn't find anything. Instead, I eventually found a package of frozen mac and cheese in my freezer, which I popped into the microwave.

I called Jake as my food was heating up.

"Hey, what's up?" His voice spoke from my phone.

"Want to play some video games?"

He groaned, "Nate, it's almost ten PM."

"So? I got some macaroni and cheese," I said.

"Are you bribing me with food to come over to your place?" He asked.

"Yes," I said blankly.

"Fine. I'll be there in a few," he said before hanging up.

I pulled out the macaroni and ate a few bites before keeping some for Jake. It was sort of leftover from my own meal but what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

I pulled out my x-box as I waited, re-connecting the wires to my TV before setting the controllers on my coffee table.

I lifted the dog from my couch and placed him on his own pillow/bed, which he snuggled against while letting out a soft animalistic snore.

Jake walked into my apartment a few moments later, and I walked with him to the couch after letting him in.

"Is this really all about video games, or the whole Devin slash Ian situation?" He asked.

I gave him a look that was enough to answer his question.

Either way, we both picked up a controller. Occasionally, Jake would take a bite out of the meal I prepared, and each time he did I felt more and more impatient to have him share his idea with me.

Finally after a few rounds of racing our cars around, he spoke.

"How was your double date?"

"I had to pay," I said honestly.

He let out an unpleasant snort, "Nice."

"Jake-"

"I know, I offered help. The offer's still on."

Something in his tone drove me to ask, "In return for what?"

He glanced at me momentarily before his eyes went back to the TV screen. "What makes you think I want anything in return?"

I wasn't sure what to say after that, because I didn't know why I thought he wanted anything in return for his help. I thought he just wanted to help because he was a good friend like that.

"Well, do you?"

His thumbs stabbed at a few buttons before he paused the game, setting his controller on his lap. "Maybe."

I was taken aback a little.

"I can pay you more if that's what you want," I said, not really caring much. I just thought he was going through some financial issues.

He pinned me with an odd look in his eyes, and I began feeling a little uncomfortable. "I don't need more money."

I cocked my head to the side, not wanting to reveal the confusion I felt.

Then he shifted so he was facing me completely, his arm supporting his weight as he leaned closer to me. His eyes held their gaze, he never looked away once as he took the controller from me and set it aside, pushing away a few cushions that lay between us.

Oh.

"Jake, what are y-"

"Shut up."

I felt a little angry that he spoke to me like that, but also confused by the way he acting.

Then he surprise me even more by closing his eyes.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

His muscles clenched, his whole body looked tense, like someone who was endearing inscrutable pain.

"What's wrong?" I asked as gently as I could, the anger I felt just a few seconds ago completely left me.

When Jake didn't reply, I stretched out a hand to touch his shoulder, anything to draw back his attention. But when my fingers toughed the material of his sweater, he flinched back.

He then stood up with a jerk, like something hot had touched his skin, and he took a few steps back, his eyes panicked like he was in some sort of trouble.

"I-I have to go," he said quickly before leaving and shutting the apartment door behind him, leaving me more confused than I was before.

Great.

Devin didn't reciprocate my feeling for him, Tom hated lying for me and was probably regretting our friendship for all I knew, Devin's stupid boyfriend Ian looked like a freaking model, and now Jake was acting all weird.

When the hell did my boring old life come to be this horrible mess?